so this whole self image shit is getting really old. im 20. girls deal with this shit their entire lives. i dont think i can handle another 60+ years. (hoping) it's a constant battle with me. literally i'm fighting myself. the only person i will ever get to be in this life is me, but for some reason we don't get along. if i don't understand ( Read more... )

why do i all of the sudden want to be with him again? he gives me butterflies. over a year we've been broken up, he still gives me butterflies. what if i never meet another man who can give me butterflies? im not talking first date excited butterflies. im talking butterflies for life. butterflies that could outlive me. butterflies so overwhelming ( Read more... )

god even livejournal's decorated for valentines day? vomit. i hate this day.

down to 115 lbs and 20.6% body fat! i think my next goal will be 110. ive been running more and going to the gym more too! this is the first year ive actually stuck with my new years resolutions. haha yes! clockwork tonight!!

ive had such a body complex lately. i feel like ive gained a million pounds and every part of my body looks huge. i hate that i get like that but all i really want is to be small. i look at my arms and they look fat. and my stomach and my legs. i like how small my wrists always look but even those look big right now. i gained two and a half pounds ( Read more... )

today i got a new tattoo! i love it! its this sweet symbol i designed with my zodiac in it. i got it on my chest. and my mom got it on her upper back. ill post pics eventually. and then i went crazy. crazier than i ever thought id go. pierced my girls. just the two upper girls. but still, pierced my girls. and unlike the common rumor, the first one ( Read more... )

i am soooo unbelievably broken out right now! what the fuck?! someone should seriously consider sticking a flag in one of my craters and calling me the mother fucking moon. i may have to hide in my fuckin room til this is done ( Read more... )

a herst. a coffin with an american flag on it. a black limozine with tinted windows. cops on motorcycles stopping cross traffic as a row of cars follow with "funeral" sticks on their windshields. you know that feeling that overcomes you when you see a funeral, or a herst. thats what i got accept about twenty times worse. i watched the herst as ( Read more... )

for some reason i want to get really skinny. i've never really wanted to be really skinny, but i have this obsession with girls who are really skinny. and i want to be a skinny girl with tattoos. like marina dias. she is so hot. ive already gotten quite a bit smaller, but i don't feel like i have ( Read more... )

i have never felt so unsafe in my own skin. today has been the most erie day. i knew from the second i woke up it would suck. just like every other day over the last two weeks. it's 12:47 which means Jon leaves today. and considering the time difference there he probably leaves in a few hours. i haven't cried about it. i'm too fucking numb to cry ( Read more... )