Fic: Changes
Title: Changes
Fandom: Crossover; Slam Dunk and Xxxholic
Pairing: Rukawa/Sakuragi; Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A weekend of changes.
Notes: Crossover challenge from ruhanahanaru. Watanuki’s POV.
Beta: The amazing chiebaka
“Doumeki-kun, wait! Let’s go home together,” asked Himawari.
“No, Himawari-chan,” I’ve complained., I didn’t really want to go home with Doumeki, regardless of Himawari-chan’s opinion on the matter.
“I don’t have time, my cousin is coming to visit,.” replied Doumeki.
“Really? That’s great! We have to meet him. Ne, Watanuki-kun?”
‘Over my dead body,’ I thought but before I could voice my complaint, I was interrupted again.
“Are you free this weekend, Doumeki-kun? I wanted to invite you and Watanuki-kun to my summerhouse. Watanuki-kun is already free. You can bring your cousin too.”
“Think so!” replied Doumeki.
“Great! Tomorrow at the xxx station, at 8th. We will be waiting. Ne, Watanuki-kun?”
‘I can’t believe it. I was looking forward to it the entire day, from the moment Himawari-chan told me about it at lunch. Doumeki had other duties and I was blissfully happy to be alone with her. Now, not only Doumeki, but his damn cousin, too!!!’ Watanuki thought bitterly.
The same day at Yuuko’s shop;
“Ne, Watanuki, do you have any news?”
“Nothing that concerns you!” I yelled exasperatedly.
“Ah, so you don’t want the weekend off?”
“Yes, but,… Wait, how did you know? Never mind, don’t answer that.”
‘No way, I’m letting Doumeki be alone with Himawari.chan!!’ I ’ve shuddered at the thought.
“Ne, Yuuko-san, for this weekend?” I ’ve asked, already anticipating the answer.
“You know it won’t be free, don’t you?” asked a smiling, slightly drunk Yuuko.
Of course I knew; when was anything from her free?
“Do you know the many significancee’s of the word ‘change’?”
“Please don’t tell me, it’s still early for word games.”
“There are two kinds of changes; one is an outside force that makes you change, without you having the power to stop it. Then there are the changes inside a person, for example a point of view, that we always take for granted, suddenly transforms, making it look like you’ve changed; when all that’s changed is your perception of it.”
“I really don’t care! I have more important things to do, like pack for tomorrow. The only change I want is to Himawari-chan to notice me,” said Watanuki and walked away.
“Oh, then there are some things that won’t ever change, isn’t it so, Mokona?”
Morning 7:55
“Hello Watanuki-kun, you’re just in time.” An excited Himawari greeted me.
“Hello Himawari-chan. Good morning, have you slept well?” I’ve asked her, all excited at seeing her.
“Good, thank you. Doumeki hasn’t arrived yet,” replied Himawari.
Maybe the goddess of fortune had finally decided to smile on me and give me this beautiful gift,. Ffor all the times she had let me down. Or maybe Doumeki overslept; the reason didn’t matter; only that he wasn’t there.
“Baka kitsune, don’t sleep on your feet, hurry up or we’ll be late!” An incredible loud voice spoke, made it impossible not to notice it.
‘Wow, a giant,’ I thought Watanuki. He was easily one of the tallest people I had ever seen, with flashy red hair. Being dragged behind him was a half-asleep guy, who was just as tall. They came towards me and Himawari and I’ve instinctively flinched and had to suppress the need to run. They looked like two gangsters, especially the redhead. They probably just wanted to board the same train as themus, I would make sure to find the compartment that is the farthest away possible. The voice was annoying enough, without taking into account the attitude. The red head was behaving like he owned the place. No respect for anyone, I hated that kind of people. They were both wearing sports jackets and jeans that were too tight for comfort. While the redhead was acting like an overexcited saru, the black-haired guy was sleeping at ease like everywhere he went was his private bed. What people! When they reached themus, Ihe gave them space assuming that they were boarding the train. Only, they stopped and simultaneously said, “OI!”
I was already irritated to have to hear that word everyday, without the need to,…
“Oi,” a familiar greeting joined the previous ones.
“Hello, Doumeki-kun, this must be your cousin and his friend? I’m Himawari.
This is Watanuki-kun.”
“Sorry, I didn’t know my cousin would bring his boyfriend,” Doumeki apologized.
“Oh, not at all, we’re happy to have him, ne Watanuki-kun?”
‘WTF, did I hear right? His boyfriend?’ Thought Watanuki desperatelyI thought desperately, heI felt trapped already. No, he I definitely wasn’t happy about this.
“Hi, my name is Sakuragi Hanamichi and this sleeping kitsune is Rukawa Kaede, Doumeki’s cousin. Don’t worry about him, he’s always sleeping like that, you’ll get used to it.”
“How cute,” responded Himawari who couldn’t have aspired for a better day.
Sakuragi punched the guy, who woke up with a “Who dares wake me up?” almost hitting him back, but Sakuragi seemed used to it and dodged the blow easily. ‘Note to yourself, Watanuki;: Stay the hell away from the guy! Cross that, stay the hell away from both of them!!!’
They were already fighting in the middle of the station. When they finally did board the train, Watanuki I had come to the horrifying conclusion that they had to be in the same compartmentwe were going to be in the same compartment. For a 3-hour train ride! Maybe he I could sleep of the whole way, but judging from how vocal the redhead was, Watanuki didn’tI don’t think he’d I’d manage. The Rukawa guy returned to sleep as soon as he was seated. At least, he wouldn’t give Watanuki me any problems, but the opposite could be said for his boyfriend. He was loud enough to cover 3 people. At least, they weren’t a treat to Himawari-chan!
This was the first time he’d I’d seen a gay couple, Watanuki I didn’t know where to place his my eyes and felt a little embarrassed when Sakuragi stroked Rukawa’s hair while he slept. They were so open about it. It made me he feltfeel a little uncomfortable. Watanuki Needless to say, I was surprised that Doumeki and Himawari-chan took it so naturally, as if they saw it every day. He But really, found out that there was nothing that really surprised or embarrassed Doumeki. He I stole a glance at looked at Doumeki; he had his usual stoic expression on his face, like nothing was wrong. Don’t they see that it’s all wrong? But I’m not about to let them know what I think about gay couples. Himawari-chan looked so comfortable; I don’t want to disappoint her.
For Watanuki, it was wrong, but he was not about to let them know that. Himawari-chan looked so comfortable with them he wasn’t about to disappoint her.
“Ne, Hanamichi-kun?” They were already on first name basis! “How did you and Rukawa-kun get together?” Such a direct, personal question asked so soon. I hope he doesn’t answer! I don’t want to know!!! Instead, I looked at him with a politely interested face.
“It was last year, we fought constantly in that period of time, more that usual that is,” he started laughing.
‘What was funny in that?’
“We actually fought since the first time we met.”
‘Not a big surprise there!’
“Our basketball’s club manager, Ayako, decided to put a stop to it. She organized a mini-tournament, two against two. We were obviously paired up. That only managed to make us fight even more. At court, we were the only ones and we didn’t have the option to pass the ball to anyone else, we definitely didn’t want to pass it to each other. We ended up losing the first match. We didn’t like to collaborate with each other, but weren’t accustomed to losing either; we came groggily to an understanding. Slowly, we learned how to play together, and even more slowly our relationship began to change. At first, I hated him because I had a crush on a girl and she liked him. The freezer here didn’t like her at all. With time, I’ve come to the realization he never would. He liked basketball too much and didn’t look at anything else. And afterwards, we won the mini-tournament. Of course, me, the tensai, made sure of that.”
‘Please, what a joke!’
