Better To Have Loved - Star Trek [NC-17]
Title: Better To Have Loved
Author: loveable_me_87
Pairing: McCoy/Kirk
Rating: NC-17, but not my usual PWP
Words: 3697
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. kthx
Summary: In response to THIS PROMPT and THIS PROMPT at st_xi_kink. Jim and Bones enter into a 'friends with benefits' relationship, but their feelings eventually deepen.
Warning: Character death.
The first time they have sex they're both so drunk they could have been fucking themselves and they wouldn't have noticed. The next morning is awkward as they realize what happened and silently agree to never speak of it again.
~*~
The second time they have sex it's completely consensual and no brain cells had been murdered earlier in the evening. They were both tense and strung out and it seemed like a good idea at the time. It started off as a sly look from Jim and a raised eyebrow from Bones and quickly turned into making out on the bed, which, of course, led to nakedness and Bones fucking Jim from behind.
"Fuck," Jim gasps as Bones slams once more. coming deep inside him. Bones pulls out quickly and they both collapse onto the bed. They lay on their backs next to each other, both trying to even out their breathing. "That was great," Jim says eventually.
"Yeah," Bones agrees before drifting off to sleep.
~*~
The third time they have sex they decide to make a pact.
"This is good," Jim says after a round of mind blowing sex.
"Of course it's good," Bones snorts. "It's sex. If it wasn't good we'd be doing it wrong."
"No," Jim says, smacking Bones on the chest. "I mean us."
"Us?"
"Yeah, you know, having sex. We should keep doing it."
"You mean, like... together? No, I mean, of course you mean together. I mean, you want us to be together?"
"Not like a couple together," Jim says, smirking a bit. "Tell me, Bones. Have you ever heard the phrase 'friends with benefits'?"
"Yeah, of course I have, Jim," Bones huffs. "Are you proposing that we..."
"Have sex whenever it tickles our fancy without any strings attached or complications? Yes."
"Jim," Bones says and leans down to claim a kiss. "That is probably the best idea you've ever had."
~*~
And so it went on, whenever either of them was feeling particularly horny and couldn't find anyone else for the night and their right hand just wasn't going to cut it, they went to each other. It was fun, it was uncomplicated, it was exactly what they needed.
~*~
The first night they slept together but didn't have sex it was Jim's birthday. Bones had thought that Jim would be out celebrating, getting drunk off his ass and having sex with the first beautiful woman, or man, that would have him. Needless to say, he was completely shocked when Jim wanted to spend his birthday at home.
"C'mon, Jim, are you sure you don't want to go out?" Bones asks as he watches Jim down his fourth drink. "We can go to whatever seedy bar you want and I'll help you hook up with whichever person you choose."
"I really just don't want to go out tonight, Bones," Jim says, his eyes half lidded.
"Well, we don't have to go out, you could always hook up here." Bones moves next to Jim on the bed and Jim's eyes look up to meet Bones'.
"Bones, when we first met and I told you my name, did you know who I was?" Jim asks quietly.
"Well, sure. Everyone knows what your father did for..." Jim watches Bones' eyes widen. "Oh."
"Yeah."
"So... you don't celebrate birthdays, do you?"
"Not my own, no." There's an awkward silence stretched out between them.
"So..." Bones says, finally. "What do you want to do tonight? We can completely forget it's your birthday, get shitfaced, watch tv, fuck, whatever you want."
"I just..." Jim says and Bones does his best to ignore the tear that falls down Jim's face. "I know it's not part of our arrangement, but could you just... I don't know, hold me? God, that sounds so cheesy, like I'm some chick who needs to be comforted every time she..."
"Jim," Bones says, cutting him off. "Shut up." He scoots back on the bed and pulls Jim with him and settles him so his head is resting on his chest. He never comments on Jim's hitched breaths or the tears he feels soaking his shirt. He just holds him until he cries himself to sleep, following him not long after.
~*~
Jim doesn't know when it happened, but somehow he's falling Leonard H. McCoy. It was sometime around his birthday, he figures, but he's suddenly found that he no longer has the desire to go out and have sex with random strangers anymore. He doesn't tell Bones this, of course, because this would definitely count as a string and is totally against their agreement, so he still goes out and he still drinks, but he doesn't pick anyone up. And when he gets home and Bones asks him if he had fun he always smirks and answers yes.
~*~
Bones doesn't go out to bars with Jim nearly as often as Jim would like; he always has some excuse, like studying, or having to work at the hospital. So when Bones agrees to go out with him to his favorite hole in the wall, he's ecstatic. They sit at the bar, ordering drink after drink and Jim flirts with anyone who comes his way, but it always ends at flirting. He has every intention of going home with Bones tonight.
