A Teenager in Love (1/2)
between the stacks in the library
it's not like anyone stopped to see
The transition from one school to another is difficult. Eduardo should know, he’s kind of an expert.
It’s been about a week, and he’d say that he’s doing pretty well with this “new state, new city, new school” thing. He’s been doing his schoolwork pretty diligently, he’s assimilated pretty well, and he talks to some people during class sometimes.
Like Erica Albright, the dimpled girl in his second period Government class who always goes out of her way to ask him about the previous day’s assignment and how he likes the school so far. It’s on the second week that she asks him if he wants to have lunch with her group of friends. He agrees, because he could use some friends, and Erica is the nicest person that he’s met here so far.
But also.
Eduardo isn’t a lurker, really, he isn’t. He just sometimes catches sight of Erica in the hallways, or during lunch, and she’s usually with her friends. There’s Amy Ritter, who Eduardo doesn’t share any classes with, but she catches him looking at Erica’s way once and smiles at him. There’s Dustin Moskovitz, who he has English Lit and Physics II with and who is always smiling and moving, like the atoms of his limbs just can’t keep him still. There’s Chris Hughes, who he also has English Lit with and who used the second class day to announce that the GSA is always accepting more members.
And then there’s Mark Zuckerberg, the curly-haired guy he has almost every period (except fifth period art). Mark Zuckerberg with his rumpled uniform and his blue eyes and his reluctance to raise his hand in class even though whenever a teacher calls on him for an answer he’s always, always right.
So when Erica properly introduces Eduardo to her group of friends, and he keeps looking back at Mark, it’s kind of obvious to him that he has a crush.
“Hey, Eduardo,” Dustin says, leaning in a little. “Are you gonna eat the rest of your tater tots?”
“I was planning on it,” Eduardo says, and Dustin deflates a little. “But you can have them anyway.”
Dustin brightens immediately. “Thanks, man!” he says, grabbing them from Eduardo’s lunch tray.
Eduardo shrugs, because it’s really not that big of a deal, and if making friends means giving up some tater tots, he’s willing to do so.
“You shouldn’t be so nice to him,” comes Mark from his seat at the head of the table where he’s writing on his Calc worksheet. “He’ll get used to kindness, and we won’t be able to take advantage of him anymore.”
“Yeah,” Amy agrees. “Who’s gonna do my CS assignments then, Eduardo?”
“Stop talking about me like I’m a push-over,” Dustin huffs.
“You are a push-over,” Chris and Erica say in unison. “Jinx!” Erica squeals and pinches Chris’s side, to which he responds with a pinch of his own.
“Sorry,” Eduardo apologizes, biting down a smile.
“Well,” Mark says, looking up. Eduardo notices that Mark’s right eyebrow is raised in amusement and he goes a little hot. “Now you know.”
Okay, Eduardo could get used to this.
“The Halloween dance,” is all Amy says when she and Erica sit across from him on the library table he’s currently occupying to study.
“Is next Friday,” Eduardo says and looks up. “I don’t understand this game.”
“I’m going as Dorothy,” Erica supplies. “Amy’s going as the Wicked Witch, Chris will be the tin man, and Dustin will be the lion.”
“Do you want me to be the scarecrow?” Eduardo asks, already making plans for his costume. He doesn’t quite like the idea of straw in his intimate places, but he’s still unsure of his place in the group and if dressing up for Erica will please her, he’ll do it.
“Not if you’re going with a date,” Amy says.
“I wasn’t really planning on it.”
“Maybe you should plan on it.”
“Who would I ask?”
“Don’t play dumb, Eduardo,” Amy says, rolling her eyes.
“I’m not playing anything.”
“Okay,” Amy nods, seemingly accepting the fact that Eduardo’s not gonna play along with their little game. “All right, that’s fine.”
“What’s happening here?” Eduardo asks, a little scared.
“Hey, look over there,” Erica says, pointing at the door through which a harried-looking Mark has entered. He has his earphones over his ears, so he doesn’t hear when the librarian sitting at the front desk tells him to take the Pop Tart out of his mouth.
And Eduardo can’t really help it if his gaze turns wholly to Mark’s figure as he disappears in the stacks.
“Gotcha!” Amy says, breaking into a shit-eating grin.
“What?” Eduardo says, panicked. Then he realizes-- “Did you just choreograph that?”
“Duh and/or hello,” Amy says.
“The point is,” Erica says, reigning in the conversation from the crazy where it’s probably headed. “You have this really adorable slash sad crush on Mark, and it’s really entertaining slash bumming all of us out.”
“I--I--I--What do you mean it’s bumming all of you out? Who’s you?”
“It’s hella sad, dude,” Amy laughs.
“I don’t have a crush on Mark, Jesus!” Eduardo says indignantly, gathering his things. “You guys are completely nuts--”
Just then Mark reappears in Eduardo’s line of sight and Eduardo loses his breath for a second. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, he’s currently chewing on the Pop Tart, and he has a case of the crazy eyes. And Eduardo still wants to cuddle him until he dies.
“Okay,” Eduardo says, sitting back down. “I think I might have a slight crush.”
“Dude. It’s hella obvious.”
