Bella Swan, gold digger
I'm back to reading New Moon! ...Hooray?
So, yes, Edward is beautiful and perfect and godlike and blahblahblah, but wait, he's rich, too!:
I'd never had much money, and that had never bothered me. Renee had raised me on a kindergarten teacher's salary. Charlie wasn't getting rich at his job, either -- he was the police chief here in the tiny town of Forks. My only personal income came from the three days a week I worked at the local sporting goods store. (13)
Bitch, please. If you've never been "bothered" by not having money, then it's a pretty safe bet that you've never not had money. According to internet statistics for Washington teachers, Renee probably earned somewhere around $40K. Charlie, on the other hand, is probably making over $50K as a small town chief of police in the Pacific Northwest, and appears to be the least-conspicuous consumer possible, anyway, so it's not like he's burning through all of that. Renee, by the way, is currently involved with a semi-professional athlete (and... no mention of her continuing at any job, now that I think of it), so I suspect she's doing okay financially. All of Bella's family is apparently in perfect health (apart from clumsiness-induced ER visits - but I bet Charlie has good insurance with the police force), with no signs of burdensome (or indeed any) debt. Oh, and Bella is gainfully employed herself. In other words, YOU COULD NOT BE MIDDLER CLASS IF YOU TRIED, BELLA. The only financial burdens she herself bears are (presumably) gasoline, and her own personal entertainment. (Although we have yet to see her pay for gas, now that I think of it... it's quite possible Charlie takes care of that.) No rent for her to worry about, no car payments, no medical bills. Girl does not know financial emo. Let's not even get into the fact that her family's close friends live on a reservation where everyone is pointedly worse-off financially than the white characters. What weird dimension is she living in where she thinks of herself as anything other than economically comfortable??
Edward had a lot of money -- I didn't even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. (13)
Oh, right. Edward keeps whining about how Bella won't let him buy her luxury cars and grand pianos and college educations with his bottomless pit of wealth. That explains a lot. So not only is Meyer pushing insanely unrealistic ideals of boyfriends and their masculinity (sparkles + rocks = MANLY!), she's also pushing outrageously conspicuous consumption, and the pursuit of men who can help their girlfriends attain it. Oh, and beeteedubs:
College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human... (13)
Wait, so, if you're immortal... you don't need higher education? Or the jobs that higher education results in? Is she just gonna mooch off the Cullens and their Martha-Stewart-esque financial schemes for all eternity? I am confused about the logistics here.
Blah blah she hates when Edward spends money on her blah... But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with? He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance. (um, still on page 13)
Bella, GET SOME SELF-RESPECT. You know what kind of boys don't find a woman's self-respect sexy? THE MANIPULATIVE, ABUSIVE BASTARD KIND. I know she's a teenage girl, and that's a rough thing to be, but must Meyer constantly bash her self-image? Or am I misinformed, and the point of young adult fiction is actually authorial sadism? (One positive note: Bella recognizes that their relationship is imbalanced! I'm going to be generous and say that her wish to be a vampire is all about restoring (uh, creating out of thin air) that balance. Not about preventing wrinkles. Sigh.)
And should we be starting a New Moon drinking game? Because here's a glug:
School ended, and Edward walked me to my truck as he usually did. But this time he held the passenger door open for me. Alice must have been taking his car home so that he could keep me from making a run for it. (14)
Hmm, but which category does that count as? "Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive"? "Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with"? "[Has ever] Forced you to leave your home"? So many choices!
Somehow in all this low-key kidnapping, Bella gets turned on (WTF??) and starts kissing Edward too "enthusiastically." But no!:
Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth [Um, Meyer's abstinence metaphor gets pretty creepy if you take it too literally. Er, she's talking about his teeth! Yes. Totally teeth.], I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.
"Be good, please," he breathed against my cheek. He pressed his lips gently to mine one more time and then pulled away, folding my arms across my stomach. (16)
Sexy, sexy paternalism! (John Green has things to say about Edward's creepy pedophile angle, as well[1].)
Later, Bella and Edward are watching Romeo and Juliet, and Edward is all, "Woez, I wish I could find an easy way to commit suicide in case you ever leave me! Curse my indestructibility!" Which, first of all, is very messed up, but secondly... MEYER'S VAMPIRES ARE THE ONLY VAMPIRES IN THE WORLD TO EVER HAVE THIS PROBLEM. Real vampires have a plethora of choices! Stakes! Daylight! Decapitation! Just to name the favorites! (For a full compendium, cf. Buffy.) Edward only has this problem because of Meyer's ridiculously constructed universe.
To be fair, I do agree with Edward (GASP) on one point: Romeo and Juliet is a bit dumb:
"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo. [...] first of all, he's in love with Rosaline -- don't you think that makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?" (17)
!!!!
*
So that gets us through... another four pages. This could take a while. But I'm reading much faster than I can type - I'm over halfway through. Coming soon: Team Jacob! Teen boy EXPLOSIONS! And ME DEFENDING STEPHENIE MEYER WTF??
*
Current YouTube Wonder: More gold diggers! With added bowdlerization! And awkward whiteness! I'd forgotten just how shockingly fabulous Kurt's wardrobe can be. Plus points for withering stares and getting addressed by a teacher as "girl" and implored to "get down."
[1] Quote: "You almost get the feeling from reading the books that, like, a woman can't be whole until she has a strong, independent man in her life to take care of her! When of course the fact is that a woman needs a strong man to take care of her like a fish needs a bicycle. I mean, just ask [my wife]:
"Do you need a man who can benchpress your body weight in order to feel whole?"'
"Obviously not."
