The Tale Of A Gud One - By Sam Wise Gamgee.
it was a sunny sunday morning when i awoke with a start, frodo was shaking in his sleep and had shook the bed so hard it woke me up, the poor boy. ever since he came out about his feelings for me he has been discriminated against in the most horrible of ways. a few boys from down at the river stole his clothes whilst he was skinny dipping with tom bombadil. oooooooooh that tom is so fine.
i set upon holding frodo down to stop him from shaking, i couldnt seem to do it i tried everything from singing to whispering sweet nothings in his ears.
i had to do it i climbed on top of him in the hope that my fat hobbit ass would be able to stop him from shaking. it worked, and frodo woke up slowly.
after clambering off him and making him some breakfast in bed, frodo reminded me that gandalf was coming to visit today.
gandalf comes to visit us a lot, well whenever he is not in court.
the race of men do not look kindly upon the fact that gandalf a 98 year old wizard decides to spend a lot of his time with small halflings. there have been many accusations made, but they always turn out false. i dont know why they cant just give it a rest.
but today gandalf was coming round for a special occasion, to look at frodos ring peice. gandalf has long been acclaimed to be the lord of the ring. im so jealous >_<
when we heard some fireworks going off overhead, we knew the paedophilic maniac had returned to the dire shire.
he bent over to get into bells end (frodos home) and greeted us with a very rosy smile and a few hugs.
then we got straight down to business, gandalf set upon examining frodos ring peice. frodo tried to resist screaming "its my precious, youl never take my precious" but we managed to calm him down after gandalf cast a spell on him. im not sure what the spell was but all of a sudden frodo started pulling the kind of expression that you would expect to see on someone who has just squeezed out the biggest of poos.
this left gandalf free to analise his ring. gandalf did a lot of grunting and wouldnt let me stand in the room at the time, said that i was not old enough to see what had to be done and for me to mind the garden.
but i had plans of my own, i went outside and listened in at the window, frodo and gandalf were talking about how a certain "dark lord" wanted frodos ring.
i felt somethign stroking against my hand, it was a fucking huge spider, i stifled a whimper, but obviously i didnt stifle it enough. gandalf had heard me and pulled me into the room - my time had come to find out how to examine a ring.
after a lot of calling me a pest and a fool, he explained that we needed to go on a quest to the chemist to neutralise frodos ring and stop the plans the dark lord had (the plans he had were to find frodos ring and use it to help him to return to full power.)
we set off and walked through several lovely grassy feilds, seeing frodo walking ahead, hair swaying in the wind, sun shining on his face made me realise how much i feel for him. i am his sam.
i didnt have a clue where the chemist was situated but i have been told it was in a place called mordor.
frodo seemed to know the way though, so i was able to just mooch around in the backround whilst watching frodos bum cheeks wobble as he walked ahead, much nicer than any sight i had ever seen in my life in the shire.
oh yea i forgot to mention, merry and pippin joined us along the way. but as far as i was concerned, it was me and frodo - together forever.
we all marched towards mordor, where we attracted such companions as - gimli the dwarf, legless the elf, aragorn, boromir and gandalf decided to come along (i kept a close eye on him, he seemed consistant in asking frodo how he felt about his ring, that should be my job, i am very envious of gandalf.
we climbed lots of mountains and walked through lots of beutifull feilds. once again frodo was the centre of my attention, i just want him to say it to me before i say it to him. just 3 words dammit.
we decided to stop for a while and catch our breath. i decided i had to tell frodo how i was really feeling, i couldnt survive like this for much longer, all of the other 'fellowship' (thats the queer name we have given each other) know of my feelings for him. he must be either blind - or worse, pushing his feelings for me behind him, if this was so, i would be deeply gutted.
but when we had stopped, i turned round to see where frodo had gotten to and he had walked off with boromir!! first gandalf and now boromir. i couldnt take this anymore, i had to stop them before boromir ended up being tempted by frodos ring.
but wait, before any of the fellowship knew what was happening boromir was blowing something - his horn! the horn of gondor, boromir was in trouble.......FRODO WAS IN TROUBLE i had to find him, i just had to.
the rest of the fellowship ran off into the woods, i caught glimpses of them being met by hundreds of orcs, i had to find frodo before they did, i knew that they were only after one thing - frodos ring.
merry and pippin realised i had gone, they followed me into the woods, they tried to come with me. i coudlnt have this, after pulling my im a fat defencless lonely hobbit face. they decided they would create a diversion and let me escape with frodo. they both know how much i love frodo, and as merry and pippin (i suspect they are also in love, but do not make it so clear.) are cool guys, they know i had to do what i had to do.
i managed to sight frodo running towards a river, he was going to sail off! without me!!!
noooooooo i had to swim out and climb into his boat with him, after wading out halfway into the river, i remembered that you are not supposed to go swimming on a full stomach. i had just eaten 45 loaves of lembas bread, i was sinking as a result of it. if frodo truly loved me he would surely save me.
but i started to sink the last things i heard were frodos cries of fuck off back to shore sam. go back you cant swim you fat bastard.
it broke my heart, i didnt want to struggle anymore, i gave in and sank.
everything was black.
that was when i felt it, the soft moist juicy lips. they could only belong to one person. frodo.
i opened my eyes, and it was frodo. his ring was hanging out in front of me, i could have taken it right there and then, but i resisted, i didnt want to rush into anythign serious with frodo. he agreed to take me with him we were going to mordor........by ourselves. i couldnt have asked for more, i managed to swing it so that it was just me and frodo all the way again. i was once again 'his sam'
the fellowship had split and we all went our seperate ways. me and frodo were off the the chemist to sort out his ring once and for all.