A few hours later and they're both pretty drunk. Jim tells Bones that he needs to use the restroom. When he returns a few minutes later he tells himself that it's not jealousy that he feels when he sees Bones talking with a very attractive woman.
"Hey, Bones," he says, sliding next to him at the bar. "You ready to get out of here." Bones looks away from the woman he was talking to.
"Yeah, Jim, actually..." Bones says, glancing at the woman again before leaning close to Jim and whispering in his ear. "I think I'm going to go to her place tonight." He winks at Jim, completely oblivious to the emotions running through his best friend.
"Oh," Jim replies, forcing a smile. "Alright, I guess I'll see you later, then."
"Yeah," Bones says, downing the rest of his drink and rising from his stool. He smirks at Jim. "Don't wait up."
"Right," Jim says quietly and watches as Bones walks off with the blonde woman. "Have fun!" He calls lamely after them.
'It's not jealousy', he repeats to himself as he orders another drink.
'It's not jealousy', as he walks up to the tall man with dark brown hair and gorgeous hazel eyes and asks him if he wants to get out of here.
'It's not jealousy', as he takes off his clothes and the man's lips are all over his.
'It's not jealousy', as the man thrusts into him.
'It's not love', his mind screams at him after he calls Bones' name when he comes.
Shit.
~*~
Jim never brings up that night, and Bones doesn't, either, but they're mutual lack of acknowledgment is for totally different reasons. Bones doesn't bring it up because he doesn't see it as any big deal worth mentioning, and Jim doesn't bring it up, because he doesn't want to admit to himself that that was the night he figured out he was in love with Bones.
~*~
It's the night after Jim's been made official captain of the Enterprise and Bones has promised him anything he wants to celebrate. Jim doesn't even hesitate with his response to that offer.
"You," he says.
"Me?" Bones laughs. "You have me all the time. I said anything you want... did you miss that part?"
"No, I didn't miss it," Jim responds, moving to whisper into Bones' ear. "I just want you tonight. In my bed, over me, with my legs wrapped around you as you fuck me into the mattress." He moves in to kiss Bones. "You wouldn't want to disappoint your captain, would you?"
"Oh, of course not, sir," Bones replies, kissing Jim again as he starts to remove Jim's clothing.
"Good," Jim says breaking away from the kiss just long enough to remove his and Bones' shirts. They resume kissing as they make their way clumsily to the bed. They break away again and Jim settles himself into the pillows and Bones reaches over for the lube. Bones settles himself on top of Jim and Jim gasps when a well lubed finger enters his ass. Bones smirks at Jim's needy pleas for more as he enters a second and then third finger into him and stretches him slowly.
"God, Bones, just fuck me already," Jim demands and wraps his legs around Bones' back, pulling him closer.
"I'm getting there," Bones says, removing his fingers and backing away from Jim just far enough to lube his cock and line himself up with Jim's hole. He pushes in slowly and Jim whines in frustration when he starts thrusting into him slowly.
"What part of 'fuck me into the mattress' didn't you understand?" Jim asks, annoyed.
"Oh, that's right," Bones says as if he totally forgot. He pulls out before slamming in as hard as he can. He thrusts a few more times before stopping completely and leans as close to Jim's face as possible. "A little more like that?"
"God, Bones, if you don't just fuck me already, I'm gonna..."
"What? Lay there impaled by my cock and begging me to fuck you, please?"
"Oh, god," Jim moans, closing his eyes and biting his lip. "Bones, please, just move. You're driving me crazy here."
"Well, since you asked so nice," Bones says, moving back and thrusting in hard again. "And you know... since you made... captain and all... saved the earth..."
"Yeah," Jim says, pushing back hard with each of Bones' thrusts.
"Guess you deserve... to get what you want..."
"Fuck yeah," Jim agrees. Bones leans in for a kiss before, remarkably, picking up his speed, thrusting harder and harder into Jim each time. Quite literally fucking him into the mattress. He smirks when the springs begin to creak.
He reaches down and grabs Jim's cock, using his pre-cum to help lubricate and starts stroking him in rhythm with his thrusts. Bones knows Jim's close by the sounds he's making and Bones makes sure to hit Jim's prostate with each thrust, helping to send Jim over the edge. It doesn't take long for Jim to tighten around him and Bones watches as he flings his head back and he strokes Jim harder before he comes all over Bones' hand. Bones tries to wait out Jim's orgasm, but the pressure around his cock alone is enough to make him come and with a few more thrusts he empties himself deep into Jim. Jim's legs fall from around Bones and he pulls out before collapsing on the bed next to him.
