How to Break Your GM

[clawfoot]

I GM an often-silly D&D game for two friends. Here is one of our recent email exchanges:

valkryor's character, a halfling, and shishain's character, an eladrin, have recently struck a "friends with benefits" arrangement. In email, there was a short discussion about the characters' preferences, kinks, tendencies, hard limits, and so on. My only contribution to

Comments

[dracothrope]

Pfft, I think it would be worse if you actually found documentation about Eladrin sperm counts floating around out there.

What are they going to do with this heretofore unexpected child, take it gallivanting with them? I've always used the term 'meat shield' more as a metaphor for a muscley defender-type but...

[idemandjustice]

I keep thinking about this now. Thanks

[clawfoot]

It never made much sense to me that human/elf and human/orc were the only combination that could produce children. So the way I do it in my games is that any race can interbreed with any other race (so long as they are the same type, i.e. mammalian or reptilian; dragonborn lay eggs, so can't breed with the "hairy races"), but that the race of the offspring radicalizes to that of the mother. So a human and a dwarf can have a child, and that child will be whichever race the mother is. Same with a dwarf and a halfling, or an elf and an eladrin, or whatever combination you care to come up with.

And yes, I'm with you guys. The official books say that elves and eladrin are just as fertile as any other race; the reason their population remains so small is for cultural reasons: they simply don't have sex very often. I call bullshit on that. They're really long-lived, so they need to have a lower birth rate in order for them not to take over the entire world, so I do what you guys do: they're just not that fertile.

[skurtchasor]

I don't believe1 that d20 Erotica (or whatever that thing was actually called) got ported to 4E, or you could get the official word on Eladrin reproductive abilities.

1: If my knowledge of this is incorrect, I'd prefer to remain in the dark, thank you much.

[clawfoot]

I do have a copy of the Complete Guide to Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (1996 edition). This is why I didn't have to think about halfling fertility. BECAUSE I ALREADY KNEW IT.

Ever take a step back, look at your life, and wonder "WTF, self?"