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so i guess i worked out my whole issue im lonely i wont change im emotional so what.. i donthate anyone or the world but i dislike most people tohugh i trust those who have stuck by me and stop me feleing 100% lonely i try to hard to please and upset another, i apoligise kayla i tried to hard to please someone else i felt i let yuo down when i didnt let you or him down and now we're arguing I know you have problems too.. most of the ones i had at your age ie school problems etc
anyway i realised i have no friends offline barely any online and i cant see them i have no gf offline kaylas for real but she isnt here.. i can handle that my family dont care except my gran and uncle i watched a program home and away a dude got a bday party suprised for him everyone said how great he was he deserved it but i got angry it's fictional so doesnt matter and is funny
but offline people great or asshole get heaps of people saying how great they're.. im a nice person not an asshole i didnt care if i hurt but i do now im not selfish im selfless whether i care im hurt or not i care that others are happy and not hurt more and care and trust them but do dislike how people see me.. why dont i get everyone saying how great i am it really angered me so i realise im lonely and want people to see im an awesome person some do ike 2% of people i know 98% tihnk im too emotional or hate me i wont change whether theyd like me or not they wouldnt im destined to not be liked.. but i wont change like me or not im me like me or not some dont some do i dont care people dont in realisation i carepeople do though if not fine but they do but it does anger me people act like jackasses towards me and betray my trust
im fine alone though i can handle lonelyless i was fine single and didnt wanna date i can handle lonelyness but love found me and kay and i do love easily so i hope i dont get hurt if i did it wouldnt be her fault or deliberate sometimesi feel shed be better without me but she wouldnt and if i let her go it;d hurt both of us i love her if she lets me go ever ill be hurt but understand.. i just hope she stands by me i havent changed i dont act dioff im just emo bi polor symptoms and bisexual and have a lot of scars my moods change easily im all male but have female tendancies on top of male i hate violence i cry alot i wash my hair daily and take a comb places with me i throw more pmses than females in moodyness terms just witohut the blood :P eldrid reminded me i pms earlier :P
either way i love kayla and i need her but she said she didnt know me anymore she does know me if she doesnt i didnt change or act different im always for real never fake she does know me she didnt mean it but it hurt when she said it i take her mood swings and hurt whether she wants to tell me or not but whether i wanna tell her mine or not she seems to get angry instead of being there maybe i should hide and if needed i will as i do with everyone else my gran i dont but she doesnt understand much everyone else i do i wotn hide with kayla if i do i wotn cut or suicide cry or not ive thought about it but wont but i will cry and if i didnt wont self hurt but ill cry amnd not self hurt i will be open with kay but i hope from now on my hurt and mood swings dont anger her whetherthere aimed at her or not and hope she can stop ignoring me when we argue cause i never do her and i awlays put her first as she does me.. but when she ignores me it feels as if shes angry at me then she says she wasnt it confuses me i can drop arguments if im wrong i admit if right i prove and drop it her and kai said i need to get the last word.. i dont i always drop stuff with everyone.. only reason i dont witrh kayla is she confuses me.. i admit it's my fault or hers blame noone trake guilt she acts like it's my fault and says it's hers i 90% say me10% her but yeah i feekl guilty when she ignores me even if she doesnt wanna blow up on me id rather she did than ignore me then she says it wasnt my fualt which fucking confuses me hence why i always get the last word and dont drop stuff everyone else i drop stuff and dont get the last word with her i'll drop things from now on and whoever gets the last word fine just drop it even if she ignores me acts like it's my fault then says it was hers or mine ill handle it because i don't wish to lose her
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