bronze medal at SPSQC (national string quartet competition) this weekend.  learned a lot-- that i'm ridiculously behind in h. chem, that it's not always fully possible to move on, that some people are unalterably cruel, that it still hurts.

but i also learned that all of those things are so, so fucking worth it when you're standing on stage with a ( Read more... )

 here's what i love. i love early summer nights on the playground. i love the dig and burn of gravel under bare feet. i love to lean my head back when i'm on the swings. i love sitting atop the monkey bars with butterflies in my stomach. i love jealous windows and leaning closer. i love feeling reckless and careless. i love hellians. i love being ( Read more... )

all i can do is keep breathing.

we played a concert tonight in our new black dresses. i got lost in the music again. when i'm playing, i have no thoughts. my mind transforms into something primordial, something melted in a puddle of notes; taut bow against string; synchronized exhales and soft, blurring movement; emotion, raw and primitive, manifested in the swell and cry of my ( Read more... )

 ... as the one that's gonna pick you up. :]

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a lot has happened in the past week, but i'm still here. i'm learning. it's a little strange and a little foreign to be living outside of my head all the time, but i think i just need time. the everpresent buzz of anxiety and apprehension is... gone, as is the broken-record loop of things i need to do. my ( Read more... )

i'm experiencing an odd phenomenon lately in which i'll listen to a song and then find myself in a different time. "hide and seek" by imogen heap came on my ipod just now and i was suddenly in the car driving to the lake, surrounded by viridescent, rain-drowsy fields and a copper sunset. it's the same kind of thing i was talking about in an earlier ( Read more... )

 it's 12:30-something in the morning and i have my math and tong homeworks to do and i'm exhausted and falling asleep and listening to "giving up" by ingrid michaelson and i was picking my cuticle viciously and then i smeared blood all over my hand and i realized, just for a moment, that life doesn't have to be like this. it was fleeting, though, ( Read more... )

 (youtube embed hasn't been working for me lately, so here, have a link: http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Plasticities/2379 )

this song took a while to grow on me, but now i love it. it's so... intricate. i hear something new every time i listen.

i wish it would ( Read more... )

too many songs. i'll list them instead of posting--
- "coney island" by good old war 
- "tell me" by good old war
- "happy ending" by mika
- "kill all your friends" by my chemical romance
- "pony (it's ok)" by erin mccarley 
- "flux" by bloc party
- "swans" by unkle bob

if i close my eyes and listen to "street lights" by kanye west, i feel like it's fall ( Read more... )

(http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Signs_Album_Version_Album_Version/21354227 . "signs" by bloc party. it describes my mind right now.)

i feel like something big is right around the corner. it's not fischoff and it's not st. paul... more ( Read more... )