The continued wacky misadventures of Elf and Runt.
Title: On mutant/human relations.
Fandom: X-men
Characters: Nightcrawler, Wolverine
Genre: Humor?
Rating: PG-13 for bad behavior.
Theme: #12 - children
Disclaimer: Marvel's property and not mine.
Friday night, 9:22PM.
Logan had now watched people mingle for two hours and two bottles of champagne hadn't made anything more interesting. He decided to go out on the balcony for a smoke and was soon joined by a brightly smiling Kurt, who slung his arm around Logan's shoulder and wordlessly toasted the cityline in the distance.
"My friend, you are bored, so bored. I'm surprised you are still here."
"Gotta represent, don't I?"
"Mutants everywhere appreciate your effort. And no, I'm not being sarcastic. At least not very."
Logan glared at him sideways. The elf was the reason he was here and Logan would bet that he knew, but he was not about to concede that defeat.
It had gone something like this: Kurt had asked if Logan was coming to the party. Logan had said no. Kurt had said it would be better if Logan kept in the open: "People fear what they can't see and don't know more than what is familiar. Didn't you teach me that?" oh so casually, while they had worked on the Blackbird.
"They might do well with some fear in my case, elf."
"Well. You do what you feel like. We all have our comfort zones."
Shrewd, silver-tongued bastard and 'comfort zone' my ass, were two of the thoughts Logan had nursed while digging out his tuxedo that evening. He was too old to be fooled by this crap. He told himself that Kurt had had a point about not hiding and that that's why he did it. Good role model and all that. Oh brother.
9:25PM
So they stood on the balcony, in individual introspection. The party simmered on behind them and then they heard a drunk voice call Kurt a "poor man's Spiderman". The evening suddenly took a much more interesting turn.
Kurt was still blinking in befuddled rage when Logan unsheathed his claws and made a move towards the balcony door. He was stopped by Kurt's hand on his shoulder."Wait!"
"Elf. You've taken enough crap to last two lifetimes. This ends here and now."
"As keen as I am to get revenge, my friend, we are dealing with human/mutant relations here. This man is drunk. He is surrounded by friends, he is showing off - he might very well regret saying it in the morning."
They peeked in through the window, seeing the man standing very closed to a curved beauty in a slit dress. They were exchanging little kisses, giggles and small words. His hand was traveling up her leg.
"Although perhaps I should ensure he does regret it in the morning..."
Logan grinned. "Tell me what goes on between those pointy ears of yours."
9:40PM
In here it was very still, except for the muted sounds of a TV in the neighboring apartment and the humming of the fridge. They moved stealthily over hardwood floors and thick rugs.
"So you know this is his apartment how?"
"This was the address on his driver's license."
"You stole his wallet."
"I borrowed his wallet. And then I put it back."
"You know, elf, I've always wondered what would happen if you went bad."
"Tonight, you will get a slight demonstration."
"One thing, though: what if they don't come here tonight?"
"Oh, they will."
"How do you know?"
"That girl is a student and this apartment is spacious and luxurious. Not to mention immaculate. No doubt he wants to show it off."
"Well, we better get things moving. They looked pretty frisky back there."
"Yes," Kurt grinned. "Now we get creative. You have everything?"
"Porno mags: check. Two six-packs of beer: check. Bag of empty bottles: check."
Kurt snapped his fingers, disappeared and reappeared a foot to the left of where he had been standing."Sulphur: check," he grinned.
9:45PM
Logan drank twelve beers in five minutes and let out a tangible belch to punctuate. Kurt was impressed.
"The best there is, bub," said Logan and placed the last porno under the unmade bed. The pages were appropriately dog-eared and...stained.
"You are sure you are willing to part with your entire collection, my friend?"
"Ahh. Anything for you, elf. Got twelve beers out of it, didn't I?"
"And my gratitude."
"Can't drink that."
"I think it's time we finish this off. Let me teleport you onto the balcony. Make sure no one sees you. What I'm about to do might be unbearable for nostrils like yours.."
10:02PM
The lock rattled and the front door swung open. In stumbled the couple, tangled together in passion - and stopped, promptly. The girl freed herself with a grimace and put a hand over her nose. "Jesus! What is this??"
The man just gaped, then quickly closed his mouth when tasting the sulphur. "I-I don't know. It didn't...it wasn't like this when I left."
His date pressed a handkerchief against her face and frowned. She frowned harder when noticing the porno mags spread throughout the place, along with the man's clothes and dirty underwear. "Well. You sure know how to set a mood."
"I didn't do this!"
"Well, even if you didn't...I'm sorry, but I just can't do anything in here. It's just...it's just too much."
"But..."
"Sorry. I'll just take a cab home. Sleep well, OK?"
They watched the man's sweet defeat through the balcony door, then bamfed to the curb below.
"We might have endangered mutant/human relations," Kurt mused.
"Screw that. Taking humans' shit while doing nothing doesn't sound like good relations to me. Sometimes you just gotta stand up for yourself."
Kurt smiled. "Changing the world, porn magazine by porn magazine."
"Bamf by bamf".
"Beer by beer."
"Shoulda put used rubbers in there."
"Next time someone insults you, you may. Now. Let's go home. And it might be best to keep this particular adventure a secret."
