Prompt 19
Title: A Series of Owls; or, Tell Me a Story
Word Count: 860
Rating: PG
Prompt: Prompt 19, airmail
Summary: Remus and Tonks have too much time on their hands.
Warning: This story is completely silly, has no plot, and should not be read by anyone. (Well, except maybe you.)
Remus -
I just wanted to let you know that I won't be over till about seven tonight. We were just told about a surprise meeting with Scrimgeour at 4:00, and the way things usually go around here, we'll be at it for a few hours. We're laying bets on which one of us will be the first to fall asleep. I'm thinking Kingsley - he can fall asleep anywhere.
Anyway, I'm sorry if you had something planned for earlier. Hope you're having a good day.
xo,
Tonks
P.S. I'm stuck in here doing paperwork and I'm incredibly bored. Tell me a story.
* * *
Tonks -
Nothing planned, just the usual.
So I'm just entertainment for you, is that it? I've never been so insulted in all my life. But here's a story for you anyway.
'Twas a dark and stormy night, and the captain said to his crew, "Gather round, and I'll tell ye a tale." So the crew gathered round, and the captain said: "'Twas a dark and stormy night, and the captain said to his crew, 'Gather round, and I'll tell ye a tale.' So the crew gathered round, and the captain said: ''Twas a dark and stormy night, and the captain said to his crew, "Gather round, and I'll tell ye a tale." So the crew gathered round, and the captain said. . ."
et cetera, ad nauseum,
- Uncle Remus
P.S. Should you really be using Ministry owls for this sort of thing?
* * *
Remus -
Why do I even bother?
- T.
P.S. Give us another one, then.
P.P.S. Nobody's using the owls for anything else - it's a slow day. Anyway, I've already nicked a bunch of staples and six rolls of tape from the supply closet - a few minutes of time from the owls can't hurt.
* * *
To the pulchritudinous Miss T -
Ask not what demon of perversity moves you; the answer may not be one which you wish to hear.
Another one? What am I, an oracle? Here's one about my American cousin, Coyote.
Coyote was going along, as he often does, and came across a bloke who was taking his eyeballs out and throwing them up into a tree. They'd stay there until he said, "Eyes come back!" And then they'd come back and pop back into his head again. Now, Coyote got very excited to learn this trick - heaven knows why - and asked the man how to do it. The man told him, but also warned him, "Be careful - don't do the trick more than four times in one day." "Of course I won't!" said Coyote.
So what do you think happened? Coyote got carried away and decided that rule only applied to the bloke who taught him the trick, and not to him. (I think Coyote was a Gryffindor. Don't you?) He threw his eyes into the tree for a fifth time and they stayed stuck there. Now poor Coyote was blind, and he didn't know what to do. A mouse came along and offered to get the eyes down, but added, "They're getting all nasty and oozy." Coyote said, "Give me one of your eyes." The mouse did so, but of course it was far too small for Coyote's socket, and Coyote had to hold his head at a strange angle so he could see. Then Coyote stumbled around for a bit and ran into a buffalo. The buffalo felt sorry for him and offered one of his own eyes. It was far too big, but Coyote stuffed it into his socket anyway. Part of it hung out, and it weighed his head down. But he could see now, and so he went on his way.
And that's the end, my dear. The moral, I suppose, is up to you.
Sincerely,
That smelly werewolf fellow
P.S. Avarice is a deadly sin.
* * *
Dear Stinky:
Where in Merlin's name do you pick this stuff up? Coyotes and eyeballs? Well, it was entertaining, anyway. I'll have to think about the moral.
Do you have time for another one?
Keep your eyeballs in your head,
- Tonks
P.S. Kingsley thinks you're a lunatic.
P.P.S. Lust is a deadly sin too, you pervert.
* * *
To the Goddess of the Divine Bottom:
Technically speaking, I am a lunatic, since that term refers to someone driven mad by the moon. I know lots of good stories about the moon. But lo, I hear in the distance my larder crying out to be filled, for in sooth I am out of bread and many other foodstuffs which man finds fair. Thus, I must gather change from the couch cushions and sally forth to the shrine known as Tesco, and so I can tell you no more stories at this time.
I hope you have sweet dreams during your meeting this afternoon, and I will see you tonight.
Gluttonously yours,
- Remmy-poo
* * *
Dear Loony Lupin -
If you don't come back from Tesco with a story about the produce section, I'm never talking to you again. See you soon.
lurve,
Tonks
* * *
Notes: The recursive story is copied from Wikipedia. The Coyote story is Navajo, and it's paraphrased from Lewis Hyde's wonderful book Trickster Makes This World. Tesco is a British supermarket chain. No owls were abused in the writing of this story.
