Intermittent explosive disorder
Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is the term they use now in place of what used to be instinctual rage, rage attacks, anger attacks, and episodic dysconrol. People with IED have a problem with controlling their temper. In addition, their violent behavior is out of proportion to the incident or event that triggered the outburst. Patients with IED usually feel a sense of arousal or tension before an outburst and relief of tension after the aggressive act. They may believe that their aggressive behaviors are justified; however, they feel genuinely upset, regretful, remorseful, bewildered or embarrassed by their impulsive and aggressive behavior.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a temper. They also know that my condition of losing control scares the living hell out of me.
Some people ask why it is I don’t get help for this; first, help costs money. Second, medication costs money. Third, I feel that this is something that I can learn to control, on my own.
I’ve been ADD all my life; medication changes the chemicals in the brain. They change how the brain works. I’ve learned to cope with how my mind works, hell, I find that sometimes it’s an asset. Think of changing the way a car functions while it’s speeding down the highway at 90mph.
Up until recently I’ve had excellent control over my anger issues, but for some reason at this juncture in my life something in how my mind handles its anger is changing. This isn’t the instinctual rage disorder I remember when I was in high school. That anger was focused on specific outside forces (people or things that directly affected me). This is different, it’s a buildup of stress and emotions that tip the flood gate and wash over me in a freighting way. When I get emotional it’s less about being angry and more about being scared that I’m angry.
So because I care for my friends, I figured I would let you all know the best way to deal with me, if you are at all present during one of these outbursts.
First: I AM NOT angry at you. I’m either angry at myself, or at the situation.
Second: I HAVE NO INTENTION of EVER committing violence on a person. This is different than blacking out. This is me releasing pent up energy.
Third: The WORST thing you can do in a situation when someone like me is in this emotional state is say: “There is no reason to be upset”. Why? Because I KNOW that there is no reason for me to be upset. I KNOW that I’m being irrational. I get it, I do. BUT that doesn’t change the fact that I am filled with uncontrolled emotion that I have to get out before it rips me apart.
Fourth: the absolute best thing that someone can do in this situation is; let me deal. I’m in a process of venting it out. As long as nobody tries to make me stop, I’ll get it out. I’ll feel better afterward. Most likely I’ll storm off to where nobody is around and scream and yell and punch solid objects that I’m not strong enough to break. Please please do not follow me. I don’t want to take it out on others. And as much as I wish I could say, I would never hurt you, I am after all in a stat of instable emotional overload.
Basically friends, I’m going through something right now, and I would love you all more if you please take this into consideration if I’m freaking out, that being said, I’ll do my best to not take it out on any of you.
Beck, you are the absolute best for putting up with this the most out of anybody. I really could never ask for a better friend.
PS. I would like to come up with a better sign off than "ruckus out" but i can't think of anything clever, anyone have any (serious) suggestions?