“Stop saying ‘hella’, you’re not in California anymore.” Eduardo takes a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I can just tell him--”
“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Erica interrupts. She folds her arms in front of her and gives him an earnest look of sympathy. “Mark appreciates honesty, and in case you haven’t noticed, he’s kind of fond of the whole blunt approach to things.”
Eduardo doesn’t answer, because, well. He’s not Mark. Bluntness doesn’t come naturally to him, and when it comes to his feelings, he can’t risk putting his heart on the line for something that might not even be possible.
With her finger, she motions for him to come closer, which he does. “I’m telling you this, because you’re probably the sweetest boy I have ever met, and I think that you and Mark would work really well together-Mark and I...”
“They fucked,” Amy says bluntly.
Erica rolls her eyes, but Eduardo can’t really stop himself from squeaking, “They what?”
“We wanted to lose our virginities,” Erica explains. “So we talked about it, and then we... did it.” She must notice the completely fucking uncomfortable look on his face, because she quickly adds, “And that’s it! It was a one time thing, and we honestly do not have feelings for each other.”
“Why are you telling me this?” he asks weakly.
“Because,” she says. “I think-We think that you two could really work.”
“Eduardo,” comes Amy’s voice, softer now. “Just talk to him about the dance. Baby steps, you know?”
He looks up just as Mark is leaving the library, holding a precariously high stack of books.
“I have to go,” Eduardo says, gathering his stuff.
“Oh, yay!” Amy says, clapping a little. “Got get ‘im, tiger!”
“Not like that,” Eduardo says, blushing. He stands up and begins walking toward Mark.
“Don’t let love slip away!” Amy calls after him anyway, and Eduardo totally catches Erica’s amused giggle.
As soon as Eduardo catches up with Mark, he takes at least three of Mark’s book from his stack.
“Hey!” Mark snaps, angrily, but then he notices who it is and relaxes. “Oh. Thanks.”
“No problem, man,” Eduardo says. “A little light reading?
“Ugh, fuck,” Mark says, suddenly sounding a little grumpy. “You know that econ project we just had to do? Apparently it was derivative, whatever the fuck that means, so I have to re-fucking-do it with quote unquote real sources.”
“That sucks,” Eduardo says, sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”
“Whatever,” Mark says, clearly still irritated. “It’s not your fault.”
“Yeah, I know,” Eduardo says awkwardly. He clears his throat and prepares to, fuck it, go for it. “So Erica was talking about the Halloween dance.”
“Did she beg you to be part of her annual group costume?” Mark asks. “Last year we were the Munsters--It was awful.”
“It couldn’t have been that--”
“I was Herman.”
“--bad. I’m sorry.” Eduardo can’t help but laugh. “I wish I’d seen that.”
“I bet you do,” Mark says, breaking into a small smile.
“No, but um,” Eduardo says, voice shaking a little because this is it, he is going to do this oh, god. “She said I didn’t have to dress up if I went there with a date.”
Mark snorts out a laugh. “You’re better off finding a date soon, then.”
“Right?” Eduardo laughs nervously. “I mean, obviously I could tell her I have like, a prior commitment or something...”
“I’m telling her my mother is forcing me to stay home and give out candies with her this year,” Mark says. Suddenly they’re at his locker and Mark is struggling to open it and hold his stack of books with one hand. Eduardo helps him with the rest of the books.
“That’s a good lie,” Eduardo says.
“Well,” Mark says, taking the books off of Eduardo’s hands and placing them in his locker. “If she thinks I’m going to this stupid dance one more time she’s fucking crazy.”
Eduardo forces out a laugh, but it’s weak and if Mark were looking for despair, he’d surely find it in his eyes. But all hope is not lost, he tells himself, because Mark could still probably say yes if Eduardo asked him. He could.
“So who are you asking?” Mark asks, arranging all the shit inside his locker so nothing falls out.
“I was thinking of asking someone,” Eduardo says, careful not to show how deflated he really feels. “But I think they already have a date.”
Mark closes his locker and lets out a quiet “Hmm”, as if he’s thinking about something. “You should ask Christy Lee.”
Wait, what?
“Wait, what?”
Mark seems to second-guess himself for a second, but goes on anyway. “Christy Lee. She’s a cheerleader and she sits behind you in Calc.”
“What does she look like?” Eduardo asks.
“You don’t know who she is?” Mark asks, incredulous. And no, he doesn’t, because he spends Calc looking at the board, and the only other student he notices is Mark and how the sun that hits his hair in his seat close to the window makes him look kind of angelic. “Pretty Asian? Really long hair? She’s been to every one of your games.”
Eduardo blushes a little. “I guess I hadn’t noticed her.”
“Not noticing people? That’s kind of my move, Eduardo.”
Eduardo has to laugh at that. “Um, why are you telling me to ask her to the dance?”
Mark shrugs. “It seemed like something a friend would do for another friend. Erica says I need to get better at this friend stuff, so I figured I’d start with you, since you’re the least annoying of my friends.”
Right. Friends.
“Thanks, man,” Eduardo says, sincerely, because Mark is being really nice even if he is breaking his heart.
Erica and the rest of the group end up winning the costume contest, which is actually pretty impressive considering the quality of the other people’s costumes. It turns out that having a restricted wardrobe during school makes teenagers to go all out when presented with the opportunity to impress. Couples costumes include Sandy and Danny from Grease, Sonny and Cher, Batman and Catwoman. He sees more than a few werewolves, vampires, and ghosts, but for the most part the costumes are more involved than a sheet with eyeholes cut out.
