Fic: You Can't Have It All (But There Is This) for gryffindorj
Title: You Can't Have It All (But There Is This)
Author: escribo
Recipient: gryffindorj
Rating: NC-17
Contents or warnings (highlight to view): *Do we warn for frotting? Otherwise, none *
Word Count: 5295
Summary: Sacrifice, Love, Romance, and Adventure. What more could four boys possibly want? Besides a clearer plan, an answer, more explosions, and a bed... One out of the four isn't bad.
Notes: Inspired by the Barbara Ras poem of the same title
Remus watched as an enormous barn owl swooped into the Great Hall just as he finished sopping up the last of his egg yolks with his toast soldier. The owl's wings just barely dusted over the heads of a few third year Ravenclaws, making them duck, before it landed on the back of Professor McGonagall's chair. She paused in her conversation with Professor Flitwick, primly dabbed at her lips with the napkin spread in her lap, and then reached to collect the roll of parchment that was tied to the owl's outstretched leg. The three boys sitting with Remus at the high end of the Gryffindor table watched as well, holding their breathes as their favorite professor read through the missive once, twice, and then a third time, more slowly.
"This is never going to work. She's not going to fall for it," Remus whispered under his breath, low enough so that only James, sitting next to him, could hear.
The words seemed to work a spell of their own over him, though, and he straightened his back and his glasses before reaching for his pumpkin juice. "It's begun," he said cryptically over the rim of his goblet, wiggling his eyebrows at Sirius sitting across from him.
Remus honestly loved a good prank, but he still wasn't sure about this one. Even after months of planning, their plans still seemed vague, at least to him and probably Peter as well. It was a sure sign that James was up to something beyond what was scratched into a parchment hidden in a secret compartment of Remus' trunk. The same could be said of Sirius, too, but then Sirius was always up to no good. "It's too complicated."
"Nonsense, Moony," Sirius said cheerfully between bites of the sausage he had speared to the end of his fork. His gray eyes were glittering this morning with secrets and tactics, and when he winked at Remus, Remus felt the familiar flush of warmth spread across his freckled cheeks. "I don't think it's nearly complicated enough."
"You never do," Remus said, though his lips still curled into a smile, practically against his will. Every now and again, he felt the need to remind them that he was a Prefect, and as such, compelled to try to keep them in line, even when it was their Head Boy leading them down the path of detention. Of course, he would only be their (very ineffective) Prefect for a few more days and then reality would crowd in around them all too soon. The thought of that overshadowed his enjoyment of even Sirius' most mischievous grin, which he was now tossing in Remus' direction, and he scowled in return. "There are too many moving parts. Half of them won't work or the timing will be off or-"
He'd made this argument once already. Their plan--James' plan--was immensely complicated. It would fall apart, particularly since it relied on Professor McGonagall acting on the letter she's just received, which is ridiculous, because why would a witch of her stature respond to anything so cryptic?
"It's perfect," Sirius said in the same voice he used on Remus when trying to soothe him after a full moon, and Remus would be resentful of it except that it worked, and Sirius knew it worked.
Remus sat back before he embarrassed himself by swaying in toward Sirius like a love sick third year on his first trip to Madame Puddifoot's. Instead, he only just shook his head slightly as he picked up a thick scone and began slathering it with butter and jam. It would work because James said it would work and because Remus had timed the fiddly bits, as he always did, and because Sirius would have charmed anyone who needed charmed with something more than a wand and spells, and because Peter would follow James' instructions precisely. It would work because their pranks always worked, except for the times they failed spectacularly, and even those were pretty good.
"Of course, it's not too late to add some more explosions," Sirius whispered to the back of James' head before he caught Remus' eye and winked, demonstrating why he was so good at his chosen task (with the exception of buttering up Slytherins--Sirius definitely had his line and would rather hex than charm when it came to snakes). Lately, Remus needed that charm directed at him more often than not, and luckily Sirius was more than willing to oblige. "We could still add some during the---"
"It's perfect," James said, cutting Sirius off before he could get started. "Don't add things, Padfoot. A cauldron will detonate during Potions and we have that blast during tea. There are plenty of explosions, enough to satisfy even you."
"Hardly enough."
"Next time."
"What next time? This is it, gentlemen." Sirius put down his fork, dusted his fingertips just as primly with his own napkin as Professor McGonagall had, and then leaned his elbows on the table to whisper at them conspiratorially. They all leaned in out of habit, and Remus felt the familiar thrill run down his spine, just as it had on their first prank back in first year "This is our last prank inside these hallowed halls. It has to be the best one ever."
"It will be," James said, as he turned once more to watch Professor McGonagall, who still had the letter clutched in her hand and a conflicted expression on her face, as if she couldn't quite decide what to do. Remus didn't blame her. "We're going to be remembered."
"I'm pretty sure no one is likely to forget the sight of you streaking through the Great Hall naked every Valentine's Day for five year running," Remus reminded him to a chorus of snickers from the others.
"That wasn't my fault! I lost a bet."
"Five years in a row, James. People were beginning to suspect you're a sucker, easy, or both."
James narrowed his eyes at Sirius and Sirius barked out his laugh, tipping his head back. Remus watched for another second, nearly breathless at the sight, while James blustered about mutts and dirty pool.
Peter leaned further on the table to point his meaty finger in Sirius' direction, quick to defend James. "They'll certainly remember the duel Sirius had with his cousin in fourth year. They've never been able to get the paintings in the north tower properly restored. All your relatives on that corridor still whistle like tea kettles when anyone calls anyone else a--"
"Don't you say it, or I'll make you sing as well, Peter."
"I've my own fully grown Whomping Willow to stand as my memorial, haven't I." Remus looked away, back to the high table as he wondered about the mark he'd made at Hogwarts--about the mark he'd be able make outside its door once he lost Dumbledore's and his friends' protection.
When Remus looked up again, he bristled at the concern he could see in Sirius' eyes. He didn't like that, liked it best when Sirius' eyes sparkled with mischief, darkened with lust, or widened with curiosity. His concern was nearly unbearable. It was growing up too fast and losing too quickly, and Remus suddenly saw the point in their seemingly pointless prank. He didn't want his last days to be filled with nothing but exams and good-byes, wanted quite suddenly nothing more than to slow the inexorable march of time and keep things forever like this moment. "Never mind. I actually think Sirius is right."
