Hospital Story

[rovingseaturtle]

This that short short short story I wrote about a while back. I submitted it to a place, but it got rejected. It needs improvement. It's kind of depressing. Tell me what you think

Comments

[jennielovesall]

i like the story. i like the images that it elicits in my mind. the light seems really important. this is the longest story i've read by you

[rovingseaturtle]

Hmm... yes. I'll have to look at that run on sentence. I tend to write these things in a rush, and ideas get jumbled together pretty easily. Plus typos galore

The man's race isn't important at all, really. I think I know why I put it in there, but it's not nescessary.

These are good thoughts, thanks

[peshekee]

hi, I'll read this again when i get home - right now i am tired and have a foggy drive ahead of me. but i liked what you had going with the first version - so

jennifer has some good points -