“Everyone commented on my improved skills. Somehow we ended up playing together everyday after that. Even on weekends, even if we never made an appointment, we went on the same court on the same time. We did spend a lot of time together without realizing it. Slowly, I realized that I wasn’t thinking so much of my crush anymore, I was too immersed in our practice. Even my friends complained that we were always together. At first, I thought that they were just joking, but then I started thinking about it and I realized that it was true. We practiced together before school, went to school, after the club activities, we practiced some more, we even went to dinner together! At home, I did some homework and then went to bed, only to repeat the routine the next day. I tried to deny it by spending more time with my friends and less with him. To my utter surprise, I started missing him. Afterwards, we started fighting like before. I hadn’t realized how much less we fought while we were together. I mean we still fought but not nearly as much. While on holidays, we didn’t see each other at all. The courts outside were unusable; the school gymnasium was locked. One day, I did see him eating in a restaurant in my neighborhood. I went to seat opposite him and started eating from his plate. Strangely, he let me. After we finished our food, we ordered 3 more servings. Afterwards, we started seeing each other again. Not just for practice. We went out on movies, eat out, even shopping! One day, my best friend Mito asked me if we were dating. I wanted to deny it, but I found out that I couldn’t because it was true. We were dating, or at least it seemed so and I didn’t even realize it!”
“So one day I asked the kitsune if we were dating, he replied only with his usual ’Hn’ and went back to sleep on the couch, we were watching a rented movie. That’s how we ended up together!” Sakuragi laughed.
‘What a bunch of idiots,’ was the only thing I thought.
“That’s so romantic, ne Watanuki-kun?” asked Himawari with a dreamy expression on her face.
‘Well, hmm,…let me think; Nooooooooooo’, popped into my mind but seriously what could I have answered?
Doumeki looked impassive as usual, like he heard the story a hundred times before. Maybe he had? Judging from how loud-mouthed Sakuragi was, it would not have surprised me.
“Doumeki-kun, you are so lucky to have nice in-laws like Sakuragi!”
I wasn’t about to comment on that.
Doumeki just nodded.
“Doumeki doesn’t talk much; like my kitsune, so we get along fine,” said Sakuragi. “I think he’s actually more talkative, it still is much to handle, ne Watanuki-kun?”
‘Why’s he asking me?’ I wondered.
“Doumeki and Watanuki are such good friends,” Himawari-chan answered for me.
“You’re right, Doumeki mentions him a lot when we visit.”
‘Oh? What does he say about me?’ I thought.
“Looks like we are already here, time passes by quickly when you have fun!”
‘For you, maybe it went quickly. I couldn’t wait to arrive.’
Two cars were waiting at the entrance. We arrived relatively shortly after getting into the cars. I never expected to be in a house so big, it was practically a mansion, with an indoor pool, garden, and even a spa. Everyone got their own room; I couldn’t help but notice that the boyfriends got a single one. With a big bed, so they will be comfortable or so Himawari-chan said. The redhead blushed and I didn’t even want to begin to imagine why. Rukawa seemed totally awake (for a change) and I could swear I could see a smirk on his face, but it was gone so soon I thought I was imagining it. I fled to the safety of my room trying to forget everything about it.
The day was warm and perfect for a swim. We decided it was the best way to start our weekend. Himawari-chan was absolutely lovely in her swimsuit. Doumeki as usual had the girls salivating over him, and he wasn’t the only one. Rukawa had his share, too. No one looked at me twice. I didn’t realize Doumeki was so muscular, not too much; just the perfect proportion to his height. The archery club was good for something it seemed. He looked at me and I turned quickly away feeling a blush spreading on my cheeks, not knowing why.
Sakuragi and Rukawa were already in the water, having a race. It must be an ordinary thing for them, compete in everything they do. I envied it; they were equal in everything they did. I was the only one always needing a helping hand, from Doumeki no less. I hated it! I hated to be in his debt.
Doumeki was calling me. I’ve been too distracted with my thoughts to notice. He was calling me “Oi” again, I screamed at him that I had a name. WA-TA-NU-KI Kimihiro. Use it.
“Ok, Kimihiro,” he said. “Let’s go, they’re waiting for us,” he ran to the water leaving me behind. The bastard, he outsmarted me again. I wasn’t going let him do it. I didn’t need him to tell me what to do.
I ran after him trying to catch up with him, but instead lost sight of him. I looked around me only to be pulled under the water by strong arms. I didn’t want to show him any weakness, so I held onto him making him unable to emerge either. I was pretty good at holding my breath and was determined to win. We were holding each other under the water. For an instant, I felt embarrassed by the compromising position. He was expressionless as usual so I wasn’t about to be the first to give up, despite the potentially embarrassing situation. It became difficult to hold my breath, my body wanted to suck in some air but my brain refused to/. My throat was in flames, I couldn’t last much longer. I opened my mouth without meaning to and water entered. I looked at Doumeki and he looked like he had no trouble whatsoever. He looked at me silently asking if I gave in, but I shook my head stubbornly. With the last of my strength, I tried to hold on for a little longer, my mouth opened and I could feel air being pushed inside, I took it in gratefully without wondering how it was possible. I reined in enough presence of mind to realize that Doumeki’s mouth was on mine. We emerged in the same instant I realized the fact. I pushed him away only to find that everyone was looking at us. Hanamichi had a grin on his face, Rukawa’s face was unreadable, and the one that hurt the most was Himawari-chan’s face. She looked as if she was glad for us. I couldn’t stand her looking at us like that, because in that moment I realized there would never be anything between us. I swam to the shore and ran away as fast as I could, my mind completely blank; only wanting to be away from everyone else. When I couldn’t run any longer, I collapsed on the ground and held my knees against my chest. I don’t know how long I sat there contemplating my misery. Minutes, maybe hours. It felt like a small eternity.
“Hey Watanuki, can I sit here? You’ve found a nice shaded spot.”
‘I didn’t care for his explanation, but I didn’t refuse.’ He sat near me, but not too close, like he wanted to give me space but if I ever needed him, he was close enough. I didn’t need it.
We sat there silently. Me with my thoughts, he,.. I didn’t know with what. When I felt calm enough, I peeked at him surprised that he was able to be silent for so long.
He was looking at the sky, seeming content with the world, carefree like nothing could touch him. Happy. I envied him for the second time that day. His perfect life, perfect boyfriend, and perfect friends. He had what he wanted, he knew what he wanted. I had nothing. I couldn’t believe I was jealous of a gay guy.
“You must think I’m pathetic?” I asked him.
“Why would I?” he asked seeming genuinely surprised by my question. “I just wanted to relax in a quite and peaceful place.”
“How come? You are a loud person, you probably like loud places with many people.”
“I like it, but I like quiet places, too, where you can relax and let the silence enfold you. But you right I’m a dynamic guy always in motion, I like places that are always in motion too.”
“How could you like a guy?” It was bothering me since the start of the trip and I didn’t feel much for politeness at the moment, my curiosity got the better of me.
“I wondered the same thing, you know? It feels like such a long time ago since I asked myself these questions, but in reality it’s only been a few months. I still don’t know why. Because he is the kitsune, you know? If somebody had ever asked me about us getting together before it I would have punched him or her. Now the only thing I feel is that there never was the possibility of anyone else. There was no one else. I don’t want it to be. I had crushes on 51 girls before I met him. Can you believe it? Sometimes it feels like a dream, like that was another me in a different life. I couldn’t possibly have thought that was love when I was with them. But I thought it at that time. With Rukawa, I never thought it was anything but it turned out to be so much more. I thought I was in love with them, ironically when I really fell in love I didn’t even realize it. My friends realized it before me! I still can’t believe it. I wanted to fall in love and be loved for a long time, with someone who accepted me for what I am and I’d almost ruined it. Even if it was a screwed life, I’m glad of it because it made me who I am now. If there is something like multiple universes with multiple me’s I hope they didn’t screw it up. I hope that they admitted their feelings for Rukawa. You think that they could have fallen for somebody else, don’t you? But in reality, no one else is good enough. I couldn’t have chosen anything less.
‘I remembered Syaoran and the others wondering what they thought of it. Being able to experience it for real? Meeting people they know at home but were also different?
“To answer your question, I don’t know how it feels like to like a guy. I know only how it feels like to love Kaede. I know he can’t really be mistaken for a girl, even if he is pretty, he’s definitely a guy and I like that. I wouldn’t change anything about him. It wasn’t easy to come to terms with my feelings, but after realizing it, I was more bothered about being in love with the kitsune, with the human freezer, with the guy I hated. I did realize I didn’t think of him that way anymore. I came to know him. Him being in love with basketball only bothered at me at first, but I accepted it, because it’s a big part of him and I love that too. We love each other on a different level. Basket is something that brings us closer. Anyway don’t tell the kitsune I told you that, he’ll tease me mercilessly, he doesn’t seem like it but he has a perverse sense of humor.”
