(no subject)
Title: Uh Oh Oh Oh
Author: molly_coddles
Format & Word Count: quickie, 600
Rating: R
Prompt: #27 - spooon
Warnings: Not suitable for younger audiences. Or older ones, probably.
Summary: A jumble of plastic letters spells more than fun and games.
Author's Notes: nfwbls and I were discussing fan art we’d admired months ago, despairing over not bookmarking it. Somehow, it let to a discussion revolving around a gnome-shaped, erm, device that turned up in a Google search, and the whole conversation rather deteriorated from there…
Uh Oh Oh Oh!
“What sort of Muggle puzzle is this?” Sirius stirred his finger through a small pile of alphabet-shaped plastic pieces.
“Arthur confiscated them,” Remus answered. “Muggle parents stick them on their cooling cabinets to teach children their letters. Seems this set would rearrange themselves into spelling out words of a questionable nature. He brought them here instead of taking them to the Ministry. I think he suspects the twins may be involved.”
Sirius grinned fondly. “Boys after my own heart, those two.” He looked back at the letters. “What happened to the rest of the alphabet? Can’t spell much with these few.”
“He took the rest to do some detection spells and left those for us to work on. I imagined it would be a project that would interest you.”
“Snoopo?” Sirius shuffled the letters with his wand, using an anagram spell. “Oopsno? Son poo? No poos?”
“Perhaps I can get the rest from Arthur when he’s finished, since you find these half dozen so engaging.”
“No spoo…” Sirius poked the letters and sniggered. “Sounds like a Muggle reproductive dysfunction.”
Remus shook his head and sighed.
“Spoo…” Sirius mused. “Where have I heard that recently?”
“Perhaps Hermione invited you to join her Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare over the summer?”
Sirius gave him an arch look. “That’s SPEW. I gave her five Galleons for extra badges.”
The door swung open before Remus could ask Sirius what he wanted with SPEW badges. Tonks wandered into the room with murmured greetings, making a beeline for the cupboard where Molly stored the biscuits.
“Tea?” Remus offered, Summoning a mug for her.
“Show off,” Sirius hissed, turning back to his letters.
“SPEWer,” Remus retorted.
“So…” Tonks hopped up to sit on the counter, sloshing tea on her robes. “You boys just hang out and trade juvenile insults all day? Do you pass each other notes and compare O.W.L. results as well?”
Sirius grinned, reminiscing. “Remember our Defence O.W.L.? Question ten? ‘Give five signs that identify the werewolf.’”
Remus’ smile grew a little strained as his eyes darted to Tonks and back to Sirius, where his expression turned to a frown suggesting painful repercussions.
“Tufted tail,” Sirius began, ticking them off on his fingers. “Snout shape, pupils--”
“I’m sure Tonks is well aware of the features,” Remus interrupted sternly.
Sirius’ eyebrow climbed up his forehead like a caterpillar. “’Well aware?’ Even of little-known trait number six?”
Remus sighed again.
“Especially little known trait number six.” Tonks interrupted haughtily. “I got extra credit for that one.”
She assumed a professorish demeanour, her hair darkening and twisting itself back in a bun while she quoted: “‘The werewolf penis is nearly as large as a horse’s and has an odd, gnome-like appearance-complete with hat-that has the enviable ability to seek out the elusive Gräfenberg or G-spot. Muggles have created vibrating replicas in a variety of bright colours for the purpose of self gratification.’”
She grinned wickedly, tugging a freshly pink lock into a spike. “Bet you can’t guess what colour I have.”
Remus glanced down at the letters on the table, which Sirius had arranged into SPOOON and scooped up a letter. He held up the bright green plastic shape, looking at Tonks through it like a jeweler’s loupe before tucking it in his trouser pocket with a sly smile. “Then I guess you already know where to find an extra O.”
Author: molly_coddles
Format & Word Count: quickie, 600
Rating: R
Prompt: #27 - spooon
Warnings: Not suitable for younger audiences. Or older ones, probably.
Summary: A jumble of plastic letters spells more than fun and games.
Author's Notes: nfwbls and I were discussing fan art we’d admired months ago, despairing over not bookmarking it. Somehow, it let to a discussion revolving around a gnome-shaped, erm, device that turned up in a Google search, and the whole conversation rather deteriorated from there…
Uh Oh Oh Oh!
“What sort of Muggle puzzle is this?” Sirius stirred his finger through a small pile of alphabet-shaped plastic pieces.
“Arthur confiscated them,” Remus answered. “Muggle parents stick them on their cooling cabinets to teach children their letters. Seems this set would rearrange themselves into spelling out words of a questionable nature. He brought them here instead of taking them to the Ministry. I think he suspects the twins may be involved.”
Sirius grinned fondly. “Boys after my own heart, those two.” He looked back at the letters. “What happened to the rest of the alphabet? Can’t spell much with these few.”
“He took the rest to do some detection spells and left those for us to work on. I imagined it would be a project that would interest you.”
“Snoopo?” Sirius shuffled the letters with his wand, using an anagram spell. “Oopsno? Son poo? No poos?”
“Perhaps I can get the rest from Arthur when he’s finished, since you find these half dozen so engaging.”
“No spoo…” Sirius poked the letters and sniggered. “Sounds like a Muggle reproductive dysfunction.”
Remus shook his head and sighed.
“Spoo…” Sirius mused. “Where have I heard that recently?”
“Perhaps Hermione invited you to join her Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare over the summer?”
Sirius gave him an arch look. “That’s SPEW. I gave her five Galleons for extra badges.”
The door swung open before Remus could ask Sirius what he wanted with SPEW badges. Tonks wandered into the room with murmured greetings, making a beeline for the cupboard where Molly stored the biscuits.
“Tea?” Remus offered, Summoning a mug for her.
“Show off,” Sirius hissed, turning back to his letters.
“SPEWer,” Remus retorted.
“So…” Tonks hopped up to sit on the counter, sloshing tea on her robes. “You boys just hang out and trade juvenile insults all day? Do you pass each other notes and compare O.W.L. results as well?”
Sirius grinned, reminiscing. “Remember our Defence O.W.L.? Question ten? ‘Give five signs that identify the werewolf.’”
Remus’ smile grew a little strained as his eyes darted to Tonks and back to Sirius, where his expression turned to a frown suggesting painful repercussions.
“Tufted tail,” Sirius began, ticking them off on his fingers. “Snout shape, pupils--”
“I’m sure Tonks is well aware of the features,” Remus interrupted sternly.
Sirius’ eyebrow climbed up his forehead like a caterpillar. “’Well aware?’ Even of little-known trait number six?”
Remus sighed again.
“Especially little known trait number six.” Tonks interrupted haughtily. “I got extra credit for that one.”
She assumed a professorish demeanour, her hair darkening and twisting itself back in a bun while she quoted: “‘The werewolf penis is nearly as large as a horse’s and has an odd, gnome-like appearance-complete with hat-that has the enviable ability to seek out the elusive Gräfenberg or G-spot. Muggles have created vibrating replicas in a variety of bright colours for the purpose of self gratification.’”
She grinned wickedly, tugging a freshly pink lock into a spike. “Bet you can’t guess what colour I have.”
Remus glanced down at the letters on the table, which Sirius had arranged into SPOOON and scooped up a letter. He held up the bright green plastic shape, looking at Tonks through it like a jeweler’s loupe before tucking it in his trouser pocket with a sly smile. “Then I guess you already know where to find an extra O.”