Last weekend, in a considerable break from Ewan tradition, I went on a date. Whilst for many such events may be considered common or perhaps desirable, I tend to shy away from the unpleasant formality, relying instead on drunken snogging, accidental hand-holding and in severe cases, rohypnol1. I have, to my count, been on one previous date which ( Read more... )

Over the weekend I found an old envelope file which had been kindly labelled by two different people. It said simply:

Ewan's Folder
Than a not very fold person

The writing I believe belongs to none other than doughnutdiary and Mr H Campbell.

This weekend saw the annual doughtnutdiary and Ewan Fringe Foray1. The basic premise is simple: doughnutdiary and I converge on Edinburgh, stay in a Youth Hostel, watch some shows and avoid having sex with each other. This year we were somewhat thrown by the lack of the Gonzos2 and martylog and so it was that I stepped in to organise young doughnutdiary to within an inch of her life, lest a free ( Read more... )

I have spent much of the last week in deepest Warwickshire doing all manner of bizarre things in the name of training. I mention this only as a means to set the scene and to explain my presence in Royal Leamington Spa, where our story begins1.

In fact it is not really a story per se more a discussion of my genius moneymaking idea. However, since I ( Read more... )

It has been some time since I have ventured onto the ol' LJ. Steel, it transpires, does not readily provide a wealth of stories of interest and intrigue to the greater populace. In addition, I must confess, I spend most of my time on f*ceb*ok. But I am still alive, in fact you can rest assured that were I to die I would make it my first priority to ( Read more... )

"So what's his name then?" asked my colleague pointing to our drinking companion who I had been introduced to earlier in the evening and with whom we'd spent the previous few hours, had dinner and generally chatted away with. An embarrassing silence ensued "I don't know and you're a c*nt", I mumbled. This moment accurately reflects the ( Read more... )

Those of you who are familiar with some of my eccentricities will be aware that I carry around with me in my wallet a credit-card sized copy of the periodic table. I have always considered this to be an essential piece of kit for just the sort of eventualities which may crop up in the life of a modern-day scientist ( Read more... )

Today I started work at 9am and finished at 10.30am. The reason for this abhorrent work-shy attitude was that I currently work under a Time Of In Lieu (or TOIL) system1 and yesterday evening between about 7pm and 1.30am I was collecting slags ( Read more... )

I have long been of the opinion that I tie my ties like a cack-handed spazz. As nobody wants to display their cack-handed spazzness in such a visible area as the collar, I felt that it was finally time to grab my tie by its extremities and knot it like the erudite and sophisticated person I pretend to be ( Read more... )

Have I been so busy that I haven't had time to update? Well, no, not exactly. Though I have, since the last post, moved into a house, done lots of work, got broadband in the aforementioned house, joined the local library, had my parents down to visit, bought and built furniture, bought a bike, contacted trading standards, bought another bike, went ( Read more... )