Rant
Not related to sims at all, feel free to skip over (or read and commiserate with me haha)
My roommate is so awful! He's one of my boyfriend's best friends and we let him move in with us about 4 months ago, after bf and I had already been living together alone for ~8 months. The issues started pretty much immediately, but I was trying not to rock the boat and felt like I had to suck it up since I'd agreed to this and everything.
There was this whole sob story about how he needed to get away from his mom and from all his friends back home who are lazy, unmotivated, and going nowhere in life. He said bf and I are so motivated and driven (bf works full-time, I go to school full-time and work part-time) and he wanted to start surrounding himself with people like that so that he could start to be more successful, like us (aww thanks! flattery apparently works super well on both of us). My boyfriend recommended him for a job at the same place where bf works, and they started the hiring process.
Only problem was for whatever reason it took them forever to hire him. He got the hiring process started in early February and I think it took them a month before he was actually hired, trained, and getting hours. "Aw it's not his fault, it's just the company being slow!" He had spent all the money he had renting a moving truck to drive himself out here (a 16-hour drive I believe). "Well, we'll just pay his portion of rent and bills for February, he doesn't have the money and once he starts working he'll be expected to pay."
Now, I pay for my living expenses with money that comes from the savings account my parents created for me for college. So I was pissed that my college money was going towards this bum living in my home. "But we're helping him out, we're helping him get started, it's temporary."
Question: If you had a couple of friends, who had been together for five years and were basically just starting their own life together as adults, and they generously allowed you to move into their spare room to help you get started in life too, and then you didn't have a job and weren't contributing to bills -- how do you think you would handle that? I know what I would do. I'd do all the housework, I'd make damn sure I wasn't a burden to the extent I possibly could. I would recognize that by living there and not paying for anything, I would already be a burden, so I'd try to compensate for that and show how grateful and appreciative I was by going above and beyond the expected household duties or whatever. I would recognize that I have hours and hours of free time while my roommates are out of the house for 8-10 hours a day doing their JOBS, so I would make it my job to keep the house immaculate. I would certainly not do what he did, which was:
Plus, it didn't help at all that he and my boyfriend are like best friends, so they'd hang out together all the time when bf wasn't at work, playing Xbox or watching videos or doing whatever else that are their common interests that I don't have hardly anything to do with. (Yeah I play games too, but not any of the games they play together.) They'd get drunk together and play Xbox late into the night, and I'd have to go to bed early for school the next morning. I don't drink very much at all anyway so I really felt left out a lot of the time. It's so not fun being around drunk, rowdy boys shouting at their TVs while I just sit there trying to do homework and not feeling included at all. I was totally the third wheel and it really felt awful.
So roommate finally started working, getting paid and paying bills, and he finally wasn't just in the apartment 24/7 never doing jack shit. "Maybe it'll get better now!" He was going to be working afternoon to about 9:30 pm, while my bf always gets home between 5 and 6, so we were finally going to have some time alone without roommate around. Great! I also finally started feeling comfortable basically saying bad things to my boyfriend about roommate, bf's best friend, which was really hard for me and the reason I hadn't brought up my issues before. From my point of view it looked like bf was having an awesome time living with his best friend, so I felt bad voicing my concerns. But when I did it helped so much, I found out my bf was really struggling with it too but was coping with that by basically treating it like a marathon hang-out session instead of confronting his negative feelings about it. I felt so happy to have my boyfriend on my side and we started doing little things like going out together without roommate (before we'd always brought him along, because he has no friends in our town and no car or any way to get anywhere, and we felt bad "abandoning" him.) We also started actively asking him to do things around the house more. I was mad because I didn't want to have to be the 'mom' and tell this guy when to do things (he should just notice they need to be done and then just do them!) but it was better than the previous setup where I had just been silently doing everything for him and resenting him heavily. We made a pact not to let the dishes pile up so much and not to leave them lying around after use. Bf really, really stepped up and I appreciated it a lot. I no longer felt like the third wheel so much.
We were kind of hoping that we could just talk about it between the two of us and not have a big confrontation with roommate. "Maybe if he sees how often we are asking him to do things, he will realize just how much has to be done and he will start doing it independently!" Yeah, that didn't happen at all. I was starting to feel very disrespected by roommate.
