Last paragraph is at least better in that it talks about the school. I wouldn't say fantastic, as it just has that "I'm trying to find the best word ever" feel. The last sentence..iono. Something about it just doesn't hit me well. The part after the dash is just...too random and not pointful.
Also, the "now in highschool" could use rewording, I think. They know you're in highschool--the point is to hit the bit about contintuity and advancement to more serious projects, and I think the beginning of the sentence is very abrupt and detracts from that. Maybe "I've continued to pursue my interest in high school ...".
Comments 2
Also, the "now in highschool" could use rewording, I think. They know you're in highschool--the point is to hit the bit about contintuity and advancement to more serious projects, and I think the beginning of the sentence is very abrupt and detracts from that. Maybe "I've continued to pursue my interest in high school ...".
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment