"Just A Dream" Star Trek [Kirk/McCoy]
Title: Just A Dream 1/2
Author: loveable_me_87
Pairing: McCoy/Kirk
Rating: PG-13 (?)
Words: 2832
Disclaimer: *le sigh* Don't own it.
Summary: From THIS PROMPT at st_xi_kink.
Kirk is kidnapped by someone who tortures him, not only physically, but they have a way of mentally making a person believe something happened. They implant Kirk with a horrible memory of Bones being murdered brutally right in front of him. More than anything, this breaks him. By the time the crew finds him, he's a mess, physically and emotionally and seeing Bones just pushed him over the edge more. He's convinced that Bones is a figment of his imagination.
Warning: Angst
You don't know how long you've been here. You don't know what species it is that's holding you here. You don't know what they want.
What you do know is the pain your in. You're fairly certain you've got some broken ribs. You know for a fact your leg is broken. And you haven't been able to move your arm in forever. Your body is like one huge bruise with cuts and scrapes littered all over.
You hate these people - whoever they are. They don't make sense. They don't seem to want anything from you. They just drag you out of the cell they're keeping you in, beat you, and throw you back in. They don't give you the chance to even be defiant, because they never ask you anything. You want to be defiant. You want to tell them to go fuck themselves. You want them to ask you questions and be able to reply back with your name, rank and serial number.
You figure it's been about four days, but it's hard to tell with all the passing out you've been doing. You just keep waiting for someone to come and rescue you. You know that you ordered Spock to take the ship and leave if you hadn't returned in an hour, but you're really hoping that he sees this as an illogical decision. And then there's Bones. No way would he let Spock just leave you here. Your crew will come and rescue you, you know it.
Your crew. That's what's keeping you going. Thoughts about your crew. Thoughts about Bones. Thoughts about all the things you're going to do to Bones after he heals you.
You hear the door to your cell start to open and you try and move yourself into a sitting position up against the wall. You know what's coming now. The same thing as always. They'll drag you away, beat your to unconsciousness and throw you back into your cold damp cell. You make a mental note to comment to them on how boringly monotonous they are.
You're not ready for what comes through the door, though, because the being walking through looks nothing like the grotesque aliens you've been forced to look at all this time. In fact, there's nothing grotesque about the being that walks in. You smile as he walks over to you.
Bones?
You've had this dream before, of course, and each time you like to humor it. Can't hurt to have dreams, right?
Yeah, it's me, Jim.
He walks over to you and kneels down. He puts his hand on your arm and you can't help but wince.
I'm going to get you out of here.
You smile and you nod and you tell him that your leg is broken and you ask where everyone else is and if they're safe. And he answers you.
They're fine. They're waiting for us. I need you to help me get you up and I'll help you get out of here, okay?
You nod again and you brace yourself for the pain you're about to feel. The last four times you were brought out of your cell you were dragged because you couldn't move your leg. You know this isn't going to be pleasant.
That's it, I got you.
You breathe in and out in and out. You're finally upright and you're leaning on him as much as you can.
You've lost weight.
I know. Turns out they don't care too much about their prisoners.
He grunts in response and you've never heard anything so wonderful in your life. You'd almost forgotten what his grunts sound like. He starts to walk, and you start to hobble, all of your weight leaning on him when you need to use your right leg, using him as a crutch. Your leg is killing you, your arm hurts, your ribs hurt and you're breathing heavily, but he's here. You tell yourself that he's really here, because if you were dreaming, surely you wouldn't be in this much pain.
You're out the door, still leaning on him, still hobbling, still in pain. You wonder where the guards are, where any of the ugly things are, as you make your exit with Bones. There were always a bunch of them around. Always watching, laughing, hurting you. You have a bad feeling about this and you tell Bones.
Something's not right.
Don't worry about it.
There's a hole in the ground and you gasp and struggle to keep your breath even.
I can't help but worry. They're usually everywhere. How are they not here now?
Don't worry about it, it's fine. Just keep walking.
And you do. Because he said to. Because he won't let anything happen to you and because you really need to focus on not falling down. You continue to let him do most of the work. You must have lost a whole lot of weight, because he's not even struggling.
