Want to ignore and move on

[torturedslayer]

I had gone for a walk, I needed the air and I didn't want to talk to mom or dad any more. They just didn't get it. I had fallen more in love with Chris then I thought possible. I knew that we couldn't get married or anything like that, but I did want to have more with him then a short relationship

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[torturedmom]

I couldn't help but be angry. THREE HOURS! I was scared half out of my mind, believing that something that had happened to her or that she had tried to run away or I don't even know, just something really bad.

I was relieved as hell to see her, wanted to run up and hug her, but my anger took over.

"I understand that you are having hard time with Chris leaving, but you do NOT go wandering for THREE HOURS in a place you hardly know, where something bad could happen to you! Do you know how many rapists and murderers prey on young girls like yourself who are out all alone with no one to protect them? And don't give me that slayer crap, you still could have gotten hurt."

Craig walked up, and had his arm around me now. "Especially with that bracelet on your leg, if the police find out you're not here, you'll put in a jail cell until your trial, Julie, and I know you don't want that. Don't do this again, understand? We love you, but we are not going to put up with behavior like this."

[torturedslayer]

I look at them indignantly.

"You know what...I am 18 and a slayer I can take care of myself. I should just call Darryl and have him come take me. I don't need you hounding me and telling me what to do when you just found me again."

I look them in the eyes

"I was not a mile away sitting next to the lake. If you don't like how I handle my stress then I am sorry. You can either accept me as I am or I can go back to the manor or jail."

I said and started to walk inside

[torturedmom]

I guess I couldn't expect a nicer answer from her. I sighed, following her inside the cabin, Craig behind me.

"I know I just found you again. That does not mean that you have the right to disrespect me or my family. I know your eighteen years old, believe me, I've made a cake every year of for your birthday, it's something I have not forgotten."

I stopped, trying to calm myself down. "Julie, I love you, and I want you in my life or I wouldn't have fought so hard for so long for you. But you need to grow up and start acting like a mature eighteen year old instead of worse than Carly when she doesn't get her way, and she's only seven!"

Craig then spoke. "We all just need to cool off...and think about what we've done. *that was pointed at Julie* We appreciate your apology and are relieved that you were at the lake. We just need you to stop acting out so much, Julie. We know this is a very hard time for you, but acting out is not going to help that or make it stop hurting."

[torturedslayer]

I looked at them and didn't know what to say. I was not acting out I was dealing with the loss of the first person who truly loved me. I am allowed to be angry.

I finally decided that here is not where I needed to be. I looked around the room and then looked to the two.

"I am going to pack...I want to go back to the manor. I will see if Leo can take me"

I said and started to my room to pack.

[torturedslayer]

Atlest they werent following me and yelling at me. I went into the room and shut the door laying down. I didn't want to go...I wanted to be with them, with my family. I just was so scared to show them the real me.

For so long I wasn't allowed to express my emotions and when i found someone that I could express them to he left, the day after we made love.

He told me he loved me and then he left. I was scared to have that happen again. I didn't know how to express the feelings I was having, other then with anger...

I finally decided that crying was getting me nothing more then a killer headache, so I walked out into the living room and knelt infront of them.

"I--I'm sorry...I--I am just scared and for years was never able to express feelings..I guess I don't know how to handle them."

I said looking away not sure if they hate me or not.

"I want to stay if you want me to"

I whispered

[torturedmom]

She was kneeling in front of me and crying. I really did feel bad now.

"Julie, please stand up. You're more than welcome to stay..." I stopped, upset at hearing that she wasn't allowed to feel emotions, of course he would do that to her too.

"We'll help you figure out your emotions, okay, baby? Just let us help, don't push us away." I said.

Craig nodded. "We're more than willing to help you, Julie, we wouldn't be here right now if we weren't."

I then took her into my arms, pulling her up to the couch. "We're all here for you and we love you..."

[torturedslayer]

I laid against them holding tight to mom and sobbing.

"I think I hate him"

I said softly refering to Chris

"I mean how else can I explain this anger"

[torturedmom]

"You're just really hurt because he choice the worst way possible to leave. Okay, second worst, he could have left without a goodbye at all. Anyway...when you're hurt, you get angry, sad, even depressed...sometimes it takes chocolates, sometimes it takes crying your eyes out, sometimes it takes talking to someone, but you never want to let those emotions be bottled up inside of you."

I looked into her face. "You are always free to express your emotions here. I guess if you need to go be alone, that's better than being destructive...but you can always come to us, you have a shoulder here to cry on..."

Craig nodded in agreement, letting me be the one to speak.

I kissed her forehead. "I think we got off on the wrong foot today. How about we try and start over?"

[torturedslayer]

I smiled at him. He was a good father even if I didn't believe him.

"I wish I could believe you...but I will never find someone other then Chris that will be able to look at these and look past them"

I said. Self esteem was a hard thing for me, especially when I looked like this.

[torturedmom]

"Julie, no...there will be someone, they're just scars, they're not you. I'm sorry for my reaction." Craig said, feeling like he had failed her already...

[torturedslayer]

"I am suddenly not hungry"

starting to cry

"I am going to lay down"

[torturedmom]

"Please, Julie...come join us, you don't have to eat...but you will have fun...I'm really sorry, I will just go and quit messing this up..."