THEN, his job situation turned to shit. A bunch of things came to light about how shitty he was at his job, how he didn't try at all, took longer breaks than he was supposed to, lied about having done his trainings online, etc. Boyfriend was so mad because he'd put his reputation on the line to get roommate this job -- essentially he had used the strength of his word to say "yes, Roommate will do a good job" and now roommate was shitting all over that and making bf look bad as well as himself! Talk about fucking ungrateful for all the shit we've done for him. On top of everything else this just made me so angry. Bf is a seriously upstanding person who has the respect of everyone, including all of his superiors, at his job. He works really hard and he's been there a long time and developed great relationships with everyone. Roommate worked there for like two months and nearly destroyed it. So finally roommate was going to get written up for all of this shit. He knew it, too, so he called in saying he had the stomach flu and took my boyfriend's car and drove to a city an hour away to visit his girlfriend instead. (He had asked bf's permission to use the car, but under the assumption that he'd take it after work, which was about 9 hours later than when he left with the car.) He was gone the whole weekend, forcing me to drive boyfriend around everywhere the whole weekend, including Sunday morning which is literally the only day of the week that I get to sleep past 8 a.m. But bf had to be at work at 9 so I was up at 8:30 to drive him, because this ungrateful shithead of a roommate of ours had taken the other car.
I have another whole story about roommate's girlfriend--she'd be here for days at a time, to the point where it practically felt like she was living with us half of the week; and THEN, she came up one night as she was coming down with the stomach flu, and ended up basically camped out in our bathroom vomiting that whole evening/night. That's bad enough, but there's also the fact that I have a serious phobia of vomit, I mean panic-attack-inducing fear about it, so I was fucking miserable. Thankfully my amazing boyfriend cleaned the whole apartment for me with Clorox while I was at school the next day, he's wonderful.
God this is a long post. BUT THERE'S MORE!
So the continuation of that whole work situation was that my boyfriend refused to lie for roommate that he "had the stomach flu," and he told roommate's boss exactly where he actually was. Roommate was basically going to get fired, so boyfriend encouraged him to quit before that happened.
So now, 2 and a half, maybe 3 months after getting here, he'd lost the job that boyfriend got for him, he's still not doing his share of housework, and he's basically slowly destroying his relationship with both boyfriend and myself. Boyfriend had a huge talk with him apparently (I was at school) and to me it essentially sounded like a father lecturing a stupid teenaged son about personal responsibility and working hard at your job and shit. So stupid that we have to parent this guy! They touched on the housework thing too so I was really hopeful that it would get better.
It really hasn't. We've tried a lot of things. One day boyfriend asked roommate to clean up the apartment while bf was at work (it was a Sunday, my one day off!). Roommate totally didn't, so while he was out somewhere with his girlfriend who was visiting, I just cleaned the whole place. Vacuumed and everything. I was just sick of how messy it was! When bf got home I told him the situation, and then when he saw roommate next he said brightly, "Wow, thanks for cleaning the apartment! It looks so great!" And roommate was just like, o.o uhhh... It was priceless actually haha.
TODAY though is the fucking last straw for me, which I keep saying "This is the last straw!!" so I don't know how meaningful that is anymore but anyway. Today is June 1, which means rent is due. Roommate has known that rent is due on the first of the month the whole time he's been here. It's not a surprise. It's also the exact same amount of money each month. It's not a surprise. But yesterday, when I asked bf and roommate to give me their contributions (because rent comes out of my bank account automatically, so I like to get the money from them the day before when possible so that I'm never in the red) roommate, kind of to himself, says "oh let me go see if I have cash, I don't think I have that amount in my bank account." WHAT THE FUCK. On top of EVERYTHING else, now he can't fucking pay rent. Because he fucking got himself fired from the job that my boyfriend got for him. GOD I'm so mad about this! So now bf and I are going to have to eat the cost, which amounts to $175 extra for each of us. Just because we have the ability to pay for that though does not fucking mean that we should. I could put that $175 towards something else -- or even towards living here WITHOUT this asshole! It would be worth it to pay that much more per month not to have a roommate. Fuck, I'm so angry and I feel so taken advantage of and disrespected. WHAT THE FUCK
My roommate is so awful! He's one of my boyfriend's best friends and we let him move in with us about 4 months ago, after bf and I had already been living together alone for ~8 months. The issues started pretty much immediately, but I was trying not to rock the boat and felt like I had to suck it up since I'd agreed to this and everything.
