rar rar rar i am being ugly, ranting about my family.

[roid]

the past few days i've been increasingly sensative to noise, so i know something's up. Last night and this morning have been especially difficult. I noticed my blood sugars getting low lately, so i lowered my insulin doses. But today i tested my blood and it was a bit high, so i have given myself an extra dose to try to even it out asap

Comments

[star_laughter]

don't see your family as the problem. not for a moment. they are still your family and you still love them and they still love you, no matter what you think in the moment. they can't help you, honestly, no matter how hard they try or how much they want to or if they worry. If you look over your entry carefully you will see that it is your perception of the situation that is getting to you, and there is nothing outside of you that makes you unhappy. if you are unhappy, if you are anxious or depressed or hostile, that is how you will see everyone else.

compare what you THINK your family is and what they really are. you will get your answers.

not to get all analytical or preachy on you, it's just that you remind me of myself sometimes. happy isn't easy but it's worth it.

[roid]

yeah yeah, i'm doing the whole "victim mentality" thing or whatever (i've never really understood what that is. But from what i gather it's a common "invalidating expression" people use in america - where it's common practice to refuse to acknowledge outside influences on circumstance. Where people believe that the main difference between "winners" (epitome: billionares) & "loosers" (extreme: streetbums) is that some people just have "the right stuff" and some don't.
- refer 'Status Anxiety', book and documentary by Alain de Botton.

(i didn't mean that personally... i just needed to write it down in my journal. i tend to do that with comments)

it sounds like what you are saying is along the lines of someting Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It sounds good in theory (and i've definitely made use of it in certain situations, generally when i have the psychic energy to be able to pull off that kindof forced detatchment), but i'm not convinced of detatchment's worth as an ultimate

[star_laughter]

I'm starting to lose faith in anyone who tells anyone else how they are supposed to live. I've been in and out of doctor's offices all my life, and these days MOST people have been to SOMEONE to discuss their mental health. And yet for all their efforts, and all their medications, and all their therapy, i'm feeling just as confused as i was to start out, if not worse. i am absolutely not tellng you to take my advice or to compare yourself to my situations. everyone has a different situation. (but then...i guess we have to compare the similar too

[roid]

i find reading through stuff myself (mbti was good for a while) and keeping a journal is many times more helpful than the mental health industry. what i am finding the industry more helpful for however is for the respect it's langauge of diagnoses is engendered by people, it allows me to try to work through things myself feeing safe in the knowledge that the pressures of life's expectations are safely warded off by an official sounding excuse that people will actually respect (for once). So it's good for that shield it provides.
nevermind, blowing off more steam.

my search into religion is a central aspect of the whole situation.

[dbassplayer]

Roid... your post always seem so similar to my life in some cases. I know I should post more; but sometimes I just lose my train of thought. But I understand, sometimes you just have to blow off some steam.

[roid]

update: i did feel a lot less scattered when i got my blood sugars down.