How much further?
Not far.
Step, hobble, step, hobble. You make a pattern in your head. Your breathing is too heavy and you're in too much pain.
I don't know how much further I can go.
It's alright, I'm here. Just hold on.
You nod. Just hold on.
I'll try.
Good.
There's a noise up ahead and your heart starts racing faster than before. You've been here long enough to know that noises in this place are bad. Noises never bring anything good.
Bones?
Yeah, I heard it. We have to hurry.
You try to hurry, because if you don't they'll get you, but you can't. You stop and he looks at you.
Jim?
It hurts. Everywhere hurts. I can't...
You can. You have to. Now, come on.
He pulls you and you follow because if you don't you're going to fall and your ribs and arm and leg would not appreciate the impact. There's another noise and this time it's behind you. And another, in front of you. And another to your right. You stop and he stops and your breath hitches and he swears. He set's you down to the left against the wall and it's painful and your eyes tear up.
Stay here.
Okay.
He leaves your side and walks back into the hallway and looks around. It's dark, too dark and it's almost impossible to see, but you can hear, and you can hear them getting closer.
Bones.
I know, Jim.
You can still see him and he's got a phaser out and you tell him to make sure it's set to kill and he smirks at you. There's another noise and another and another and he looks every which way, aiming his phaser, but not shooting, because he can't see if there's a target. There's another noise, a louder noise, a much different noise. He swears and he falls to his knees. Your heart is racing. You want to go to him, but you can't. You're frozen in place. Frozen from pain. Frozen from shock. All you can do is watch as they come up and surround him. Watch as they fire at him again. Watch as he cries out and falls to the ground. Watch as he goes still. You want to scream, scream out to him, but you won't. You won't give them to satisfaction.
He's gone. You know he's gone. And you're helpless. You can't move and your helpless. They move over to you and they're laughing, laughing, laughing. You hate them. Now more than before. You want to hurt them, but you can't, because you're in too much pain. They pick you up from your place on the ground and they don't care that you're hurting, or that you're crying out at each movement. They just carry you back to your cell and toss you back in. Your body screams in protest at the impact, but you ignore it. Bones is dead. You watched him die. You curl up into as much of a ball as your body will allow and you stop the tears from falling. On top of all your injuries, your heart now hurts and it's the worst pain you've felt. You don't know how long you lay there before you drift into a pain-filled sleep.
You dream about it each night after that - or what you consider to be night, but which is really just bouts of unconsciousness. He comes to you, to rescue you. You try to make your escape each time and each time he dies. It's always different. A different scenario, he's shot, he's stabbed, he's burned alive, he's hanged, but he always dies. Each night it's less and less real. The pain isn't there, the feelings aren't there, but each night you watch him die.
You don't wait to get rescued anymore. He told you that they were waiting for him to come back with you. That they were fine and they were waiting. Something must have happened. He couldn't get you out and he died and something must have happened to the rest of your crew, because no one else ever came. You refuse to cry, refuse to give them the satisfaction of seeing you broken - and you're secretly thrilled that you're able to show some defiance now - but you are broken. And every time you think about a member of your crew, about Bones, your heart breaks a little more.
You hear a noise at your door and you don't move. You haven't bothered to care who was coming through the door in a long time and you're not going to start now. You must be unconscious because you hear him say your name. That's funny, you could have sworn you were awake. Oh well. You don't look up at your dream Bones.
Go away, Bones, I don't want to have this dream again tonight.
We're here to rescue you.
His voice is sad and you almost look up, but you don't. Wait, did he say "we're". That makes you look up. You laugh at what you see. Your lips are cracked and dry and smiling hurts and makes them bleed, but you don't care, because in front of you are Spock and Uhura and Sulu. They've never appeared in your dream before and it makes you laugh.
None of you are real. You're not real, Bones. Bones is dead. Just go away and let me be unconcsious alone, alright?
They don't leave. They move closer to you. Spock speaks.
Captain, I assure you, you are not dreaming. Dr. McCoy needs to assess your injuries and then we must make haste.
