(Untitled)

[ruede]

Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The major fall; the minor lift
The baffled girl composing,
"What to do, ja?!"

Comments

[meloise]

"Still, I'll perform my cheap despair
Before I clap my hands, and comb my hair,
And rub my mind completely bare"

!!

and no, you can most definitely write poetry. this is wonderful! I can't rhyme, so I am instantaneously jealous. my only complaint is it runs on a little. not enough pauses and checks.

[ruede]

I agree with you about it running on... I just didn't want to jeopardize what I wanted to say, y'know? I think that's the problem I run into most, with poetry. It's such a difficult medium. :/ Though, when you actually get it RIGHT, you feel so accomplished. Which happens rarely, but oh well...!

Thank you. :}

[meloise]

I love that yay good poetry feeling. Tis a good one. Most of the stuff I've been churning out lately is pretty bad... most of its just sort of stream of consciousness kind of stuff, immediate impressions. I find revising my poems hard. because I always write them in a spurr of inspiration, and then, later, its gone, and I no longer see the connections between words.

As for your poem. I think I would word it a little more like so:

Well, it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth
The major fall; the minor lift,
The baffled girl composing
"What to do, ja?"

Now - it is true! there is no thought
That can't be tailored; can't be taught;
I made my mind most overwrought
All on my own -- you sure did not.

Still, I'll perform my cheap despair
Before I clap my hands, and comb my hair,
And rub my mind completely bare
As it were tarnished silverware,
Until I stop once more, to think...

That last bar is hard. its really the only place I am unsure about.

I hope you don't mind me editing like this... Its an excellent poem. :)

[ruede]

Last bar? o.o

I don't mind at ALL. :}

[krissi]

djghwpijgpwjg you're a poet and now you know it.

That's the extent of my poetry, except for the emo poem I wrote about candy bars, and another poem I wrote for my friend Laura. That one had every single word that rhymes with Laura. It was sad. :(

[ruede]

Omg... candy bars? : D

*laughs* Aww. You are kind!

[ruede]

...and this one was FAIRLY emo, too. --_-- *snickers* My poem, that is.

Actually, today I was thinking: the only difference between emo, and not emo, in poetry, is how well it's written.

[skatche]

I find this piece adorable. In a good way. Definitely a good piece, just adorable - like Fire and Ice by Robert Frost.

[ruede]

Omg... I love that poem by Frost. :{

[miss_mellie]

so do I!

[mindflayerz]

"And rub my mind completely bare
As it were tarnished silverware"

I like that line the most for some reason.keep it comming