Meanings
Title: Meanings
Pairing: Henmin, broken!Haemin, broken!Kyumin
Rating: PG-13 (Language, Sexual Connotations)
Genre: AU, minor!Angst, Drama, Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own them, SME does. Plot is mine.
Summary: He discovers the meaning of love and life only after witnessing his own funeral. After all, it's only then that everything becomes clear to you, right?
Warning: Un-beta'd. Super crappy. Not edited.
“You know that that look only makes me want you more, right?”
“Shut up.”
“If you gave me the chance to occupy my mouth with something else, you wouldn't have to tell me to.”
“Just shut the hell up.”
“Now's not the time to get all stingy on me, Sherlock. Focus on what's in your hands.”
“What in the world is wrong with you?! Can't you just-”
“-Shut up. I get it. Really, I do. Sheesh.”
Sungmin grits through his teeth, his fingers of his left hand curling around his agent badge like a priest holding his cross. They wouldn't make it. No matter how hard they tried, no matter what they did, they wouldn't make it out of this alive.
“Watch it,” the boy hisses with a playful tone.
Sungmin turns slightly to give the boy a glare in the darkness. “Donghae, seriously, shut your fish traps.”
Said boy shrugs, pursing his lips.
Three fingers slip around Sungmin's wrist, tugging at it lightly. Sungmin releases a frustrated growl, taking the risk of turning his body fully to face Donghae, and their surrounding trembles a little. The boys pause immediately, eyes bulging wide open.
“I told you to watch it,” Donghae chuckles weakly after the stillness returns.
Sungmin releases the breath he's been holding. The digits around his wrist are shaking and he looks into Donghae's paling face, his powerless eyes. “Donghae, I need to get us out of here. I need to get you to a hospital! Look at you,” Sungmin croaks, pointing at Donghae's wounded arm, “you're going to die, Lee Donghae! I'm not going to let you die!”
Donghae laughs. “I won't die. I can't die.”
“What?” Sungmin scoffs.
Donghae peers into Sungmin's face with a small smile, the ends of his eyes wrinkling, accompanied with several coughs. “I'm already in heaven.”
Sungmin swats Donghae's hand away as lightly as he can and refocuses on the wires he had been trying to decipher minutes before. He's not giving up, he'll never give up.
“Can't you call me 'Hae' again?” Donghae asks, voice flooding with hope and desperation. “Just once; one last time.”
After blinking his eyes forcefully a couple of times, Sungmin clears his throat; his vision is blurring and he feels the strength in his body deterring by the second. “No,” he replies - his tone dry, his eyes lifeless, “I told you before, I'm never calling you that again.”
“But this might be the last-”
“It won't be!” Sungmin snarls. Honestly, can't Donghae just let him focus? “And even if it were my last chance to call you that, I wouldn't! Now shut up, Donghae.”
Donghae's smile doesn't fade. “I'd much rather stay here than return. You know, life before this was hard - you weren't around much, things were hard, you were hardly ever willing to speak to me, let alone spend time with me. Life now is risky, but at least you're here.”
Sungmin bites down on his jaw, drawing a deep breath. “Donghae-”
“We could stay here - forever! We can fill each other up, feel each other up. We can do anything we want here, without any worries- Well, aside from the place collapsing on us. It's just you and me, Min, it's just the two of us and-”
“Why are you being like this?!” Sungmin shouts. He's had enough, he's had absolutely enough of Donghae's nonsense.
Donghae's smile finally falters. “Because there's no way we're getting out, Min. Don't you get it? We won't make it out of here, let alone alive. I don't want you to be scared, Min. I don't want you to think we're going to die - that you're going to die. I... this is my way of protecting you. Can't you understand me?”
No, Sungmin thinks as he lowers his eyes to the cords in his hand. If he understood Donghae, then he wouldn't have to wonder why they are even here - buried and locked at a cave some hundred feet underground in some unknown area to them, bound to a bomb that may or may not explode within the next ten minutes or so - in the first place. If he understood Donghae, then they would probably still be in the countryside - where they grew up together - chasing sheep, sleeping under the shade of trees, and counting the stars in the night sky.
Why was it that Sungmin ended up pursuing a career in Criminal Investigation - a field he knew Donghae had absolutely zero interest in - just to get away from that countryside, those hallow dreams - was beyond his comprehension.
Why was it that Donghae ended up joining Sungmin in his pursuit of knowledge and career in a field he had close to zero interest in - just to stay with Sungmin, his only dream - was beyond him.