You laugh again and you look at him.
It's nice to know you still sound like Spock.
There's a noise outside and you watch as Sulu and Uhura and Spock raise their phasers.
Don't bother, you'll just die anyway. Bones always dies, so you're going to die, too.
Dream Bones is right next to you and he puts his hand on your arm and it feels so real that you want to believe he's there, but you wont allow yourself to give into this dream.
Jim, we're real and we're going to get you out of here, okay?
You can't be real. The last time you were real I saw you die. The last time I felt anything when you were here you died.
Can you feel anything now?
You don't respond, but try and focus on your body. It does hurt. Your ribs and your leg and your arm and the bruises that are everywhere. They hurt. Your mind must really be working over time to add pain to your dreams.
You're still not real.
I'm real, Jim.
He leans forward. There's another noise outside. Spock speaks.
Doctor, we must hurry.
I know. Just give me a minute. He's got broken ribs and his leg is broken in three places and his arm isn't any better off and he's badly concussed. I can't do anything until we get him back to the ship. We'll have to carry him.
This is the first time you notice his tricorder. An actual medical assessment? He hasn't done one of those yet. Spock steps forward.
I can carry him.
That would probably be best. Jim?
He's speaking to you again. Why wont you just wake up already?
Jim, Spock's going to carry you out of here, okay? You're too badly injured to move on your own.
You laugh again.
Just go away.
Jim...
No, leave. I'm tired of this dream.
You lay your head back on the ground and you close your eyes. You cry out in pain when someone moves you into a sitting position. Why does your dream hurt this badly? You open your eyes again and Bones is there. You're breathing is labored and you're in pain, but Bones is there. You want to wake up from this dream, but you also just want to keep looking at Bones.
Listen to me, Jim.
You shake your head. You don't want to hear his lies.
Yes. We're real and we're going to get you out of here.
You say that every time.
But it's real this time. You're in serious pain. Are you ever in serious pain when I'm here?
I was the first time. And you died. I saw you die.
That wasn't real.
This isn't real.
Why won't you wake up?
Jim.
Wake up. You shake your head.
Jim.
Wake up.
No.
Damnit, Jim, look at me.
You do. His eyes are sad and there are tears forming. You almost feel bad for him. Almost. It would be weird to feel bad for a figment of your imagination, right?
Jim.
He's cupping your face now and you lean into it. You want this to be real. He's touching your cheek gently and you want this to be real.
How can I convince you this is real?
You can't.
The noises outside are louder and you're suddenly aware of the sound of phasers firing. You look up and Sulu and Uhura are gone. Spock is still there, he's looking at you and he's waiting. He looks sad. It's a small look and you almost miss it, but after years of friendship you know that it's sadness on his face.
Doctor, we have to go. They can't hold them off much longer.
I know. I just don't want him to struggle. He'll hurt himself more.
You laugh again and they look at you.
You can't hurt me more, you're not real.
Bones sighs and he leans forward and suddenly he's kissing you. He's kissing you and you're kissing him back and you want this to be real, because you miss kissing him. You miss his lips on yours, you miss the way him kissing you makes you feel safe and loved. You feel safe now and you want this to be real. The kiss is long and it's passionate and you love it and you want this to be real.
He breaks away from you and you smile.
You've never done that before.
That's cause it wasn't real before.
I wish it was real now.
He sighs and he looks over to Spock and he nods his head. You watch Spock move over to Bones' bag and he pulls out a hypo. You're confused. Dream Bones is going to knock you out and he hasn't even died yet. Why would your dreams suddenly change like that? He speaks to you.
I'm sorry you don't believe this is real.
I'm sorry it's not.
You'll see when you wake up that it was real.
I'll be disappointed when I wake up and it wasn't.
You'll see.
He looks sad. Always sad and he moves his arm to your neck. You feel a pinch on your neck from where he's injected you with drugs and before they take effect you see Spock move forward to pick you up.
You close your eyes and, despite knowing that you're going to be disappointed, you hope that this was real. That you're going to wake up on the Enterprise and everything's going to be alright.
Your eyes are closed and the pain's gone away. All there is is blackness and suddenly you know no more.
