Knee-Deep
Title: Knee-Deep
Rating: PG-13
Genre: drama/romance/minor!angst
Length: one-shot
Pairing: Yehmin, broken!Kyumin
Disclaimer: I don't own them, SME does. Plot is mine.
Summary: It isn't safe finding yourself knee-deep into trouble, double-taking over pain, and head-over-heels in love.
Sungmin isn't quite sure what to feel anymore when he looks down at his feet, his legs trembling and threatening to give in beneath him, just to discover that he's already knee-deep into the cold ocean waters.
They say when your feet are cold, your heart grows numb with it.
Kyuhyun had been calling, attempting to contact him in any way humanely possible, but Sungmin threw the cell phone out the window of the cab some where along the long ride to the beach.
“Of course he would,” Sungmin scoffed to himself lightly. He wasn't going to give in this time. Sungmin remembers promising himself to only allow one chance, one opportunity at redemption, for anyone who had caused pain to him.
Because Sungmin knows pain; this emotion isn't foreign to him, not at all.
Apparently, whoever started that damn rumor about the heart being connected to the feet was wrong because Sungmin was knee-deep into the freezing salt water and his heart was still aching.
He can't quite remember how he ended up here either.
Sungmin sighed while kicking his feet gently, disturbing the tranquility in the waters and watching the formation of miniature swirls and waves surface and disappear. He briefly wonders if maybe those little tornadoes beside him would be able to tear away his worries, or swipe him off his feet.
Either way, he just wanted a break; a break from Kyuhyun, a break from his feelings, a break from himself.
Everyone said Sungmin was emotionally fragile. He wasn't.
Sure, Sungmin loved to pout and he was easily disturbed by things others may find to be lesser problems in life, but it was only because he cared. Perhaps he was shaken by such things, but he's never been torn by them... He's lived through them and they are what make him stronger.
Sungmin's not fragile. He has to remind himself of this fact before he forgets it, because everyone else around him tells him otherwise. He also has to remember that no one knows him better than himself, because other people have been trying to prove to him otherwise.
There was a sudden longing for Sungmin to just collapse into the water and maybe let his whole body go numb; maybe then his heart would, too.
A prickling sensation slowly spread itself over Sungmin's calves and he was reminded that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He needs these legs; to dance, to practice martial arts, to walk, to kick Kyuhyun when he was being a pain.
Sungmin reached down into the waters to massage his legs, an action he yet again regretted almost instantly. His fingers froze upon contact with the freezing salt water and Sungmin wondered how he got into the ocean without realization of any sort. He quickly drew his hand back and rubbed his hands together for warmth, to feel them again.
How ironic.
It's only after a five count of blinking into the sky, at the sun, does Sungmin force his eyes away, squeezing them shut and trying to block out the light. It didn't work, of course. When he closed his eyes, the light was still there and the pain was still persistent.
Just like the pain in his chest.
Nothing was working out for him.
Odd, Sungmin remembers being perfect; he remembers how he was so good at everything he tried, perfected everything he attempted at learning. Yet, he had tried so hard to learn how to love, how to be loved, this was the one and only thing he actually gave his all - heart, soul, and mind - but it was the one thing he couldn't perfect.
Because love isn't perfect, it never will be.
Sungmin winced at the loss of circulation in his legs, probably because he had been standing on his feet so stiffly in such cold temperatures, and groaned. Slowly, he backed up out of the water until he was on dry sand; the warmth of the sand embracing him like a sheet of blanket as he dropped to the ground exhaustively.
He pulled his knees to his chest, wiggling his toes in his wet shoes for comfort, and buried his face into his arms. “I'm not going to cry,” he mutters to himself, biting down on his bottom lip.
When his world broke into tears - the world that consisted of his 12 members - and no one knew what to do, Sungmin was the one who stayed strong and held his kin in his arms.