"You do?" James and Sirius asked together, their faces twin masks of confusion for one moment before realization broke through and they realized Remus was on board with the mischief at hand.
"Absolutely. There should definitely be more explosions."
***
The best thing about being a rat, at least in Peter's experience, was that it was much easier to hide when professors began looking for someone to blame. He avoided a lot of time in detention that way, particularly when one of their pranks started going spectacularly wrong. James promised this one hadn't yet when they met just before class but then he still had both his eyebrows and Remus was going to kill them all if James didn't figure out what caused Remus to break out into purple spots. Sirius said he could help but needed to see the extent of the problem and dragged him off in the direction of their dorm, leaving Peter to execute the next part of the plan alone.
Or rather, the next three parts to their plan. The first, to distract Professor Slughorn whilst James replaced Andrew Froghorn's flobberworm juice with Mysteburium essence, which looked the same but was much more volatile, went off without a hitch. Peter was honestly worried about getting a Dreadful on his N.E.W.T. since he didn't have Remus there to help him anymore, Remus having given up Potions after sixth year, so it wasn't hard to come up with an excuse to talk with the professor just outside the door whilst everyone else finished up the assignment. Peter did what his mother said he did best: he whinged. He begged for an extra assignment that would ensure he received at least Acceptable, no matter what happened with the exam. He really did put the effort into it, too, occupying Slughorn's attention for the full ten minutes James needed as well as an extra five to help guarantee his grade.
They were all surprised at the size of the explosion though. It went off like a rocket, which wasn't in the original plan, coating everyone and everything, except for Sirius, who had slipped in quite late and seemed curiously unaffected. The resulting stampede out of the dungeon (James leading the way in the direction of showers, Peter assumed, since they smelled like a party of cave trolls) gave a similarly unscathed Peter time to scurry all the way up to the Astronomy Tower to meet with an (luckily for James) unspotted Remus at half past ten, where the next part of the plan would take place. With the ten o'clock Potions lessons canceled while Mr. Filch dealt with the mess, most of the students--sixth year Slytherins--were out on the courtyard, far down below them.
Remus had his most Prefectly face on, so Peter knew he didn't like this part of the plan though he would do what needed to be done, both because he was a Marauder and because it was Sirius who particularly wanted this part included.
"'Allo Remus."
"Wormtail."
"Sirius got rid of your spots."
"Turned out they were temporary and only just needed the counter-spell."
"Which Sirius knew."
"Yeah. He's handy to have about on occasion."
Peter thought Remus was being curiously silent on the matter of the missing spots, however, to not give even a hint as to what the cure had been. Generally the most vulnerable, Peter was virtually encyclopedic in the field of counter-curses, antidotes, and correctives, and thus took particular interest, but he supposed he'd find out from James later on. Not that James was likely to tell him outright (likely because he didn't know) but because Sirius would tell James and then Peter would have a chance to overhear. Of course, at the sight of Remus' neck, he hoped the cure didn't rely on being so thoroughly snogged.
"You've another spot on your neck, just above your collar." Peter pressed his thumb to the bruised spot just to watch Remus flinch and then blush, ducking his head to shake off Peter's hand.
Remus covered the spot with his hand then tried to tug the collar of his shirt up a bit to hide it, scowling all the while as he looked out over the courtyard. "What time is it?"
"Nearly time. I don't see how this accomplishes the goal."
"It doesn't. It won't do anything but embarrass Regulus and give Madame Pomfrey more work. It'll take a day or so for everyone's teeth to recede and for them to lose their fur. Rabbits. James has a funny sense of humor."
"He said it was the homage to you and your furry little problem."
"Harriet Truebell still thinks that I have a rabid bunny locked in my trunk. She's terrified of rabbits and hasn't been near me since third year."
"I bet Sirius doesn't mind that," Peter said just to watch Remus' cheeks color up a bit more.
This was another part of being a rat that Peter particularly liked: he knew everything. People didn't look around for rats when they confided their most precious secrets to their best friends. Peter knew before everyone else that Alice had asked Frank Longbottom to marry her this summer before they both started Auror training, or that Frank had told James that he'd only said yes because Alice scared him a bit (and also that he kinda liked that about her). Peter had also known before everyone else the reason why this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had been sacked (caught using schools stores for his side business of selling love potions to seventh year students and Polyjuice to shifty looking blokes in Hogsmeade). He also knew that Remus was peculiar when it came to Sirius, nearly as peculiar as Sirius was toward Remus. Peter had been snooping about one too many times in broom cupboards and beneath beds to mistake those sounds for anything other than a romantic entanglement between his two friends.
Peter tried not to think about it too hard about it. He didn't mind so much the two wizards part. He grew up above a pub owned by two chaps and called them both uncle though he wasn't related to either. They'd given him cakes and candy and later on butterbeer and called him Pally and asked about his girlfriends, though at the time he hadn't had one yet, and he'd known all along that they were in love with each other like his mum loved his stepdad (while not quite like that as it seemed mutual between his uncles and they didn't fight nearly so much or so hard). He didn't mind it because of that. What he minded was the thought of what would happen once James found out.
"The point is, Peter," Remus began, screwing his face up in the way as if pained before he seemed to shake it off and grinned a bit, his hand going back up to the mark on his neck. "Actually, in keeping with the spirit of the day, I don't have a point. Are you ready?"
Remus lifted his wand gracefully, the cuffs of his shabby black school robe slipping down past his thin wrists to reveal the watch that had been his father's and so much treasured. He checked the time then lifted his gaze heavenwards, biting his lower lip. Asking forgiveness, Peter thought, in the moment before they rained down chaos on the lot of unsuspecting Slytherins. Peter's own movements were jerky in comparison but his talent lie in Transfigurations, and soon the courtyard was filled with happy, green bunnies that would all too soon become angry, green students with the ability to hex back. The work done, Peter and Remus took off in different directions.
As Peter was running, he thought that what he didn't like about being a rat was that it was actually illegal that he could become a rat so there could be no slipping off in his rodent form once he'd been found out and trapped in a tight spot. Remus was gone in a flash, his own escape facilitated by Sirius, Peter suspected, who also had a gift for disappearing when he didn't want to be found and frequently took either James or Remus (and most often of late, Remus) along with him to these secret places that couldn't be found, not even with a very clever map.