PART TWO
Author: loveable_me_87
Pairing: McCoy/Kirk
Rating: PG-13 (?)
Words: 2832
Disclaimer: *le sigh* Don't own it.
Summary: From THIS PROMPT at st_xi_kink.
Kirk is kidnapped by someone who tortures him, not only physically, but they have a way of mentally making a person believe something happened. They implant Kirk with a horrible memory of Bones being murdered brutally right in front of him. More than anything, this breaks him. By the time the crew finds him, he's a mess, physically and emotionally and seeing Bones just pushed him over the edge more. He's convinced that Bones is a figment of his imagination.
Warning: Angst
You don't know how long you've been here. You don't know what species it is that's holding you here. You don't know what they want.
What you do know is the pain your in. You're fairly certain you've got some broken ribs. You know for a fact your leg is broken. And you haven't been able to move your arm in forever. Your body is like one huge bruise with cuts and scrapes littered all over.
You hate these people - whoever they are. They don't make sense. They don't seem to want anything from you. They just drag you out of the cell they're keeping you in, beat you, and throw you back in. They don't give you the chance to even be defiant, because they never ask you anything. You want to be defiant. You want to tell them to go fuck themselves. You want them to ask you questions and be able to reply back with your name, rank and serial number.
You figure it's been about four days, but it's hard to tell with all the passing out you've been doing. You just keep waiting for someone to come and rescue you. You know that you ordered Spock to take the ship and leave if you hadn't returned in an hour, but you're really hoping that he sees this as an illogical decision. And then there's Bones. No way would he let Spock just leave you here. Your crew will come and rescue you, you know it.
Your crew. That's what's keeping you going. Thoughts about your crew. Thoughts about Bones. Thoughts about all the things you're going to do to Bones after he heals you.
You hear the door to your cell start to open and you try and move yourself into a sitting position up against the wall. You know what's coming now. The same thing as always. They'll drag you away, beat your to unconsciousness and throw you back into your cold damp cell. You make a mental note to comment to them on how boringly monotonous they are.
You're not ready for what comes through the door, though, because the being walking through looks nothing like the grotesque aliens you've been forced to look at all this time. In fact, there's nothing grotesque about the being that walks in. You smile as he walks over to you.
Bones?
You've had this dream before, of course, and each time you like to humor it. Can't hurt to have dreams, right?
Yeah, it's me, Jim.
He walks over to you and kneels down. He puts his hand on your arm and you can't help but wince.
I'm going to get you out of here.
You smile and you nod and you tell him that your leg is broken and you ask where everyone else is and if they're safe. And he answers you.
They're fine. They're waiting for us. I need you to help me get you up and I'll help you get out of here, okay?
You nod again and you brace yourself for the pain you're about to feel. The last four times you were brought out of your cell you were dragged because you couldn't move your leg. You know this isn't going to be pleasant.
That's it, I got you.
You breathe in and out in and out. You're finally upright and you're leaning on him as much as you can.
You've lost weight.
I know. Turns out they don't care too much about their prisoners.
He grunts in response and you've never heard anything so wonderful in your life. You'd almost forgotten what his grunts sound like. He starts to walk, and you start to hobble, all of your weight leaning on him when you need to use your right leg, using him as a crutch. Your leg is killing you, your arm hurts, your ribs hurt and you're breathing heavily, but he's here. You tell yourself that he's really here, because if you were dreaming, surely you wouldn't be in this much pain.
You're out the door, still leaning on him, still hobbling, still in pain. You wonder where the guards are, where any of the ugly things are, as you make your exit with Bones. There were always a bunch of them around. Always watching, laughing, hurting you. You have a bad feeling about this and you tell Bones.
Something's not right.
Don't worry about it.
There's a hole in the ground and you gasp and struggle to keep your breath even.
I can't help but worry. They're usually everywhere. How are they not here now?
Don't worry about it, it's fine. Just keep walking.
And you do. Because he said to. Because he won't let anything happen to you and because you really need to focus on not falling down. You continue to let him do most of the work. You must have lost a whole lot of weight, because he's not even struggling.