Eduardo and Christy Lee stand in the crowd as Erica makes a totally unwarranted speech thanking all her peers for their support and love. Christy makes a crack about Erica maybe sneaking a flask inside the stuffed dog that’s supposed to be Toto and Eduardo laughs. All in all, it’s a successful night and Eduardo is having a blast.
“You’re not into this, are you?” Christy asks. Her hands are currently draped over Eduardo’s shoulder as they dance to a slow song. Her dark eyeliner is smudged a little, but she still looks as much of a sexy vampire slayer as she did in the beginning of the night.
“What? No!” Eduardo assures her, trying to keep his voice from wavering too much. “I’m having a blast!”
“Yeah, well, this isn’t going exactly as I’d planned,” Christy says, rolling her eyes.
This comes as a surprise, because Eduardo really thought she was having fun. “No?”
“No. I’m still wearing these stupid pants, for one. I’ve been hinting all night, Eduardo, seriously.”
“Um, do you wanna change or something?” Eduardo asks, wondering if he has some sweatpants in his locker he can sneak out and get.
“I don’t wanna change, Eduardo,” Christy says, raising her eyebrows. “I don’t wanna be wearing pants at all.”
Oh.
He lets out an embarrassingly high-pitched “Oh” and clears his throat. “I’m really sorry. If you want, we can totally still leave--”
She rolls her eyes again. “Please, Eduardo. You might be bad at taking hints, but I’m not.”
And now he feels incredibly bad, because he’d been the one to ask her out and he was ruining her night. It wasn’t her fault that he had an unrequited crush on someone who couldn’t make eye contact with anyone for more than five seconds. Christy was pretty and smart and really fun, and Eduardo should already be falling in love with her.
“I’m really sorry,” Eduardo says, softly.
“Aw, don’t do that,” Christy mutters reassuringly. “You’ve been super nice tonight. I’ve had fun, okay? Even if you don’t want to make out with me.”
She guides them to the refreshments table, where she gestures for him to serve her some punch. He does, out of politeness and more than a little guilt.
“I’ll make it up to you--”
“Unless you’re suddenly popping a boner for me, I don’t really wanna hear it, sorry.” She laughs good-naturedly. “It’s okay, Eduardo. At least now that I know you don’t like me I can get over my crush on you and we can be friends, right?”
“You’re being too nice to me,” Eduardo says with a small laugh. “Shouldn’t you be spilling a drink on me and setting my car on fire or something?”
“I have a feeling that you would enjoy that,” she says, dryly. “So are you gonna tell me who you would rather be making out with instead of me?”
Eduardo splutters for a second, because how the fuck did she know?
“I’m just spitballing here,” she continues. “Because you get these far-off looks every ten minutes or so, and I’m an optimistic so I wanna believe that you’re thinking of someone you wish you were kissing and not some sick dog or relative.”
He debates telling her or not, but he needs to tell someone or else he’ll explode, so
“He doesn’t like dances,” Eduardo blurts out before he can stop himself. “He hates all social situations, really, and I shouldn’t have expected him to want to change his mind just for me, but it still kind of sucks, you know?”
“I’m sorry that he turned you down,” Christy says, patting his arm sympathetically. “From experience, I can tell you that it sucks.”
“Yeah, it sucked,” Eduardo agrees, and if he’s keeping the part where Mark didn’t actually turn him down so much as Eduardo failed to ask him, well, it won’t hurt anybody, will it?
“I could set his car on fire?” Christy suggests in a tone that doesn’t make it clear whether she’s joking or not. “Honestly, I don’t get how anyone can turn you down. You’re a regulation hottie, Eduardo.”
And, well, okay.
“He didn’t... turn me down...” Eduardo mumbles a little guiltily. “Not exactly, I-I sort of didn’t ask him. But only because he told me he didn’t really wanna go with anyone. Besides, he was the one who suggested I ask you, so. I mean, how was I supposed to take that?”
“Okay, now I have to know who this is,” Christy says, leaning forward eagerly. “Come on, dude. Spill.”
It takes Eduardo a few tries to finally let Mark’s name come out of his mouth. He immediately looks down at the table and is grateful that the darkness in the gym hides his blush. “And it’s not like he would’ve said yes--”
“How can you know that?” Christy asks. “Oh my God, you should totally go to his house. Do you have his address? Ugh, find his address and drive over there, Eduardo!”
“What?” Eduardo practically screeches, because what? He can’t just go to Mark’s house--it’s where he lives with his family. It’s completely inappropriate, and what the fuck would he even do when he got there? Profess his undying love and devotion under the porch light? “I’m not going to his house.”
“Oh my God, you totally are!” comes a male voice from behind him. He whips his head and sees Dustin right in front of them on the other side of the table. “Sorry for eavesdropping, I guess, but you are totally going to Mark’s house right now.”
“How do you know I’m talking about Mark?”
“I was crouched behind the punch bowl; I heard everything.” He shrugs. “It’s okay--It’s not like nobody knows about your crush on Mark.” He thinks about this for a second. “Well, except Mark.”
