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Los Angeles, December
Jensen was late.
He was running through the airport, trying to catch his plane back to Vancouver. He'd been in the U.S., visiting his family in Texas and he decided to stop by his ex-roommate Mike’s place. They ended up drinking a couple beers and catching up on old times... Okay. So maybe it was more than just “a couple of beers”.
And now he was late.
He was just about to turn towards the gates entrance, when he spotted a familiar face.
"Sandy!" he shouted at the petite brunette, currently draped all over some lanky guy. When she heard her name, she stopped and looked at Jensen for a while, not recognizing him.
"Oh my God! Jensen!" she practically screamed and jumped on him, barely wrapping her arms around his back, as she hugged him. "You've been working out," Sandy giggled and ruffled his hair. "Gosh, I haven't seen you since you stopped dating Maya!" She exclaimed and looking him from head to toe, nudged at his side with her elbow. "How is she?"
Jensen smiled uncomfortably. "We broke up. Quite a while ago, actually," he added.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," the girl's cheerful expression turned into a slight pout. "You were a great couple."
"Yeah, well... some things just don't last," he shrugged and looked curiously at Sandy's companion.
"Oh, pardon my bad manners," Sandy laughed, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. On anyone else that gesture would look extremely false and tacky, but on Sandy it looked positively adorable. "Jensen Ackles, this is my good, good friend, Jared Padalecki," she introduced the two men. "Jensen used to date my co-worker and roommate, Maya Marquez," the girl explained to her friend. "I told you about her, remember?"
"Vaguely," Jared smiled widely. He chuckled as Sandy hit him on the arm.
"Asshole," she muttered under her breath, feigning anger. She then turned to Jensen. "So listen, call me when you're in L.A. again, okay? We got a lot of catching up to do."
Jensen grinned. "Don't you worry your pretty little head, sweetie. Now excuse me - I got a plane to catch," he apologized, and with a quick kiss on Sandy's cheek, he was gone.
"Thank God he didn't recognize me," Jared murmured when Jensen walked out of ear-shot.
"Why?" Sandy looked puzzled.
"I drove with him from Los Angeles to Vancouver and it was the longest ride of my life. And I don't mean the mileage," Jared huffed.
Sandy was still puzzled. "Why? What happened?"
Jared stared over his shoulder, trying to see if Jensen was still around. Failing to spot him, he sighed with relief. "He found out I was gay and practically made a pass at me."
Okay, so Jared exaggerated. But the last thing he wanted to do was tell Sandy that he fancied the guy and in fact he was the one trying to make a pass.
Sandy's laugh pierced through Jared's thoughts involving a bright smile and a set of green eyes framed by adorable freckles. "Of course he tried to make a pass at you,” she said sarcastically. As always, she didn’t fall for his bullshit. “Who wouldn’t want you? You’re scrumptious. Then what?"
"Nothing. I wasn't interested," Jared lied his ass off. "Besides, he was dating my best friend's ex... Dammit. I can't remember her name," he bit his lip and scratched at the back of his neck.
"It's okay, Sasquatch," Sandy reached her arm and patted him reassuringly on the shoulder.
"No it's not. You should totally ditch me, Sandy," Jared whined, putting on a full-force puppy face that always got the girls around him all teary eyed. "I mean, I can't even remember the name of my best friend's ex! Soon I'll forget your name too,” he joked. “Wait… Sophia. Sophia Bush! That was her name!" He exclaimed triumphantly.
Sandy smiled. "See, honey? You're not so bad."
Jared leaned in for a kiss on the cheek, not wanting the girl to break her neck from standing on her tippy-toes. After all, it wasn't her fault she was friends with a freakin' Yeti.
"I love you, babes. And I'll miss you terribly," she whispered into his ear, barely reaching it.
"Oh, you love me, do you?" Jared grinned mischievously, earning a slap on the head.
"Of course I do, you dumbass!"
"I was joking. Love you too, Sands." He murmured and with one last kiss and a "Miss ya already!" shout from Sandy, he was off.
He had a plane to catch.
"What can I get you?"
The waitress woke Jared from the half-sleep he fell into right after they took off.
"I'll just have a coke," he smiled sweetly and almost dropped his drink as he heard a familiar voice in the seat behind him.
"Here's what I want: three quarters of Martini, then add just a splash of cranberry juice, but just a splash, and a shot of vodka on the side."
Oh God, oh God, oh God, Jared repeated the words in his head like a mantra. Please don't let him see me, please don't let him see me, please don't let him see...
"Los Angeles, couple months back, right?" he heard the familiar voice again. Oh crap! - he thought, and turned in his seat to find Jensen sitting right behind him.
"Yeah. Hi," he muttered and pretended to be reading his book.
"You know each other?" the girl in the seat adjacent to his asked with an amused grin.