"God, I love you," Jim says, just as Bones is about to move to grab something to clean them up. Bones freezes.
"What?" Bones asks, shocked.
"Nothing," Jim says quickly, making eye contact with Bones. "I don't know why I said that. It just came out, I'm sorry."
"Jim," Bones sighs. "You said no strings attached, remember?"
"I know.. I just. I don't know why I said that. Just forget I said anything, okay?"
"No complications?"
"No complications."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah."
~*~
They go on as if nothing happened. They still spend most of their free time together and they still joke and talk as if everything is normal... well as normal as things ever were between them. And they keep having sex whenever they feel like it. No strings attached... or at least not on both ends.
~*~
It's a few months into their mission before Jim comes back to the Enterprise unconscious and in Spock's arms and Bones thinks it's a miracle that he lasted this long. It's just a minor concussion and Bones is thankful that it's not worse. He tells Spock that Jim will be just fine, that he needs to rest, and Spock nods before excusing himself to back to the bridge to act as captain in Jim's absence. Bones pulls up a chair and sits down next to Jim.
"You got damn lucky, kid," he says as he runs his hand through Jim's hair. "I could have lost you, you know..."
"Bns?" Jim mutters, startling Bones. Jim weakly reaches out his hand towards Bones, so he grabs onto it.
"Yeah, Jim, I'm here."
"Bones?" Jim asks again, a little more clear this time, but still disoriented. "Wha' 'appened?"
"The building exploded before you could get far enough away and it threw you to the ground. You've got a concussion."
"So that's why my head feels like it's about to explode."
"Yeah... hold on, let me get you some pain killers," Bones says, moving to get up, but Jim's grip on his hand stops him.
"No, I'm okay," he says and Bones settles back into his chair.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, just, stay? Please?" Jim asks.
"No sex tonight, Jim," Bones says, jokingly, but Jim just frowns.
"No, I don't want... just, stay?"
"Of course," Bones says, running his hand through Jim's hair again soothingly as he drifts back to sleep.
~*~
It's 13 months into the mission when Bones gets the message that his ex-wife is getting remarried and she's moving her and Joanna to someplace out in the middle of fucking nowhere (which, really shouldn't matter since you're who the fuck knows where in the universe) to live happily fucking ever after and before the transmission even ends, Jim's right there with a bottle of Romulan Ale and a sad smile on his face. Bones quirks his eyebrow at him and he shrugs before leading him away from the screen and pouring them both a glass.
Bones thanks Jim and he shrugs him off, saying 'that's what friends are for' and Bones does his best to ignore the way Jim's eyes linger on him for too long and Jim's hands brush his more than necessary.
~*~
Bones doesn't know when it happened, but somehow he fell in love with James T. Kirk. But it's been years since they entered this arrangement together and he'll be damned if he's going to mess it up by admitting his feelings to Jim. He might feel the same way, hell, Bones is positive that he at least used to, but things are going good. No strings attached. That's what they'd said. How was he supposed to know that Jim's strings were just as attached as his?
~*~
The first time they make love was 3 years into their mission. Jim had just gotten news that his mother had passed away. Bones had gone to him with a bottle of booze and a shoulder to cry on, but that's not what Jim was interested in.
"Fuck me," Jim says when Bones walks into the room.
"What?" Bones asks, setting down the bottle of alcohol that he brought with him.
"I just... I need you. I need you to... please don't make me explain this. Just come over here and fuck me." Jim is already removing his clothes when Bones moves to comply. They're both naked and standing in front of each other and it's slightly awkward, though neither of them knows why. They've done this dozens, no, hundreds of times before. This should be easy.
"I'm sorry about your mom," Bones says and wraps Jim in a hug.
"I know," Jim says and kisses Bones. It's not a needy kiss, it's soft and loving and Jim's breath hitches slightly before he starts moving towards the bed, Bones' lips still attached to his.
They take their time. Bones slowly prepares Jim and instead of complaining that Bones is taking too long, Jim just lays there, rubbing Bones' shoulders and just feels. When Bones feels that Jim is prepared enough he leans in and kisses him softly before turning both of them on their sides. Jim lifts up his leg and slides it over Bones' to give him a better angle as Bones lines up and pushes in slowly. Bones wraps his arms around Jim and Jim grabs onto his hands, pulling them closer together. They stay like that for awhile, neither of them moving, just enjoying being linked so completely. Bones finally begins to move slowly, just barely pulling out before sliding easily back in.
