Real Life
Okay, so... I'm sitting at my computer and my parents went out shopping, like normal, alright? And then I think they come home and my dad goes upstairs to listen to his shitty Chinese music, like always.
And then I get a call, and I look and it's my mom, and I'm all, "mom, what the hell? Aren't you at home? Are you that lazy you can't yell at me from upstairs?"
And it turns out, she's actually still at the store. And I'm like. "Well, okay..." because dad leaves her there sometimes when she thinks she'll take like hours, so I figure maybe he came home thinking he'd pick her up later.
So I go upstairs, and I'm like "HEY DAD go pick up mom." I would've yelled from downstairs but he puts on headphones and blasts the Chinese music too loud to hear a goddamn thing when I don't take one off and yell in his ear.
So he's like, "no."
And I'm like "Well, what the shit, dad."
And then my mom's like "It's okay, I'll spend the night outdoors~"
I'm like "HELL FUCKING NO YOU AREN'T. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU." And she's like "EXTON!" (By the way, Exton is a fucking town.)
So I'm all, "....where in Exton."
She says, "The shops."
...
So I ask her which shop, so I can get one of her friends to come pick her up (because I don't drive) and she's like, "I can't stay in one store!!"
...I'm like "WHAT THE FUCK I can't call one of your friends and be like HEY HEY mom's friend can you pick up my mom I don't know where she is by the way. Probably by the mall somewhere."
So then she finally tells me she's still outside Sam's Club, and I'm like "Alright, walk to the WalMart next door; it's probably open 24/7." But no, she decides she wants to walk to the Barnes and Nobles a few blocks down that may or may not be open.
So finally, I decide to call my friend Xaldin, who happens to be my neighbor, who thankfully is home. So this is like one of the most embarrassing thing to ask, "can you pick up my mom???" so I'm really glad that Xaldin got a huge kick out of the whole thing.
Anyway, I'm thinking I'm being a nice person because Xaldin's really laid-back and I'm sure my mom doesn't want her friends all thinking that she got in a piss-throwing contest with my dad.
So we go to pick her up, and she won't come outside to meet us, and she is like, "I am in the magazine aisle" and so I go in and Xaldin's with me and it's getting late, and she says, "Give me a second, I want to finish this sudoku puzzle."
I am so outraged. I mean, I drag my friend into this mess to save the family some embarrassment and she won't even take the favor seriously? Come on, it's not like Xaldin doesn't have anything else to do with her life.
So then I endure this conversation with them and we get home and stuff and walking up the driveway, my mom isn't apologetic or embarrassed or anything. She is smiling like she just won the lottery and going, "don't let your dad know I'm home; I want to play a prank on him."
...What the hell, mom?!
I get in and my dad's like "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN (WHY DIDN'T YOU STAY THERE?)"
And my mom's like "BOO!"
And my dad's like "AUUUGH WHY ARE YOU BACK."
...So my mom is ungrateful that she's back, my dad is ungrateful that she's back, and I had to drag Xaldin into this embarrassing mess that my parents think is like fucking normal or something.
What the ass.
If I am EVER this retarded, please tell me. Thanks guys.
And then I get a call, and I look and it's my mom, and I'm all, "mom, what the hell? Aren't you at home? Are you that lazy you can't yell at me from upstairs?"
And it turns out, she's actually still at the store. And I'm like. "Well, okay..." because dad leaves her there sometimes when she thinks she'll take like hours, so I figure maybe he came home thinking he'd pick her up later.
So I go upstairs, and I'm like "HEY DAD go pick up mom." I would've yelled from downstairs but he puts on headphones and blasts the Chinese music too loud to hear a goddamn thing when I don't take one off and yell in his ear.
So he's like, "no."
And I'm like "Well, what the shit, dad."
And then my mom's like "It's okay, I'll spend the night outdoors~"
I'm like "HELL FUCKING NO YOU AREN'T. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU." And she's like "EXTON!" (By the way, Exton is a fucking town.)
So I'm all, "....where in Exton."
She says, "The shops."
...
So I ask her which shop, so I can get one of her friends to come pick her up (because I don't drive) and she's like, "I can't stay in one store!!"
...I'm like "WHAT THE FUCK I can't call one of your friends and be like HEY HEY mom's friend can you pick up my mom I don't know where she is by the way. Probably by the mall somewhere."
So then she finally tells me she's still outside Sam's Club, and I'm like "Alright, walk to the WalMart next door; it's probably open 24/7." But no, she decides she wants to walk to the Barnes and Nobles a few blocks down that may or may not be open.
So finally, I decide to call my friend Xaldin, who happens to be my neighbor, who thankfully is home. So this is like one of the most embarrassing thing to ask, "can you pick up my mom???" so I'm really glad that Xaldin got a huge kick out of the whole thing.
Anyway, I'm thinking I'm being a nice person because Xaldin's really laid-back and I'm sure my mom doesn't want her friends all thinking that she got in a piss-throwing contest with my dad.
So we go to pick her up, and she won't come outside to meet us, and she is like, "I am in the magazine aisle" and so I go in and Xaldin's with me and it's getting late, and she says, "Give me a second, I want to finish this sudoku puzzle."
I am so outraged. I mean, I drag my friend into this mess to save the family some embarrassment and she won't even take the favor seriously? Come on, it's not like Xaldin doesn't have anything else to do with her life.
So then I endure this conversation with them and we get home and stuff and walking up the driveway, my mom isn't apologetic or embarrassed or anything. She is smiling like she just won the lottery and going, "don't let your dad know I'm home; I want to play a prank on him."
...What the hell, mom?!
I get in and my dad's like "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN (WHY DIDN'T YOU STAY THERE?)"
And my mom's like "BOO!"
And my dad's like "AUUUGH WHY ARE YOU BACK."
...So my mom is ungrateful that she's back, my dad is ungrateful that she's back, and I had to drag Xaldin into this embarrassing mess that my parents think is like fucking normal or something.
What the ass.
If I am EVER this retarded, please tell me. Thanks guys.