"We drove together from L.A. to Vancouver," Jared explained unwillingly, praying for everyone to just leave him alone. He was already embarrassed enough.
"Would you two like to sit together then?" She asked and before Jared could yell "NO!" at the top of his lungs, Jensen said "yes" and then there he was, sitting right beside Jared, all green eyes, freckles and sun-kissed skin.
Jensen tried to start the conversation, smiling politely. "You were a good friend of...”
"Sophia," Jared reminded helpfully. "I can't believe you forgot her name," he glared at the older man.
"I didn't forget," Jensen persisted. "Her name was Sophia Brush."
"It was Bush."
"Right, Sophia Bush. I totally remember her," Jensen lied, without even blinking. "So how's she doing?"
Jared wiggled in his seat nervously. "I don't know."
Jensen chuckled. "You were best friends and you don't even know how she's doing?"
"Well neither do you," Jared pointed out, hoping he didn't sound too 3rd grade.
"It wouldn't have worked out anyway," Jensen said with a matter-of-fact shrug. Then he looked at Jared more closely. "If I remember correctly, my relationship with Sophia was one of the reason's you didn't want to sleep with me," he whispered, rather loudly, as he leaned into Jared’s personal space.
The younger man wished he could sink into his seat. Or choke Jensen without alarming their co-passengers. Which by this time was pointless, because at least half the plane turned their heads towards Jared, curiosity painted on their faces.
"It only proves your memory is worse than you thought," Jared hissed and tried hiding from all the weird looks he was getting. "For your information, I never wanted to sleep with you," he said as loud as he could without being too obvious.
"Right," Jensen smirked. "Tell me: was the 'sacrifice' worth a friendship with a girl who you don't even keep in touch with anymore?"
Jared glared at him. "Listen, Jensen. You don't have to believe me, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice," he stated, proving to himself that he too could lie without even blinking. Because he was totally lying.
"Fair enough," Jensen grinned, and with that grin, that slant, half-smile that made his green eyes sparkle, giving him the appearance of a young boy that just did something naughty and no one found out about yet, Jared couldn't help but grin himself. It was like his face muscles didn't listen to him. He would've sworn in court that it was totally involuntary. But frankly, who was he trying to fool?
"You wanted to be a doctor, right?" came Jensen's voice again.
"An actor," Jared corrected him before he could put his foot in his mouth.
"That's what I said: an actor. So, how's that going?" the older man asked, taking a sip of his drink, chasing it with a shot of vodka, gesturing at the waitress for another one.
"Fine."
"And you're with Sandy," Jensen tried to hide the surprise in his voice, and before Jared could deny it, he continued: "So you're not gay anymore?"
God, Jared prayed, as he felt another wave of curious glances coming his way, give me the strength...
"I'm not with Sandy. She's my friend. We worked together," he explained, partially to Jensen and partially to the rest of the plane.
“So you’re still into guys?”
He shook his head in resignation at Jensen's next words. “Homosexuality is not a disease. You can’t get a vaccine for it.”
"Oh, I get it. Sandy is your big gay beard," green eyes flickered in amusement. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."
Sure it is. You and half the flight from L.A. to Vancouver - Jared cursed silently.
"Y'know what? You seem like a normal human being, but in fact you’re Satan incarnate," the younger man quipped, wanting to wipe that smug smile off of Jensen's face. "I wonder how you comb your hair so the horns don't show."
Jensen laughed openly. "It's a gift. And I have a friend who’s an amazing hairdresser," he joked. "Oh, did I tell you? I'm getting married."
It took everything for Jared not to choke on his soda. "Excuse me, but... wha?"
"Married," Jensen repeated. "Y'know: stand in front of the altar, say your vows, 'you may kiss the bride'... the whole shebang," he said slowly, as if Jared was a small child who needed everything spelled out to them.
"I know what married means," Jared rolled his eyes. "I was talking about you. You, the spawn of Satan getting married. Who's the lucky bitch... I meant bride," he sneered and glanced at Jensen.
"You wouldn't know her. She's a movie actress," the older man looked down at him. Or at least tried to, because even sitting in their planes seats, Jared was still taller than Jensen.
"Well congratulations, then," Jared hid his giggle behind a well acted smile. "I still can't believe you're getting married. You of all people."
Jensen squinted at him. "What do you mean?"
"It's just so... optimistic. It doesn't seem your thing," Jared shrugged, his eyes sparkling. He was so amused by the whole thing, he was even able to ignore Jensen's condescending tone.
"You'd be surprised what falling passionately in love can do to a person."
Jared feigned a cough to hide his laughter.
"And this comes from a person who, a couple months ago, said he'd rather be in a sensible but passionless relationship, than fall madly in love with someone," he teased Jensen, reminiscing the conversation they had while driving to Vancouver.
Jensen's shrug caught him off guard.
"People change, Jared."