‘Somehow I could imagine it.’
“Then you must know all about it, Doumeki has it too!”
“Don’t talk about him.”
“You know, you two act a lot like us. Fighting every time you have a chance. With Rukawa, I fought from the very first time we met. I felt a connection between us, even then. He was the crush of a girl I was interested in; so I couldn’t let it slide. At first, I didn’t know the first thing about basketball. I started playing it, only because the girl I had a crush on liked it. He was one of the best rookies out there, even if I didn’t want to admit it. With his arrogant attitude, he ignored everybody. I didn’t want to be anything less than him. Because of the two of them, I practiced hard and without knowing it, I ended up loving the sport and the guy who was supposed to have been my enemy. Life can turn unexpectedly at times, you just have to accept it when it does.
I started giggling, then laughing out loud. ‘The two of them are totally crazy.’ I thought.
“How dare you laugh at the tensai when his pouring his heart out at you,” He punched me but it was a playful punch, he wasn’t really angry. We started to fight with each other, it felt different. I never fought with my bare hands before, only with words and never for the fun of it. Even with Doumeki, even if I had fantasized about smashing some sense into him. It felt comfortable.
“You know if Doumeki annoys you too much, you can punch him anytime you want.”
“I couldn’t!” ‘Could I?’
“Why not? Don’t worry, Doumeki would never seriously hurt you. It can be fun and you can give up on some anger. If you asked him, he’d let you beat him up.”
“Why would he?” It was a crazy thought.
“That’s because it’s you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He was already walking away without answering me.
That evening, we ate dinner without anybody asking me for any explanations. Sakuragi was talking excitedly; Rukawa was nodding distractedly at him, every now and then. ‘What was the attraction?’ Sakuragi told me he has screaming fans following him everywhere. They hated Sakuragi’s guts. Apparently, because of his hobby to kiss Rukawa every time they were near. I think those two are the perfect example for opposites attract. Only they seem to understand each other perfectly, even with their opposite personalities. Or maybe it’s just a mask, and they are more alike than what seems on the surface? And not only for their shared love for basketball! I suppose they would meet each other even under different circumstances. I didn’t want to think about different dimensions of Rukawa’s and Hanamichi’s, Samurai’s, carpenters, businessmen, it was too funny. I’m happy to know them as they are now.
I felt the familiar feeling of being observed. I’m used to it with spirits chasing me at every corner. Only this stare is much more persistent. I turned around catching Doumeki staring at me. He wasn’t embarrassed at all at being discovered, but then he rarely was. I looked at him with the same intensity. I decided I wouldn’t lose to him anymore. I’m at the same starting point Hanamichi was, when he confronted Rukawa for the first time. I’ll find more about spirits and how to shield from them so that I won’t have to depend on Yuuko and Doumeki anymore. I don’t know how long it’s going to take for my wish, to never see spirits again, to be granted. I’m not about to wait and do nothing in the meantime. I would become stronger and I’d fight with my own strength. I battled with spirits before I met them (even if I only ran away from them). I can do it again. Doumeki looked at me as if he’s perplexed by my thoughts. I wouldn’t back off. His eyes unexpectedly became gentle and soft; he was smiling with them without changing his facial expression. His smile disarmed me and I couldn’t feel the anger for him anymore. He looked away and started to converse with Hanamichi who looked at me smilingly.
‘What they are talking about? Did Hanamichi tell him about earlier today? I don’t think he’s the type to do that, then again I don’t think he usually talks about his feelings to a perfect stranger. Why did he do it? He talks a lot, but rarely about something personal’ I suddenly lost my appetite and excused myself from the table.
I went to the garden, feeling the slight breeze of the air on my skin, relaxing me. I felt someone behind me and turned around, I’m not used to someone sneaking up behind me. I had enough practice with spirits. It was Rukawa, without looking like his sleepy self, in fact, he seemed quite awake. With him standing so close, I could feel the difference in height. I almost strained my neck trying to look into his eyes. I made a resolution to become strong; I won’t turn back on my word even if Rukawa looked intimidating. His eyes were inscrutable; I couldn’t read them at all. They were so similar to Doumeki’s and yet so different at the same time. I didn’t realize how many emotions I could read in Doumeki’s eyes, even if it looked like I couldn’t. Compared to Rukawa, he’s an open book. But then I didn’t know Rukawa, instead I knew Doumeki,…
“Doumeki,” said Rukawa pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Take care of him.”
‘What?’ I did not expect that.
“What do you mean by that?” He looked at me as if I was an idiot and should have understood it already. “I’m not like Hanamichi who can understand you without the need for words. If you have something to say, say it clearly.” I don’t know what came over me, to respond him like that.
“Aho,” What he was insulting me? “You acted like him just now.” Even if it was an insult, I felt strangely happy. I know he’s calling Sakuragi “aho” repeatedly and it doesn’t feel much like an insult at all, more like a nickname. A cherished nickname.
“He’s stubborn and won’t take care of himself.”
“Hanamichi?” I asked perplexed.
“Doumeki,” He answered. I’m totally confused now.
“Doumeki, when he’s with you, he doesn’t take care of himself.”
‘What is he trying to say? I’m not Doumeki’s babysitter.’
“He does it because he wants to, so take care of him, he won’t let anyone else.” ‘How can he say that and just walk away?’ I got angry. Doumeki’s not my responsibility! He can take care of himself. It’s true that he’s always rescuing me. He gave me his eye without needing to. He stood for 10 hours in the rain to be my only anchor to the living world. I paused; maybe, just maybe,… I did misjudge him. He’s always protecting me without asking anything from me in return, only lunch but that isn’t worth a life. His life. He would give it to me. He would not ask anything for it. Even if I become stronger, he’d always be there when I need him. On his part, nothing would change.
Even so, I have to become stronger, so he wouldn’t have to give up his life for me; like I don’t have to give up on my life too easily the way I used to. He would otherwise come to my rescue and I don’t want him to be in danger. Is this what Rukawa meant-? Not ONLY him, but Yuuko and Doumeki too. They were trying to tell me that, each in their own way? I didn’t understand it before, why they were so adamant at me protecting myself. I’ve come to understand to treasure my life more, but did I treasure Doumeki’s?’
“Oi,” Doumeki greeted me with his usual way, but I couldn’t bring myself to be angry at him. “Oi, oi” he kept calling me and I involuntarily got angry again. This afternoon, he called me Kimihiro!
“I told you to call me by my name!” I yelled at him frustrated, wanting something, not knowing precisely what.
“Kimihiro,” he said instead and I could see the gentle laughter in his eyes, the one I’m weak against. ‘Is he teasing me?’ I wondered. The way Rukawa and Hanamichi do to each other? I blushed at the thought. I didn’t want to compare them to us. We didn’t have that kind of relationship! I looked at him and realized that he was only teasing me, trying in his own contorted way to cheer me up. Bring me back from my thoughts. Like he always does. Only I haven’t realized it until now. I felt like I understood him a little better. I smiled at him. He wasn’t expecting it. “That’s better, Shizuka,” I said and walked away, Rukawa’s style.
I went looking for Hanamichi, but didn’t find him anywhere. I went to the spa. It was a perfect night for a relaxing bath. I discarded my clothes and with a towel around my waist, I went in. I heard strange noises coming from inside; I hurried thinking that maybe someone was in trouble. It was dark, only the lanterns and stars were illuminating the place. In the corner, I spotted Hanamichi holding onto a rock positioned behind him. I could see only his inclined head and his right hand. He was holding onto it, as if he would fall without its support. I was about to call out to him when he preceded me to it.
“Rukawa, harder!”
I froze on the spot, not really believing I was hearing this.
“More, Rukawa, more!” I couldn’t see Rukawa from my point of view, but I could imagine what he was doing. It surprised me I could. More so because I wasn’t disgusted by it. On the contrary, I felt myself becoming hotter. Like someone had turned the heater on. I didn’t know what to do, common sense told me to flee out of there as fast as I could, my body thought otherwise. To this day, I’ve heard many different moans of pleasure, but one emitted never during sex. And definitely nothing like the ones Hanamichi was making.