Peter was barely off the Astronomy Tower before he heard Mr. Filch's voice, remembering in a vague way the dialogue of a Muggle picture show he once saw at a theatre in Brixton: I'll get you, my pretties. "Except my dog is nowhere to be found, as usual," he muttered, sliding around a corner to fumble with the Marauder's Map in his back pocket. He'd asked James for it, and at first James had refused saying that Remus would need it but then, at the last minute just last night, he woke Peter up at midnight to thrust it in his hands. It was now part of the Plan that Peter should have it, but Peter had no idea what that meant.
He tapped it once and muttered the words that made it come to life, shocked when he saw Mr. Filch so near--he always forgot that Mr. Filch was nearly as familiar with the secret passageways as they were--and tapped it again to hide the map just as Mr. Filch's cat sauntered by. It turned, hissed once in Peter's direction and then pranced back with its owner.
"Caught you now, you little worm." Mr. Filch grinned down at Peter, showing all his yellow teeth, and Peter groaned loudly. He hadn't been caught by Mr. Filch since the beginning of the year, which wasn't fair because Mr. Filch had never caught any of the other boys ever. Mr. Filch was unmoved and clamped his hand on Peter's shoulder and gave him a bit of a shake. "What's that in your hands?"
***
Sirius ran up three steps, hopped back down two, and then charged as fast as he could forward, tugging Remus along behind him, as they ran in the opposite direction that Peter had disappeared off to. They didn't have much time.
"This isn't part of the plan."
"This is very much part of my plan, Moony."
"I knew you were up to no good."
"Always. You wouldn't have it any other way."
"You're right. I wouldn't."
Sirius' smirk softened into a dopey kind of smile, he knew, but he still tossed it over his shoulder in Remus' direction as he tightened his grip on Remus' hand. He wanted to kiss him now but they didn't have time, not yet at least. He suspected Professor McGonagall was onto them. It was tricky without the map but they still managed to dodge three professors, the Head Girl (who knew they were up to something) and one persistent Slytherin who was bent on revenge. They were slightly out of breath by the time they reached their destination: a broom cupboard on the first floor precisely halfway between Professor McGonagall's and Mr. Filch's offices.
"What are we doing here?" Remus whispered in the dark closet after a moment of two of panting against the wall, shuffling about to avoid buckets and abandoned cauldrons, to catch their breath.
"All part of the plan, Moony," Sirius whispered back, reaching for him, sliding his hands beneath Remus' school robe and tugging Remus' shirt from his trousers.
"Your plan or James'?"
"Luckily for us all, my plan coincides precisely with James' at this exact moment, though we only have--" Sirius paused to point the tip of his glowing wand at Remus' wrist, laughing when Remus winced and groaned at the sudden light before he extinguished it again and tucked it back into his pocket. "More time than I thought. We've nearly half an hour."
"For what?"
"You sound much too suspicious," Sirius said though he didn't think Remus sounded very suspicious at all, particularly as he had made quick work of the buttons on Sirius' shirt and was busily attacking Sirius' neck with tongue and teeth.
"Of you?" Remus said between nips that would leave tiny red marks as they had in the past. Sirius loved that and would spend more time looking for them in the mirror than he did at fingering his fledgling mustache. "It's served me well these last seven years."
"Keeping an eye on me?"
"Both, as often as I can."
"I think that's more likely because you fancy my arse."
"I fancy all of you, but your arse is a particular favorite." As if to prove his point, Remus grabbed Sirius' arse with both hands and tugged him forward, laughing when Sirius did. "What are we doing here?"
"I thought that was becoming rather obvious."
"And you call James a prat."
"Because it's the truth."
They kissed for a long time, rocking against each other, long enough that Sirius thought that Remus had forgotten that they were in the middle of mischief. Sirius liked it when Remus forgot himself, when he forgot they were growing older and would soon be expected to be responsible and that maybe this was the last time they could be stupid and reckless. Sirius thought Remus had too many responsibilities already, too many hurts and disappointments, and he kissed Remus harder as he thought of it, as if he could chase them away with just his lips and his love. In response, Remus whimpered as Sirius used his teeth, moaned when Sirius' hand slipped into his trousers, and Sirius took that as permission, as admission.
"In twenty-five minutes," he whispered against the warm skin in the open v of Remus' shirt, "Mr. Potter, our worthy Head Boy, is going to swoop into Mr. Filch's office with Professor McGonagall and rescue our dear hapless Mr. Pettigrew before he gets strung up by his toes for turning eleven Slytherins snakes into rabbits and possessing contraband of unknown provenance or purpose."
"The Map?"
"Exactly."
"And what are we going to do? James wasn't clear on that point but I suspect it didn't involve me getting off."
"Yes, well. For the next--" It was necessary for a moment to remove his hand though the disappointed sound from Remus did funny things to Sirius' insides but it was necessary to check the time again (and then nibble for just a moment of the pale, tender skin of Remus' wrist) before continuing. "Twenty-two minutes, we really must get along if we're going to snog."
"And we're definitely going to snog?"
"Mmm," Sirius hummed, already about the business of kissing along Remus' chest where it never saw the sunshine, cut across like roads on a map with fine, silver scars. Sirius meant to touch the tip of his tongue to each one.
"That's James' plan?" Remus was slightly breathless, as he was when they first came into the closet to hide away, his nimble, calloused fingers tickling over Sirius' forearm before encircling Sirius' wrist and pulling it back to where he wanted it to be. Remus was cunning like this, and Sirius loved him more because of it. Sirius had spilled more than secrets like this, and he was keen to do so now.
"That's my plan, my love. James has no use for us for the next twenty-two minutes, right?"
There were more kisses and Sirius stroking along the warm velvet of Remus' cock, and it was too much--too wonderful--and Sirius fumbled single-handed with his own button and zip before pushing his trousers down his hips, in too much of a hurry to do more than that. He pushed his hips against Remus', grabbed Remus' leg around his thigh to pull them closer. "There you are, only don't tease me too much. You know I’m crazy about your cock."
"Do you want to suck it?"
"I want to. I want to taste you, only we haven't time."
Remus exhaled heavily through his nose, tipping his head back, rolling his hips up in a greedy little thrust. "Tell me more about your plan."