Eduardo cradles his head in his hands. “Why does God hate me?”
“I could totally drive you to Mark’s house,” Dustin offers.
“I know where it is,” Eduardo says, offhandedly. He’s thinking of the best plan of action, but all he’s seeing is Mark slamming the door on his face. “I Mapquested it once.”
“Dude,” Dustin says, giving him a concerned look.
“Dude,” Christy parrots. “That’s kind of weird.”
“I know,” Eduardo says sadly. “I’m a pathetic excuse for a human.”
“What are you still doing here, then?” Dustin asks, munching on some mini sandwiches. “Go, dude.”
“I have to drive Christy home,” Eduardo says.
“I’ll ask for a ride,” Christy says, rolling her eyes. “Just go, weirdo.”
“Are you sure? God, I can’t do this--” Christy gives him a light slap on the cheek. “Ow!”
“I didn’t just waste my entire night for nothing, okay? Now you go out there and you make out with that annoying nerd you’re so in love with!”
“He’s not annoying!” Eduardo says, offended. “He’s--”
“Ugh, go,” Christy says, seemingly disgusted. “You’re giving me a toothache, seriously. Go.”
And Eduardo goes.
It takes about twenty minutes for Eduardo to work up the courage to get out of his car and walk up to the Zuckerbergs’ front door. It takes ten more minutes for him to ring the doorbell.
His breath hitches in his throat when he hears footsteps from inside the house. But before Eduardo has time to turn around and run the hell out of there, the door is open and Mark is standing in front of him, barefoot and in a plain t-shirt and cargo shorts. He’s not exactly a vision, but he might as well be the Venus de Milo as far as Eduardo’s concerned.
“You scared my little sister,” Mark says, a slightly amused smile forming on his face.
“I was not scared,” protests a girl’s voice from inside the house.
Mark rolls his eyes. “What are you supposed to be anyway?”
“I’m Angel from Buffy. Christy went as Faith.”
“You don’t really look like an angsty vampire,” he says, stepping outside and closing the door behind him.
“My fangs are in my coat pocket,” Eduardo explains, stepping aside a little so Mark can sit on the porch steps. He takes a seat next to Mark, making sure that their knees don’t touch in case he burst into hormonal teenage flames. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Mark says, looking up at the night sky. “I’m guessing things didn’t go that well.”
“I had a lot of fun, actually.” Mark gives him a skeptical look, but Eduardo shrugs. “Christy’s really cool.”
At that Mark lets out a short laugh. “How was Christy? She’s like, sexually liberated and shit.”
“Really? I didn’t really--We didn’t really--”
“You’re telling me that she didn’t try to make a pass at you?”
“No, she did,” Eduardo laughs a little shakily. “I just didn’t, um, want to.”
“So why are you here, then?”
He could make a joke here, say something about how the dance had gotten pretty lame and he didn’t want to go home. But he doesn’t. And Eduardo can feel all the blood rush to his head when he says, “Because I want to.”
It takes all the courage Eduardo can muster to look up up at Mark. Mark who doesn’t look back at Eduardo but instead ahead of him, seemingly at nothing.
“Okay,” Mark says shortly, nodding at himself. “Okay.” He turns to look at Eduardo now, biting his bottom lip to tamp down a smile.
And then he kisses Eduardo.
It’s chaste and dry and it hardly feels like anything, but for Eduardo, well, for Eduardo it’s everything. Before he can do anything, though, like, oh, kiss back, Mark pulls back.
“That was--” Eduardo starts, breathless.
“Bad,” Mark interrupts, frowning at himself. “That was a shitty kiss.”
“No, that was-- that was good. I--I enjoyed it.”
Mark hums and goes through something in his head before abruptly standing up. “Stay here,” he orders and goes back inside, leaving Eduardo frozen in his seat on the stoop.
Okay.
Okay, so Mark Zuckerberg just kissed Eduardo Saverin. On the lips. With his own lips. Of course, Eduardo had thought about this. Kind of a lot. But when he rang the doorbell he honestly didn’t believe that any of this would actually happen. It’s too much, but before Eduardo can make sense out of any of it, Mark is outside again and making his way down to the sidewalk.
“Come on,” Mark says, walking right past Eduardo.
“What’s going on?” Eduardo asks, standing up and following Mark.
“We’re leaving,” Mark says, standing next to Eduardo’s car.
“Where are we going?” Eduardo asks, unlocking the car.
“You’re going to drive us to a secluded place and then we’re gonna make out in the backseat of your car.”
“I--”
“Unless you don’t--”
“Let’s go.”
(A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, of course, and Eduardo is nothing if not a gentleman.
But he totally gets to second base that night.)
The only thing that changes after that night is that Eduardo and Mark become sort of inseparable. Well, inseparable in the sense that Eduardo can finally have Mark all to himself.
Okay, that sounds creepy, but what this means, honestly, is that Eduardo doesn’t need to sneak his way into Mark’s periphery anymore. He can just sit next to Mark during Calculus or take the seat next to him during lunch or go to his house after school to study. And “study” isn’t even a euphemism for anything, because they don’t do any of the romantic stuff Eduardo expected. In fact, Mark doesn’t really act any differently around Eduardo.