Deep breaths, like he couldn’t breathe properly, but that wasn’t the case, Rukawa was making him do it. I remember this afternoon when I couldn’t breathe under the water and Doumeki helped me, but it didn’t feel anything like that. My skin felt on fire, it was impossibly hot by now, but it had nothing to do with the weather. I was sweating. My breath became erratic like I just did a 100-meter dash; only I wasn’t. I felt my nipples become erect because of the air around me teasing them, making them harder. And they weren’t the only ones. I felt heat spreading through my body, the focus point being my cock as it was caressed by the towel which suddenly became too small. I felt like I was being cooked in the furnace.
“Don’t stop Ru-,…aahh,” screamed a frustrated Hanamichi. I could see Rukawa’s head now, while he was effectively shutting Hanamichi’s mouth in a heated kiss. It was nothing like the kiss I’ve shared with Doumeki, they weren’t just kissing. They were devouring each other, not bothering to breathe, like breathing wasn’t necessity. Rukawa’s hand was holding the nape of Hanamichi’s neck while they kissed. Hanamichi’s hands were on Rukawa’s neck, trying to pull him even closer to him, but there wasn’t any space left between them. Nowhere else to go, beside inside him. Shivers ran through my spine, with the realization that there was only one place left to go if they wanted to become closer. United. It was too much for me to take so I closed my eyes, the moment too intense for me to be able to stand it. My hands trembled with emotions I was barely able to suppress. I couldn’t do it here! While they were… My hands betrayed me, they brushed against my towel-covered cock, and I shuddered with the intense sensations rushing through me. I knew the pleasure of masturbation, but that didn’t come near this. I was so needy for release I couldn’t help but look at them again. They were panting with raging breaths, Rukawa was biting hard on Hanamichi’s neck while trusting into him; Hanamichi was screaming for more. Needing desperately the release, I grabbed my cock and squeezed hard. I screamed but no sound came out from between my lips, a hand on my mouth prevented it. I could feel a matching hardness being pressed onto my ass, even with the towel between us I could feel it wanting me. A hard, muscular body was pressed to mine. It smelled like vanilla. His other hand was on my stomach, caressing it. I could feel his breath on my skin, he was as close to come as I was. My hand, still on my cock, squeezed it harder only to be pushed away and replaced with his, gripping it even harder. If it weren’t for the hand still covering my mouth, I would have screamed with all my might. He released his hold on my cock, only for a second, to pluck the towel away leaving me exposed and naked. I was thankful I couldn’t see him. I felt too embarrassed of myself. His hand was on me again, leaving me breathless with sensations so very intense. Leaving me feeling foolish thinking that it couldn’t have been more intense than the hand on my towel. But it could and it was.
If I had been aware of my actions, I wouldn’t have allowed it but I was too far-gone. He licked at the nape of my neck, like Rukawa was doing to Hanamichi’s. He bit me just as slowly. I shouldn’t be wanting more, but I did. I arched into him, making him know I wanted it, too. He bit down harder and I screamed at the same time Hanamichi did, only he could voice his pleasure out loud, my own was confined by his hand. He was feeling me up like he wanted to imprint the memory of my body in his mind. I wanted to scream out loud, to be heard like Hanamichi’s screams were. but I couldn’t. So I imagined that Hanamichi screamed for the both of us, without him being aware of it. I wasn’t going to last much longer, I could feel my knees going weak, so he held me tighter not letting me fall. Like Rukawa was holding Hanamichi, tightly against him. It was too much, I couldn’t take it anymore, I was going to explode any second, his hold became even tighter, I,…
“Ahh,” I came and we crumpled to the floor together. I could feel wetness on my ass cheek that wasn’t mine. He came too without the need of my touch, silently. I was trembling in his arms, he held me tighter to his chest. He released the hold on my mouth and cock and held me with both hands. I could still feel his semi-erect cock pressing against me and in the background I could hear the screams of pleasure, never faltering, becoming stronger. We held onto each other while listening to them, unable to speak or to look. I could imagine in the corner of my mind, Hanamichi arching into Rukawa’s body; wanting more, needing it desperately in their well-practiced tempo. I could imagine Rukawa’s bite piercing through Hanamichi’s skin drawing blood, like I had wanted mine to be pierced. My eyes opened. I wanted to watch, I couldn’t help it. I wanted to watch the closeness they could reach that I didn’t. Merged together, I couldn’t begin to imagine how it felt. Being as close as humanly possible; no more barriers between them, feeling united with each other. Maybe someday I would experience it with someone I loved. The body pressed to mine held me closer as if he could hear my thoughts, only that space remained between us, still unfulfilled. I wanted that space to disappear, dissolve into nothingness. I wanted only us to remain.
“Rukawa, I’m going to, I can’t hold it anymore, make me, make,…
‘Yes, make him please, this is torture, make him come.’
“Ru- I’m coming, ahhh yes, ahhh.” They held each other afterwards like we did. No, they were face to face and able to see each other, wanting to see each other, seeing each other’s face in their release. I’ve seen theirs but I didn’t see my partner’s. There were more empty spaces between us than the physical. There was much more to be learned before we could become one.
Rukawa was stroking Hamnamichi’s hair while he held him and for the first time that day and probably for the last, I could see raw emotion in his eyes. It made me tremble with need; I wanted someone to look at me like that, even if I wasn’t looking. I felt out of place seeing it. They wouldn’t forgive us if they found out. It was a private moment, a moment meant only for them. Before I realized it, the warmth behind me left, leaving me empty and cold. I turned around but there wasn’t anybody left. I left soon afterwards hoping they didn’t see us. I couldn’t sleep that night, too many emotions and thoughts ran through my mind leaving me restless.
I rose early to prepare breakfast and try to banish any stray thoughts from my head. The door opened and Hanamichi entered the kitchen. I felt relieved that it was him. But I remembered last night and felt uncomfortable and embarrassed.
“You’re already preparing breakfast. You’ll make a nice wife, someday,” He teased me.
“I won’t be anybody’s wife!” I replied angrily, “Only husband, maybe,… ” I said more quietly at the exact moment Doumeki entered. I turned hastily away trying to act normal, instead I ended up breaking a plate in my haste. I tried to pick up the pieces, but I CUT MYSELF INSTEAD. Doumeki approached me. I was trying to ignore him only to being “oi-ed” again, I looked at him instinctively and he had the same gentle/teasing smile in his eyes. I blushed, he took my hand and sucked on my finger. I pulled it away and took care of it myself, because now I already knew that he would take care of it for me no matter what I did.
I tried to cut some vegetables, but my hand didn’t want to collaborate with me, I felt completely out of control. I knew I could do it myself, but when he looked at me silently asking for permission, I granted it. He took the knife from me and cut them himself. I allowed him to do it and for the first time I wasn’t angry with him for helping me. We made breakfast together, each of us in charge of a task that eventually led us to completion. I felt proud not only of myself, but of him too. I placed the food on the table. Hanamichi smiled at me knowingly, but I ignored it.
“Where’s Rukawa?” I asked instead.
“Kitsune’s asleep. I have to wake him up at the last possible moment or he’ll get pissed. Everything is prepared, I’ll go call him.” After he left, Himawari-chan came in. When I looked at her, I felt that I should be acting like my normal self, yet I didn’t. I didn’t feel the need to nor did I want to. I only felt pleased to see a friend. My heart didn’t skip a beat.
‘How could everything have changed so suddenly? When only yesterday I liked her and hated Doumeki? Today, on the other hand,… today I don’t know how I feel.’ I didn’t feel particularly different. I felt more like I’ve come to terms with something that was already there.
We spent the day laughing and playing; building castles of sand and swimming I’ve never felt so relaxed. I was always on edge when Himawari was around, now I felt like I could talk with her for the first time. It felt like I was merely enjoying the company of a friend. We celebrated this amazing weekend by taking instant photos. All 5 of us squeezed together in the small photo cabin. We made funny and serious photos. Himawari-chan suggested we made photos of two people at a time. I made photos with everyone, funny ones with Hanamichi, serious ones with Rukawa, pleasant ones with Himawari-chan. The photos I enjoyed the most were with Doumeki. We were sitting close to each other and I was incredibly nervous. I kept fidgeting in my seat, he said “Oi”, and I turned toward him. The first picture together was me pissed at him. For the next one, he called me Kimihiro. In the third one, he was holding me by the shoulders with me being surprised. The last one was with our heads closely touching, his hand on my shoulder, my hand on his. I was smiling.