Fandom: X-men
Characters: Nightcrawler, Wolverine
Genre: Humor?
Rating: PG-13 for bad behavior.
Theme: #12 - children
Disclaimer: Marvel's property and not mine.
Friday night, 9:22PM.
Logan had now watched people mingle for two hours and two bottles of champagne hadn't made anything more interesting. He decided to go out on the balcony for a smoke and was soon joined by a brightly smiling Kurt, who slung his arm around Logan's shoulder and wordlessly toasted the cityline in the distance.
"My friend, you are bored, so bored. I'm surprised you are still here."
"Gotta represent, don't I?"
"Mutants everywhere appreciate your effort. And no, I'm not being sarcastic. At least not very."
Logan glared at him sideways. The elf was the reason he was here and Logan would bet that he knew, but he was not about to concede that defeat.
It had gone something like this: Kurt had asked if Logan was coming to the party. Logan had said no. Kurt had said it would be better if Logan kept in the open: "People fear what they can't see and don't know more than what is familiar. Didn't you teach me that?" oh so casually, while they had worked on the Blackbird.
"They might do well with some fear in my case, elf."
"Well. You do what you feel like. We all have our comfort zones."
Shrewd, silver-tongued bastard and 'comfort zone' my ass, were two of the thoughts Logan had nursed while digging out his tuxedo that evening. He was too old to be fooled by this crap. He told himself that Kurt had had a point about not hiding and that that's why he did it. Good role model and all that. Oh brother.
9:25PM
So they stood on the balcony, in individual introspection. The party simmered on behind them and then they heard a drunk voice call Kurt a "poor man's Spiderman". The evening suddenly took a much more interesting turn.
Kurt was still blinking in befuddled rage when Logan unsheathed his claws and made a move towards the balcony door. He was stopped by Kurt's hand on his shoulder."Wait!"
"Elf. You've taken enough crap to last two lifetimes. This ends here and now."
"As keen as I am to get revenge, my friend, we are dealing with human/mutant relations here. This man is drunk. He is surrounded by friends, he is showing off - he might very well regret saying it in the morning."
They peeked in through the window, seeing the man standing very closed to a curved beauty in a slit dress. They were exchanging little kisses, giggles and small words. His hand was traveling up her leg.
"Although perhaps I should ensure he does regret it in the morning..."
Logan grinned. "Tell me what goes on between those pointy ears of yours."
9:40PM
In here it was very still, except for the muted sounds of a TV in the neighboring apartment and the humming of the fridge. They moved stealthily over hardwood floors and thick rugs.
"So you know this is his apartment how?"
"This was the address on his driver's license."
"You stole his wallet."
"I borrowed his wallet. And then I put it back."
"You know, elf, I've always wondered what would happen if you went bad."
"Tonight, you will get a slight demonstration."
"One thing, though: what if they don't come here tonight?"
"Oh, they will."
"How do you know?"
"That girl is a student and this apartment is spacious and luxurious. Not to mention immaculate. No doubt he wants to show it off."
"Well, we better get things moving. They looked pretty frisky back there."
"Yes," Kurt grinned. "Now we get creative. You have everything?"
"Porno mags: check. Two six-packs of beer: check. Bag of empty bottles: check."
Kurt snapped his fingers, disappeared and reappeared a foot to the left of where he had been standing."Sulphur: check," he grinned.
9:45PM
Logan drank twelve beers in five minutes and let out a tangible belch to punctuate. Kurt was impressed.
"The best there is, bub," said Logan and placed the last porno under the unmade bed. The pages were appropriately dog-eared and...stained.
"You are sure you are willing to part with your entire collection, my friend?"
"Ahh. Anything for you, elf. Got twelve beers out of it, didn't I?"
"And my gratitude."
"Can't drink that."
"I think it's time we finish this off. Let me teleport you onto the balcony. Make sure no one sees you. What I'm about to do might be unbearable for nostrils like yours.."
10:02PM
The lock rattled and the front door swung open. In stumbled the couple, tangled together in passion - and stopped, promptly. The girl freed herself with a grimace and put a hand over her nose. "Jesus! What is this??"
The man just gaped, then quickly closed his mouth when tasting the sulphur. "I-I don't know. It didn't...it wasn't like this when I left."
His date pressed a handkerchief against her face and frowned. She frowned harder when noticing the porno mags spread throughout the place, along with the man's clothes and dirty underwear. "Well. You sure know how to set a mood."
"I didn't do this!"
"Well, even if you didn't...I'm sorry, but I just can't do anything in here. It's just...it's just too much."
"But..."
"Sorry. I'll just take a cab home. Sleep well, OK?"
They watched the man's sweet defeat through the balcony door, then bamfed to the curb below.
"We might have endangered mutant/human relations," Kurt mused.
"Screw that. Taking humans' shit while doing nothing doesn't sound like good relations to me. Sometimes you just gotta stand up for yourself."
Kurt smiled. "Changing the world, porn magazine by porn magazine."
"Bamf by bamf".
"Beer by beer."
"Shoulda put used rubbers in there."
"Next time someone insults you, you may. Now. Let's go home. And it might be best to keep this particular adventure a secret."