How much further?
Not far.
Step, hobble, step, hobble. You make a pattern in your head. Your breathing is too heavy and you're in too much pain.
I don't know how much further I can go.
It's alright, I'm here. Just hold on.
You nod. Just hold on.
I'll try.
Good.
There's a noise up ahead and your heart starts racing faster than before. You've been here long enough to know that noises in this place are bad. Noises never bring anything good.
Bones?
Yeah, I heard it. We have to hurry.
You try to hurry, because if you don't they'll get you, but you can't. You stop and he looks at you.
Jim?
It hurts. Everywhere hurts. I can't...
You can. You have to. Now, come on.
He pulls you and you follow because if you don't you're going to fall and your ribs and arm and leg would not appreciate the impact. There's another noise and this time it's behind you. And another, in front of you. And another to your right. You stop and he stops and your breath hitches and he swears. He set's you down to the left against the wall and it's painful and your eyes tear up.
Stay here.
Okay.
He leaves your side and walks back into the hallway and looks around. It's dark, too dark and it's almost impossible to see, but you can hear, and you can hear them getting closer.
Bones.
I know, Jim.
You can still see him and he's got a phaser out and you tell him to make sure it's set to kill and he smirks at you. There's another noise and another and another and he looks every which way, aiming his phaser, but not shooting, because he can't see if there's a target. There's another noise, a louder noise, a much different noise. He swears and he falls to his knees. Your heart is racing. You want to go to him, but you can't. You're frozen in place. Frozen from pain. Frozen from shock. All you can do is watch as they come up and surround him. Watch as they fire at him again. Watch as he cries out and falls to the ground. Watch as he goes still. You want to scream, scream out to him, but you won't. You won't give them to satisfaction.
He's gone. You know he's gone. And you're helpless. You can't move and your helpless. They move over to you and they're laughing, laughing, laughing. You hate them. Now more than before. You want to hurt them, but you can't, because you're in too much pain. They pick you up from your place on the ground and they don't care that you're hurting, or that you're crying out at each movement. They just carry you back to your cell and toss you back in. Your body screams in protest at the impact, but you ignore it. Bones is dead. You watched him die. You curl up into as much of a ball as your body will allow and you stop the tears from falling. On top of all your injuries, your heart now hurts and it's the worst pain you've felt. You don't know how long you lay there before you drift into a pain-filled sleep.
You dream about it each night after that - or what you consider to be night, but which is really just bouts of unconsciousness. He comes to you, to rescue you. You try to make your escape each time and each time he dies. It's always different. A different scenario, he's shot, he's stabbed, he's burned alive, he's hanged, but he always dies. Each night it's less and less real. The pain isn't there, the feelings aren't there, but each night you watch him die.
You don't wait to get rescued anymore. He told you that they were waiting for him to come back with you. That they were fine and they were waiting. Something must have happened. He couldn't get you out and he died and something must have happened to the rest of your crew, because no one else ever came. You refuse to cry, refuse to give them the satisfaction of seeing you broken - and you're secretly thrilled that you're able to show some defiance now - but you are broken. And every time you think about a member of your crew, about Bones, your heart breaks a little more.
You hear a noise at your door and you don't move. You haven't bothered to care who was coming through the door in a long time and you're not going to start now. You must be unconscious because you hear him say your name. That's funny, you could have sworn you were awake. Oh well. You don't look up at your dream Bones.
Go away, Bones, I don't want to have this dream again tonight.
We're here to rescue you.
His voice is sad and you almost look up, but you don't. Wait, did he say "we're". That makes you look up. You laugh at what you see. Your lips are cracked and dry and smiling hurts and makes them bleed, but you don't care, because in front of you are Spock and Uhura and Sulu. They've never appeared in your dream before and it makes you laugh.
None of you are real. You're not real, Bones. Bones is dead. Just go away and let me be unconcsious alone, alright?
They don't leave. They move closer to you. Spock speaks.
Captain, I assure you, you are not dreaming. Dr. McCoy needs to assess your injuries and then we must make haste.
You laugh again and you look at him.
It's nice to know you still sound like Spock.