We returned home the same day, with two odd couples: an older one and a newer one; with a dear friend thrown in the mix.
Legend:
Saru- monkey
Tensai_-genius
Kitsune- fox
Fandom: Crossover; Slam Dunk and Xxxholic
Pairing: Rukawa/Sakuragi; Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A weekend of changes.
Notes: Crossover challenge from ruhanahanaru. Watanuki’s POV.
Beta: The amazing chiebaka
“Doumeki-kun, wait! Let’s go home together,” asked Himawari.
“No, Himawari-chan,” I’ve complained., I didn’t really want to go home with Doumeki, regardless of Himawari-chan’s opinion on the matter.
“I don’t have time, my cousin is coming to visit,.” replied Doumeki.
“Really? That’s great! We have to meet him. Ne, Watanuki-kun?”
‘Over my dead body,’ I thought but before I could voice my complaint, I was interrupted again.
“Are you free this weekend, Doumeki-kun? I wanted to invite you and Watanuki-kun to my summerhouse. Watanuki-kun is already free. You can bring your cousin too.”
“Think so!” replied Doumeki.
“Great! Tomorrow at the xxx station, at 8th. We will be waiting. Ne, Watanuki-kun?”
‘I can’t believe it. I was looking forward to it the entire day, from the moment Himawari-chan told me about it at lunch. Doumeki had other duties and I was blissfully happy to be alone with her. Now, not only Doumeki, but his damn cousin, too!!!’ Watanuki thought bitterly.
The same day at Yuuko’s shop;
“Ne, Watanuki, do you have any news?”
“Nothing that concerns you!” I yelled exasperatedly.
“Ah, so you don’t want the weekend off?”
“Yes, but,… Wait, how did you know? Never mind, don’t answer that.”
‘No way, I’m letting Doumeki be alone with Himawari.chan!!’ I ’ve shuddered at the thought.
“Ne, Yuuko-san, for this weekend?” I ’ve asked, already anticipating the answer.
“You know it won’t be free, don’t you?” asked a smiling, slightly drunk Yuuko.
Of course I knew; when was anything from her free?
“Do you know the many significancee’s of the word ‘change’?”
“Please don’t tell me, it’s still early for word games.”
“There are two kinds of changes; one is an outside force that makes you change, without you having the power to stop it. Then there are the changes inside a person, for example a point of view, that we always take for granted, suddenly transforms, making it look like you’ve changed; when all that’s changed is your perception of it.”
“I really don’t care! I have more important things to do, like pack for tomorrow. The only change I want is to Himawari-chan to notice me,” said Watanuki and walked away.
“Oh, then there are some things that won’t ever change, isn’t it so, Mokona?”
Morning 7:55
“Hello Watanuki-kun, you’re just in time.” An excited Himawari greeted me.
“Hello Himawari-chan. Good morning, have you slept well?” I’ve asked her, all excited at seeing her.
“Good, thank you. Doumeki hasn’t arrived yet,” replied Himawari.
Maybe the goddess of fortune had finally decided to smile on me and give me this beautiful gift,. Ffor all the times she had let me down. Or maybe Doumeki overslept; the reason didn’t matter; only that he wasn’t there.
“Baka kitsune, don’t sleep on your feet, hurry up or we’ll be late!” An incredible loud voice spoke, made it impossible not to notice it.
‘Wow, a giant,’ I thought Watanuki. He was easily one of the tallest people I had ever seen, with flashy red hair. Being dragged behind him was a half-asleep guy, who was just as tall. They came towards me and Himawari and I’ve instinctively flinched and had to suppress the need to run. They looked like two gangsters, especially the redhead. They probably just wanted to board the same train as themus, I would make sure to find the compartment that is the farthest away possible. The voice was annoying enough, without taking into account the attitude. The red head was behaving like he owned the place. No respect for anyone, I hated that kind of people. They were both wearing sports jackets and jeans that were too tight for comfort. While the redhead was acting like an overexcited saru, the black-haired guy was sleeping at ease like everywhere he went was his private bed. What people! When they reached themus, Ihe gave them space assuming that they were boarding the train. Only, they stopped and simultaneously said, “OI!”
I was already irritated to have to hear that word everyday, without the need to,…
“Oi,” a familiar greeting joined the previous ones.
“Hello, Doumeki-kun, this must be your cousin and his friend? I’m Himawari.
This is Watanuki-kun.”
“Sorry, I didn’t know my cousin would bring his boyfriend,” Doumeki apologized.
“Oh, not at all, we’re happy to have him, ne Watanuki-kun?”
‘WTF, did I hear right? His boyfriend?’ Thought Watanuki desperatelyI thought desperately, heI felt trapped already. No, he I definitely wasn’t happy about this.
“Hi, my name is Sakuragi Hanamichi and this sleeping kitsune is Rukawa Kaede, Doumeki’s cousin. Don’t worry about him, he’s always sleeping like that, you’ll get used to it.”
“How cute,” responded Himawari who couldn’t have aspired for a better day.
Sakuragi punched the guy, who woke up with a “Who dares wake me up?” almost hitting him back, but Sakuragi seemed used to it and dodged the blow easily. ‘Note to yourself, Watanuki;: Stay the hell away from the guy! Cross that, stay the hell away from both of them!!!’
They were already fighting in the middle of the station. When they finally did board the train, Watanuki I had come to the horrifying conclusion that they had to be in the same compartmentwe were going to be in the same compartment. For a 3-hour train ride! Maybe he I could sleep of the whole way, but judging from how vocal the redhead was, Watanuki didn’tI don’t think he’d I’d manage. The Rukawa guy returned to sleep as soon as he was seated. At least, he wouldn’t give Watanuki me any problems, but the opposite could be said for his boyfriend. He was loud enough to cover 3 people. At least, they weren’t a treat to Himawari-chan!
This was the first time he’d I’d seen a gay couple, Watanuki I didn’t know where to place his my eyes and felt a little embarrassed when Sakuragi stroked Rukawa’s hair while he slept. They were so open about it. It made me he feltfeel a little uncomfortable. Watanuki Needless to say, I was surprised that Doumeki and Himawari-chan took it so naturally, as if they saw it every day. He But really, found out that there was nothing that really surprised or embarrassed Doumeki. He I stole a glance at looked at Doumeki; he had his usual stoic expression on his face, like nothing was wrong. Don’t they see that it’s all wrong? But I’m not about to let them know what I think about gay couples. Himawari-chan looked so comfortable; I don’t want to disappoint her.
For Watanuki, it was wrong, but he was not about to let them know that. Himawari-chan looked so comfortable with them he wasn’t about to disappoint her.
“Ne, Hanamichi-kun?” They were already on first name basis! “How did you and Rukawa-kun get together?” Such a direct, personal question asked so soon. I hope he doesn’t answer! I don’t want to know!!! Instead, I looked at him with a politely interested face.
“It was last year, we fought constantly in that period of time, more that usual that is,” he started laughing.
‘What was funny in that?’
“We actually fought since the first time we met.”
‘Not a big surprise there!’
“Our basketball’s club manager, Ayako, decided to put a stop to it. She organized a mini-tournament, two against two. We were obviously paired up. That only managed to make us fight even more. At court, we were the only ones and we didn’t have the option to pass the ball to anyone else, we definitely didn’t want to pass it to each other. We ended up losing the first match. We didn’t like to collaborate with each other, but weren’t accustomed to losing either; we came groggily to an understanding. Slowly, we learned how to play together, and even more slowly our relationship began to change. At first, I hated him because I had a crush on a girl and she liked him. The freezer here didn’t like her at all. With time, I’ve come to the realization he never would. He liked basketball too much and didn’t look at anything else. And afterwards, we won the mini-tournament. Of course, me, the tensai, made sure of that.”
‘Please, what a joke!’