Bones knows that this is a game changer. That they've never done anything this intimate before and he knows that he wont be able to go back to casual after this.
Jim is grateful that Bones is there with him. He's loved him for years and even though he knows Bones doesn't feel the same way he's glad for this moment where Bones allows him to pretend.
They don't know how long they lie there, slowly thrusting back into each other, and it doesn't matter. This isn't about getting off for either of them. It's about Bones giving Jim what he needs. Soon their movements have built up too much pleasure, though, and they know this wont be last very much longer. Bones takes one of his hands, still connected with Jim's and brings them down to stroke Jim slowly as his thrusts begin to speed up slightly. Jim's breathing picks up slightly as Bones nudges his prostate, sending waves of pleasure through him through that little bundle of nerves.
It doesn't take too much longer before they're both coming and they melt into each other in what could only be described as post-coital bliss. Bones reaches down to gently pull himself out of Jim and Jim whimpers in response before Bones wraps his arms tightly around Jim, pulling him as close to his body as possible.
"Thank you," Jim whispers, a tear falling down his face, left unnoticed by Bones. Bones just nuzzles his face into Jim's neck and holds him as they both fall asleep.
~*~
The next day they're woken up by Spock calling Jim over the comm. Something about Starfleet ordering them planet side to investigate some terrorist act or something.
It was supposed to be easy. Go down, find out what was going on, beam back up and report to Starfleet. But things are just simply never that easy.
That's why they're both huddled in the corner of an abandoned building with Bones' hands putting pressure on a gaping wound to Jim's chest while Spock and Sulu try to ward off enemy fire.
"Fuck, there's so much blood," Bones says before taking off his shirt and using it to try and stop the blood flow. "There's nothing I can do about it until we get back to the ship."
"Bones," Jim says, his hands weakly reaching to grab onto Bones' arms.
"Shh, don't try and talk," Bones says. "Spock, try and get through to Scotty, again! He's not going to last very long."
"Bones..."
"Something is blocking our signal, Doctor. We need to get out of here."
"And we can't do that with people firing at us," Bones says back. "Fuck!"
"Bones..." Jim tries again.
"Yeah, Jim. Just try and hold on, okay? We're going to get you out of here."
"No..." Jim says, or rather gasps. "I'm not going to make it."
"Yes you are. You have to. You are not leaving me."
"Oh, Bones," Jim says, his hand reaching up to cradle Bones' face. Even through his own pain Jim tries to comfort the other man. Bones feels his heart break at Jim's next words. "I don't want to leave you. Never want to leave you."
"Then don't. Just hold on a little bit longer."
"M' trying..." Jim says before turning his head and coughing roughly. Bones tries to hide his alarm that there's blood on Jim's lips. "Hurts."
"Yeah, I know it does," Bones says, tears falling down his face. "But I'm going to get you out of here and you're going to be fine, alright?"
"No," Jim says, shaking his head. "It's too late. You can't fix this."
"I can. You have to let me."
"You can't," Jim insists. "It'll be alright, I promise."
"It won't be alright," Bones says, using one hand to wipe the tears off of Jim's face. "I can't lose you." He says before leaning down and kissing him. "I love you."
"No you don't," Jim says, smiling sadly and stroking Bones' face again. "But thanks for saying it." Bones' heart does that breaking thing again as Jim takes one more shuddering breath and his eyes close.
"Jim?" He says, not believing that he's gone. He tries to shake him, but when there's no response he pulls Jim into his arms and rocks him as tears pour down his face.
He's not sure of the events that transpire from there. Not sure how they managed to get beamed back on board the ship when they were so badly surrounded, or how Jim's body was brought back. He's not sure exactly who it was that injected him with a sedative, though he imagines it was Chapel or Spock, or how he wound up in his bed the next morning.
He is aware the next day of the sad faces and tearful glances he's been receiving all day and he figures most of the crew probably knew about the relationship that he shared with their captain.
He just goes through the motions as arrangements are made for Jim's body. He almost protests to Spock and insist that they take Jim back to Earth for a proper burial, perhaps bury him next to his mother, but decides against it. He knows that Jim was never happier in his life than when he was out in space.
He doesn't say anything as speeches are made about how great a man James T. Kirk was and he declines Spock's offer to say a few words, opting to let the Vulcan speak for him before they send the casket that holds Jim's body out into space.
He looks around at all the people mourning the loss of their captain and he closes his eyes.