Word Count: 860
Rating: PG
Prompt: Prompt 19, airmail
Summary: Remus and Tonks have too much time on their hands.
Warning: This story is completely silly, has no plot, and should not be read by anyone. (Well, except maybe you.)
Remus -
I just wanted to let you know that I won't be over till about seven tonight. We were just told about a surprise meeting with Scrimgeour at 4:00, and the way things usually go around here, we'll be at it for a few hours. We're laying bets on which one of us will be the first to fall asleep. I'm thinking Kingsley - he can fall asleep anywhere.
Anyway, I'm sorry if you had something planned for earlier. Hope you're having a good day.
xo,
Tonks
P.S. I'm stuck in here doing paperwork and I'm incredibly bored. Tell me a story.
* * *
Tonks -
Nothing planned, just the usual.
So I'm just entertainment for you, is that it? I've never been so insulted in all my life. But here's a story for you anyway.
'Twas a dark and stormy night, and the captain said to his crew, "Gather round, and I'll tell ye a tale." So the crew gathered round, and the captain said: "'Twas a dark and stormy night, and the captain said to his crew, 'Gather round, and I'll tell ye a tale.' So the crew gathered round, and the captain said: ''Twas a dark and stormy night, and the captain said to his crew, "Gather round, and I'll tell ye a tale." So the crew gathered round, and the captain said. . ."
et cetera, ad nauseum,
- Uncle Remus
P.S. Should you really be using Ministry owls for this sort of thing?
* * *
Remus -
Why do I even bother?
- T.
P.S. Give us another one, then.
P.P.S. Nobody's using the owls for anything else - it's a slow day. Anyway, I've already nicked a bunch of staples and six rolls of tape from the supply closet - a few minutes of time from the owls can't hurt.
* * *
To the pulchritudinous Miss T -
Ask not what demon of perversity moves you; the answer may not be one which you wish to hear.
Another one? What am I, an oracle? Here's one about my American cousin, Coyote.
Coyote was going along, as he often does, and came across a bloke who was taking his eyeballs out and throwing them up into a tree. They'd stay there until he said, "Eyes come back!" And then they'd come back and pop back into his head again. Now, Coyote got very excited to learn this trick - heaven knows why - and asked the man how to do it. The man told him, but also warned him, "Be careful - don't do the trick more than four times in one day." "Of course I won't!" said Coyote.
So what do you think happened? Coyote got carried away and decided that rule only applied to the bloke who taught him the trick, and not to him. (I think Coyote was a Gryffindor. Don't you?) He threw his eyes into the tree for a fifth time and they stayed stuck there. Now poor Coyote was blind, and he didn't know what to do. A mouse came along and offered to get the eyes down, but added, "They're getting all nasty and oozy." Coyote said, "Give me one of your eyes." The mouse did so, but of course it was far too small for Coyote's socket, and Coyote had to hold his head at a strange angle so he could see. Then Coyote stumbled around for a bit and ran into a buffalo. The buffalo felt sorry for him and offered one of his own eyes. It was far too big, but Coyote stuffed it into his socket anyway. Part of it hung out, and it weighed his head down. But he could see now, and so he went on his way.
And that's the end, my dear. The moral, I suppose, is up to you.
Sincerely,
That smelly werewolf fellow
P.S. Avarice is a deadly sin.
* * *
Dear Stinky:
Where in Merlin's name do you pick this stuff up? Coyotes and eyeballs? Well, it was entertaining, anyway. I'll have to think about the moral.
Do you have time for another one?
Keep your eyeballs in your head,
- Tonks
P.S. Kingsley thinks you're a lunatic.
P.P.S. Lust is a deadly sin too, you pervert.
* * *
To the Goddess of the Divine Bottom:
Technically speaking, I am a lunatic, since that term refers to someone driven mad by the moon. I know lots of good stories about the moon. But lo, I hear in the distance my larder crying out to be filled, for in sooth I am out of bread and many other foodstuffs which man finds fair. Thus, I must gather change from the couch cushions and sally forth to the shrine known as Tesco, and so I can tell you no more stories at this time.
I hope you have sweet dreams during your meeting this afternoon, and I will see you tonight.
Gluttonously yours,
- Remmy-poo
* * *
Dear Loony Lupin -
If you don't come back from Tesco with a story about the produce section, I'm never talking to you again. See you soon.
lurve,
Tonks
* * *
Notes: The recursive story is copied from Wikipedia. The Coyote story is Navajo, and it's paraphrased from Lewis Hyde's wonderful book Trickster Makes This World. Tesco is a British supermarket chain. No owls were abused in the writing of this story.