So, no, Sungmin cannot understand him.
“You shouldn't have been involved in this,” Sungmin seethes through his teeth, watching as Donghae's blood dampens through the cloth he had wrapped around his arm. “Why couldn't you stay out of it? Why won't you just leave me alone?”
Donghae smiles warmly. “We're best friends, Min. I l-... I care about you more than anything in the world. How can I leave you alone when you're faced with danger?”
“Not more than anything,” Sungmin attempts at correcting.
Donghae laughs. “Yes, more than absolutely anything. If I could give my life in exchange for yours, I would definitely-”
“You already have, haven't you?” Sungmin asks. It's a rhetorical question and it makes Donghae smile wider.
“And I'm damn proud of myself for having done it,” Donghae nods. His neck cracks in the silence and he hisses, clutching his free hand around the back of his neck. “Crud.”
Sungmin bites his bottom lip. He's panicking, he can feel himself tensing and perspiring and losing any sense of common sense and logic he has left. Donghae is hurting - oh, god, Donghae is suffering because of him.
If there is anything Sungmin wants to do right now, it is to break down and cry, but he doesn't - he can't. His eyes are dry and his throat is dry, his muddy skin is parched and he can't catch his breath.
His body is malfunctioning.
How long has it been? Two hours? Three? A day, maybe?
Oh, god. Donghae's been bleeding on and off for hours. Why has it come to this?
“Don't worry about me, Min,” Donghae smiles encouragingly.
Sungmin clears his throat, looking away. “I'm not.”
Donghae grins.
If Donghae weren't here, Sungmin would have already made a decision - a quick clip to one of the cords and his fate would have been chosen; he would have either died or gotten our of this place, wherever this place was. But Donghae is here and he can't risk Donghae's life like he would risk his own - no, he can't.
“Just go with your gut feeling, Min,” Donghae urges. “Just hurry. I'd rather get this over with.”
Sungmin counts the seconds it takes for his brain to register what Donghae has said. Seven seconds, seven god damn seconds. It never takes him more than two.
The silence is suddenly disturbed by a familiar beeping. Once. Twice.
“Min?” Donghae asks, his tone laced with worry.
Another beep.
Sungmin draws a breath that hitches in his throat.
Beep.
“Min? Talk to me.”
The beep hastens.
“Sungmin,” Donghae coughs, pulling at Sungmin's bicep. “Sungmin!”
Sungmin glances at Donghae, his heart pounding and ripping in his chest. “It's okay, Donghae,” he forces. He can't breath anymore. “It's okay.”
Beep. Beep.
In one swift moment Sungmin lifts the weapon in his palm, stands to his feet and throws it as far away from them as he can. He immediately drops to the ground, hounding himself above Donghae and protecting him, shielding him like a barrier from the rest of the world.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“Get off of me, Sungmin!” Donghae scowls, thrashing his arms against Sungmin's chest. “Get off of-”
Time pauses. There's a loud explosion and from the cracks of Sungmin's grasp Donghae sees the walls of the cave tumbling down.
Everything goes black.
-
Everything is black.
From the exterior of the cart to the interior of the gathering room, everything is coated in black. Shiny and black, plain black.
“He was a good man; a great friend.”
Donghae feels a hand landing on his shoulder. If his arm was still there, he suspects the person would have gripped onto it tightly. “Yeah,” he replies softly.
“Don't mourn too hard, Donghae,” the man says, “you still have a lot of recovering to do.”
Said boy glances into the man's eyes, forcing his lips to smile as best he can. “I'll try.”
The cover to the coffin was closed - had always been closed. Donghae didn't question it. From the moment he woke up in the hospital, hearing of Sungmin's death, he knew it wouldn't be a sight he wanted to see - a sight that anyone would want to see.
His heart clenched.
The ceremony went on and concluded smoothly; family and friends came from different cities, villages, different worlds. Donghae vaguely remembers a time when Sungmin had ranted to him about which cousins he liked, which aunts and uncles he disliked. They were young back then - young and innocent.
Back then, their only danger was being caught while holding hands along a grassy plain; kissing under the sunlight on a breezy day.
Back then, Donghae's life was blissful.
His life was filled with Sungmin.
-
His life was once filled with Sungmin.
They had met in school, both studying the same major. They became partners once they were both out of school and ended up transferring to the same investigation police department soon after being enrolled in the force.
Getting along had never been a problem for them and they trained together for months, which soon became years.
A relationship which once consisted of telling each other their deepest secrets turned into secret kisses, shared caresses. Friendship blossomed into something more - something greater.