There was this whole sob story about how he needed to get away from his mom and from all his friends back home who are lazy, unmotivated, and going nowhere in life. He said bf and I are so motivated and driven (bf works full-time, I go to school full-time and work part-time) and he wanted to start surrounding himself with people like that so that he could start to be more successful, like us (aww thanks! flattery apparently works super well on both of us). My boyfriend recommended him for a job at the same place where bf works, and they started the hiring process.
Only problem was for whatever reason it took them forever to hire him. He got the hiring process started in early February and I think it took them a month before he was actually hired, trained, and getting hours. "Aw it's not his fault, it's just the company being slow!" He had spent all the money he had renting a moving truck to drive himself out here (a 16-hour drive I believe). "Well, we'll just pay his portion of rent and bills for February, he doesn't have the money and once he starts working he'll be expected to pay."
Now, I pay for my living expenses with money that comes from the savings account my parents created for me for college. So I was pissed that my college money was going towards this bum living in my home. "But we're helping him out, we're helping him get started, it's temporary."
Question: If you had a couple of friends, who had been together for five years and were basically just starting their own life together as adults, and they generously allowed you to move into their spare room to help you get started in life too, and then you didn't have a job and weren't contributing to bills -- how do you think you would handle that? I know what I would do. I'd do all the housework, I'd make damn sure I wasn't a burden to the extent I possibly could. I would recognize that by living there and not paying for anything, I would already be a burden, so I'd try to compensate for that and show how grateful and appreciative I was by going above and beyond the expected household duties or whatever. I would recognize that I have hours and hours of free time while my roommates are out of the house for 8-10 hours a day doing their JOBS, so I would make it my job to keep the house immaculate. I would certainly not do what he did, which was:
- not do any housework, not even his own share
- leave his used dishes on the table and around the living room for DAYS (or until I caved and cleaned up after him)
- spend all day on the internet that bf and I are paying for without his help, using the Netflix account that MY PARENTS are paying for
- never ever clean anything, not the toilet or the countertops or any of the sinks; not load the dishwasher or put away clean dishes; never straighten up or take out the trash or ANYTHING unless specifically asked.
Plus, it didn't help at all that he and my boyfriend are like best friends, so they'd hang out together all the time when bf wasn't at work, playing Xbox or watching videos or doing whatever else that are their common interests that I don't have hardly anything to do with. (Yeah I play games too, but not any of the games they play together.) They'd get drunk together and play Xbox late into the night, and I'd have to go to bed early for school the next morning. I don't drink very much at all anyway so I really felt left out a lot of the time. It's so not fun being around drunk, rowdy boys shouting at their TVs while I just sit there trying to do homework and not feeling included at all. I was totally the third wheel and it really felt awful.
So roommate finally started working, getting paid and paying bills, and he finally wasn't just in the apartment 24/7 never doing jack shit. "Maybe it'll get better now!" He was going to be working afternoon to about 9:30 pm, while my bf always gets home between 5 and 6, so we were finally going to have some time alone without roommate around. Great! I also finally started feeling comfortable basically saying bad things to my boyfriend about roommate, bf's best friend, which was really hard for me and the reason I hadn't brought up my issues before. From my point of view it looked like bf was having an awesome time living with his best friend, so I felt bad voicing my concerns. But when I did it helped so much, I found out my bf was really struggling with it too but was coping with that by basically treating it like a marathon hang-out session instead of confronting his negative feelings about it. I felt so happy to have my boyfriend on my side and we started doing little things like going out together without roommate (before we'd always brought him along, because he has no friends in our town and no car or any way to get anywhere, and we felt bad "abandoning" him.) We also started actively asking him to do things around the house more. I was mad because I didn't want to have to be the 'mom' and tell this guy when to do things (he should just notice they need to be done and then just do them!) but it was better than the previous setup where I had just been silently doing everything for him and resenting him heavily. We made a pact not to let the dishes pile up so much and not to leave them lying around after use. Bf really, really stepped up and I appreciated it a lot. I no longer felt like the third wheel so much.
We were kind of hoping that we could just talk about it between the two of us and not have a big confrontation with roommate. "Maybe if he sees how often we are asking him to do things, he will realize just how much has to be done and he will start doing it independently!" Yeah, that didn't happen at all. I was starting to feel very disrespected by roommate.