Sometimes, though, when they’re in Mark’s room and there’s nothing to study for, Mark does act differently.
“You know,” Mark says as Eduardo kisses up his neck. “When we first met I thought you were kind of stupid.”
“Is this really a conversation you wanna be having right now?” Eduardo asks the crook of his neck.
“I thought it was only fair that I let you know,” Mark mumbles, running his left hand up Eduardo’s back under his shirt.
“Why did you think I was stupid?” Eduardo asks the soft spot behind Mark’s ear.
“You couldn’t form complete sentences, for one,” Mark laughs.
Eduardo pulls back and looks down at Mark, insulted. “Hey!”
“Do you remember the first thing you said to me?” Mark asks, raising an eyebrow.
He does. It was something regarding a Calculus worksheet, and it had come out in stilted nervous words. “Well, that wasn’t my fault.”
Mark lets out a small “hmm” sound and leans up to give him a kiss. Eduardo dodges it. Mark frowns.
“It was your fault,” Eduardo whispers, running a finger down Mark’s cheekbone. “You make me nervous.”
“Wardo,” Mark starts before someone starts banging on the bedroom door. “God damn it,” he mutters, and Eduardo giggles and gives him a quick peck on the lips.
“Mark!” comes Donna’s voice from the other side of the door. “Mom wants to know if Eduardo’s staying for dinner tonight. And why is your door locked?”
“Go away,” Mark moans. Eduardo laughs and gets off of Mark who pulls him back down and mutters irritably, “Not you.”
“Ma-ark...” Donna whines.
“He won’t,” Eduardo calls out, rolling off of Mark. Donna must say something else, but Eduardo doesn’t hear her over the sound of Mark trying to coax him out of putting his shoes on. Eduardo laughs him off, telling him that his mom insisted in him coming home for dinner since he has, in fact, spent the last three nights in the Zuckerberg house.
“You should come over some time,” Eduardo says, putting on his coat. It’s gotten progressively colder, and his school blazer isn’t enough anymore to protect him from the mid-November cold he’s not used to. “My mom’s can’t really stop talking about meeting the first boyfriend I willingly talk about during dinner.” He looks up to give Mark an embarrassed smile and sees him with a look that he’s come to know as confused.
“You talk about me,” Mark says. It’s not a question, it’s just Mark saying something out loud, trying to figure it out. “That’s kind of hard to believe.”
“Not really.” Eduardo shrugs, trying to play it off as if it’s not the big deal that it is. “I’ve never liked anyone this much.”
This is the absolutely wrong thing to say. They’ve only been tentatively dating for less than a month, and Mark isn’t really forthcoming when it comes to talking about his emotions. But Eduardo can’t take it back now, even if the fact that Mark looks even more confused is making Eduardo want to jump in front of a bus.
“Wardo,” Mark says.
“Yeah?” Eduardo doesn’t really dare try to meet Mark’s eyes.
“You don’t wanna stop doing this, right?”
“Of course not.” His voice cracks, because the last thing he wants to do is stop seeing Mark. But then it occurs to him that the feeling might not be mutual. “Do you?”
Mark rolls his eyes. “If I did, I wouldn’t let you stick your tongue in my ear.”
“Oh.” Eduardo hopes that his relief isn’t so pathetically obvious. “Good.”
“Good,” Mark says, standing up. Eduardo can feel his heart start beating faster as Mark makes his way toward him. “We just keep it simple, yeah?”
He doesn’t get an answer in before Mark kisses him good-bye.
Eduardo doesn’t think about Mark’s words in any other context besides the one that makes him blindingly, deliriously happy. Mark wants this too, maybe not as much as Eduardo, but he wants it.
It doesn’t matter that whenever Eduardo tries to hold his hand, Mark manages to dodge it in a completely subtle way. It doesn’t matter that Mark isn’t the most thoughtful boyfriend in the world. And it doesn’t matter that they haven’t even been on a proper date.
They’re keeping it simple.
“Come on,” Chris says after Eduardo answers his question regarding his relationship with Mark. They’re alone in the science classroom where that day’s GSA meeting had been held. “Don’t tell me you’re not dying to take him out on a real date. You seem like the date-y type.”
“I don’t know what type I am,” Eduardo says, following Chris out of the room. “He’s my first boyfriend.”
“Girlfriends?”
“A couple.”
“And?”
“I... did enjoy taking them on dates, I guess.” Eduardo blushes. “But that’s not what Mark wants, so we’re not gonna do that.”
“What about what you want?”
He shrugs. “I want Mark.”
Eduardo has soccer practice, so he says goodbye to Chris in the middle of the hallway, then heads to the gym so he can change. When he enters the gym he sees that the fencing team is practicing, and his brain kind of short circuits. Because whoops there’s Mark in his white fencing suit thing.
He’s not really planning on calling him, but as he’s making his way toward the locker room Mark puts on his helmet, and he just has to stay and watch.
Mark’s posture is one of those things you just notice about him. And now, as he’s sparring with his opponent, one arm behind his back, it’s on full display. He doesn’t get a lot of credit for being athletic, since he’s skinny as anything, but the way that he moves with his foil poised gracefully in front of him is nothing short of impressive.
Eduardo allows himself to stare for about ten seconds before he rushes the rest of the way to the locker room.