“You loved him,” Kibum's voice invaded Kyuhyun's ears as he stared at the coffin before him, “I'm sure he took that fact with him when he left.”
Kyuhyun swallowed hard on his breath. “I wonder... I wonder if he truly knew to what extent I care for him. He'd been an understanding friend, a great one, but there's always been something missing. I... I just wish I could have seen him one last time before-”
Kibum hushes Kyuhyun as the boy drowns his eyes and cheeks with tears. Strong arms engulf him and Kyuhyun is pulled into a strong chest. They weren't twins for nothing, he guesses. No one ever knew him better than Kibum, his brother of mere seconds older than himself.
“I'm sure he knew,” Kibum consoles, “I know he did.”
The younger boy nods into his brother's chest. “I wish I could bring him back, Kibum. If it's possible, I would exchange my life for his. Couldn't the damned criminal have taken me instead? I was the core of this whole dilemma, Bum. If it wasn't because of me-”
“Shhhh,” Kibum shakes his head. “It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. If you're really that angry, Kyuhyun, catch the man. Catch him and torture him; make his life a living hell. Just don't blame yourself.”
“I will, Bum. I'll arrest that verdict and I'll make him wish he never lived - never breathed.”
The determination and anger in Kyuhyun's voice was one Kibum had never heard before. A shiver ran down his spine. They had all loved Sungmin, every one of them. Kibum's eyes ran cold.
“Then do it.”
-
His life was once filled with Donghae and Kyuhyun.
Now - now everything would change.
“If it hurts you so much, why are you doing this?”
A tear escapes the circumference of Sungmin's eyes and he lowers his gaze to his lap and sweeps the wetness away with his sleeve. His legs are no longer there, but that doesn't bother him as much as he thought it would. Not right now, at least.
Hands squeeze his shoulders lightly and he arches his head back to smile into the eyes looking down at him with concern. “Because he deserves more.”
“Min hyung,” the boy says, brows furrowed over his eyes. “You're watching your own funeral - your own fucking funeral. I think you deserve more.”
“I have you, don't I?” Sungmin retorts, trying to sound as content as he can. “Henry, I'll be alright. As long as Donghae can be happy, I'll be alright.”
Henry grunts. “He can't be happy without you.”
“Neither can Kyuhyun,” Sungmin bites his cheek. “I can't choose between them, Henry, and now I'm just about as useful as an infant on breast milk. I can't do shit with the condition I'm in. I'll just be a burden to them, you know that.”
“You haven't even given them a chance to know the truth,” Henry insists. “You don't know that they won't be able to accept this - that you've lost your legs.”
Sungmin shakes his head. “Donghae would feel so guilty-”
“And you? Aren't you feeling guilty that Donghae lost his arm?” Henry argues.
“It was my fault. I should feel guilty,” Sungmin slams his fist on the arm of his wheelchair.
Henry sighs. “You're so obvious, hyung,” he mutters, “it's obvious who your heart belongs to.”
“It doesn't matter,” Sungmin shuts his eyes. “Not anymore.”
For a minute, the only sound that could be heard was the brush of the wind against the leaves of the tree that Sungmin and Henry had been hiding under.
“How does it feel?” Henry asks out of the blue.
Sungmin opens his eyes. “What?”
“Being dead,” Henry offers.
Sungmin chuckles. “Refreshing.”
Henry nods.
“Let's go home, Henry,” Sungmin says, “let's go home.”
-
Five Years Later
-
“The suspect for a homocide incident five years ago, which led to the death of former Inspector Lee Sungmin, has been arrested by Inspector Cho Kyuhyun with the help of Private Investigator Lee Donghae. The suspect was brought back under unrecognizable conditions, but technicians have verified through various tests and confirmations that it is, indeed, the verdict they are looking for - CEO official of one of South Korea's highest ranking business corporations, suspected of money laundering and governmental bribery.
The two had teamed up after the death of their partner and close friend; both were determined to receive justice for the injustice dawned upon them.
“It's odd,” Inspector Cho claims, “we always received clues from anonymous sources when we thought we'd hit a dead end.”
Private Investigator Lee seemed to agree. “Perhaps someone out there is just as anxious to catch this criminal as we are.” Before the conference came to an end, Investigator Lee made sure we took note of one last thing; his single hand tightly clasped in Inspector Cho's. “Min, we did it. We've avenged you,” he said.
Indeed, they did. With relieved souls and proud hearts, we hope that Inspector Lee Sungmin rests in peace high above the skies. Our hearts rest with you.”
