The Nose of Jennifer Grey: A Survey
Look, kids! It's another one of those pointless surveys that no one will read! Full of angsty whining, nose jobs, and foreign zebras!
First off, what's your full name?
Joseph Steven Heath. But you can call me Joe.
How many years have you been breathing?
Barely 20.
Height?
6 footish.
Weight?
I don't really know. Not too bad, I hope.
Eye color?
Blue. Like the Man Group.
Hair color?
Black with a bit of blond peeking.
Where were you born?
In a hospital.
What high school did you graduate from?
Homeschooled.
Any hobbies/sports you're good at?
I make movies. Whether or not I'm any good at it is entirely up to you.
Who inspires your wardrobe/appearance?
Mainly me. Though there may have been a bit of influence from Weird Al way back when that made me the hawaiian shirt wearin' fool I am today.
The Down and Dirty
How many illegal drugs have entered your bloodstream?
A big ol' none.
How many sex partners have you had?
The same amount as the number of illegal drugs that have entered my bloodstream.
How old were you when you lost your virginity?
I don't know yet. I'm afraid I'll never know. I just read this thing on the internet... This sort of Dos and Don'ts of Attracting Ladyfolk... The Don'ts included things like: Saying um or uh or ah, speaking too fast, mumbling, twitching fingers, looking down, drumming your fingers on the table, using long, convoluted sentences, etc. And I do every one of those. And there was all this stuff about changing yourself, so that you're more confident and worry less about other people. It was pretty much this long thing about not being the nice guy without being a jerk. It pretty much depressed me, because I'm "the nice guy" and I don't think I can (or would want to) get out of that mold. And I fear the thing is right. That I'm doomed. And it said I needed four pair of shoes, which, with my feet, is ridiculous.
Do you have an annoying voice?
I have several actually. I also have many pleasing ones.
What is the most recent lie you told?
I think it was some little thing to make someone happy.
Would you make a porno for 1 million dollars?
Heck, yeah.
Would you perform sexual acts for money?
Read above. Stupid survey.
Favorites:
Favorite color?
Blue and green. And lately black is moving into the mix.
Favorite band/musician?
Do you even need to ask? Oingo Boingo.
Favorite ice cream flavor?
I'm a plain ol' vanilla lover.
Favorite holiday?
Kwanzaa.
Favorite alcoholic beverage?
Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.
Favorite non-alcoholic beverage?
Orange soda.
Favorite store?
The Internet.
Favorite computer manufacturer?
...Gary?
Favorite restaurant?
I miss Burger King.
Favorite movie?
Brain Donors.
Favorite quote?
"No matter where you go, there you are." -Buckaroo Banzai.
Favorite book?
1-800-Call-God by Brad Heath.
A little more personal:
Who sent the 17th message in your inbox?
I suppose you mean on my phone... Let me check... Jessi. It reads: "Arabia.... Paints from... Paintland... and of course Zebras from the Isle of Zeb."
Ever think of him/her naked?
I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that, by refusing to answer, you know the answer anyway and I can't be convicted of anything.
Do you like sex?
I assume that I would.
Why?
Because it seems like it would be the sort of thing one would enjoy.
Ever participate in a 3 some?
Not even a 2 some.
Whose bed, other than your own, did you sleep in last?
Wow. I really can't remember. Do hotels count? Probably not. Couches probably don't either. I'm thinking it was probably MG's guest bedroom bed.
Was it hot?
No, it was quite cool.
What's something odd on a man/woman that you find sexy?
I like offbeat noses. Examples would be Claudia Black and Jennifer Grey... before Jennifer Grey got a nose job rendering her unrecognizable.
Do you talk to any of your exes?
Occasionally. And I only have the one.
Would you hook up with them?
No.
Do you still think they're hot?
No, they're quite cool.
Are you a pleasurable person?
Gosh, I hope so.
Did you ever get it on at work?
Again. I shall repeat. NEVER.
Did you ever have the urge to get it on at work?
I'm a 20 year old virgin. Where haven't I had the urge?
Paris. I haven't had the urge in Paris. Of course, I've never been there.
Ever hook up with a co-worker?
By co-workers, this means actors in my films. The answer to that is again....
NEV... Only Josh.
Did your manager walk in on you?
I have no manager. BUT YES!
Did your parents ever walk in on you?
They walked in on me stapling harmless iguanas to the ceiling once.
Have you walked in on anyone?
I walked in on YOU.
If so, who?
