(Untitled)

[rufuslove]

kay so here's a story i'm working on, and it sucks. but it's just to break the ice on my writers block.

it's a story with a moral (eyeroll), about when politicians use fear to gain power, and how paranoia wrecks communities. kinda like bush making people scared to open their mail because there might be anthrax inside.

EDIT: it's not finished,

Comments

[prozac_fidelus]

huh...I quite like this, actually. which is funny, given my 'hate everything' attitude. concrit: I think it needs a more powerful ending. the politician dude on tv is written as an ass quite well, so good job. for tit-les...erm...what about something really simple like 'jaywalk' or something. it's so incongruous, and doesn't really let on to the deeper nature of the story, tu sais? also, I don't like wallace because of stepner. :p

[rufuslove]

it's not even halfway done, mills, so about the ending? that will be taken care of. i'll edit that tidbit in.

what does stepner have to do with wallace?

~emily<3
RAVE ON

[prozac_fidelus]

mais le double v teh eff. I just told you over msn what stepner has to do with wallace. I love how I've been chatting with you for hours, and you're IN SCHOOL. It's brilliant.

[iamsupernova]

It's pretty spiff :P
concrit:

peaked peeked.
From behind a tree? Are you writing realistic or just comedic? :p
Valerie came home two days later and... Wording's a little off. she wasn't away for two days?
Generally, the form of each "section" is the same. You have a small paragraph and then a one-liner right after that. maybe vary the form a little.
Valerie’ Valerie's

Generally, I like it, but you need to move the story on from there, and leave off showing examples of this idiot mayor's law-enforcement. let other things happen, and maybe then come back to it.

hope I helped!

[prozac_fidelus]

how the bloody fucking FUCK can you have rehearsal from TEN TO TEN. That's twelve hours. that's like...a st. george's kinda rehearsal. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!in other news, I'm buying the goblet of fire special edition two disc set. so don't rent it. just call me. and we shall have orgies (binderize) and watch the glory that is harry potter

luff

[aquamuffins]

nifty! now i'll write a story while incorperating aspects of yoiure story