Aww. And yet I still disagree with John's stance on the series. Alas.
So, yes, Edward is beautiful and perfect and godlike and blahblahblah, but wait, he's rich, too!:
I'd never had much money, and that had never bothered me. Renee had raised me on a kindergarten teacher's salary. Charlie wasn't getting rich at his job, either -- he was the police chief here in the tiny town of Forks. My only personal income came from the three days a week I worked at the local sporting goods store. (13)
Bitch, please. If you've never been "bothered" by not having money, then it's a pretty safe bet that you've never not had money. According to internet statistics for Washington teachers, Renee probably earned somewhere around $40K. Charlie, on the other hand, is probably making over $50K as a small town chief of police in the Pacific Northwest, and appears to be the least-conspicuous consumer possible, anyway, so it's not like he's burning through all of that. Renee, by the way, is currently involved with a semi-professional athlete (and... no mention of her continuing at any job, now that I think of it), so I suspect she's doing okay financially. All of Bella's family is apparently in perfect health (apart from clumsiness-induced ER visits - but I bet Charlie has good insurance with the police force), with no signs of burdensome (or indeed any) debt. Oh, and Bella is gainfully employed herself. In other words, YOU COULD NOT BE MIDDLER CLASS IF YOU TRIED, BELLA. The only financial burdens she herself bears are (presumably) gasoline, and her own personal entertainment. (Although we have yet to see her pay for gas, now that I think of it... it's quite possible Charlie takes care of that.) No rent for her to worry about, no car payments, no medical bills. Girl does not know financial emo. Let's not even get into the fact that her family's close friends live on a reservation where everyone is pointedly worse-off financially than the white characters. What weird dimension is she living in where she thinks of herself as anything other than economically comfortable??
Edward had a lot of money -- I didn't even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. (13)
Oh, right. Edward keeps whining about how Bella won't let him buy her luxury cars and grand pianos and college educations with his bottomless pit of wealth. That explains a lot. So not only is Meyer pushing insanely unrealistic ideals of boyfriends and their masculinity (sparkles + rocks = MANLY!), she's also pushing outrageously conspicuous consumption, and the pursuit of men who can help their girlfriends attain it. Oh, and beeteedubs:
College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human... (13)
Wait, so, if you're immortal... you don't need higher education? Or the jobs that higher education results in? Is she just gonna mooch off the Cullens and their Martha-Stewart-esque financial schemes for all eternity? I am confused about the logistics here.
Blah blah she hates when Edward spends money on her blah... But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with? He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance. (um, still on page 13)
Bella, GET SOME SELF-RESPECT. You know what kind of boys don't find a woman's self-respect sexy? THE MANIPULATIVE, ABUSIVE BASTARD KIND. I know she's a teenage girl, and that's a rough thing to be, but must Meyer constantly bash her self-image? Or am I misinformed, and the point of young adult fiction is actually authorial sadism? (One positive note: Bella recognizes that their relationship is imbalanced! I'm going to be generous and say that her wish to be a vampire is all about restoring (uh, creating out of thin air) that balance. Not about preventing wrinkles. Sigh.)
And should we be starting a New Moon drinking game? Because here's a glug:
School ended, and Edward walked me to my truck as he usually did. But this time he held the passenger door open for me. Alice must have been taking his car home so that he could keep me from making a run for it. (14)
Hmm, but which category does that count as? "Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive"? "Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with"? "[Has ever] Forced you to leave your home"? So many choices!
Somehow in all this low-key kidnapping, Bella gets turned on (WTF??) and starts kissing Edward too "enthusiastically." But no!:
Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth [Um, Meyer's abstinence metaphor gets pretty creepy if you take it too literally. Er, she's talking about his teeth! Yes. Totally teeth.], I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.
"Be good, please," he breathed against my cheek. He pressed his lips gently to mine one more time and then pulled away, folding my arms across my stomach. (16)
Sexy, sexy paternalism! (John Green has things to say about Edward's creepy pedophile angle, as well[1].)
Later, Bella and Edward are watching Romeo and Juliet, and Edward is all, "Woez, I wish I could find an easy way to commit suicide in case you ever leave me! Curse my indestructibility!" Which, first of all, is very messed up, but secondly... MEYER'S VAMPIRES ARE THE ONLY VAMPIRES IN THE WORLD TO EVER HAVE THIS PROBLEM. Real vampires have a plethora of choices! Stakes! Daylight! Decapitation! Just to name the favorites! (For a full compendium, cf. Buffy.) Edward only has this problem because of Meyer's ridiculously constructed universe.
To be fair, I do agree with Edward (GASP) on one point: Romeo and Juliet is a bit dumb:
"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo. [...] first of all, he's in love with Rosaline -- don't you think that makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?" (17)
!!!!
*
So that gets us through... another four pages. This could take a while. But I'm reading much faster than I can type - I'm over halfway through. Coming soon: Team Jacob! Teen boy EXPLOSIONS! And ME DEFENDING STEPHENIE MEYER WTF??
*
Current YouTube Wonder: More gold diggers! With added bowdlerization! And awkward whiteness! I'd forgotten just how shockingly fabulous Kurt's wardrobe can be. Plus points for withering stares and getting addressed by a teacher as "girl" and implored to "get down."
[1] Quote: "You almost get the feeling from reading the books that, like, a woman can't be whole until she has a strong, independent man in her life to take care of her! When of course the fact is that a woman needs a strong man to take care of her like a fish needs a bicycle. I mean, just ask [my wife]:
"Do you need a man who can benchpress your body weight in order to feel whole?"'
"Obviously not."
Aww. And yet I still disagree with John's stance on the series. Alas.