-
“They're doing well.”
Henry turns in his seat, eyes trained on the task at hand. “They are.”
“They did it,” Sungmin says, lips trembling.
Henry nods. “But they couldn't have done it without your help.”
“The irony,” Sungmin laughs, “I helped them catch the person who technically killed me.”
The younger boy takes a breath, lifting his gaze to Sungmin's eyes. The older man's eyes are tearing but the happiness if evident. “Are you happy?” Henry asks.
Sungmin nods.
“Truly happy?” Henry insists.
Sungmin chuckles. “I'm happy, Henry. As happy as I've ever been.”
Henry glances at the screen of the television, staring at the two smiling faces paused on the monitor. “They still love you,” Henry remarks, albeit a bit bitterly, “it's not too late to go back.”
Sungmin smiles weakly, reaching across the table and clasping Henry's hand in his own. “They aren't the only people I can find love from,” Sungmin tilts his head. Henry turns away and tries to retract his hand. Sungmin is stronger. “It's been five years, Henry. I'm sure they've gotten over me.”
“And you?” Henry inquires. “Have you gotten over them - him?”
A particular face on the screen is grinning at Sungmin - an expression so happy, so proud, that it makes him smile along with it. He knows that Donghae can be happy without him. He knows that Kyuhyun no longer needs him to be happy. “You know how people say that first love is always the one you remember best? That the first person you love will always stay in your heart, no matter what?”
Henry nods hesitantly.
“Well, this is something like that,” Sungmin shrugs. “But you let that love go - I let it slip through my fingers and flow away. They'll never leave my memories - he will never be forgotten - but I've let the feelings go.”
Henry is unbelieving.
“Trust me,” Sungmin says, staring intently into Henry's eyes. “I've gotten over him.”
“But-”
Henry doesn't get the chance to finish his statement.
Sungmin tugs on his hand and Henry is pulled into his arms, their lips crashing as Henry falls for him. Henry only falls for Sungmin and, somewhere deep inside, he's glad because he actually does believe Sungmin. If there was anyone in this world that Henry trusted, believed in, it was Sungmin.
Ever since the day Sungmin stole him from the wrath of misfortune - from the men trying to salvage him on the streets - Henry has invested his trust in Sungmin with all his might, all his life.
Because Sungmin really could just go back. All these years - five years - and there wasn't a single day that Sungmin had uttered a word about leaving Henry, about returning to Donghae and Kyuhyun's side. Henry knew he meant something to Sungmin.
And Sungmin knew he couldn't live without Henry anymore.
Henry wrapped his arms around Sungmin's neck, allowing himself to be intoxicated by the kiss. When he opens his eyes, Sungmin is smirking at him with eyes of a fox. He pulls back. “You know that that look only makes me want you more, right?”
“Then come and get me,” Sungmin challenges.
Henry doesn't wait for Sungmin to repeat himself.
The television rattles for a few seconds before it beeps and shuts off, the two faces effectively disappearing from the screen. Sungmin catches one last glance of the pair of smiles - his heart is filled with happiness, the most he's had in years, and he's grateful for being alive; he's grateful for having these three boys in his life.
Sungmin's life started anew five years ago and now it's complete.
The beep - that last beep from the television - had rounded everything up and concluded his story.
Sungmin's life - life with Henry in his arms, Henry's scent lingering in his nose, Henry's smile embedded in his mind - is the best life that he could wish for..
Even without his legs, Sungmin is whole.
Now - this life with Henry - is all Sungmin wants.
This, Sungmin thinks, this is what living means.
-----
A/N: "What about Kyuhyun? Did Sungmin ever love Kyuhyun?" You might wonder (cause, seriously, I do). Honestly, I don't know. There are a lot of different types of love out there - what Sungmin harbors for Kyuhyun may be one of the many. *shrugs* Take it however you want. If it eases your mind or makes your life easier, you can just stick to the basic "he used Kyuhyun to get over Donghae." :D
Okay. This sucked. Really hard. I don't know why I wrote it. I was just craving a Sungmin fic and couldn't find enough to satisfy my dire need, so, I wrote one, I guess. Oh gosh, please don't hate me. T.T You can kind of blame this on Nyx, for telling me she wished I wrote something inspired by White Collar Crime. This, obviously, has nothing to do with it.. but I had that in mind while writing. >.>
I LOVE YOU, NYX! <3 (Hey, look! I fit in three of the six couples I told you I wanted to read XD)