sick, sad, almost the new year
I feel really sick tonight and because of that also sorry for myself. I wasn't paying attention to what and when I was eating yesterday and so for the past hours I've been paying for that with my stomach refusing to move any food the right way. The fact that something like this will now make this week harder is just one of the things for which I'm feeling sorry about. I already have been feeling weak and so the last thing I need is to not be able to eat much the next few days. Oh, to be someone or thing else... but then everyone has to deal with something, I guess. I just can't seem to get used to any of this.
This year has been one of the worst I've ever had, but I've been resistant to the next coming year for months now. Time just doesn't slow down though, not on my behalf. The date doesn't mean much, it is what comes and goes somewhere inside and around it that does. I'm just not ready. I'll never be ready, but for now I keep waiting for myself to be and I'm struggling.
There is a sentence I keep trying to put together about scratching/grabbing/fumbling/something! about at invisible stuff, time or the moments that are slipping out of my reach too fast. I still can't do it, but it is something like that that just is making these last (especially because of the holidays) days of the year so uncomfortable.
Ugh, nothing is coming out right! That and my head is hurting and I still feel nauseous. I don't know why I keep staying up but I've had enough of it tonight.
This year has been one of the worst I've ever had, but I've been resistant to the next coming year for months now. Time just doesn't slow down though, not on my behalf. The date doesn't mean much, it is what comes and goes somewhere inside and around it that does. I'm just not ready. I'll never be ready, but for now I keep waiting for myself to be and I'm struggling.
There is a sentence I keep trying to put together about scratching/grabbing/fumbling/something! about at invisible stuff, time or the moments that are slipping out of my reach too fast. I still can't do it, but it is something like that that just is making these last (especially because of the holidays) days of the year so uncomfortable.
Ugh, nothing is coming out right! That and my head is hurting and I still feel nauseous. I don't know why I keep staying up but I've had enough of it tonight.