Sirius kissed him hungrily, drew back only enough to press their foreheads together, making his own thrusts--sharp and hard. "It's just that it's my last chance to snog you thoroughly in a broom cupboard. There will be other cupboards, of course--I've my eye on a particularly likely one in the Potter's townhouse in the City just outside James' room, the prat, and, of course, I've got cupboards to spare in the place I bought. We'll try each one of them in turn."
"It might take a long time."
"We have all the time in the world once we leave here. We've time enough to set on all the cupboards of London, but right now, my dearest Mr. Moony, I want this, with James waiting for me to slip into Filch's office behind him--"
"Under the cloak?"
"And with McGonagall looking for us, sure that we're off causing chaos."
"She wouldn't be wrong."
"Will you think I'm a complete sap if I said I love you, Remus?"
"Not if you tell me again how much you like my cock."
"I love all seven and three quarter inches. I love the way it tastes," Sirius whispered urgently as he slid their cocks together, changing the angle only just slightly by gripping Remus' thigh tighter and bit higher before he moved his hand to reach between them. "I love how it feels when you fuck me--you'll fuck me tonight," he demanded, and Remus' breath stuttered, biting his lip harder as he came into Sirius' hand. Sirius stroked him, using the mess on his fingers to slick them both. Remus was still clinging to Sirius, still clutching at his back, at his arse, pulling them together, his body shaking as he kissed Sirius messily.
Sirius captured Remus' hands and pressed them against the wall, trapping him, pulling one last body-wracking shudder from him, and Remus' head hit against the stone wall as he writhed with the force of it. "I love you," he whispered, nosing along the sweat slick skin of Remus' throat, and licking there, nuzzling. "I love you. Tell me you love me, too."
"I do, you spoiled mongrel. Broom cupboards. I could have had you in my bed."
"Not just any broom cupboard. The first one we mapped. The one you hid in second year when you thought you'd be tossed because three terribly clever wizards discovered their roommate was a werewolf--well, two terribly clever wizards. The first one I kissed you in."
"I kissed you, and I can't believe I'm in love with such a ridiculous romantic. That's incurable, you know, nearly as bad as being a dark creature."
"There's nothing bad about being a dark creature with such a lovely cock."
"No?" Remus asked as he wrapped his leg around Sirius' waist. "Are you going to come?"
"Yes. No. I want to come with your perfect cock up my perfect arse." The problem was that Remus was spent and Sirius was close though, so very close, and Remus' mouth was maddening on his earlobe, his breath hot against Sirius' neck and Sirius shuddered when Remus whispered, his voice low and filthy as he tightened his leg, "You should have planned things better."
"I planned things perfectly," Sirius gasped as he came onto Remus' belly, onto his hip, wet and warm, until they were sticky (stickier) and then he laughed, forgetting to be quiet because he felt giddy. "I'm going to fall over."
"You'd better not."
"How much time do we have?"
***
Sirius' fireworks were still going off all around them, bursting red stars trailing gold and silver in the clear, starry night of the charmed ceiling in the Great Hall. Blue comets chased after bright yellow snitches that blinked, and purple starbursts exploded all around them until it was bright as day. Lily covered her ears against the noise and then, when she turned back around, she found James on one knee in front of her. He looked so impossibly earnest that she couldn't look away, even though she knew practically the entire castle was watching them. James thought she'd never looked more beautiful.
"I have loved you since the moment I met you, Lily Evans," he said, shouting a bit to be heard. Sirius really had outdone himself.
"You didn't. You thought I was a boring, stupid girl and you dipped my braids into the ink wells and made fun of my wand work."
"I thought your wand work was perfect and I wanted you to notice me so badly."
"You were horrible!"
"I was so crazy about you, and I still am."
"You'll drive me mad."
"I hope you'll let me."
"James Potter!"
"Lily Evans, will you marry me?"
***
Remus was exhausted and just ever so slightly drunk on the bottle of wine that Sirius had liberated from someone at some point during the day. Sirius also had a small chocolate cake, a tiny tin of shortbreads, and box of Bertie Bott's, enough that Remus had begun to feel like a Christmas goose. They were laying together on Remus' bed, naked and sated, the fire burning though the evening was warm and the window was open. Peter was out in the forest serving his last detention ever and James was with Lily doing unspeakable things, Remus suspected, and neither should be expected until morning. He was glad. Sirius was warm and pliant in his arms, the hair at the nape of his neck still damp as he ran the back of his fingertips over Remus' skin.
"Did you know he was going to do that?" Remus asked after a while of watching the half moon move make shadows on the bed curtains.
"We talked about it."
"So, this entire day was all about James proposing to Lily?"
"Not the entire day."
"It was about the prank, too? Marauders forever and making our final mark on Hogwarts and all that rubbish you and James talked about this morning."
"Partly."
"What else is there?"
"This." Sirius raised his hand and conjured a dull, gold object that hung from a thin chain. He raised up a bit, dangling it nearer until Remus could see the initials JRL etched on the casing and caught his breath.
"Is that--"
"Your dad's compass."
"I thought it'd been lost forever when Filch took it from me in fifth year." Remus took the object in it hand and turned it over, feeling the familiar dent and scratches. He raised the lid and tipped it do that he could see the dial in the moonlight, unsurprised when the needle on the compass rose pointed to Sirius. "You did this for me? But the Map-"
"James and I talked about it. We can't take it with us. It belongs to the castle."
"Then letting Filch find it was part of the Plan."
"It'll be safe there until it's needed again."
"And how will it know it's needed."
"You need to ask?" Sirius asked.
"I suppose not." They were often convinced the Map had developed a mind of its own, some bit of magic of the four of them trapped forever on parchment.
"It'll know," Sirius agreed as he rested his head on Remus' chest again. "Besides, we couldn't get into Filch's office otherwise, not easily, and while he was yelling at Pete and threatening all manner of punishment, I slipped in under the cloak and got you that."
"You did that for me?"
"I'd do anything for you."
"Filch never did believe that it was Muggle and not filled with strange magic. I'm glad to have it back. I'll miss the Map, though. I'll miss Hogwarts."
"But you won't miss me because you won't have a chance. We're going to make new maps together, Moony," Sirius said. He caught Remus' hand and tipped the compass, making the needle sway and bob but still point firmly toward Sirius, toward the only home that Remus ever wanted. "You and I," Sirius whispered, just as Remus' eyes began to fall shut, "we're going to have all sorts of new adventures."