“Everyone commented on my improved skills. Somehow we ended up playing together everyday after that. Even on weekends, even if we never made an appointment, we went on the same court on the same time. We did spend a lot of time together without realizing it. Slowly, I realized that I wasn’t thinking so much of my crush anymore, I was too immersed in our practice. Even my friends complained that we were always together. At first, I thought that they were just joking, but then I started thinking about it and I realized that it was true. We practiced together before school, went to school, after the club activities, we practiced some more, we even went to dinner together! At home, I did some homework and then went to bed, only to repeat the routine the next day. I tried to deny it by spending more time with my friends and less with him. To my utter surprise, I started missing him. Afterwards, we started fighting like before. I hadn’t realized how much less we fought while we were together. I mean we still fought but not nearly as much. While on holidays, we didn’t see each other at all. The courts outside were unusable; the school gymnasium was locked. One day, I did see him eating in a restaurant in my neighborhood. I went to seat opposite him and started eating from his plate. Strangely, he let me. After we finished our food, we ordered 3 more servings. Afterwards, we started seeing each other again. Not just for practice. We went out on movies, eat out, even shopping! One day, my best friend Mito asked me if we were dating. I wanted to deny it, but I found out that I couldn’t because it was true. We were dating, or at least it seemed so and I didn’t even realize it!”
“So one day I asked the kitsune if we were dating, he replied only with his usual ’Hn’ and went back to sleep on the couch, we were watching a rented movie. That’s how we ended up together!” Sakuragi laughed.
‘What a bunch of idiots,’ was the only thing I thought.
“That’s so romantic, ne Watanuki-kun?” asked Himawari with a dreamy expression on her face.
‘Well, hmm,…let me think; Nooooooooooo’, popped into my mind but seriously what could I have answered?
Doumeki looked impassive as usual, like he heard the story a hundred times before. Maybe he had? Judging from how loud-mouthed Sakuragi was, it would not have surprised me.
“Doumeki-kun, you are so lucky to have nice in-laws like Sakuragi!”
I wasn’t about to comment on that.
Doumeki just nodded.
“Doumeki doesn’t talk much; like my kitsune, so we get along fine,” said Sakuragi. “I think he’s actually more talkative, it still is much to handle, ne Watanuki-kun?”
‘Why’s he asking me?’ I wondered.
“Doumeki and Watanuki are such good friends,” Himawari-chan answered for me.
“You’re right, Doumeki mentions him a lot when we visit.”
‘Oh? What does he say about me?’ I thought.
“Looks like we are already here, time passes by quickly when you have fun!”
‘For you, maybe it went quickly. I couldn’t wait to arrive.’
Two cars were waiting at the entrance. We arrived relatively shortly after getting into the cars. I never expected to be in a house so big, it was practically a mansion, with an indoor pool, garden, and even a spa. Everyone got their own room; I couldn’t help but notice that the boyfriends got a single one. With a big bed, so they will be comfortable or so Himawari-chan said. The redhead blushed and I didn’t even want to begin to imagine why. Rukawa seemed totally awake (for a change) and I could swear I could see a smirk on his face, but it was gone so soon I thought I was imagining it. I fled to the safety of my room trying to forget everything about it.
The day was warm and perfect for a swim. We decided it was the best way to start our weekend. Himawari-chan was absolutely lovely in her swimsuit. Doumeki as usual had the girls salivating over him, and he wasn’t the only one. Rukawa had his share, too. No one looked at me twice. I didn’t realize Doumeki was so muscular, not too much; just the perfect proportion to his height. The archery club was good for something it seemed. He looked at me and I turned quickly away feeling a blush spreading on my cheeks, not knowing why.
Sakuragi and Rukawa were already in the water, having a race. It must be an ordinary thing for them, compete in everything they do. I envied it; they were equal in everything they did. I was the only one always needing a helping hand, from Doumeki no less. I hated it! I hated to be in his debt.
Doumeki was calling me. I’ve been too distracted with my thoughts to notice. He was calling me “Oi” again, I screamed at him that I had a name. WA-TA-NU-KI Kimihiro. Use it.
“Ok, Kimihiro,” he said. “Let’s go, they’re waiting for us,” he ran to the water leaving me behind. The bastard, he outsmarted me again. I wasn’t going let him do it. I didn’t need him to tell me what to do.
I ran after him trying to catch up with him, but instead lost sight of him. I looked around me only to be pulled under the water by strong arms. I didn’t want to show him any weakness, so I held onto him making him unable to emerge either. I was pretty good at holding my breath and was determined to win. We were holding each other under the water. For an instant, I felt embarrassed by the compromising position. He was expressionless as usual so I wasn’t about to be the first to give up, despite the potentially embarrassing situation. It became difficult to hold my breath, my body wanted to suck in some air but my brain refused to/. My throat was in flames, I couldn’t last much longer. I opened my mouth without meaning to and water entered. I looked at Doumeki and he looked like he had no trouble whatsoever. He looked at me silently asking if I gave in, but I shook my head stubbornly. With the last of my strength, I tried to hold on for a little longer, my mouth opened and I could feel air being pushed inside, I took it in gratefully without wondering how it was possible. I reined in enough presence of mind to realize that Doumeki’s mouth was on mine. We emerged in the same instant I realized the fact. I pushed him away only to find that everyone was looking at us. Hanamichi had a grin on his face, Rukawa’s face was unreadable, and the one that hurt the most was Himawari-chan’s face. She looked as if she was glad for us. I couldn’t stand her looking at us like that, because in that moment I realized there would never be anything between us. I swam to the shore and ran away as fast as I could, my mind completely blank; only wanting to be away from everyone else. When I couldn’t run any longer, I collapsed on the ground and held my knees against my chest. I don’t know how long I sat there contemplating my misery. Minutes, maybe hours. It felt like a small eternity.
“Hey Watanuki, can I sit here? You’ve found a nice shaded spot.”
‘I didn’t care for his explanation, but I didn’t refuse.’ He sat near me, but not too close, like he wanted to give me space but if I ever needed him, he was close enough. I didn’t need it.
We sat there silently. Me with my thoughts, he,.. I didn’t know with what. When I felt calm enough, I peeked at him surprised that he was able to be silent for so long.
He was looking at the sky, seeming content with the world, carefree like nothing could touch him. Happy. I envied him for the second time that day. His perfect life, perfect boyfriend, and perfect friends. He had what he wanted, he knew what he wanted. I had nothing. I couldn’t believe I was jealous of a gay guy.
“You must think I’m pathetic?” I asked him.
“Why would I?” he asked seeming genuinely surprised by my question. “I just wanted to relax in a quite and peaceful place.”
“How come? You are a loud person, you probably like loud places with many people.”
“I like it, but I like quiet places, too, where you can relax and let the silence enfold you. But you right I’m a dynamic guy always in motion, I like places that are always in motion too.”
“How could you like a guy?” It was bothering me since the start of the trip and I didn’t feel much for politeness at the moment, my curiosity got the better of me.
“I wondered the same thing, you know? It feels like such a long time ago since I asked myself these questions, but in reality it’s only been a few months. I still don’t know why. Because he is the kitsune, you know? If somebody had ever asked me about us getting together before it I would have punched him or her. Now the only thing I feel is that there never was the possibility of anyone else. There was no one else. I don’t want it to be. I had crushes on 51 girls before I met him. Can you believe it? Sometimes it feels like a dream, like that was another me in a different life. I couldn’t possibly have thought that was love when I was with them. But I thought it at that time. With Rukawa, I never thought it was anything but it turned out to be so much more. I thought I was in love with them, ironically when I really fell in love I didn’t even realize it. My friends realized it before me! I still can’t believe it. I wanted to fall in love and be loved for a long time, with someone who accepted me for what I am and I’d almost ruined it. Even if it was a screwed life, I’m glad of it because it made me who I am now. If there is something like multiple universes with multiple me’s I hope they didn’t screw it up. I hope that they admitted their feelings for Rukawa. You think that they could have fallen for somebody else, don’t you? But in reality, no one else is good enough. I couldn’t have chosen anything less.
‘I remembered Syaoran and the others wondering what they thought of it. Being able to experience it for real? Meeting people they know at home but were also different?