There's a noise outside and you watch as Sulu and Uhura and Spock raise their phasers.
Don't bother, you'll just die anyway. Bones always dies, so you're going to die, too.
Dream Bones is right next to you and he puts his hand on your arm and it feels so real that you want to believe he's there, but you wont allow yourself to give into this dream.
Jim, we're real and we're going to get you out of here, okay?
You can't be real. The last time you were real I saw you die. The last time I felt anything when you were here you died.
Can you feel anything now?
You don't respond, but try and focus on your body. It does hurt. Your ribs and your leg and your arm and the bruises that are everywhere. They hurt. Your mind must really be working over time to add pain to your dreams.
You're still not real.
I'm real, Jim.
He leans forward. There's another noise outside. Spock speaks.
Doctor, we must hurry.
I know. Just give me a minute. He's got broken ribs and his leg is broken in three places and his arm isn't any better off and he's badly concussed. I can't do anything until we get him back to the ship. We'll have to carry him.
This is the first time you notice his tricorder. An actual medical assessment? He hasn't done one of those yet. Spock steps forward.
I can carry him.
That would probably be best. Jim?
He's speaking to you again. Why wont you just wake up already?
Jim, Spock's going to carry you out of here, okay? You're too badly injured to move on your own.
You laugh again.
Just go away.
Jim...
No, leave. I'm tired of this dream.
You lay your head back on the ground and you close your eyes. You cry out in pain when someone moves you into a sitting position. Why does your dream hurt this badly? You open your eyes again and Bones is there. You're breathing is labored and you're in pain, but Bones is there. You want to wake up from this dream, but you also just want to keep looking at Bones.
Listen to me, Jim.
You shake your head. You don't want to hear his lies.
Yes. We're real and we're going to get you out of here.
You say that every time.
But it's real this time. You're in serious pain. Are you ever in serious pain when I'm here?
I was the first time. And you died. I saw you die.
That wasn't real.
This isn't real.
Why won't you wake up?
Jim.
Wake up. You shake your head.
Jim.
Wake up.
No.
Damnit, Jim, look at me.
You do. His eyes are sad and there are tears forming. You almost feel bad for him. Almost. It would be weird to feel bad for a figment of your imagination, right?
Jim.
He's cupping your face now and you lean into it. You want this to be real. He's touching your cheek gently and you want this to be real.
How can I convince you this is real?
You can't.
The noises outside are louder and you're suddenly aware of the sound of phasers firing. You look up and Sulu and Uhura are gone. Spock is still there, he's looking at you and he's waiting. He looks sad. It's a small look and you almost miss it, but after years of friendship you know that it's sadness on his face.
Doctor, we have to go. They can't hold them off much longer.
I know. I just don't want him to struggle. He'll hurt himself more.
You laugh again and they look at you.
You can't hurt me more, you're not real.
Bones sighs and he leans forward and suddenly he's kissing you. He's kissing you and you're kissing him back and you want this to be real, because you miss kissing him. You miss his lips on yours, you miss the way him kissing you makes you feel safe and loved. You feel safe now and you want this to be real. The kiss is long and it's passionate and you love it and you want this to be real.
He breaks away from you and you smile.
You've never done that before.
That's cause it wasn't real before.
I wish it was real now.
He sighs and he looks over to Spock and he nods his head. You watch Spock move over to Bones' bag and he pulls out a hypo. You're confused. Dream Bones is going to knock you out and he hasn't even died yet. Why would your dreams suddenly change like that? He speaks to you.
I'm sorry you don't believe this is real.
I'm sorry it's not.
You'll see when you wake up that it was real.
I'll be disappointed when I wake up and it wasn't.
You'll see.
He looks sad. Always sad and he moves his arm to your neck. You feel a pinch on your neck from where he's injected you with drugs and before they take effect you see Spock move forward to pick you up.
You close your eyes and, despite knowing that you're going to be disappointed, you hope that this was real. That you're going to wake up on the Enterprise and everything's going to be alright.
Your eyes are closed and the pain's gone away. All there is is blackness and suddenly you know no more.
PART TWO