Author: escribo
Recipient: gryffindorj
Rating: NC-17
Contents or warnings (highlight to view): *Do we warn for frotting? Otherwise, none *
Word Count: 5295
Summary: Sacrifice, Love, Romance, and Adventure. What more could four boys possibly want? Besides a clearer plan, an answer, more explosions, and a bed... One out of the four isn't bad.
Notes: Inspired by the Barbara Ras poem of the same title
Remus watched as an enormous barn owl swooped into the Great Hall just as he finished sopping up the last of his egg yolks with his toast soldier. The owl's wings just barely dusted over the heads of a few third year Ravenclaws, making them duck, before it landed on the back of Professor McGonagall's chair. She paused in her conversation with Professor Flitwick, primly dabbed at her lips with the napkin spread in her lap, and then reached to collect the roll of parchment that was tied to the owl's outstretched leg. The three boys sitting with Remus at the high end of the Gryffindor table watched as well, holding their breathes as their favorite professor read through the missive once, twice, and then a third time, more slowly.
"This is never going to work. She's not going to fall for it," Remus whispered under his breath, low enough so that only James, sitting next to him, could hear.
The words seemed to work a spell of their own over him, though, and he straightened his back and his glasses before reaching for his pumpkin juice. "It's begun," he said cryptically over the rim of his goblet, wiggling his eyebrows at Sirius sitting across from him.
Remus honestly loved a good prank, but he still wasn't sure about this one. Even after months of planning, their plans still seemed vague, at least to him and probably Peter as well. It was a sure sign that James was up to something beyond what was scratched into a parchment hidden in a secret compartment of Remus' trunk. The same could be said of Sirius, too, but then Sirius was always up to no good. "It's too complicated."
"Nonsense, Moony," Sirius said cheerfully between bites of the sausage he had speared to the end of his fork. His gray eyes were glittering this morning with secrets and tactics, and when he winked at Remus, Remus felt the familiar flush of warmth spread across his freckled cheeks. "I don't think it's nearly complicated enough."
"You never do," Remus said, though his lips still curled into a smile, practically against his will. Every now and again, he felt the need to remind them that he was a Prefect, and as such, compelled to try to keep them in line, even when it was their Head Boy leading them down the path of detention. Of course, he would only be their (very ineffective) Prefect for a few more days and then reality would crowd in around them all too soon. The thought of that overshadowed his enjoyment of even Sirius' most mischievous grin, which he was now tossing in Remus' direction, and he scowled in return. "There are too many moving parts. Half of them won't work or the timing will be off or-"
He'd made this argument once already. Their plan--James' plan--was immensely complicated. It would fall apart, particularly since it relied on Professor McGonagall acting on the letter she's just received, which is ridiculous, because why would a witch of her stature respond to anything so cryptic?
"It's perfect," Sirius said in the same voice he used on Remus when trying to soothe him after a full moon, and Remus would be resentful of it except that it worked, and Sirius knew it worked.
Remus sat back before he embarrassed himself by swaying in toward Sirius like a love sick third year on his first trip to Madame Puddifoot's. Instead, he only just shook his head slightly as he picked up a thick scone and began slathering it with butter and jam. It would work because James said it would work and because Remus had timed the fiddly bits, as he always did, and because Sirius would have charmed anyone who needed charmed with something more than a wand and spells, and because Peter would follow James' instructions precisely. It would work because their pranks always worked, except for the times they failed spectacularly, and even those were pretty good.
"Of course, it's not too late to add some more explosions," Sirius whispered to the back of James' head before he caught Remus' eye and winked, demonstrating why he was so good at his chosen task (with the exception of buttering up Slytherins--Sirius definitely had his line and would rather hex than charm when it came to snakes). Lately, Remus needed that charm directed at him more often than not, and luckily Sirius was more than willing to oblige. "We could still add some during the---"
"It's perfect," James said, cutting Sirius off before he could get started. "Don't add things, Padfoot. A cauldron will detonate during Potions and we have that blast during tea. There are plenty of explosions, enough to satisfy even you."
"Hardly enough."
"Next time."
"What next time? This is it, gentlemen." Sirius put down his fork, dusted his fingertips just as primly with his own napkin as Professor McGonagall had, and then leaned his elbows on the table to whisper at them conspiratorially. They all leaned in out of habit, and Remus felt the familiar thrill run down his spine, just as it had on their first prank back in first year "This is our last prank inside these hallowed halls. It has to be the best one ever."
"It will be," James said, as he turned once more to watch Professor McGonagall, who still had the letter clutched in her hand and a conflicted expression on her face, as if she couldn't quite decide what to do. Remus didn't blame her. "We're going to be remembered."
"I'm pretty sure no one is likely to forget the sight of you streaking through the Great Hall naked every Valentine's Day for five year running," Remus reminded him to a chorus of snickers from the others.
"That wasn't my fault! I lost a bet."
"Five years in a row, James. People were beginning to suspect you're a sucker, easy, or both."
James narrowed his eyes at Sirius and Sirius barked out his laugh, tipping his head back. Remus watched for another second, nearly breathless at the sight, while James blustered about mutts and dirty pool.
Peter leaned further on the table to point his meaty finger in Sirius' direction, quick to defend James. "They'll certainly remember the duel Sirius had with his cousin in fourth year. They've never been able to get the paintings in the north tower properly restored. All your relatives on that corridor still whistle like tea kettles when anyone calls anyone else a--"
"Don't you say it, or I'll make you sing as well, Peter."
"I've my own fully grown Whomping Willow to stand as my memorial, haven't I." Remus looked away, back to the high table as he wondered about the mark he'd made at Hogwarts--about the mark he'd be able make outside its door once he lost Dumbledore's and his friends' protection.
When Remus looked up again, he bristled at the concern he could see in Sirius' eyes. He didn't like that, liked it best when Sirius' eyes sparkled with mischief, darkened with lust, or widened with curiosity. His concern was nearly unbearable. It was growing up too fast and losing too quickly, and Remus suddenly saw the point in their seemingly pointless prank. He didn't want his last days to be filled with nothing but exams and good-byes, wanted quite suddenly nothing more than to slow the inexorable march of time and keep things forever like this moment. "Never mind. I actually think Sirius is right."