He mourns the death of Jim, the best friend he ever had. He mourns the loss of what might have been.
Author: loveable_me_87
Pairing: McCoy/Kirk
Rating: NC-17, but not my usual PWP
Words: 3697
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. kthx
Summary: In response to THIS PROMPT and THIS PROMPT at st_xi_kink. Jim and Bones enter into a 'friends with benefits' relationship, but their feelings eventually deepen.
Warning: Character death.
The first time they have sex they're both so drunk they could have been fucking themselves and they wouldn't have noticed. The next morning is awkward as they realize what happened and silently agree to never speak of it again.
~*~
The second time they have sex it's completely consensual and no brain cells had been murdered earlier in the evening. They were both tense and strung out and it seemed like a good idea at the time. It started off as a sly look from Jim and a raised eyebrow from Bones and quickly turned into making out on the bed, which, of course, led to nakedness and Bones fucking Jim from behind.
"Fuck," Jim gasps as Bones slams once more. coming deep inside him. Bones pulls out quickly and they both collapse onto the bed. They lay on their backs next to each other, both trying to even out their breathing. "That was great," Jim says eventually.
"Yeah," Bones agrees before drifting off to sleep.
~*~
The third time they have sex they decide to make a pact.
"This is good," Jim says after a round of mind blowing sex.
"Of course it's good," Bones snorts. "It's sex. If it wasn't good we'd be doing it wrong."
"No," Jim says, smacking Bones on the chest. "I mean us."
"Us?"
"Yeah, you know, having sex. We should keep doing it."
"You mean, like... together? No, I mean, of course you mean together. I mean, you want us to be together?"
"Not like a couple together," Jim says, smirking a bit. "Tell me, Bones. Have you ever heard the phrase 'friends with benefits'?"
"Yeah, of course I have, Jim," Bones huffs. "Are you proposing that we..."
"Have sex whenever it tickles our fancy without any strings attached or complications? Yes."
"Jim," Bones says and leans down to claim a kiss. "That is probably the best idea you've ever had."
~*~
And so it went on, whenever either of them was feeling particularly horny and couldn't find anyone else for the night and their right hand just wasn't going to cut it, they went to each other. It was fun, it was uncomplicated, it was exactly what they needed.
~*~
The first night they slept together but didn't have sex it was Jim's birthday. Bones had thought that Jim would be out celebrating, getting drunk off his ass and having sex with the first beautiful woman, or man, that would have him. Needless to say, he was completely shocked when Jim wanted to spend his birthday at home.
"C'mon, Jim, are you sure you don't want to go out?" Bones asks as he watches Jim down his fourth drink. "We can go to whatever seedy bar you want and I'll help you hook up with whichever person you choose."
"I really just don't want to go out tonight, Bones," Jim says, his eyes half lidded.
"Well, we don't have to go out, you could always hook up here." Bones moves next to Jim on the bed and Jim's eyes look up to meet Bones'.
"Bones, when we first met and I told you my name, did you know who I was?" Jim asks quietly.
"Well, sure. Everyone knows what your father did for..." Jim watches Bones' eyes widen. "Oh."
"Yeah."
"So... you don't celebrate birthdays, do you?"
"Not my own, no." There's an awkward silence stretched out between them.
"So..." Bones says, finally. "What do you want to do tonight? We can completely forget it's your birthday, get shitfaced, watch tv, fuck, whatever you want."
"I just..." Jim says and Bones does his best to ignore the tear that falls down Jim's face. "I know it's not part of our arrangement, but could you just... I don't know, hold me? God, that sounds so cheesy, like I'm some chick who needs to be comforted every time she..."
"Jim," Bones says, cutting him off. "Shut up." He scoots back on the bed and pulls Jim with him and settles him so his head is resting on his chest. He never comments on Jim's hitched breaths or the tears he feels soaking his shirt. He just holds him until he cries himself to sleep, following him not long after.
~*~
Jim doesn't know when it happened, but somehow he's falling Leonard H. McCoy. It was sometime around his birthday, he figures, but he's suddenly found that he no longer has the desire to go out and have sex with random strangers anymore. He doesn't tell Bones this, of course, because this would definitely count as a string and is totally against their agreement, so he still goes out and he still drinks, but he doesn't pick anyone up. And when he gets home and Bones asks him if he had fun he always smirks and answers yes.
~*~
Bones doesn't go out to bars with Jim nearly as often as Jim would like; he always has some excuse, like studying, or having to work at the hospital. So when Bones agrees to go out with him to his favorite hole in the wall, he's ecstatic. They sit at the bar, ordering drink after drink and Jim flirts with anyone who comes his way, but it always ends at flirting. He has every intention of going home with Bones tonight.