“To answer your question, I don’t know how it feels like to like a guy. I know only how it feels like to love Kaede. I know he can’t really be mistaken for a girl, even if he is pretty, he’s definitely a guy and I like that. I wouldn’t change anything about him. It wasn’t easy to come to terms with my feelings, but after realizing it, I was more bothered about being in love with the kitsune, with the human freezer, with the guy I hated. I did realize I didn’t think of him that way anymore. I came to know him. Him being in love with basketball only bothered at me at first, but I accepted it, because it’s a big part of him and I love that too. We love each other on a different level. Basket is something that brings us closer. Anyway don’t tell the kitsune I told you that, he’ll tease me mercilessly, he doesn’t seem like it but he has a perverse sense of humor.”
‘Somehow I could imagine it.’
“Then you must know all about it, Doumeki has it too!”
“Don’t talk about him.”
“You know, you two act a lot like us. Fighting every time you have a chance. With Rukawa, I fought from the very first time we met. I felt a connection between us, even then. He was the crush of a girl I was interested in; so I couldn’t let it slide. At first, I didn’t know the first thing about basketball. I started playing it, only because the girl I had a crush on liked it. He was one of the best rookies out there, even if I didn’t want to admit it. With his arrogant attitude, he ignored everybody. I didn’t want to be anything less than him. Because of the two of them, I practiced hard and without knowing it, I ended up loving the sport and the guy who was supposed to have been my enemy. Life can turn unexpectedly at times, you just have to accept it when it does.
I started giggling, then laughing out loud. ‘The two of them are totally crazy.’ I thought.
“How dare you laugh at the tensai when his pouring his heart out at you,” He punched me but it was a playful punch, he wasn’t really angry. We started to fight with each other, it felt different. I never fought with my bare hands before, only with words and never for the fun of it. Even with Doumeki, even if I had fantasized about smashing some sense into him. It felt comfortable.
“You know if Doumeki annoys you too much, you can punch him anytime you want.”
“I couldn’t!” ‘Could I?’
“Why not? Don’t worry, Doumeki would never seriously hurt you. It can be fun and you can give up on some anger. If you asked him, he’d let you beat him up.”
“Why would he?” It was a crazy thought.
“That’s because it’s you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He was already walking away without answering me.
That evening, we ate dinner without anybody asking me for any explanations. Sakuragi was talking excitedly; Rukawa was nodding distractedly at him, every now and then. ‘What was the attraction?’ Sakuragi told me he has screaming fans following him everywhere. They hated Sakuragi’s guts. Apparently, because of his hobby to kiss Rukawa every time they were near. I think those two are the perfect example for opposites attract. Only they seem to understand each other perfectly, even with their opposite personalities. Or maybe it’s just a mask, and they are more alike than what seems on the surface? And not only for their shared love for basketball! I suppose they would meet each other even under different circumstances. I didn’t want to think about different dimensions of Rukawa’s and Hanamichi’s, Samurai’s, carpenters, businessmen, it was too funny. I’m happy to know them as they are now.
I felt the familiar feeling of being observed. I’m used to it with spirits chasing me at every corner. Only this stare is much more persistent. I turned around catching Doumeki staring at me. He wasn’t embarrassed at all at being discovered, but then he rarely was. I looked at him with the same intensity. I decided I wouldn’t lose to him anymore. I’m at the same starting point Hanamichi was, when he confronted Rukawa for the first time. I’ll find more about spirits and how to shield from them so that I won’t have to depend on Yuuko and Doumeki anymore. I don’t know how long it’s going to take for my wish, to never see spirits again, to be granted. I’m not about to wait and do nothing in the meantime. I would become stronger and I’d fight with my own strength. I battled with spirits before I met them (even if I only ran away from them). I can do it again. Doumeki looked at me as if he’s perplexed by my thoughts. I wouldn’t back off. His eyes unexpectedly became gentle and soft; he was smiling with them without changing his facial expression. His smile disarmed me and I couldn’t feel the anger for him anymore. He looked away and started to converse with Hanamichi who looked at me smilingly.
‘What they are talking about? Did Hanamichi tell him about earlier today? I don’t think he’s the type to do that, then again I don’t think he usually talks about his feelings to a perfect stranger. Why did he do it? He talks a lot, but rarely about something personal’ I suddenly lost my appetite and excused myself from the table.
I went to the garden, feeling the slight breeze of the air on my skin, relaxing me. I felt someone behind me and turned around, I’m not used to someone sneaking up behind me. I had enough practice with spirits. It was Rukawa, without looking like his sleepy self, in fact, he seemed quite awake. With him standing so close, I could feel the difference in height. I almost strained my neck trying to look into his eyes. I made a resolution to become strong; I won’t turn back on my word even if Rukawa looked intimidating. His eyes were inscrutable; I couldn’t read them at all. They were so similar to Doumeki’s and yet so different at the same time. I didn’t realize how many emotions I could read in Doumeki’s eyes, even if it looked like I couldn’t. Compared to Rukawa, he’s an open book. But then I didn’t know Rukawa, instead I knew Doumeki,…
“Doumeki,” said Rukawa pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Take care of him.”
‘What?’ I did not expect that.
“What do you mean by that?” He looked at me as if I was an idiot and should have understood it already. “I’m not like Hanamichi who can understand you without the need for words. If you have something to say, say it clearly.” I don’t know what came over me, to respond him like that.
“Aho,” What he was insulting me? “You acted like him just now.” Even if it was an insult, I felt strangely happy. I know he’s calling Sakuragi “aho” repeatedly and it doesn’t feel much like an insult at all, more like a nickname. A cherished nickname.
“He’s stubborn and won’t take care of himself.”
“Hanamichi?” I asked perplexed.
“Doumeki,” He answered. I’m totally confused now.
“Doumeki, when he’s with you, he doesn’t take care of himself.”
‘What is he trying to say? I’m not Doumeki’s babysitter.’
“He does it because he wants to, so take care of him, he won’t let anyone else.” ‘How can he say that and just walk away?’ I got angry. Doumeki’s not my responsibility! He can take care of himself. It’s true that he’s always rescuing me. He gave me his eye without needing to. He stood for 10 hours in the rain to be my only anchor to the living world. I paused; maybe, just maybe,… I did misjudge him. He’s always protecting me without asking anything from me in return, only lunch but that isn’t worth a life. His life. He would give it to me. He would not ask anything for it. Even if I become stronger, he’d always be there when I need him. On his part, nothing would change.
Even so, I have to become stronger, so he wouldn’t have to give up his life for me; like I don’t have to give up on my life too easily the way I used to. He would otherwise come to my rescue and I don’t want him to be in danger. Is this what Rukawa meant-? Not ONLY him, but Yuuko and Doumeki too. They were trying to tell me that, each in their own way? I didn’t understand it before, why they were so adamant at me protecting myself. I’ve come to understand to treasure my life more, but did I treasure Doumeki’s?’
“Oi,” Doumeki greeted me with his usual way, but I couldn’t bring myself to be angry at him. “Oi, oi” he kept calling me and I involuntarily got angry again. This afternoon, he called me Kimihiro!
“I told you to call me by my name!” I yelled at him frustrated, wanting something, not knowing precisely what.
“Kimihiro,” he said instead and I could see the gentle laughter in his eyes, the one I’m weak against. ‘Is he teasing me?’ I wondered. The way Rukawa and Hanamichi do to each other? I blushed at the thought. I didn’t want to compare them to us. We didn’t have that kind of relationship! I looked at him and realized that he was only teasing me, trying in his own contorted way to cheer me up. Bring me back from my thoughts. Like he always does. Only I haven’t realized it until now. I felt like I understood him a little better. I smiled at him. He wasn’t expecting it. “That’s better, Shizuka,” I said and walked away, Rukawa’s style.
I went looking for Hanamichi, but didn’t find him anywhere. I went to the spa. It was a perfect night for a relaxing bath. I discarded my clothes and with a towel around my waist, I went in. I heard strange noises coming from inside; I hurried thinking that maybe someone was in trouble. It was dark, only the lanterns and stars were illuminating the place. In the corner, I spotted Hanamichi holding onto a rock positioned behind him. I could see only his inclined head and his right hand. He was holding onto it, as if he would fall without its support. I was about to call out to him when he preceded me to it.
“Rukawa, harder!”
I froze on the spot, not really believing I was hearing this.