When his world crumbled - the revolts that occurred because of the addition of two new members - and so many of the boys were crying again, especially the two new members he held so dear, Sungmin was the one who stood his ground and lent them a shoulder, a hand to hold.
When his world crashed - the first time Kyuhyun had hurt him - and everyone else worried for him like the sky was going to drop on his shoulders and bury him alive, Sungmin smiled and told them he was okay.
What gives him the right to cry now - just because he knows this time it's truly, honestly over?
“Please don't.”
The voice startled Sungmin and he lifted his head to look the speaker in the eyes. Instead he found a towel of some sort being thrown on him. It didn't matter. He could recognize that voice from a mile away.
“What are you doing here, hyung?” Sungmin croaked. He cleared his throat, tapping on his neck gently.
Yesung laughed, seating himself beside Sungmin. “That's what I want to ask you, though I'm sure I already know the reason.”
And he probably did, Sungmin reasoned. His relationship with Kyuhyun wasn't a secret and Kyuhyun wasn't very secretive about his affairs either. Sometimes it made Yesung wonder if Kyuhyun ever intended to hide it.
“Did that make you feel better?”Yesung asked, stretching his arms over his head.
Sungmin shrugged. “I don't know.”
Yesung smiled. “I didn't think so.”
Silence ensued as the duo sat there, with nothing to say and not much to think. Sungmin thinks it's a good feeling, to be resting in absolute silence without feeling awkward.
Yesung had that kind of impact on people; he's odd and uncomfortable to be around when he speaks, when he tries to influence someone with his humor and lack-of-wit, but when he's just there, when he's just being Jongwoon, he's much, much more tolerable. Maybe even enjoyable.
The elder of the two took a deep breath, an indication that he wanted to speak.
“Don't,” Sungmin interrupted before Yesung even got the chance to say anything, “don't break this, hyung, don't make my world collapse.”
Yesung bit on his cheek, glancing in his dongsaengs direction with a bitter expression. “I have to,” was his reply. “I'm not going to be the one to make your world collapse, Min, and neither is Kyuhyun or-”
“I know,” Sungmin gritted through his teeth, “it's all my own fault.”
“It's not your fault either,” Yesung reassured, throwing an arm over Sungmin's shoulder. “It's the cold, it's because you decided to fall knee-deep without taking a good look around first.”
Sungmin hesitated a second before deciding whether Yesung was referring to falling into the water or falling for Kyuhyun - he decided it was probably a mixture of both. “I stepped out of it,” Sungmin coughed. Yesung pat him on the back soothingly, worried he might catch a cold.
“You can't just decide to do something and expect to accomplish it,” Yesung reminded.
“I can,” Sungmin smiled weakly, “didn't you see? I backed out of the water just like I wanted to without any issues.”
Yesung laughed. “If only love was that easy, Min.”
“How do you know what I had for Kyuhyun was love?” Sungmin asked.
The expression on Yesung's face dropped, just like his hands did from Sungmin's back, and he stared ahead at the endless ocean. “Wasn't it?”
It seemed as if time paused, both of them sitting in the sand with their eyes glued ahead of them, and this was a moment that was desired from Sungmin. The boy rubbed his legs back to life, the piercing cold stinging his milky skin, and turned to his hyung. “I can do it, hyung. If I say I can do it, then I can.”
“Forgetting isn't easy, Sungmin,” Yesung cooed affectionately, reaching over and ruffling Sungmin's slightly grown out hair.
Yesung's hand was warm, it was soft, it held all the care Sungmin needed at this moment. If there was anything anyone in Super Junior knew, it was that Yesung was a dependable man; he was mature, caring, and very unique.
Sungmin shook his head. “I don't want to forget,” he replied, forcing another smile and putting up a wall of defense, “I want to forgive.”
“That's right,” Yesung chuckled low in his throat, “you've got too much in your heart, you don't have enough space for hate.”
