Hear me
This has been haunting me ever since HBP - and here it is.
HP/SS
Big fat R
Hear me
please - hear me - screaming for you
It split him in two. It tore him.
A little more every new day. Every other day that he couldn’t share with the one he needed - so much.
Again and again he wept. Drying his eyes was purposeless, every tear he spilled would be followed by another.
He didn’t cry - there was only liquid slowly dropping from his eyes. There was no sound - no real emotion. All had been drained from him.
All he felt was hate - and fear.
He was just and empty body with no more feelings. All but one. Hopeless cravings.
For the one that hated him so much. He wanted nothing more but to explain.
He hated him so much - all but hate - too much hate.
Even if he got the chance, he knew he would never listen. Not to him, not to the man he had declared an enemy from day one. He wouldn’t listen to the man that he had never trusted - and he had been proven right. Even if he could explain - now he would never listen.
After so much evil - he hated so much. He hated so much it hurt him - blinding him from other feelings. He lusted for hate.
He had to force him to listen.
“Harry,” he whispered. His breathing was irregular - as was his life.
Harry opened his eyes, slowly, fully aware of possible danger. Ever since he had lost Dumbledore he had been ready to kill. He wanted to kill. The need to cut out all evil had been usurping his everything. Hate was the only feeling he could feel. Hate to kill - to kill the one that helped all evil, that let Dumbledore down, that made him hate himself. Harry growled with all the hatred in his body as he recognised the eyes of the man that had magically bound and gagged him.
“Harry,” he whispered again. Harry couldn’t respond. All he could do was sit there on that chair in that dark room - hating how Severus stood before him. Hating Snape - hating his face, his hair, his eyes, his fingers - him.
He’d already forgotten how he had been drugged and dragged away from Bill’s wedding. As if he cared. What use had purposeless love in this time of evil and hate? He couldn’t see it. His blood was boiling and rushing through his veins - screaming to get out. He wouldn’t mind.
“Harry, I need you to listen,” Severus said, almost begging. He sat down in front of the chair, on his knees so his face was close to Harry’s. Harry tried to look away, but he couldn’t.
His mouth was so close to Harry’s skin, he could feel him breathe.
“Listen,” Severus kissed. Harry felt the hatred boil and bit - kissed - fiercely back. He couldn’t breathe - he couldn’t see. All of a sudden he felt again - it was as if he was bleeding.
Severus tore away from Harry’s lips.
“I had to - to protect Draco,” he whispered. “Dumbledore knew.”
Harry didn’t listen.
“Hear me, Harry. I need you to understand,” Severus breathed hard. “Are you listening? Hear me -”
He grabbed Harry by his shoulders and shook him.
“Hear me - fuck - hear me,” he muttered. Silent tears were streaming down his cheeks.
“I’m screaming for you to see - ” Pushing his hands against Harry’s chest, he leaned into Harry’s lips again. All he could feel was how Severus was taking his pain away, surging all from his body.
Severus undid Harry’s spells - setting him free.
Harry rolled from the chair, unto the floor. He stood up, approached Severus and bashed his fists against his chest.
“Hate you - so much,” he cried. “It’s all your fault! You - you - you - ” He bit down on Severus’s lower lip, making him growl. He pressed his lips against Severus’s so hard his head his the wall. He forced his tongue into his mouth - pouring all his hatred in the other’s mouth. His hatred had given him the will to live.
Harry’s hands were slamming into Severus’s body, his tears made their kiss taste salty. The taste of hate.
Severus grabbed Harry’s hands and pinned them above his head.
“Stop,” he pleaded. “I can’t chase all the pain away - listen.”
Harry didn’t want to listen. He wanted to taste Severus - drink away the pain. He reached for Severus’s crotch - rubbing.
Severus panted heavily . He wanted to stop Harry’s touch, but couldn’t. Wouldn’t.
“Face the pain.”
“No,” Harry muttered while licking on Severus’s collarbone.
Harry had experienced enough pain and torture. He didn’t want to fight Voldemort. He didn’t want to crave the man that killed his patron - his tutor. He didn’t want so much - but it all happened. He’d found his drug - he’d never let go. He’d drown himself in it and forget. All.
“I need you to, Harry.” It had been a while since he’d heard his name. He hated it, he cursed it. If he’d only been anybody else but Harry bloody Potter.
“Everything will seperate us,” Harry said - he’d taken one step away from Severus. “I can only hate.”
Severus caressed Harry’s cheek with his hand.
“I hate you - I loved you - and you made me hate you - ”
“I told you, Harry, I had to - the vow.”
“I hate how much I love you - still,” Harry whispered.
Severus tilted Harry’s head to him with his hand and kissed him softly.
“No,” Harry groaned and kissed back hard. “I can’t breathe because of you.”
Severus hands roamed Harry’s chest - scarred skin and bruises welcomed his touch.
“Harry - ” Severus lifted Harry’s shirt,” You’re in pain.”
“You take my pain away,” Harry said to Severus’s lips - forcing them to open themselves him with his tongue. His hips pressed themselves against the other man’s body, demanding movement. Severus bucked against Harry forcefully - pressing his erection against Harry’s thighs.
Harry groaned. “Hear me, I’m crying now - I’m ready now,” he whispered, “I can’t breathe - you’re my drug.” His hands tore Severus’s pants open and pulled him.
“I need you to see I’m screaming for you - I love you,” he muttered into Severus’s ear - lips brushing his ear.
Before Severus could have stopped him - he had done it. Silently he had muttered the words. His body was shaking heavily - Severus was breaking. He couldn’t witness this. Without thinking he grabbed the shocking body from the floor and ran outside.
Please hear me -
I’m lost
Author’s Notes:
If the first paragraph didn’t make much sense - italics were only Harry’s and non-italics Severus’s (some both).
After HBP I was desperately in need of some closure - the end obviously sucked - so I wrote one myself.
My very first angsty-ish thing - I’m usually all for humor and fluff.
But Severus/Harry after HBP is not at all fluff. Sob.
+ ‘Addicted ‘ and ‘Hear me’ by Kelly Clarkson.
Click http://eneadart.narod.ru/victory.jpg - as if made for this fic. From http://eneadart.narod.ru/hp.html - totally not mine, but brilliant.