"You do?" James and Sirius asked together, their faces twin masks of confusion for one moment before realization broke through and they realized Remus was on board with the mischief at hand.
"Absolutely. There should definitely be more explosions."
***
The best thing about being a rat, at least in Peter's experience, was that it was much easier to hide when professors began looking for someone to blame. He avoided a lot of time in detention that way, particularly when one of their pranks started going spectacularly wrong. James promised this one hadn't yet when they met just before class but then he still had both his eyebrows and Remus was going to kill them all if James didn't figure out what caused Remus to break out into purple spots. Sirius said he could help but needed to see the extent of the problem and dragged him off in the direction of their dorm, leaving Peter to execute the next part of the plan alone.
Or rather, the next three parts to their plan. The first, to distract Professor Slughorn whilst James replaced Andrew Froghorn's flobberworm juice with Mysteburium essence, which looked the same but was much more volatile, went off without a hitch. Peter was honestly worried about getting a Dreadful on his N.E.W.T. since he didn't have Remus there to help him anymore, Remus having given up Potions after sixth year, so it wasn't hard to come up with an excuse to talk with the professor just outside the door whilst everyone else finished up the assignment. Peter did what his mother said he did best: he whinged. He begged for an extra assignment that would ensure he received at least Acceptable, no matter what happened with the exam. He really did put the effort into it, too, occupying Slughorn's attention for the full ten minutes James needed as well as an extra five to help guarantee his grade.
They were all surprised at the size of the explosion though. It went off like a rocket, which wasn't in the original plan, coating everyone and everything, except for Sirius, who had slipped in quite late and seemed curiously unaffected. The resulting stampede out of the dungeon (James leading the way in the direction of showers, Peter assumed, since they smelled like a party of cave trolls) gave a similarly unscathed Peter time to scurry all the way up to the Astronomy Tower to meet with an (luckily for James) unspotted Remus at half past ten, where the next part of the plan would take place. With the ten o'clock Potions lessons canceled while Mr. Filch dealt with the mess, most of the students--sixth year Slytherins--were out on the courtyard, far down below them.
Remus had his most Prefectly face on, so Peter knew he didn't like this part of the plan though he would do what needed to be done, both because he was a Marauder and because it was Sirius who particularly wanted this part included.
"'Allo Remus."
"Wormtail."
"Sirius got rid of your spots."
"Turned out they were temporary and only just needed the counter-spell."
"Which Sirius knew."
"Yeah. He's handy to have about on occasion."
Peter thought Remus was being curiously silent on the matter of the missing spots, however, to not give even a hint as to what the cure had been. Generally the most vulnerable, Peter was virtually encyclopedic in the field of counter-curses, antidotes, and correctives, and thus took particular interest, but he supposed he'd find out from James later on. Not that James was likely to tell him outright (likely because he didn't know) but because Sirius would tell James and then Peter would have a chance to overhear. Of course, at the sight of Remus' neck, he hoped the cure didn't rely on being so thoroughly snogged.
"You've another spot on your neck, just above your collar." Peter pressed his thumb to the bruised spot just to watch Remus flinch and then blush, ducking his head to shake off Peter's hand.
Remus covered the spot with his hand then tried to tug the collar of his shirt up a bit to hide it, scowling all the while as he looked out over the courtyard. "What time is it?"
"Nearly time. I don't see how this accomplishes the goal."
"It doesn't. It won't do anything but embarrass Regulus and give Madame Pomfrey more work. It'll take a day or so for everyone's teeth to recede and for them to lose their fur. Rabbits. James has a funny sense of humor."
"He said it was the homage to you and your furry little problem."
"Harriet Truebell still thinks that I have a rabid bunny locked in my trunk. She's terrified of rabbits and hasn't been near me since third year."
"I bet Sirius doesn't mind that," Peter said just to watch Remus' cheeks color up a bit more.
This was another part of being a rat that Peter particularly liked: he knew everything. People didn't look around for rats when they confided their most precious secrets to their best friends. Peter knew before everyone else that Alice had asked Frank Longbottom to marry her this summer before they both started Auror training, or that Frank had told James that he'd only said yes because Alice scared him a bit (and also that he kinda liked that about her). Peter had also known before everyone else the reason why this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had been sacked (caught using schools stores for his side business of selling love potions to seventh year students and Polyjuice to shifty looking blokes in Hogsmeade). He also knew that Remus was peculiar when it came to Sirius, nearly as peculiar as Sirius was toward Remus. Peter had been snooping about one too many times in broom cupboards and beneath beds to mistake those sounds for anything other than a romantic entanglement between his two friends.
Peter tried not to think about it too hard about it. He didn't mind so much the two wizards part. He grew up above a pub owned by two chaps and called them both uncle though he wasn't related to either. They'd given him cakes and candy and later on butterbeer and called him Pally and asked about his girlfriends, though at the time he hadn't had one yet, and he'd known all along that they were in love with each other like his mum loved his stepdad (while not quite like that as it seemed mutual between his uncles and they didn't fight nearly so much or so hard). He didn't mind it because of that. What he minded was the thought of what would happen once James found out.
"The point is, Peter," Remus began, screwing his face up in the way as if pained before he seemed to shake it off and grinned a bit, his hand going back up to the mark on his neck. "Actually, in keeping with the spirit of the day, I don't have a point. Are you ready?"
Remus lifted his wand gracefully, the cuffs of his shabby black school robe slipping down past his thin wrists to reveal the watch that had been his father's and so much treasured. He checked the time then lifted his gaze heavenwards, biting his lower lip. Asking forgiveness, Peter thought, in the moment before they rained down chaos on the lot of unsuspecting Slytherins. Peter's own movements were jerky in comparison but his talent lie in Transfigurations, and soon the courtyard was filled with happy, green bunnies that would all too soon become angry, green students with the ability to hex back. The work done, Peter and Remus took off in different directions.
As Peter was running, he thought that what he didn't like about being a rat was that it was actually illegal that he could become a rat so there could be no slipping off in his rodent form once he'd been found out and trapped in a tight spot. Remus was gone in a flash, his own escape facilitated by Sirius, Peter suspected, who also had a gift for disappearing when he didn't want to be found and frequently took either James or Remus (and most often of late, Remus) along with him to these secret places that couldn't be found, not even with a very clever map.