Exhausted, tired, unable to withstand any longer, Sungmin couldn't think of any other way to relieve his stress other than relying on Yesung, relying on the only man he could trust not to hurt him. Yesung was much too delicate, too kind of a hyung, to hurt anyone.
“It's okay,” Yesung hushed as Sungmin leaned to the side, resting his head on Yesung's shoulder, “I'm here with you.”
Sungmin nodded, sniffling, when he felt Yesung's hand on the back of his head, pulling him closer and holding him firmly. “It hurts,” Sungmin finally confessed minutes later, unable to hold up his pretenses of being alright, of being nonchalant, “it hurts so much.”
There were no tears and Yesung wondered if he should be worried.
“But the pain will go away, right? If I try really hard, like with everything else I do, it will go away.”
Sungmin's tone was unsteady, it was shaky and unsure and Yesung wished he could wash away all of Sungmin's fears and uncertainties like a wave from the ocean because it pained him to see Sungmin so sad, so broken. He held this boy dear to his heart; when he discovered that Sungmin was dating Kyuhyun those few years back, he hoped hard that Kyuhyun would change for the boy.
He wanted Kyuhyun to change for his Sungmin.
“Because you're such a strong and kind boy,” Yesung whispered against the crown of Sungmin's head, giving him a light kiss, “you can do anything.”
Sungmin jumped into his hyungs arms, both of them toppling over into the sand. With his hands wrapped around Yesung's torso and his head resting over Yesung's heart, Sungmin held the older man so tightly it could be considered a death grip.
Yesung laughed, patting Sungmin on the back as he stared into the cloud-filled sky.
“You're the best, hyung,” Sungmin mumbled into Yesung's chest, “I love you so much.”
And there was nothing Yesung wanted more than for those words to be real. “I love you, too, Min.”
“I realized something today,” Sungmin declared, snuggling closer against Yesung's molded figure, “I always focused so much on why Kyuhyun didn't love me, why he always chose to go back to that person, but I failed to consider if I truly loved him anymore.”
Yesung understands, he thinks he can relate, because feelings are foolish that way. When your brain starts to think faster than your feelings, your emotions are clouded by tainted thoughts.
“I was thinking about it while I was in the water - I wondered if the reason I'm in so much pain is because he doesn't love me as much as I wished, or if it's just simply because he left me,” Sungmin continued. “I think it's mostly the latter.”
“Every man is entitled to their own pride,” Yesung shrugged.
Sungmin sighed. “If only I had some.”
Yesung laughed. “You're always too hard on yourself.”
“You're always too soft on me,” Sungmin retorted.
“I am,” Yesung agreed. “Can we go back now?”
Sungmin frowned. “Why?”
“Everyone's probably worried sick about you,” Yesung said, sitting up and dragging Sungmin up in the process. “We really have to go back before they start freaking out.”
“You're always so responsible,” Sungmin shook his head with a chuckle, “and so dependable.”
Yesung stood and dusted the sand off of himself. “Then depend on me,” he said, looking over at Sungmin with a sincere smile.
Surprised by Yesung's statement, Sungmin stood with his mouth agape and eyes widened slightly as Yesung dusted off some sand from his back and out of his hair.
“I mean it, Min,” Yesung repeated, cupping Sungmin's cheek in one hand and kissing the boy on the forehead. “Promise to at least consider thinking about it?”
The only thing Sungmin could do was nod and follow behind Yesung as they headed for the older mans car. Silence accompanied them the rest of the ride back to the dorms, Yesung behind the wheel and Sungmin sitting perfectly serene in the passengers seat. It took about fifteen minutes down the road before Sungmin fell asleep, Yesung's jacket wrapped around his torso.
After the hour and a half long drive came to a conclusion, Yesung's car parked in the lot of their dorm, Yesung almost wished he didn't have to wake the younger boy. Sungmin looked so peaceful, so tranquil, so beautiful in his sleep. He looked so contented, so happy, so extremely carefree.
