Some food for thought.
So, for quite some time I have been trying to come to terms and make amends with everything that has gone askew in my life. I been told I beat myself up too much, Ive been told that I am paranoid, Ive been told Im not the only one going through problems, I've been told some things cannot be helped, hell, Ive been told its all my fault.
Ive learned to accept all these things, while on this stint I have journeyed back and forth from feeling at peace to regressing into self doubt of what I am even doing is worth its rewards. Why shouldn't I just give up on everything, why shouldn't I just succumb to the torrent of emotions that I really feel. There are time when I have lost my grip and times I have needed help. There are times I have had ups, downs twists and turns, strikes and misses. Eventually I land on my feet, some people have helped me face this turmoil some have become catalysts.
I know during hard times the decisions I have made have severely altered the outcomes and results of which I have in my hands now. Some people I have reprimanded with, others I may have lost forever. I have bared heart, and I have bared teeth in this my cavalcade of fear and instability. Some people could handle the emotions I have gone through some wore thin. Some I barely knew have become close and some Ive known for years have turned a shy eye toward me. I don't blame them I need to face these adversities alone. Even though I don't feel anyone should have to face these times alone. Even I have tried to helped people during their hard times. Though it may and well be human nature to turn and face the other direction of things when you see others suffer, there are few who rise up, stand and deliver at those times. I feel I am such a person, not to sound egocentric or conceited. I have always been here to talk to, to see, to lend an ear. Whatever. Ask anyone who knows me well, they know I may not be around physically but I will be there at a whim if I am needed.
I suppose for me I really needed someone to talk to at times, someone to coax me into a calmer state of mind at times. Some have been able to help me others, in spite of probable good intentions, make it worse. I don't want to be this way, and honestly who does? I don't know HOW I got this way, I have suspicion it has something to do with a mixture feelings of loneliness, self consciousness, despair, in addition to the things that are going on in my life.
I have taken much time to repair the inner workings of my own self. I have taken things in stride despite the negativity that has shrouded me into the darkness of many hearts. I think I am much better now. Though others may say otherwise. It is to them I shall either leave behind with that dark chapter in my life, or prove to them through my actions that I am not who they thought they knew...
SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE FOR ONE MINUTE THINK YOU CAN COME TO ME AND TELL ME I HAVE NOT CHANGED.
hahaha, I kid, but not really.
Though, on a lighter note hahaha, look at this fucking cute Celty. I wish I had thought of this. If I had thought of this I wouldn't have to ever feel depressed! Cause there are sexy headless motorcycle women, and cute fluffy pikachus dancing around in my head.
.f u c k y e a h.
Ive learned to accept all these things, while on this stint I have journeyed back and forth from feeling at peace to regressing into self doubt of what I am even doing is worth its rewards. Why shouldn't I just give up on everything, why shouldn't I just succumb to the torrent of emotions that I really feel. There are time when I have lost my grip and times I have needed help. There are times I have had ups, downs twists and turns, strikes and misses. Eventually I land on my feet, some people have helped me face this turmoil some have become catalysts.
I know during hard times the decisions I have made have severely altered the outcomes and results of which I have in my hands now. Some people I have reprimanded with, others I may have lost forever. I have bared heart, and I have bared teeth in this my cavalcade of fear and instability. Some people could handle the emotions I have gone through some wore thin. Some I barely knew have become close and some Ive known for years have turned a shy eye toward me. I don't blame them I need to face these adversities alone. Even though I don't feel anyone should have to face these times alone. Even I have tried to helped people during their hard times. Though it may and well be human nature to turn and face the other direction of things when you see others suffer, there are few who rise up, stand and deliver at those times. I feel I am such a person, not to sound egocentric or conceited. I have always been here to talk to, to see, to lend an ear. Whatever. Ask anyone who knows me well, they know I may not be around physically but I will be there at a whim if I am needed.
I suppose for me I really needed someone to talk to at times, someone to coax me into a calmer state of mind at times. Some have been able to help me others, in spite of probable good intentions, make it worse. I don't want to be this way, and honestly who does? I don't know HOW I got this way, I have suspicion it has something to do with a mixture feelings of loneliness, self consciousness, despair, in addition to the things that are going on in my life.
I have taken much time to repair the inner workings of my own self. I have taken things in stride despite the negativity that has shrouded me into the darkness of many hearts. I think I am much better now. Though others may say otherwise. It is to them I shall either leave behind with that dark chapter in my life, or prove to them through my actions that I am not who they thought they knew...
SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE FOR ONE MINUTE THINK YOU CAN COME TO ME AND TELL ME I HAVE NOT CHANGED.
hahaha, I kid, but not really.
Though, on a lighter note hahaha, look at this fucking cute Celty. I wish I had thought of this. If I had thought of this I wouldn't have to ever feel depressed! Cause there are sexy headless motorcycle women, and cute fluffy pikachus dancing around in my head.
.f u c k y e a h.