(no subject)
So, for anyone not already aware of this fact, I am a selfish, shitty person. Why is that, you ask? Give you an example, you ask? Why, sure!
FOR EXAMPLE, my mother fell and broke her fucking hip tonight. Am I upset about it? Hell, yes. Am I upset because she's in pain and has to have surgery, etc. etc. etc.? A little. I'm a lot more fucking upset over the fact that now I have to find a fucking daycare to take Dante immediately that I can't fucking afford. I already have my pay reduced, I'm not allowed to donate plasma because I'm nursing, and I have my first car payment looming in a few days. I was ALREADY freaking out over how to pay for everything, and now--the cheapest fucking daycare in Neenah, that already ass-raped Josh and me for $500 in the last year, costs two and half times more than what we were paying my mom.
I'm so fucking fucked now. "We'll find a way," Josh says. He's thinking of seeing if Perkins would let him cook on weekends. So he can work seven fucking days a week. I told him to look into donating plasma first, but it doesn't fucking matter.
I hate life. I hate being alive. I hate that I was ever born in the first fucking place.
ETA:
More info: My mom is scheduled for surgery at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow. Apparently it was the "best" kind of break you can have--wow, that's comforting.
On the plus side, Tammy, my sister's good friend, has offered to watch Dante for a week or two while we figure out childcare. And Cheramie, another sister's friend, is supposed to call tomorrow and let us know if her mother, who runs her own daycare, can fit Dante in. It would still be twice as much money, but cheaper than the bigger daycares.