THEN, his job situation turned to shit. A bunch of things came to light about how shitty he was at his job, how he didn't try at all, took longer breaks than he was supposed to, lied about having done his trainings online, etc. Boyfriend was so mad because he'd put his reputation on the line to get roommate this job -- essentially he had used the strength of his word to say "yes, Roommate will do a good job" and now roommate was shitting all over that and making bf look bad as well as himself! Talk about fucking ungrateful for all the shit we've done for him. On top of everything else this just made me so angry. Bf is a seriously upstanding person who has the respect of everyone, including all of his superiors, at his job. He works really hard and he's been there a long time and developed great relationships with everyone. Roommate worked there for like two months and nearly destroyed it. So finally roommate was going to get written up for all of this shit. He knew it, too, so he called in saying he had the stomach flu and took my boyfriend's car and drove to a city an hour away to visit his girlfriend instead. (He had asked bf's permission to use the car, but under the assumption that he'd take it after work, which was about 9 hours later than when he left with the car.) He was gone the whole weekend, forcing me to drive boyfriend around everywhere the whole weekend, including Sunday morning which is literally the only day of the week that I get to sleep past 8 a.m. But bf had to be at work at 9 so I was up at 8:30 to drive him, because this ungrateful shithead of a roommate of ours had taken the other car.
I have another whole story about roommate's girlfriend--she'd be here for days at a time, to the point where it practically felt like she was living with us half of the week; and THEN, she came up one night as she was coming down with the stomach flu, and ended up basically camped out in our bathroom vomiting that whole evening/night. That's bad enough, but there's also the fact that I have a serious phobia of vomit, I mean panic-attack-inducing fear about it, so I was fucking miserable. Thankfully my amazing boyfriend cleaned the whole apartment for me with Clorox while I was at school the next day, he's wonderful.
God this is a long post. BUT THERE'S MORE!
So the continuation of that whole work situation was that my boyfriend refused to lie for roommate that he "had the stomach flu," and he told roommate's boss exactly where he actually was. Roommate was basically going to get fired, so boyfriend encouraged him to quit before that happened.
So now, 2 and a half, maybe 3 months after getting here, he'd lost the job that boyfriend got for him, he's still not doing his share of housework, and he's basically slowly destroying his relationship with both boyfriend and myself. Boyfriend had a huge talk with him apparently (I was at school) and to me it essentially sounded like a father lecturing a stupid teenaged son about personal responsibility and working hard at your job and shit. So stupid that we have to parent this guy! They touched on the housework thing too so I was really hopeful that it would get better.
It really hasn't. We've tried a lot of things. One day boyfriend asked roommate to clean up the apartment while bf was at work (it was a Sunday, my one day off!). Roommate totally didn't, so while he was out somewhere with his girlfriend who was visiting, I just cleaned the whole place. Vacuumed and everything. I was just sick of how messy it was! When bf got home I told him the situation, and then when he saw roommate next he said brightly, "Wow, thanks for cleaning the apartment! It looks so great!" And roommate was just like, o.o uhhh... It was priceless actually haha.
TODAY though is the fucking last straw for me, which I keep saying "This is the last straw!!" so I don't know how meaningful that is anymore but anyway. Today is June 1, which means rent is due. Roommate has known that rent is due on the first of the month the whole time he's been here. It's not a surprise. It's also the exact same amount of money each month. It's not a surprise. But yesterday, when I asked bf and roommate to give me their contributions (because rent comes out of my bank account automatically, so I like to get the money from them the day before when possible so that I'm never in the red) roommate, kind of to himself, says "oh let me go see if I have cash, I don't think I have that amount in my bank account." WHAT THE FUCK. On top of EVERYTHING else, now he can't fucking pay rent. Because he fucking got himself fired from the job that my boyfriend got for him. GOD I'm so mad about this! So now bf and I are going to have to eat the cost, which amounts to $175 extra for each of us. Just because we have the ability to pay for that though does not fucking mean that we should. I could put that $175 towards something else -- or even towards living here WITHOUT this asshole! It would be worth it to pay that much more per month not to have a roommate. Fuck, I'm so angry and I feel so taken advantage of and disrespected. WHAT THE FUCK