Jared couldn't deny that the older man had a point.
"Besides, I kinda got tired of the bachelor lifestyle," Jensen gulped the rest of his drink and smirked. For some reason, Jared refused to believe that statement. "I mean," the older man disputed further, "you meet a random girl, buy her a drink, pay her false compliments... After some time, you ask the famous 'your place or mine?' question and end up having meaningless sex with her..."
"And that's tiresome?" Jared's voice was as disbelieving as possible without drifting into sarcastic.
"Yeah," Jensen admitted. "Because as soon as we're done I begin to wonder: How long do I have to cuddle her, before I can go."
Jared nodded. "That I get. Most men think that."
Green eyes flickered to search for any sign of Jared's comment being a joke. Jensen decided against continuing with the subject by asking if the rule also applies to gay men. Instead he mumbled: "I guess you don't have that problem then."
Jared snickered bitterly. "You would think that, wouldn't you?"
Jensen's eyes shot wide open. "You do?" He was honestly surprised. The way he figured, if all men hated cuddling, gay men shouldn’t have that problem.
"Don’t tell me you think all guys hate cuddling," the younger man smirked and finished his soda in one gulp. Jensen blushed. "Some men actually enjoy physical and emotional intimacy. And I'm not talking strictly about the gay ones."
Jensen couldn't argue with that. True, he always posed as a devil-may-care, ‘fuck everything that moves’ type of guy, but deep down inside he longed for something more serious. For a relationship comfortable enough, that it would allow him to cuddle someone without feeling trapped. He wanted to feel secure and loved… like his life had a bigger purpose than just to get rich and score ass. But it wasn't something he liked admitting to, even in his own mind.
No one liked softies.
He kept quiet for the rest of the trip.
Vancouver
Riding the escalator, Jared checked his baggage for the paper slip with his new address. Since he first came to Vancouver, he moved two times already, once because of pest control problems, the second time because of the high rent and the pain in the ass roommate - a stuck up prime-time soap opera actor. Who, as if his very career depended on it, pretended he wasn't gay. Even when it was totally obvious that he was, in fact, gay. Come on - white, fishnet wife-beater, lavender facial scrub and a Rob Lowe poster above his bed? Not only gay, but also tacky. And twelve.
Jared rummaged through his bag, searching for the horrid piece of paper among countless magazines, books, his MP3 player, two copies of his CV and five portrait-sized photographs which he always carried with him just in case, when he felt a presence behind him.
"You live here too?" Jensen asked, walking down the stairs to stand beside Jared.
Jared simply nodded, still looking for the address.
"Listen, I know you said gay and straight men can't be friends, but... I was thinking, maybe we could hang out together or something? I still don’t know that many people in ‘Couver. And it’d be nice to talk to someone from Texas," Jensen said, steeling a quick glance at Jared, an overly sincere smile across his face.
The taller man finally stopped going through his things and looked up at Jensen. "When did I say that?" He asked, perplexed.
Jensen looked at his feet when he said: "On our road trip to Vancouver."
"I never said that," Jared insisted stubbornly, but than took a moment to think. "Although it's true: they can't be friends. Unless they're both involved with someone," he added quickly, seeing the way Jensen’s lips twisted into a pout. "You see, it's an amendment to the rule: if both people have someone and they're happy in their respectable relationships, the sexual tension disappears," he said, not sure if he was trying to persuade himself or Jensen. Or both.
"And you have someone?" Jensen asked, hiding his surprise behind a questioning look.
"Yes," Jared lied with a smile.
Jensen pondered the idea. "To be honest, I don't think that works either," he pointed out and Jared couldn't help but silently agree with him. Things like that rarely worked. "Because if you do become friends, then your partner starts asking why you need someone who you’re only friends with, and if maybe there's something missing in your relationship. And when you tell them that no, there's nothing missing, they accuse you of secretly wanting to have sex with your friend, which is probably true, because who are we kidding?" Jensen finished the sentence in one breath, his voice faltering on the last words. Jared couldn’t help but notice this. And even though he tried desperately not to get his hopes up, he couldn’t ignore the fact that Jensen just casually mentioned wanting to have sex with him. Of course, Jared knew he didn’t mean it and it was just a theory to prove his point, but… his heart still leapt wildly at the idea.
Praying that the flush in his cheeks could be blamed for something other than arousal, he asked The Question. The question he’d been dreading to ask since they started talking on the plane. "So were does that leave us?"
The older man gazed at him, until they reached the ground floor of the airport. He then gave a fond, but sad smile.
"Goodbye, Jared," Jensen murmured, patting the other man on the back.
With that, he exited the arrival lounge, his figure lean and sleek as he vanished behind the revolving doors of the airport.
Bye, Jensen, Jared thought. He had the distinct feeling, he'd said those words once before.
These were just as full of regret.
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