Practice is distracting enough that Eduardo only stops to think about Mark whenever he goes to get water from the cooler. Not that Mark occupies every one of his thoughts.
He’s getting out of the communal shower and decidedly not thinking about anybody when he sees Mark sitting on the bench where Eduardo put his stuff and tying his sneakers. Eduardo thinks that life is really unfair.
“Hey,” Eduardo says, walking up. “Were you waiting for me?”
“Yeah,” Mark says. It makes Eduardo’s heart skip a beat. “I told my mom you could give me a ride home.”
“Yeah, sure.” Eduardo puts on his pants under his towel. He’s not quite ready for Mark to see him in his underwear. “I’ll be ready in a sec.”
Mark finally looks up and says, “Hi.”
And Eduardo can’t really stop himself from giving him a quick kiss.
“This is the part where we wait until everyone’s gone and then have sex on this bench,” Mark says not entirely jokingly.
Eduardo’s cheeks go a little warm but he laughs it off and puts on his shirt. “I think you’ve been watching too much porn.”
“Not since I met you.” Mark’s smirk makes Eduardo want to push him against the bench and kiss him forever, but real life is not porn, and Eduardo Saverin has some dignity left.
“Are you trying to kill me or something?” Eduardo whines. Mark just continues to smile smugly up at him as Eduardo puts on his blazer and his overcoat.
Mark stands up, pulling himself up by Eduardo’s lapels. “You’re no real use to me dead.”
“Shit,” Eduardo mutters and lets himself be kissed one more time.
“Come on,” Mark says, pulling back. “Mom’s been trying out some Brazilian recipes. They’re not actually half bad.”
“Praise from Mark Zuckerberg himself. Thought I’d never hear it in my lifetime.”
“Just shut up now.”
“Okay.”
The Saverin family doesn’t really celebrate Thanksgiving Day except for that one time when Eduardo was nine and his mother decided to cook a turkey just for to try it out. It was very good, because his mother is a fantastic cook. After dinner, though, she’d solemnly told him and his father that she would not be doing this ever again.
“I don’t understand how these American families do it,” she’d said, tired as all hell and nearly falling on the pecan pie her husband had picked up from the grocery store.
So Thanksgiving break goes pretty uneventfully for Eduardo. He reads, he sleeps, he works on some college applications. It’s over as soon as it starts, which he’s glad for because it means he gets to see his friends. His friend. His--
“What do you mean he’s not coming today?” Eduardo asks Erica when he gets to school the Monday after break.
“His family went to Cambridge to visit her sister,” Erica says, laughing a little. “They’re not back yet. Jesus, Eduardo, calm down.”
“Sorry.” Eduardo blushes. “I was just really looking forward to seeing him, I guess.”
Erica leans against her locker and gives Eduardo a once-over. “You’re really into him.”
Eduardo shrugs. “Not really a secret.”
“I guess not,” Erica says, smiling. “How’s it going with you two anyway?”
“It’s going.”
“Is everything all right?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” It comes off as more defensive than he’d intended, but Erica seems to take it in stride.
“I don’t know,” she says, keeping her face blank.
“Everything’s fine,” Eduardo insists. “We’re keeping it simple.”
“What does that mean?”
Eduardo sighs. “I’m not sure.”
“Maybe you should find out.”
Eduardo’s about to ask her what she means by that when the bell rings. She seems to sense this too, because all she does is give him a pat on his shoulder before she walks away.
And it’s not like Eduardo’s life revolves around Mark now. His day isn’t ruined if he doesn’t see Mark’s face at least once. It does feel a little odd to not see Mark during his classes, but he gets along just fine. He’s not really thinking about Mark, so he is kind of surprised when his phone rings and Mark’s name appears on the screen.
“Hey,” Eduardo says, wincing at how his voice goes all... gooey. “You were missed during Calculus today.”
“By who, you?” Mark deadpans. “Seriously, Wardo.”
“How’s Cambridge?” Eduardo hopes the change of subject will steer the conversation away from the awkward direction it’s surely heading.
“Boring. I can’t exactly do anything with my parents hovering.”
Eduardo can’t really help himself from asking, “When are you coming back?”
“That’s what I was calling about.” There’s a sound of some shuffling before Mark’s voice comes back through. “I’m taking the train back tomorrow, but my parents and my sisters are staying for a couple more days.”
Eduardo perks up. “Do you want me to meet you at the train station?”
“No. The train gets in at like noon--”
“I could skip,” Eduardo offers.
“Sure,” Mark scoffs. “I’ll get a cab home or whatever. The point is--”
“I could totally skip.”
“The point is that you should come over after school, and we should have sex.”
It’s not so much as Eduardo chokes on his own spit as he chokes on absolutely nothing. It takes him about five minutes to regain his composure. Even with his composure regained, he can’t really get himself to say anything.
“You still there?” Mark asks, doing a bad job at hiding his amusement.
“Yeah.” Eduardo’s voice comes out broken and pathetic. “You were saying?”
“I was saying that you should come over to my house tomorrow so we can have sex.”
“Yeah, about that--”
“You don’t want to have sex?”
“No! I mean, I do. I was just... How can you be so cavalier about this?”
“It’s just sex.” He says it like it’s the most simple thing in the world. And the thing is, for Mark it probably really is.