Yesung couldn't help but kiss him on the cheek lightly, his lips grazing over Sungmin's creamy skin.
Sungmin shuffled a bit, the sensation of Yesung's soft kiss making him tingle on the cheek. “Mm?” Sungmin moaned as his eyes blinked open. Yesung quickly pulled back. “Are we here already?”
“Yeah,” Yesung chuckled nervously. “Let's go.”
Sungmin nodded cutely and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, returning Yesung's jacket. “Thank you for everything, hyung,” Sungmin said one last time before they entered the dorm doors. The boy knew exactly what was awaiting him behind the large frame but he wasn't sure he was prepared for this just yet.
“Anything for you, Min,” Yesung teased as he turned the lock with his keys and pushed the door open.
Kyuhyun immediately rushed to the door, greeting Yesung briefly before turning to Sungmin with worry in his eyes. “Where were you Min?!” Kyuhyun asked, grasping Sungmin by the shoulders.
Sungmin mentally noted that his pet name didn't sound as sweet to the ears coming from Kyuhyun compared to when Yesung used it.
“Why didn't you pick up the phone?” Kyuhyun prompted again when the older boy simply shrugged his hands off his shoulders and advanced towards their room.
“I'm not obligated to answer all of your phone calls, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin lazily uttered as he kept walking down the hall. “I threw my phone away somewhere, I don't know where it is.”
Kyuhyun frowned when Sungmin called him Kyuhyun, he had never called him just Kyuhyun. The name sounded bland to his ears, in-affectionate and monotonous. He expected this. “I'm really sorry, Min, I know I did something wrong. Just... just forgive me?”
“I will,” Sungmin said, not stopping even when Kyuhyun tugged on his arm, “actually, I have already forgiven you.”
When the steps behind him paused, Sungmin stopped as well. “I've sorted things out today, Kyuhyun. I found out that what's between us - this silly relationship of ours that I can't fathom how it lasted so long - is not what I want or what I need.”
“Don't say that, Min,” Kyuhyun knitted his brows, daring to take another step forward.
Sungmin shook his head. “What I feel for you - no, what I felt for you - it wasn't love, it was simply want.”
“Min-”
“Don't call me Min anymore, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin exasperatedly stated as he looked beyond Kyuhyun to find Yesung standing at the end of the hall, “the name doesn't sound right, not when it's coming from you.”
Yesung didn't have the heart to smile back at Sungmin; this wasn't what he wanted, he didn't want to see Kyuhyun being dumped and he didn't want to see Sungmin struggling with his feelings.
“Who calls you that now?” Kyuhyun asked. There was a hint of bitterness in his tone, anger perhaps, but Sungmin didn't mind.
Sungmin returned his gaze to Kyuhyun. “Someone very, very, very dependable. Someone I can rely on, someone I can trust, someone that loves me and only me.” At that, Sungmin turned on his heel and entered their room, closing the door behind him.
Kyuhyun sighed, leaning against the wall and lowering his eyes to the ground. He should have expected this, he knew that Sungmin wouldn't keep accepting and forgiving his behavior. Never had he bore the intention to hurt Sungmin, but sometimes he just couldn't hold in the playful nature in his own heart - the part of him he easily hated most.
He glanced to the side and caught Yesung watching him.
“Sorry,” Yesung said, walking over and standing beside Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun shrugged. “For what? Taking my man?”
“It's fair competition,” Yesung exclaimed, nudging Kyuhyun on the side.
The younger boy shoved Yesung softly. “I know, life's lame that way.”
“How did you know it was me?” Yesung asked.
Kyuhyun laughed coldly. “You've had your eyes on him before I even joined Super Junior, it's not hard to tell.”
Yesung scratched the back of his head. “No, it probably isn't. Only Sungmin could be so blind to my affection towards him. I confessed earlier, at the beach, but I'm still waiting for a reply.”
