A long entry
A Collection of Random Thoughts:
These last few weeks have been crazy. With the play, APs, friends, and other random obligations, I've hardly had time to make any sense of my life. Well, seeing as I don't want to study for the AP bio test now and my parents won't let me go out tonight because i have to study for the test, I think this is the best chance I'll get in a while to organize my thoughts.
I really like the play. I mean, I really like the play. The process has been completely new and foreign to me yet rewarding. Going into it, I'd only been in Forbidden Love and Shabadoo. I didn't do those plays for the acting or to perform nor did I try out for this play because I wanted to perform nor because I thought it was an interesting idea. In actuality, I auditioned for the people. Winterfests have probably been my favorite experiences in all of High School and when a few of the cast members asked me to try out, who was I to say no? Now having almost reached the end of the experience, I'm glad I accepted the challenge. Not because I enjoy the acting but once again, the company. And it isn't just the friends I had before, but also the people I've come to be friends with and the people I have become much closer with. I feel like this play has been a rollercoaster. It started out incredibly high as the cast got to explore the both the building and random forms of expression. Then there was a week of auditorium staging which was hell. Then with the introduction of the fantasy scenes and the semblance of a structure, the play turned itself around again. Now, I feel like we're just coasting in middle ground. Rehearsals are stressful because time is short; rehearsals are boring because they are long; rehearsals are fun because they're social; rehearsals are exciting because things are coming together. I think the writing is beautiful and the ideas and messages are important. I still dislike butoh, but not as much as earlier in the week. I think I've grown to accept it and now dislike it for different reasons. At first, I was upset because I had just been attached to the fantasy world, the pirate scene in particular. Also, I just hated the idea that I had no lines and walked for 40 minutes. While these things still aren't appealing, I've realized now why I truly resent the part. I feel like I'm on the outside. I don't interact with anyone. I don't get to participate in the ensemble. I'm the only person who doesn't dance. I'm one of the few people who aren't pirates. I don't say a confessional. I don't get to express myself at the end with the cast. I don't get to giggle in the fire. I don't get to do OCD walking. And for half the time during the show, I don't get the see what is happening. Okay, I've gotten it out. And although I'm not wilded about the part, I've learned to enjoy the quiet time while walking and am prepared to be the best butoh I'm capable of (with or without Bogart's lessons). I can't wait for the performance.
With play rehearsal taking up most of my time, it seems like school has taken a back seat in my life, which, i must say, is refreshing. My favorite part of the day (in school) has become math. Selena and I write messages to each other by adding and subtracting the sounds of the words of pictures that we draw. It is a great way to pass time. I only wish Sam sat near us too. The History AP is over. I think it was fine but I don't feel like talking about it here. No matter how hard I might try, I don't see a way to make it interesting. Why is it impossible to have a good spanish teacher at the high school? I've signed up to be a peer tutor in Spanish. I feel like I've fallen behind in all of my classes yet am managing to keep my head above water. This can't last much longer. When will school be over? (Don't reply with 16 days).
I guess all I really want right now is for things to get straightened up with my "relationship status" and then I think everything would be perfect. Giulia told me yesterday that she thought she was in love. I smiled. That is how I felt for a really long time yet, like always, time changed things. What had happened so fast disappeared even more quickly. The conversation we had tonight was really nice. But I feel like that after every conversation and nothing seems to come out of them in the long run so why should I feel like this will be any different. Hopefully once this play is over I'll be able to get things straightened out. If not, then I'll have tons of free time to dwell on nothing. I used to think only optimistically. Now, I'm more pessimistic than ever before. I feel like I'm always trying to find someone to reach out to, someone to talk to and connect with but I feel like everyone else is wrapped up in their own lives and too busy to listen. With that in mind, I've been trying to reach out to other in hopes of helping. There is a sense of reward in bringing people together, being a shoulder to lean on, a person to just talk to. Good things happen to good people, right? I think that drives me.
I think there is a lot more I have to say, but I can't think of it right now. It'll have to wait for another entry. I like livejournal entries with titles and lj-cuts. I wonder if it makes more people read them.