Peter was barely off the Astronomy Tower before he heard Mr. Filch's voice, remembering in a vague way the dialogue of a Muggle picture show he once saw at a theatre in Brixton: I'll get you, my pretties. "Except my dog is nowhere to be found, as usual," he muttered, sliding around a corner to fumble with the Marauder's Map in his back pocket. He'd asked James for it, and at first James had refused saying that Remus would need it but then, at the last minute just last night, he woke Peter up at midnight to thrust it in his hands. It was now part of the Plan that Peter should have it, but Peter had no idea what that meant.
He tapped it once and muttered the words that made it come to life, shocked when he saw Mr. Filch so near--he always forgot that Mr. Filch was nearly as familiar with the secret passageways as they were--and tapped it again to hide the map just as Mr. Filch's cat sauntered by. It turned, hissed once in Peter's direction and then pranced back with its owner.
"Caught you now, you little worm." Mr. Filch grinned down at Peter, showing all his yellow teeth, and Peter groaned loudly. He hadn't been caught by Mr. Filch since the beginning of the year, which wasn't fair because Mr. Filch had never caught any of the other boys ever. Mr. Filch was unmoved and clamped his hand on Peter's shoulder and gave him a bit of a shake. "What's that in your hands?"
***
Sirius ran up three steps, hopped back down two, and then charged as fast as he could forward, tugging Remus along behind him, as they ran in the opposite direction that Peter had disappeared off to. They didn't have much time.
"This isn't part of the plan."
"This is very much part of my plan, Moony."
"I knew you were up to no good."
"Always. You wouldn't have it any other way."
"You're right. I wouldn't."
Sirius' smirk softened into a dopey kind of smile, he knew, but he still tossed it over his shoulder in Remus' direction as he tightened his grip on Remus' hand. He wanted to kiss him now but they didn't have time, not yet at least. He suspected Professor McGonagall was onto them. It was tricky without the map but they still managed to dodge three professors, the Head Girl (who knew they were up to something) and one persistent Slytherin who was bent on revenge. They were slightly out of breath by the time they reached their destination: a broom cupboard on the first floor precisely halfway between Professor McGonagall's and Mr. Filch's offices.
"What are we doing here?" Remus whispered in the dark closet after a moment of two of panting against the wall, shuffling about to avoid buckets and abandoned cauldrons, to catch their breath.
"All part of the plan, Moony," Sirius whispered back, reaching for him, sliding his hands beneath Remus' school robe and tugging Remus' shirt from his trousers.
"Your plan or James'?"
"Luckily for us all, my plan coincides precisely with James' at this exact moment, though we only have--" Sirius paused to point the tip of his glowing wand at Remus' wrist, laughing when Remus winced and groaned at the sudden light before he extinguished it again and tucked it back into his pocket. "More time than I thought. We've nearly half an hour."
"For what?"
"You sound much too suspicious," Sirius said though he didn't think Remus sounded very suspicious at all, particularly as he had made quick work of the buttons on Sirius' shirt and was busily attacking Sirius' neck with tongue and teeth.
"Of you?" Remus said between nips that would leave tiny red marks as they had in the past. Sirius loved that and would spend more time looking for them in the mirror than he did at fingering his fledgling mustache. "It's served me well these last seven years."
"Keeping an eye on me?"
"Both, as often as I can."
"I think that's more likely because you fancy my arse."
"I fancy all of you, but your arse is a particular favorite." As if to prove his point, Remus grabbed Sirius' arse with both hands and tugged him forward, laughing when Sirius did. "What are we doing here?"
"I thought that was becoming rather obvious."
"And you call James a prat."
"Because it's the truth."
They kissed for a long time, rocking against each other, long enough that Sirius thought that Remus had forgotten that they were in the middle of mischief. Sirius liked it when Remus forgot himself, when he forgot they were growing older and would soon be expected to be responsible and that maybe this was the last time they could be stupid and reckless. Sirius thought Remus had too many responsibilities already, too many hurts and disappointments, and he kissed Remus harder as he thought of it, as if he could chase them away with just his lips and his love. In response, Remus whimpered as Sirius used his teeth, moaned when Sirius' hand slipped into his trousers, and Sirius took that as permission, as admission.
"In twenty-five minutes," he whispered against the warm skin in the open v of Remus' shirt, "Mr. Potter, our worthy Head Boy, is going to swoop into Mr. Filch's office with Professor McGonagall and rescue our dear hapless Mr. Pettigrew before he gets strung up by his toes for turning eleven Slytherins snakes into rabbits and possessing contraband of unknown provenance or purpose."
"The Map?"
"Exactly."
"And what are we going to do? James wasn't clear on that point but I suspect it didn't involve me getting off."
"Yes, well. For the next--" It was necessary for a moment to remove his hand though the disappointed sound from Remus did funny things to Sirius' insides but it was necessary to check the time again (and then nibble for just a moment of the pale, tender skin of Remus' wrist) before continuing. "Twenty-two minutes, we really must get along if we're going to snog."
"And we're definitely going to snog?"
"Mmm," Sirius hummed, already about the business of kissing along Remus' chest where it never saw the sunshine, cut across like roads on a map with fine, silver scars. Sirius meant to touch the tip of his tongue to each one.
"That's James' plan?" Remus was slightly breathless, as he was when they first came into the closet to hide away, his nimble, calloused fingers tickling over Sirius' forearm before encircling Sirius' wrist and pulling it back to where he wanted it to be. Remus was cunning like this, and Sirius loved him more because of it. Sirius had spilled more than secrets like this, and he was keen to do so now.
"That's my plan, my love. James has no use for us for the next twenty-two minutes, right?"
There were more kisses and Sirius stroking along the warm velvet of Remus' cock, and it was too much--too wonderful--and Sirius fumbled single-handed with his own button and zip before pushing his trousers down his hips, in too much of a hurry to do more than that. He pushed his hips against Remus', grabbed Remus' leg around his thigh to pull them closer. "There you are, only don't tease me too much. You know I’m crazy about your cock."
"Do you want to suck it?"
"I want to. I want to taste you, only we haven't time."
Remus exhaled heavily through his nose, tipping his head back, rolling his hips up in a greedy little thrust. "Tell me more about your plan."