“Wasn't that a reply enough?” Kyuhyun scoffed. He pulled himself off the wall and faced Yesung. “Sungmin doesn't rely on anyone, hyung. He never does. He's always the one being relied on, the strong one in the group. When he says he can rely on someone, that's when you know he's fallen. I should have known, I should have known he didn't love me when I knew he couldn't trust me.”
Yesung blinked, his expression blank, before he came back to life. “Min has every right not to trust you, you know,” he said, patting Kyuhyun on the shoulder. “Thank you, Kyuhyun, I think I understand now.”
Kyuhyun furrowed his brows, crossing his arms over his torso, as he shook his head and walked to the living room. Yesung stepped towards Sungmin's room, giving it a light knock. After Sungmin's permittance, he proceeded to enter.
“I think I owe you a proper confession,” Yesung announced, closing the door.
Sungmin stared at his hyung, sitting in his bed and leaning back against the wall with his comforter in lap.
Yesung walked to the side of his bed, bending and crouching over Sungmin's smaller figure. “I've been really, really, really attracted to you ever since the first day we actually started talking to each other as trainees,” he declared, his voice husky and deep and the corners of his lips warped into a warm smile. “Over the years, my feelings for you strengthened even if you didn't acknowledge them. You're special to me, Sungmin. Only to me. Only you. In my eyes, you're not an emotionally fragile child but a considerate, carefree boy. You're not perfect at anything, but you can make yourself appear to be because you practice so much, so hard, to show everyone your best side. But what's best about you aren't the instruments you play, the martial arts you do, the dances you perform, or the songs you sing. It's this,” he concluded, pointing a finger to Sungmin's heart, “it's in here.”
Sungmin blinked, not knowing when his eyes started brimming with tears, but he didn't allow himself to cry.
Reaching down and lifting Sungmin's hand over his own chest, Yesung cradled Sungmin's cheek with his other hand and planted a kiss on the lid of his left eye. “I only have enough capacity in here for you,” Yesung smiled. He stared into Sungmin's lowered eyes, waiting for the final approval.
Sungmin was too focused on biting his own lip to prevent himself from crying.
“Can I?” Yesung asked, his voice cracking with anxiety.
Sungmin laughed, looking up at Yesung and nodding.
Without delay, Yesung lowered his lips and met with Sungmin's. The boys defenses crumbled, his heart was shaking, his breaths were hastening, his thoughts crashed and his hands tightened and locked around Yesung's neck.
Kissing has never felt so right before.
When they broke apart, gasping for air and cheeks tinted with a rosy red blush, Yesung wrapped his arms over Sungmin's shoulder and hugged him close. “Min, I l-”
“I know,” Sungmin laughed, snaking his arms around Yesung's waist, “I know. I do, too.”
And this is when both Yesung and Sungmin realize that falling for someone, falling into something called love, knee-deep isn't always a bad thing. They were happy, with each other, and that's all that mattered.
Whereas the cold and stinging water only reached Sungmin's knees, the warmth Yesung provided him surged all the way up to his chest. There was nothing more Sungmin could ask for. Sungmin was now head-over-heels, only for Yesung.
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A/N: I don't know why I had to write a broken Kyumin T.T I love Kyumin, but... yeah... Also, I had no idea who to write Kyuhyun cheating with. I didn't want to use Zhoumi because I'm not a QMi fan but I definitely don't hate them! Just because I'm not a shipper doesn't mean I'm a hater. I didn't want to make them seem like an evil couple just because I don't fan-girl over them, if you know what I'm saying.
Also, to those who are following my fanfics:: I packed my computer because I'm moving soon but I was dumb enough not to send the files of my writings to myself through e-mail, or just upload them to certain servers, and I tucked the computer away. I won't have access to it until at least after Wednesday... so, I can't edit/update ACFAC or anything else I had planned until then. T.T /forever-crying. Sorry! I'll be trying to write one-shots and stuff in the meantime.
Lastly, I hope you guys liked this!