A few hours later and they're both pretty drunk. Jim tells Bones that he needs to use the restroom. When he returns a few minutes later he tells himself that it's not jealousy that he feels when he sees Bones talking with a very attractive woman.
"Hey, Bones," he says, sliding next to him at the bar. "You ready to get out of here." Bones looks away from the woman he was talking to.
"Yeah, Jim, actually..." Bones says, glancing at the woman again before leaning close to Jim and whispering in his ear. "I think I'm going to go to her place tonight." He winks at Jim, completely oblivious to the emotions running through his best friend.
"Oh," Jim replies, forcing a smile. "Alright, I guess I'll see you later, then."
"Yeah," Bones says, downing the rest of his drink and rising from his stool. He smirks at Jim. "Don't wait up."
"Right," Jim says quietly and watches as Bones walks off with the blonde woman. "Have fun!" He calls lamely after them.
'It's not jealousy', he repeats to himself as he orders another drink.
'It's not jealousy', as he walks up to the tall man with dark brown hair and gorgeous hazel eyes and asks him if he wants to get out of here.
'It's not jealousy', as he takes off his clothes and the man's lips are all over his.
'It's not jealousy', as the man thrusts into him.
'It's not love', his mind screams at him after he calls Bones' name when he comes.
Shit.
~*~
Jim never brings up that night, and Bones doesn't, either, but they're mutual lack of acknowledgment is for totally different reasons. Bones doesn't bring it up because he doesn't see it as any big deal worth mentioning, and Jim doesn't bring it up, because he doesn't want to admit to himself that that was the night he figured out he was in love with Bones.
~*~
It's the night after Jim's been made official captain of the Enterprise and Bones has promised him anything he wants to celebrate. Jim doesn't even hesitate with his response to that offer.
"You," he says.
"Me?" Bones laughs. "You have me all the time. I said anything you want... did you miss that part?"
"No, I didn't miss it," Jim responds, moving to whisper into Bones' ear. "I just want you tonight. In my bed, over me, with my legs wrapped around you as you fuck me into the mattress." He moves in to kiss Bones. "You wouldn't want to disappoint your captain, would you?"
"Oh, of course not, sir," Bones replies, kissing Jim again as he starts to remove Jim's clothing.
"Good," Jim says breaking away from the kiss just long enough to remove his and Bones' shirts. They resume kissing as they make their way clumsily to the bed. They break away again and Jim settles himself into the pillows and Bones reaches over for the lube. Bones settles himself on top of Jim and Jim gasps when a well lubed finger enters his ass. Bones smirks at Jim's needy pleas for more as he enters a second and then third finger into him and stretches him slowly.
"God, Bones, just fuck me already," Jim demands and wraps his legs around Bones' back, pulling him closer.
"I'm getting there," Bones says, removing his fingers and backing away from Jim just far enough to lube his cock and line himself up with Jim's hole. He pushes in slowly and Jim whines in frustration when he starts thrusting into him slowly.
"What part of 'fuck me into the mattress' didn't you understand?" Jim asks, annoyed.
"Oh, that's right," Bones says as if he totally forgot. He pulls out before slamming in as hard as he can. He thrusts a few more times before stopping completely and leans as close to Jim's face as possible. "A little more like that?"
"God, Bones, if you don't just fuck me already, I'm gonna..."
"What? Lay there impaled by my cock and begging me to fuck you, please?"
"Oh, god," Jim moans, closing his eyes and biting his lip. "Bones, please, just move. You're driving me crazy here."
"Well, since you asked so nice," Bones says, moving back and thrusting in hard again. "And you know... since you made... captain and all... saved the earth..."
"Yeah," Jim says, pushing back hard with each of Bones' thrusts.
"Guess you deserve... to get what you want..."
"Fuck yeah," Jim agrees. Bones leans in for a kiss before, remarkably, picking up his speed, thrusting harder and harder into Jim each time. Quite literally fucking him into the mattress. He smirks when the springs begin to creak.
He reaches down and grabs Jim's cock, using his pre-cum to help lubricate and starts stroking him in rhythm with his thrusts. Bones knows Jim's close by the sounds he's making and Bones makes sure to hit Jim's prostate with each thrust, helping to send Jim over the edge. It doesn't take long for Jim to tighten around him and Bones watches as he flings his head back and he strokes Jim harder before he comes all over Bones' hand. Bones tries to wait out Jim's orgasm, but the pressure around his cock alone is enough to make him come and with a few more thrusts he empties himself deep into Jim. Jim's legs fall from around Bones and he pulls out before collapsing on the bed next to him.
