Luffywin Ficlet #8
Hah! Total, total crack. Probably wouldn't post this except I don't have anything else for today. I think I need a new theme. Or some prompts or something. It's kinda fun to write one every day but All Hail Luffy's Awesomeness is a bit limiting, even if it is true. =)
Post-current arc. Sanji's brain is gonna be broken enough already by where Luffy ended up anyway, right?
Sex God
"Hey, Sanji," Luffy says thoughtfully, sitting hunched and picking his toes. "Do you like sex?"
The cook's cigarette spits clear over the side of the ship.
"I-- I-- I-- WHAT?!!!"
"Ooooh, you've not done it? It's fun!"
"...The hell, Luffy?" Sanji feels the true depths of abject terror. Surely the shitty rubber idiot hasn't-- not before-- not-- "What makes you think I haven't?! And where the hell did you?!" He leaps to his feet because somewhere there are ladies the shitty walking condom has abused and they need to be avenged, right now--
--Nami walks past and he slides limply back down the wall, offering a weak smile in exchange for her querying frown, because this is one time he definitely does not want to have to explain what they're fighting about.
"What the hell did you do?" he hisses at Luffy, shivering hands struggling to light a replacement cigarette.
Luffy blinks. And picks his nose. Sanji's feet twitch. Shitty rubber... Luffy is officially dead meat. He won't even bother to boil him up for stew. The bastard would be far too chewy anyway.
"Huh," says shitty rubber slowly. "Well, they wanted me to do lotsa different stuff. 'Cause I'm a man, and they don't have those on their island, so they have to do stuff to each other. Oooooh, they showed me that, too!" He grins and snickers-- shishishishi. "There were a lot of 'em, and it was pretty tiring, but it was really really fun, and I thought -- I thought 'Sanji shoulda been here, 'cause he really likes ladies, so I bet he'd like sex' -- what's the matter, Sanji?"
There is barely time for the fear to begin to register on those wide, innocent eyes.
"SANJI-KUN, NO!" Nami's cries ring out unheard: at least until they become, in rising panic, "ZORO, ROBIN, QUI-----CK! SANJI'S KILLING LUFFY--------!"
Post-current arc. Sanji's brain is gonna be broken enough already by where Luffy ended up anyway, right?
Sex God
"Hey, Sanji," Luffy says thoughtfully, sitting hunched and picking his toes. "Do you like sex?"
The cook's cigarette spits clear over the side of the ship.
"I-- I-- I-- WHAT?!!!"
"Ooooh, you've not done it? It's fun!"
"...The hell, Luffy?" Sanji feels the true depths of abject terror. Surely the shitty rubber idiot hasn't-- not before-- not-- "What makes you think I haven't?! And where the hell did you?!" He leaps to his feet because somewhere there are ladies the shitty walking condom has abused and they need to be avenged, right now--
--Nami walks past and he slides limply back down the wall, offering a weak smile in exchange for her querying frown, because this is one time he definitely does not want to have to explain what they're fighting about.
"What the hell did you do?" he hisses at Luffy, shivering hands struggling to light a replacement cigarette.
Luffy blinks. And picks his nose. Sanji's feet twitch. Shitty rubber... Luffy is officially dead meat. He won't even bother to boil him up for stew. The bastard would be far too chewy anyway.
"Huh," says shitty rubber slowly. "Well, they wanted me to do lotsa different stuff. 'Cause I'm a man, and they don't have those on their island, so they have to do stuff to each other. Oooooh, they showed me that, too!" He grins and snickers-- shishishishi. "There were a lot of 'em, and it was pretty tiring, but it was really really fun, and I thought -- I thought 'Sanji shoulda been here, 'cause he really likes ladies, so I bet he'd like sex' -- what's the matter, Sanji?"
There is barely time for the fear to begin to register on those wide, innocent eyes.
"SANJI-KUN, NO!" Nami's cries ring out unheard: at least until they become, in rising panic, "ZORO, ROBIN, QUI-----CK! SANJI'S KILLING LUFFY--------!"