“Yeah, well, it’s kind of a big deal for me, okay?” Eduardo splutters, going really red.
“Oh, well, if you don’t want to, it’s all right, I guess.”
“No, I mean, I want to, it’s just--”
“You don’t want to have sex with me.” At this Mark’s voice loses any humor.
“What? No! That’s not it at all.”
“Then what is it?”
“Nothing! Fine, I’ll have sex with you.”
“Okay, good.”
“Fine.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Throughout the day, Eduardo agonizes over what’s supposed to happen after school. He doesn’t tell the others, but by the looks Erica keeps throwing his way he can tell that Mark must’ve talked to her about it.
Also the fact that she pretty much corners him on his way to his car.
“You look like a frightened baby,” is the first thing she tells him.
“Thanks,” he deadpans, hitching his bag up his shoulder.
She rolls her eyes. “By that I mean that you don’t look like a guy who’s happy about the fact that he’s gonna get laid soon.”
“Well, I’m happy, so.” He shrugs, hoping that he’s conveying successfully how cool he is about the sexual intercourse he is about to partake in.
Okay.
“So I’m a little nervous,” Eduardo admits. He ignores her smug smile and says, “But I am totally ready for the sex.”
“The sex?”
“Yeah!” he responds petulantly. “And your condescension is totally not appreciated, by the way.”
Her expression softens. “I just think that Mark may have bullied you into doing something you’re not ready for.”
“Mark didn’t bully me. He offered his... goods”--Eduardo wants to shoot himself--”and I accepted them.”
“Romantic.”
“I like him, and he likes me and that’s all that matters.”
“Okay. You have some of my support, I guess,” she says, digging through her book bag. She holds something out to him, palm down. She prompts him to take it with the rise of her eyebrows.
It’s a condom.
“I’m leaving now,” he says, embarrassed and trying to surreptitiously put it in his pocket.
“Be careful,” she says, hiding a giggle very poorly.
“Okay.” He speedwalks down the hall, away from his shame.
“You’re playing with fire!” she calls after him, laughing.
“I have a hose!” he shoots back awkwardly.
The drive to Mark’s house is pretty much hell, what with Eduardo’s mind providing him with ways in which all of this could go horribly wrong.
Technically, Eduardo is prepared for what the mechanics of sex with Mark will be. He’s not a naive virgin. He’s watched porn, and as soon as he figured out that he was as attracted to boys as he was to girls he’d read up on the subject. His body tells him he’s ready every other night when he finds his thoughts wandering to the way Mark’s lips look wrapped around a straw, or, sometimes, something else.
And yet, there’s something that doesn’t feel right about any of this. He can’t really wish away the deep feeling of dread that spreads through him as he knocks on Mark’s door.
It’s not surprising that it takes almost exactly three seconds for Mark to open the door. It’s also not surprising that Mark’s in a ratty hoodie and cargo shorts, and he wants to wrap his own peacoat around Mark’s bony shoulders instead of getting him naked, which really should be a warning sign.
“Hi,” Eduardo squeaks. Mark doesn’t say anything, just pulls Eduardo in by his lapels and shuts the door behind them.
“Hi,” Mark says, and leans in to kiss Eduardo. It’s nice, it’s always nice with Mark, really, the kissing, because Mark has, as previously mentioned, a pretty amazing mouth. It’s when he starts biting at his lower lip that Eduardo has to pull back a little.
“How was Cambridge?” Eduardo asks, voice a little shakey. “I didn’t know your sister went to school there.”
Mark rolls his eyes. “It was whatever. Come on, let’s go to my room.” He grabs Eduardo’s hand and pulls him toward the stairs with him.
“How old is your sister anyway?” Eduardo continues. “Is she about to graduate?”
“Do you really want to talk about my sister right now?” Mark shoots back dryly. When they get to his room Mark turns to give Eduardo a really evil smirk before opening the door. “I, personally, would rather not.”
Eduardo swallows. “What would you like to do instead?”
Mark kisses him again, short this time, and says, “We have all afternoon. I figured we could build our way up.”
“Um. What does that entail?”
“I have a few ideas. But they all require you to take your coat off.”
“Right.” Eduardo begins to unbutton his coat as Mark closes his laptop and moves it from the bed to his desk, along with stray papers and random wires. Coat off, Eduardo clears his throat and Mark turns around to look at him, an expectant look on his face. “Okay. I’m ready.”
Mark snorts and walks back toward Eduardo, whose palms have started to sweat profusely. It’s not new to find that mischievous glint on Mark’s eye, but when he puts his hands on Eduardo’s chest and looks up, it feels like the first time.
“Maybe you should take off your tie first? I’m not really into the whole autoerotic asphyxiation thing.”
“What?” Eduardo looks down at his neatly tied tie and it suddenly feels like a noose. He pulls it off quickly. “Okay. Now I’m ready.”
“Good to know,” Mark laughs.”
“I’m totally gonna have sex with you now.” And wow, did he really just say that?
A confused crinkle appears in the middle of Mark’s eyebrows. “Okay.”
If Eduardo could stop the verbal diarrhea coming out of his stupid mouth, he would. But he can’t, so. “Sexual intercourse. With you. Over there.” He awkwardly points to the bed.
