Comments | roryevans: Elegy IV

roryevans

Elegy IV

Nov 07, 2008 17:12

Title: Elegy IV
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: Wine for brigits_flame

( Elegy IV )

community:brigits_flame, original fic, rating:pg-13, prompt

Comments 5

Edit pipisafoat November 10 2008, 03:02:56 UTC

Overall, I like this story. It's very nonspecific, and I would like to know more of what is going on and why, but I don't feel like your piece is particularly incomplete as is. The idea of it is very interesting ( ... )

Re: Edit roryevans November 12 2008, 03:23:52 UTC

Thanks for your suggestions. I completely missed the comma and changed "new found" to make it a single word. On that note, "my newfound land" is a line taken directly from John Donne's "Elegy XIX" which is also how the title "Elegy IV" came about - Luke IV in the Bible is the temptation of Jesus. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but to me it did at the time I was writing it. "Elegy XIX" is an entreaty which may or may not have been successful while the tempation of Jesus wasn't. There is ambiguity in my story (as in the poem), but it ends on a definite note (I hope). Doesn't was meant to refer back to wash, but I also see why that's not clear ( ... )

Also edit. kenderlord November 14 2008, 06:37:44 UTC

I haven't really much to offer you; Pipisafoat got most of my minor concerns. I will, however, unload a largish one on you ( ... )

(The comment has been removed)

Re: Also edit. kenderlord November 14 2008, 22:23:30 UTC

You are welcome!

I see no reason to be disheartened, though, and I certainly wouldn't label this a failure. Keep it up! You obviously have the talent, you just need to work on craft.
-D

Re: Also edit. roryevans November 14 2008, 21:46:24 UTC

I completely understand what you mean. It's not really a story at all (because I didn't know where I was going with it in the first place.) I was considering going from prose to poetry, actually but then it would still need some sort of plot or character to flesh it out. I think I need to change a lot of things about this. My first foray into original fiction was clearly not a success.

Thanks for your comment. It was really insightful.