Sirius kissed him hungrily, drew back only enough to press their foreheads together, making his own thrusts--sharp and hard. "It's just that it's my last chance to snog you thoroughly in a broom cupboard. There will be other cupboards, of course--I've my eye on a particularly likely one in the Potter's townhouse in the City just outside James' room, the prat, and, of course, I've got cupboards to spare in the place I bought. We'll try each one of them in turn."
"It might take a long time."
"We have all the time in the world once we leave here. We've time enough to set on all the cupboards of London, but right now, my dearest Mr. Moony, I want this, with James waiting for me to slip into Filch's office behind him--"
"Under the cloak?"
"And with McGonagall looking for us, sure that we're off causing chaos."
"She wouldn't be wrong."
"Will you think I'm a complete sap if I said I love you, Remus?"
"Not if you tell me again how much you like my cock."
"I love all seven and three quarter inches. I love the way it tastes," Sirius whispered urgently as he slid their cocks together, changing the angle only just slightly by gripping Remus' thigh tighter and bit higher before he moved his hand to reach between them. "I love how it feels when you fuck me--you'll fuck me tonight," he demanded, and Remus' breath stuttered, biting his lip harder as he came into Sirius' hand. Sirius stroked him, using the mess on his fingers to slick them both. Remus was still clinging to Sirius, still clutching at his back, at his arse, pulling them together, his body shaking as he kissed Sirius messily.
Sirius captured Remus' hands and pressed them against the wall, trapping him, pulling one last body-wracking shudder from him, and Remus' head hit against the stone wall as he writhed with the force of it. "I love you," he whispered, nosing along the sweat slick skin of Remus' throat, and licking there, nuzzling. "I love you. Tell me you love me, too."
"I do, you spoiled mongrel. Broom cupboards. I could have had you in my bed."
"Not just any broom cupboard. The first one we mapped. The one you hid in second year when you thought you'd be tossed because three terribly clever wizards discovered their roommate was a werewolf--well, two terribly clever wizards. The first one I kissed you in."
"I kissed you, and I can't believe I'm in love with such a ridiculous romantic. That's incurable, you know, nearly as bad as being a dark creature."
"There's nothing bad about being a dark creature with such a lovely cock."
"No?" Remus asked as he wrapped his leg around Sirius' waist. "Are you going to come?"
"Yes. No. I want to come with your perfect cock up my perfect arse." The problem was that Remus was spent and Sirius was close though, so very close, and Remus' mouth was maddening on his earlobe, his breath hot against Sirius' neck and Sirius shuddered when Remus whispered, his voice low and filthy as he tightened his leg, "You should have planned things better."
"I planned things perfectly," Sirius gasped as he came onto Remus' belly, onto his hip, wet and warm, until they were sticky (stickier) and then he laughed, forgetting to be quiet because he felt giddy. "I'm going to fall over."
"You'd better not."
"How much time do we have?"
***
Sirius' fireworks were still going off all around them, bursting red stars trailing gold and silver in the clear, starry night of the charmed ceiling in the Great Hall. Blue comets chased after bright yellow snitches that blinked, and purple starbursts exploded all around them until it was bright as day. Lily covered her ears against the noise and then, when she turned back around, she found James on one knee in front of her. He looked so impossibly earnest that she couldn't look away, even though she knew practically the entire castle was watching them. James thought she'd never looked more beautiful.
"I have loved you since the moment I met you, Lily Evans," he said, shouting a bit to be heard. Sirius really had outdone himself.
"You didn't. You thought I was a boring, stupid girl and you dipped my braids into the ink wells and made fun of my wand work."
"I thought your wand work was perfect and I wanted you to notice me so badly."
"You were horrible!"
"I was so crazy about you, and I still am."
"You'll drive me mad."
"I hope you'll let me."
"James Potter!"
"Lily Evans, will you marry me?"
***
Remus was exhausted and just ever so slightly drunk on the bottle of wine that Sirius had liberated from someone at some point during the day. Sirius also had a small chocolate cake, a tiny tin of shortbreads, and box of Bertie Bott's, enough that Remus had begun to feel like a Christmas goose. They were laying together on Remus' bed, naked and sated, the fire burning though the evening was warm and the window was open. Peter was out in the forest serving his last detention ever and James was with Lily doing unspeakable things, Remus suspected, and neither should be expected until morning. He was glad. Sirius was warm and pliant in his arms, the hair at the nape of his neck still damp as he ran the back of his fingertips over Remus' skin.
"Did you know he was going to do that?" Remus asked after a while of watching the half moon move make shadows on the bed curtains.
"We talked about it."
"So, this entire day was all about James proposing to Lily?"
"Not the entire day."
"It was about the prank, too? Marauders forever and making our final mark on Hogwarts and all that rubbish you and James talked about this morning."
"Partly."
"What else is there?"
"This." Sirius raised his hand and conjured a dull, gold object that hung from a thin chain. He raised up a bit, dangling it nearer until Remus could see the initials JRL etched on the casing and caught his breath.
"Is that--"
"Your dad's compass."
"I thought it'd been lost forever when Filch took it from me in fifth year." Remus took the object in it hand and turned it over, feeling the familiar dent and scratches. He raised the lid and tipped it do that he could see the dial in the moonlight, unsurprised when the needle on the compass rose pointed to Sirius. "You did this for me? But the Map-"
"James and I talked about it. We can't take it with us. It belongs to the castle."
"Then letting Filch find it was part of the Plan."
"It'll be safe there until it's needed again."
"And how will it know it's needed."
"You need to ask?" Sirius asked.
"I suppose not." They were often convinced the Map had developed a mind of its own, some bit of magic of the four of them trapped forever on parchment.
"It'll know," Sirius agreed as he rested his head on Remus' chest again. "Besides, we couldn't get into Filch's office otherwise, not easily, and while he was yelling at Pete and threatening all manner of punishment, I slipped in under the cloak and got you that."
"You did that for me?"
"I'd do anything for you."
"Filch never did believe that it was Muggle and not filled with strange magic. I'm glad to have it back. I'll miss the Map, though. I'll miss Hogwarts."
"But you won't miss me because you won't have a chance. We're going to make new maps together, Moony," Sirius said. He caught Remus' hand and tipped the compass, making the needle sway and bob but still point firmly toward Sirius, toward the only home that Remus ever wanted. "You and I," Sirius whispered, just as Remus' eyes began to fall shut, "we're going to have all sorts of new adventures."