“Yeah, I get it.”
“On that bed. Naked and stuff.”
“Oh my God,” Mark says before pulling him and kissing him, hard. Mark pulls him away from the door and they fall on the bed together, Eduardo over Mark, trying not to straddle him.
As far as kisses go, this one’s pretty dirty. It’s open-mouthed and really messy, and it mostly feels like Mark is overcompensating for how frigid Eduardo seems to be right now. He’s focusing his entire energy on Eduardo, and Eduardo feels like one of Mark’s projects. It’s flattering to be the focus of this kind of attention, but all Eduardo can feel right now is his own nervousness. But Mark has one goal today, and he makes that known when his hand starts trailing down Eduardo’s back to his butt.
Eduardo lets out a giggle.
Mark pulls back.
“What was that?” he asks, breathless and suddenly kind of angry.
“Um,” Eduardo manages. He doesn’t know what it was. All he knows is that as soon as Mark’s hand had gotten near his ass, a hysteric giggle had bubbled up his throat.
Mark narrows his eyes. “Eduardo.”
“I don’t know,” Eduardo says, avoiding eye contact.
“You just laughed.”
“I didn’t laugh--”
“I just tried to grope you and you laughed.”
“That was not a laugh, though! It was--It was like a giggle or something.”
“Are we seriously discussing the semantics of this? Don’t you want to have sex with me?”
“No!” Mark pushes him off. Eduardo gains his balance and sits on the bed next to Mark and backtracks, panicking. “Yes! Of course I do. I do.”
“Then why did you laugh?”
“Because I’m nervous!” Mark keeps staring. “I like you. A lot. But I don’t think I’m ready, okay?” He blushes, because, fuck, he’s a teenage boy he should greet sex with open arms and an eager dick. But instead he’s fucking up. Bad.
Mark just gives him a bored look. “Are you seriously going with ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ right now?”
Eduardo flinches and tries to shrink to the size of a pea. “Are you mad at me?”
“I--” Mark pauses, considering. “No. I’m not mad at you.”
Eduardo opens his mouth to speak but Mark goes on. “And if I were, I would be justified, you know. Because you completely ruined my plans for tonight. If you didn’t want to have sex you could’ve said so yesterday.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Mark rolls his eyes. “Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“That thing where you look all sincere and apologetic and stuff.”
“I’m sorr--”
“Ugh.” Mark flops down on the bed and throws his right arm over his eyes. “You’re so annoyingly nice I don’t know why I’m attracted to you.”
Eduardo doesn’t have an answer to that, because he doesn’t know either. “I guess that makes two of us.”
Mark snorts out a laugh at that. “I can’t believe you’re a real person.
“I’m--”
Mark removes his arm and looks up at Eduardo. “Oh my God, you’re for real.”
“Okay, I--”
“You’re really hot, Eduardo,” Mark snaps. “Like, everything about you is aesthetically pleasing. It’s ridiculous.”
“I’m... hot?”
Mark blushes. “Well, duh.” He’s the one who breaks eye contact this time. “The real question here is why you’re attracted to me.”
It’s kind of silly, Eduardo realizes, because they both have the same doubts about each other. It’s reassuring, in a way, and he has to make sure that Mark is just as reassured.
“Hey,” Eduardo says, softly, cupping Mark’s cheek in a way that is kind of totally cheesy. Mark looks up at Eduardo and doesn’t even roll his eyes. “The important thing is that we are attracted to each other, isn’t it?”
“Then why don’t you want to have sex with me?” Mark asks, and he looks so vulnerable, his fear of rejection so clear to Eduardo right then that he has to kiss him. So he does.
“Just because,” Eduardo says, pulling back, “I don’t want to do it right now doesn’t mean I won’t later.”
“You’re the only guy in the world who could make rejection sound sweet,” Mark says bitterly. But there’s mostly humor under it. “What do we do now, then?”
Eduardo shrugs. “I could go home.” He doesn’t want to go home.
“Do you want to?” Mark asks.
“Not really.”
“So...”
“So.”
They could do a lot of things. They could play Halo in the living room downstairs. They could eat, because Eduardo is pretty sure that Mark hasn’t fed himself all day. They could go to a movie or drive to Dustin’s house and hang out with him because Erica, Amy, and Chris all probably know what was supposed to happen today.
They end up talking instead.
They talk about their families--Mark about how he feels suffocated with love most of the time, like he’s drowning in estrogen and Eduardo about how he knows his dad loves him even if he doesn’t show him. They talk about what they want out of life, which is a very serious thing to talk about with anyone when you’re seventeen. Eduardo wants to make his family proud, to make a name for himself in America the way his family has in Brazil. Mark just wants to change the world, and he knows that computers and technology and the internet are the way to do so.
“It’s the way of the future, Wardo,” Mark says, eyes sort of glazed with wonder and Eduardo loves the way Mark’s eyes light up when he talks about the possibilities.
They talk about Harvard, to which they’re both applying. Mark because his sister goes there and the way he puts it it’s like she’s challenging him, like she’s saying “I dare you” with every e-mail she sends him about the campus and the teachers. Eduardo because Harvard is a symbol for the success he wants in America.
By the time Eduardo leaves to have dinner with his parents, he’s more than a little bit in love.
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