... YOU.
Are you feeling uncomfortable right now?
No. Feel free to keep touching me.
First off, what's your full name?
Joseph Steven Heath. But you can call me Joe.
How many years have you been breathing?
Barely 20.
Height?
6 footish.
Weight?
I don't really know. Not too bad, I hope.
Eye color?
Blue. Like the Man Group.
Hair color?
Black with a bit of blond peeking.
Where were you born?
In a hospital.
What high school did you graduate from?
Homeschooled.
Any hobbies/sports you're good at?
I make movies. Whether or not I'm any good at it is entirely up to you.
Who inspires your wardrobe/appearance?
Mainly me. Though there may have been a bit of influence from Weird Al way back when that made me the hawaiian shirt wearin' fool I am today.
The Down and Dirty
How many illegal drugs have entered your bloodstream?
A big ol' none.
How many sex partners have you had?
The same amount as the number of illegal drugs that have entered my bloodstream.
How old were you when you lost your virginity?
I don't know yet. I'm afraid I'll never know. I just read this thing on the internet... This sort of Dos and Don'ts of Attracting Ladyfolk... The Don'ts included things like: Saying um or uh or ah, speaking too fast, mumbling, twitching fingers, looking down, drumming your fingers on the table, using long, convoluted sentences, etc. And I do every one of those. And there was all this stuff about changing yourself, so that you're more confident and worry less about other people. It was pretty much this long thing about not being the nice guy without being a jerk. It pretty much depressed me, because I'm "the nice guy" and I don't think I can (or would want to) get out of that mold. And I fear the thing is right. That I'm doomed. And it said I needed four pair of shoes, which, with my feet, is ridiculous.
Do you have an annoying voice?
I have several actually. I also have many pleasing ones.
What is the most recent lie you told?
I think it was some little thing to make someone happy.
Would you make a porno for 1 million dollars?
Heck, yeah.
Would you perform sexual acts for money?
Read above. Stupid survey.
Favorites:
Favorite color?
Blue and green. And lately black is moving into the mix.
Favorite band/musician?
Do you even need to ask? Oingo Boingo.
Favorite ice cream flavor?
I'm a plain ol' vanilla lover.
Favorite holiday?
Kwanzaa.
Favorite alcoholic beverage?
Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.
Favorite non-alcoholic beverage?
Orange soda.
Favorite store?
The Internet.
Favorite computer manufacturer?
...Gary?
Favorite restaurant?
I miss Burger King.
Favorite movie?
Brain Donors.
Favorite quote?
"No matter where you go, there you are." -Buckaroo Banzai.
Favorite book?
1-800-Call-God by Brad Heath.
A little more personal:
Who sent the 17th message in your inbox?
I suppose you mean on my phone... Let me check... Jessi. It reads: "Arabia.... Paints from... Paintland... and of course Zebras from the Isle of Zeb."
Ever think of him/her naked?
I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that, by refusing to answer, you know the answer anyway and I can't be convicted of anything.
Do you like sex?
I assume that I would.
Why?
Because it seems like it would be the sort of thing one would enjoy.
Ever participate in a 3 some?
Not even a 2 some.
Whose bed, other than your own, did you sleep in last?
Wow. I really can't remember. Do hotels count? Probably not. Couches probably don't either. I'm thinking it was probably MG's guest bedroom bed.
Was it hot?
No, it was quite cool.
What's something odd on a man/woman that you find sexy?
I like offbeat noses. Examples would be Claudia Black and Jennifer Grey... before Jennifer Grey got a nose job rendering her unrecognizable.
Do you talk to any of your exes?
Occasionally. And I only have the one.
Would you hook up with them?
No.
Do you still think they're hot?
No, they're quite cool.
Are you a pleasurable person?
Gosh, I hope so.
Did you ever get it on at work?
Again. I shall repeat. NEVER.
Did you ever have the urge to get it on at work?
I'm a 20 year old virgin. Where haven't I had the urge?
Paris. I haven't had the urge in Paris. Of course, I've never been there.
Ever hook up with a co-worker?
By co-workers, this means actors in my films. The answer to that is again....
NEV... Only Josh.
Did your manager walk in on you?
I have no manager. BUT YES!
Did your parents ever walk in on you?
They walked in on me stapling harmless iguanas to the ceiling once.
Have you walked in on anyone?
I walked in on YOU.
If so, who?
... YOU.
Are you feeling uncomfortable right now?
No. Feel free to keep touching me.