"God, I love you," Jim says, just as Bones is about to move to grab something to clean them up. Bones freezes.
"What?" Bones asks, shocked.
"Nothing," Jim says quickly, making eye contact with Bones. "I don't know why I said that. It just came out, I'm sorry."
"Jim," Bones sighs. "You said no strings attached, remember?"
"I know.. I just. I don't know why I said that. Just forget I said anything, okay?"
"No complications?"
"No complications."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah."
~*~
They go on as if nothing happened. They still spend most of their free time together and they still joke and talk as if everything is normal... well as normal as things ever were between them. And they keep having sex whenever they feel like it. No strings attached... or at least not on both ends.
~*~
It's a few months into their mission before Jim comes back to the Enterprise unconscious and in Spock's arms and Bones thinks it's a miracle that he lasted this long. It's just a minor concussion and Bones is thankful that it's not worse. He tells Spock that Jim will be just fine, that he needs to rest, and Spock nods before excusing himself to back to the bridge to act as captain in Jim's absence. Bones pulls up a chair and sits down next to Jim.
"You got damn lucky, kid," he says as he runs his hand through Jim's hair. "I could have lost you, you know..."
"Bns?" Jim mutters, startling Bones. Jim weakly reaches out his hand towards Bones, so he grabs onto it.
"Yeah, Jim, I'm here."
"Bones?" Jim asks again, a little more clear this time, but still disoriented. "Wha' 'appened?"
"The building exploded before you could get far enough away and it threw you to the ground. You've got a concussion."
"So that's why my head feels like it's about to explode."
"Yeah... hold on, let me get you some pain killers," Bones says, moving to get up, but Jim's grip on his hand stops him.
"No, I'm okay," he says and Bones settles back into his chair.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, just, stay? Please?" Jim asks.
"No sex tonight, Jim," Bones says, jokingly, but Jim just frowns.
"No, I don't want... just, stay?"
"Of course," Bones says, running his hand through Jim's hair again soothingly as he drifts back to sleep.
~*~
It's 13 months into the mission when Bones gets the message that his ex-wife is getting remarried and she's moving her and Joanna to someplace out in the middle of fucking nowhere (which, really shouldn't matter since you're who the fuck knows where in the universe) to live happily fucking ever after and before the transmission even ends, Jim's right there with a bottle of Romulan Ale and a sad smile on his face. Bones quirks his eyebrow at him and he shrugs before leading him away from the screen and pouring them both a glass.
Bones thanks Jim and he shrugs him off, saying 'that's what friends are for' and Bones does his best to ignore the way Jim's eyes linger on him for too long and Jim's hands brush his more than necessary.
~*~
Bones doesn't know when it happened, but somehow he fell in love with James T. Kirk. But it's been years since they entered this arrangement together and he'll be damned if he's going to mess it up by admitting his feelings to Jim. He might feel the same way, hell, Bones is positive that he at least used to, but things are going good. No strings attached. That's what they'd said. How was he supposed to know that Jim's strings were just as attached as his?
~*~
The first time they make love was 3 years into their mission. Jim had just gotten news that his mother had passed away. Bones had gone to him with a bottle of booze and a shoulder to cry on, but that's not what Jim was interested in.
"Fuck me," Jim says when Bones walks into the room.
"What?" Bones asks, setting down the bottle of alcohol that he brought with him.
"I just... I need you. I need you to... please don't make me explain this. Just come over here and fuck me." Jim is already removing his clothes when Bones moves to comply. They're both naked and standing in front of each other and it's slightly awkward, though neither of them knows why. They've done this dozens, no, hundreds of times before. This should be easy.
"I'm sorry about your mom," Bones says and wraps Jim in a hug.
"I know," Jim says and kisses Bones. It's not a needy kiss, it's soft and loving and Jim's breath hitches slightly before he starts moving towards the bed, Bones' lips still attached to his.
They take their time. Bones slowly prepares Jim and instead of complaining that Bones is taking too long, Jim just lays there, rubbing Bones' shoulders and just feels. When Bones feels that Jim is prepared enough he leans in and kisses him softly before turning both of them on their sides. Jim lifts up his leg and slides it over Bones' to give him a better angle as Bones lines up and pushes in slowly. Bones wraps his arms around Jim and Jim grabs onto his hands, pulling them closer together. They stay like that for awhile, neither of them moving, just enjoying being linked so completely. Bones finally begins to move slowly, just barely pulling out before sliding easily back in.