3-2-1-0.
These last few weeks have been crazy. With the play, APs, friends, and other random obligations, I've hardly had time to make any sense of my life. Well, seeing as I don't want to study for the AP bio test now and my parents won't let me go out tonight because i have to study for the test, I think this is the best chance I'll get in a while to organize my thoughts.
I really like the play. I mean, I really like the play. The process has been completely new and foreign to me yet rewarding. Going into it, I'd only been in Forbidden Love and Shabadoo. I didn't do those plays for the acting or to perform nor did I try out for this play because I wanted to perform nor because I thought it was an interesting idea. In actuality, I auditioned for the people. Winterfests have probably been my favorite experiences in all of High School and when a few of the cast members asked me to try out, who was I to say no? Now having almost reached the end of the experience, I'm glad I accepted the challenge. Not because I enjoy the acting but once again, the company. And it isn't just the friends I had before, but also the people I've come to be friends with and the people I have become much closer with. I feel like this play has been a rollercoaster. It started out incredibly high as the cast got to explore the both the building and random forms of expression. Then there was a week of auditorium staging which was hell. Then with the introduction of the fantasy scenes and the semblance of a structure, the play turned itself around again. Now, I feel like we're just coasting in middle ground. Rehearsals are stressful because time is short; rehearsals are boring because they are long; rehearsals are fun because they're social; rehearsals are exciting because things are coming together. I think the writing is beautiful and the ideas and messages are important. I still dislike butoh, but not as much as earlier in the week. I think I've grown to accept it and now dislike it for different reasons. At first, I was upset because I had just been attached to the fantasy world, the pirate scene in particular. Also, I just hated the idea that I had no lines and walked for 40 minutes. While these things still aren't appealing, I've realized now why I truly resent the part. I feel like I'm on the outside. I don't interact with anyone. I don't get to participate in the ensemble. I'm the only person who doesn't dance. I'm one of the few people who aren't pirates. I don't say a confessional. I don't get to express myself at the end with the cast. I don't get to giggle in the fire. I don't get to do OCD walking. And for half the time during the show, I don't get the see what is happening. Okay, I've gotten it out. And although I'm not wilded about the part, I've learned to enjoy the quiet time while walking and am prepared to be the best butoh I'm capable of (with or without Bogart's lessons). I can't wait for the performance.
With play rehearsal taking up most of my time, it seems like school has taken a back seat in my life, which, i must say, is refreshing. My favorite part of the day (in school) has become math. Selena and I write messages to each other by adding and subtracting the sounds of the words of pictures that we draw. It is a great way to pass time. I only wish Sam sat near us too. The History AP is over. I think it was fine but I don't feel like talking about it here. No matter how hard I might try, I don't see a way to make it interesting. Why is it impossible to have a good spanish teacher at the high school? I've signed up to be a peer tutor in Spanish. I feel like I've fallen behind in all of my classes yet am managing to keep my head above water. This can't last much longer. When will school be over? (Don't reply with 16 days).
I guess all I really want right now is for things to get straightened up with my "relationship status" and then I think everything would be perfect. Giulia told me yesterday that she thought she was in love. I smiled. That is how I felt for a really long time yet, like always, time changed things. What had happened so fast disappeared even more quickly. The conversation we had tonight was really nice. But I feel like that after every conversation and nothing seems to come out of them in the long run so why should I feel like this will be any different. Hopefully once this play is over I'll be able to get things straightened out. If not, then I'll have tons of free time to dwell on nothing. I used to think only optimistically. Now, I'm more pessimistic than ever before. I feel like I'm always trying to find someone to reach out to, someone to talk to and connect with but I feel like everyone else is wrapped up in their own lives and too busy to listen. With that in mind, I've been trying to reach out to other in hopes of helping. There is a sense of reward in bringing people together, being a shoulder to lean on, a person to just talk to. Good things happen to good people, right? I think that drives me.
I think there is a lot more I have to say, but I can't think of it right now. It'll have to wait for another entry. I like livejournal entries with titles and lj-cuts. I wonder if it makes more people read them.
3-2-1-0.