that is the end of the first part (out of three) of my story.
by Sam Wise Gamgee.
be warned, this is quite a long story/entry. written by me. tolkien has blatantly got some competition.
i set upon holding frodo down to stop him from shaking, i couldnt seem to do it i tried everything from singing to whispering sweet nothings in his ears.
i had to do it i climbed on top of him in the hope that my fat hobbit ass would be able to stop him from shaking. it worked, and frodo woke up slowly.
after clambering off him and making him some breakfast in bed, frodo reminded me that gandalf was coming to visit today.
gandalf comes to visit us a lot, well whenever he is not in court.
the race of men do not look kindly upon the fact that gandalf a 98 year old wizard decides to spend a lot of his time with small halflings. there have been many accusations made, but they always turn out false. i dont know why they cant just give it a rest.
but today gandalf was coming round for a special occasion, to look at frodos ring peice. gandalf has long been acclaimed to be the lord of the ring. im so jealous >_<
when we heard some fireworks going off overhead, we knew the paedophilic maniac had returned to the dire shire.
he bent over to get into bells end (frodos home) and greeted us with a very rosy smile and a few hugs.
then we got straight down to business, gandalf set upon examining frodos ring peice. frodo tried to resist screaming "its my precious, youl never take my precious" but we managed to calm him down after gandalf cast a spell on him. im not sure what the spell was but all of a sudden frodo started pulling the kind of expression that you would expect to see on someone who has just squeezed out the biggest of poos.
this left gandalf free to analise his ring. gandalf did a lot of grunting and wouldnt let me stand in the room at the time, said that i was not old enough to see what had to be done and for me to mind the garden.
but i had plans of my own, i went outside and listened in at the window, frodo and gandalf were talking about how a certain "dark lord" wanted frodos ring.
i felt somethign stroking against my hand, it was a fucking huge spider, i stifled a whimper, but obviously i didnt stifle it enough. gandalf had heard me and pulled me into the room - my time had come to find out how to examine a ring.
after a lot of calling me a pest and a fool, he explained that we needed to go on a quest to the chemist to neutralise frodos ring and stop the plans the dark lord had (the plans he had were to find frodos ring and use it to help him to return to full power.)
we set off and walked through several lovely grassy feilds, seeing frodo walking ahead, hair swaying in the wind, sun shining on his face made me realise how much i feel for him. i am his sam.
i didnt have a clue where the chemist was situated but i have been told it was in a place called mordor.
frodo seemed to know the way though, so i was able to just mooch around in the backround whilst watching frodos bum cheeks wobble as he walked ahead, much nicer than any sight i had ever seen in my life in the shire.
oh yea i forgot to mention, merry and pippin joined us along the way. but as far as i was concerned, it was me and frodo - together forever.
we all marched towards mordor, where we attracted such companions as - gimli the dwarf, legless the elf, aragorn, boromir and gandalf decided to come along (i kept a close eye on him, he seemed consistant in asking frodo how he felt about his ring, that should be my job, i am very envious of gandalf.
we climbed lots of mountains and walked through lots of beutifull feilds. once again frodo was the centre of my attention, i just want him to say it to me before i say it to him. just 3 words dammit.
we decided to stop for a while and catch our breath. i decided i had to tell frodo how i was really feeling, i couldnt survive like this for much longer, all of the other 'fellowship' (thats the queer name we have given each other) know of my feelings for him. he must be either blind - or worse, pushing his feelings for me behind him, if this was so, i would be deeply gutted.
but when we had stopped, i turned round to see where frodo had gotten to and he had walked off with boromir!! first gandalf and now boromir. i couldnt take this anymore, i had to stop them before boromir ended up being tempted by frodos ring.
but wait, before any of the fellowship knew what was happening boromir was blowing something - his horn! the horn of gondor, boromir was in trouble.......FRODO WAS IN TROUBLE i had to find him, i just had to.
the rest of the fellowship ran off into the woods, i caught glimpses of them being met by hundreds of orcs, i had to find frodo before they did, i knew that they were only after one thing - frodos ring.
merry and pippin realised i had gone, they followed me into the woods, they tried to come with me. i coudlnt have this, after pulling my im a fat defencless lonely hobbit face. they decided they would create a diversion and let me escape with frodo. they both know how much i love frodo, and as merry and pippin (i suspect they are also in love, but do not make it so clear.) are cool guys, they know i had to do what i had to do.
i managed to sight frodo running towards a river, he was going to sail off! without me!!!
noooooooo i had to swim out and climb into his boat with him, after wading out halfway into the river, i remembered that you are not supposed to go swimming on a full stomach. i had just eaten 45 loaves of lembas bread, i was sinking as a result of it. if frodo truly loved me he would surely save me.
but i started to sink the last things i heard were frodos cries of fuck off back to shore sam. go back you cant swim you fat bastard.
it broke my heart, i didnt want to struggle anymore, i gave in and sank.
everything was black.
that was when i felt it, the soft moist juicy lips. they could only belong to one person. frodo.
i opened my eyes, and it was frodo. his ring was hanging out in front of me, i could have taken it right there and then, but i resisted, i didnt want to rush into anythign serious with frodo. he agreed to take me with him we were going to mordor........by ourselves. i couldnt have asked for more, i managed to swing it so that it was just me and frodo all the way again. i was once again 'his sam'
the fellowship had split and we all went our seperate ways. me and frodo were off the the chemist to sort out his ring once and for all.
that is the end of the first part (out of three) of my story.
by Sam Wise Gamgee.
be warned, this is quite a long story/entry. written by me. tolkien has blatantly got some competition.