Bones knows that this is a game changer. That they've never done anything this intimate before and he knows that he wont be able to go back to casual after this.
Jim is grateful that Bones is there with him. He's loved him for years and even though he knows Bones doesn't feel the same way he's glad for this moment where Bones allows him to pretend.
They don't know how long they lie there, slowly thrusting back into each other, and it doesn't matter. This isn't about getting off for either of them. It's about Bones giving Jim what he needs. Soon their movements have built up too much pleasure, though, and they know this wont be last very much longer. Bones takes one of his hands, still connected with Jim's and brings them down to stroke Jim slowly as his thrusts begin to speed up slightly. Jim's breathing picks up slightly as Bones nudges his prostate, sending waves of pleasure through him through that little bundle of nerves.
It doesn't take too much longer before they're both coming and they melt into each other in what could only be described as post-coital bliss. Bones reaches down to gently pull himself out of Jim and Jim whimpers in response before Bones wraps his arms tightly around Jim, pulling him as close to his body as possible.
"Thank you," Jim whispers, a tear falling down his face, left unnoticed by Bones. Bones just nuzzles his face into Jim's neck and holds him as they both fall asleep.
~*~
The next day they're woken up by Spock calling Jim over the comm. Something about Starfleet ordering them planet side to investigate some terrorist act or something.
It was supposed to be easy. Go down, find out what was going on, beam back up and report to Starfleet. But things are just simply never that easy.
That's why they're both huddled in the corner of an abandoned building with Bones' hands putting pressure on a gaping wound to Jim's chest while Spock and Sulu try to ward off enemy fire.
"Fuck, there's so much blood," Bones says before taking off his shirt and using it to try and stop the blood flow. "There's nothing I can do about it until we get back to the ship."
"Bones," Jim says, his hands weakly reaching to grab onto Bones' arms.
"Shh, don't try and talk," Bones says. "Spock, try and get through to Scotty, again! He's not going to last very long."
"Bones..."
"Something is blocking our signal, Doctor. We need to get out of here."
"And we can't do that with people firing at us," Bones says back. "Fuck!"
"Bones..." Jim tries again.
"Yeah, Jim. Just try and hold on, okay? We're going to get you out of here."
"No..." Jim says, or rather gasps. "I'm not going to make it."
"Yes you are. You have to. You are not leaving me."
"Oh, Bones," Jim says, his hand reaching up to cradle Bones' face. Even through his own pain Jim tries to comfort the other man. Bones feels his heart break at Jim's next words. "I don't want to leave you. Never want to leave you."
"Then don't. Just hold on a little bit longer."
"M' trying..." Jim says before turning his head and coughing roughly. Bones tries to hide his alarm that there's blood on Jim's lips. "Hurts."
"Yeah, I know it does," Bones says, tears falling down his face. "But I'm going to get you out of here and you're going to be fine, alright?"
"No," Jim says, shaking his head. "It's too late. You can't fix this."
"I can. You have to let me."
"You can't," Jim insists. "It'll be alright, I promise."
"It won't be alright," Bones says, using one hand to wipe the tears off of Jim's face. "I can't lose you." He says before leaning down and kissing him. "I love you."
"No you don't," Jim says, smiling sadly and stroking Bones' face again. "But thanks for saying it." Bones' heart does that breaking thing again as Jim takes one more shuddering breath and his eyes close.
"Jim?" He says, not believing that he's gone. He tries to shake him, but when there's no response he pulls Jim into his arms and rocks him as tears pour down his face.
He's not sure of the events that transpire from there. Not sure how they managed to get beamed back on board the ship when they were so badly surrounded, or how Jim's body was brought back. He's not sure exactly who it was that injected him with a sedative, though he imagines it was Chapel or Spock, or how he wound up in his bed the next morning.
He is aware the next day of the sad faces and tearful glances he's been receiving all day and he figures most of the crew probably knew about the relationship that he shared with their captain.
He just goes through the motions as arrangements are made for Jim's body. He almost protests to Spock and insist that they take Jim back to Earth for a proper burial, perhaps bury him next to his mother, but decides against it. He knows that Jim was never happier in his life than when he was out in space.
He doesn't say anything as speeches are made about how great a man James T. Kirk was and he declines Spock's offer to say a few words, opting to let the Vulcan speak for him before they send the casket that holds Jim's body out into space.
He looks around at all the people mourning the loss of their captain and he closes his eyes.
He mourns the death of Jim, the best friend he ever had. He mourns the loss of what might have been.