“More, Rukawa, more!” I couldn’t see Rukawa from my point of view, but I could imagine what he was doing. It surprised me I could. More so because I wasn’t disgusted by it. On the contrary, I felt myself becoming hotter. Like someone had turned the heater on. I didn’t know what to do, common sense told me to flee out of there as fast as I could, my body thought otherwise. To this day, I’ve heard many different moans of pleasure, but one emitted never during sex. And definitely nothing like the ones Hanamichi was making.
Deep breaths, like he couldn’t breathe properly, but that wasn’t the case, Rukawa was making him do it. I remember this afternoon when I couldn’t breathe under the water and Doumeki helped me, but it didn’t feel anything like that. My skin felt on fire, it was impossibly hot by now, but it had nothing to do with the weather. I was sweating. My breath became erratic like I just did a 100-meter dash; only I wasn’t. I felt my nipples become erect because of the air around me teasing them, making them harder. And they weren’t the only ones. I felt heat spreading through my body, the focus point being my cock as it was caressed by the towel which suddenly became too small. I felt like I was being cooked in the furnace.
“Don’t stop Ru-,…aahh,” screamed a frustrated Hanamichi. I could see Rukawa’s head now, while he was effectively shutting Hanamichi’s mouth in a heated kiss. It was nothing like the kiss I’ve shared with Doumeki, they weren’t just kissing. They were devouring each other, not bothering to breathe, like breathing wasn’t necessity. Rukawa’s hand was holding the nape of Hanamichi’s neck while they kissed. Hanamichi’s hands were on Rukawa’s neck, trying to pull him even closer to him, but there wasn’t any space left between them. Nowhere else to go, beside inside him. Shivers ran through my spine, with the realization that there was only one place left to go if they wanted to become closer. United. It was too much for me to take so I closed my eyes, the moment too intense for me to be able to stand it. My hands trembled with emotions I was barely able to suppress. I couldn’t do it here! While they were… My hands betrayed me, they brushed against my towel-covered cock, and I shuddered with the intense sensations rushing through me. I knew the pleasure of masturbation, but that didn’t come near this. I was so needy for release I couldn’t help but look at them again. They were panting with raging breaths, Rukawa was biting hard on Hanamichi’s neck while trusting into him; Hanamichi was screaming for more. Needing desperately the release, I grabbed my cock and squeezed hard. I screamed but no sound came out from between my lips, a hand on my mouth prevented it. I could feel a matching hardness being pressed onto my ass, even with the towel between us I could feel it wanting me. A hard, muscular body was pressed to mine. It smelled like vanilla. His other hand was on my stomach, caressing it. I could feel his breath on my skin, he was as close to come as I was. My hand, still on my cock, squeezed it harder only to be pushed away and replaced with his, gripping it even harder. If it weren’t for the hand still covering my mouth, I would have screamed with all my might. He released his hold on my cock, only for a second, to pluck the towel away leaving me exposed and naked. I was thankful I couldn’t see him. I felt too embarrassed of myself. His hand was on me again, leaving me breathless with sensations so very intense. Leaving me feeling foolish thinking that it couldn’t have been more intense than the hand on my towel. But it could and it was.
If I had been aware of my actions, I wouldn’t have allowed it but I was too far-gone. He licked at the nape of my neck, like Rukawa was doing to Hanamichi’s. He bit me just as slowly. I shouldn’t be wanting more, but I did. I arched into him, making him know I wanted it, too. He bit down harder and I screamed at the same time Hanamichi did, only he could voice his pleasure out loud, my own was confined by his hand. He was feeling me up like he wanted to imprint the memory of my body in his mind. I wanted to scream out loud, to be heard like Hanamichi’s screams were. but I couldn’t. So I imagined that Hanamichi screamed for the both of us, without him being aware of it. I wasn’t going to last much longer, I could feel my knees going weak, so he held me tighter not letting me fall. Like Rukawa was holding Hanamichi, tightly against him. It was too much, I couldn’t take it anymore, I was going to explode any second, his hold became even tighter, I,…
“Ahh,” I came and we crumpled to the floor together. I could feel wetness on my ass cheek that wasn’t mine. He came too without the need of my touch, silently. I was trembling in his arms, he held me tighter to his chest. He released the hold on my mouth and cock and held me with both hands. I could still feel his semi-erect cock pressing against me and in the background I could hear the screams of pleasure, never faltering, becoming stronger. We held onto each other while listening to them, unable to speak or to look. I could imagine in the corner of my mind, Hanamichi arching into Rukawa’s body; wanting more, needing it desperately in their well-practiced tempo. I could imagine Rukawa’s bite piercing through Hanamichi’s skin drawing blood, like I had wanted mine to be pierced. My eyes opened. I wanted to watch, I couldn’t help it. I wanted to watch the closeness they could reach that I didn’t. Merged together, I couldn’t begin to imagine how it felt. Being as close as humanly possible; no more barriers between them, feeling united with each other. Maybe someday I would experience it with someone I loved. The body pressed to mine held me closer as if he could hear my thoughts, only that space remained between us, still unfulfilled. I wanted that space to disappear, dissolve into nothingness. I wanted only us to remain.
“Rukawa, I’m going to, I can’t hold it anymore, make me, make,…
‘Yes, make him please, this is torture, make him come.’
“Ru- I’m coming, ahhh yes, ahhh.” They held each other afterwards like we did. No, they were face to face and able to see each other, wanting to see each other, seeing each other’s face in their release. I’ve seen theirs but I didn’t see my partner’s. There were more empty spaces between us than the physical. There was much more to be learned before we could become one.
Rukawa was stroking Hamnamichi’s hair while he held him and for the first time that day and probably for the last, I could see raw emotion in his eyes. It made me tremble with need; I wanted someone to look at me like that, even if I wasn’t looking. I felt out of place seeing it. They wouldn’t forgive us if they found out. It was a private moment, a moment meant only for them. Before I realized it, the warmth behind me left, leaving me empty and cold. I turned around but there wasn’t anybody left. I left soon afterwards hoping they didn’t see us. I couldn’t sleep that night, too many emotions and thoughts ran through my mind leaving me restless.
I rose early to prepare breakfast and try to banish any stray thoughts from my head. The door opened and Hanamichi entered the kitchen. I felt relieved that it was him. But I remembered last night and felt uncomfortable and embarrassed.
“You’re already preparing breakfast. You’ll make a nice wife, someday,” He teased me.
“I won’t be anybody’s wife!” I replied angrily, “Only husband, maybe,… ” I said more quietly at the exact moment Doumeki entered. I turned hastily away trying to act normal, instead I ended up breaking a plate in my haste. I tried to pick up the pieces, but I CUT MYSELF INSTEAD. Doumeki approached me. I was trying to ignore him only to being “oi-ed” again, I looked at him instinctively and he had the same gentle/teasing smile in his eyes. I blushed, he took my hand and sucked on my finger. I pulled it away and took care of it myself, because now I already knew that he would take care of it for me no matter what I did.
I tried to cut some vegetables, but my hand didn’t want to collaborate with me, I felt completely out of control. I knew I could do it myself, but when he looked at me silently asking for permission, I granted it. He took the knife from me and cut them himself. I allowed him to do it and for the first time I wasn’t angry with him for helping me. We made breakfast together, each of us in charge of a task that eventually led us to completion. I felt proud not only of myself, but of him too. I placed the food on the table. Hanamichi smiled at me knowingly, but I ignored it.
“Where’s Rukawa?” I asked instead.
“Kitsune’s asleep. I have to wake him up at the last possible moment or he’ll get pissed. Everything is prepared, I’ll go call him.” After he left, Himawari-chan came in. When I looked at her, I felt that I should be acting like my normal self, yet I didn’t. I didn’t feel the need to nor did I want to. I only felt pleased to see a friend. My heart didn’t skip a beat.
‘How could everything have changed so suddenly? When only yesterday I liked her and hated Doumeki? Today, on the other hand,… today I don’t know how I feel.’ I didn’t feel particularly different. I felt more like I’ve come to terms with something that was already there.
We spent the day laughing and playing; building castles of sand and swimming I’ve never felt so relaxed. I was always on edge when Himawari was around, now I felt like I could talk with her for the first time. It felt like I was merely enjoying the company of a friend. We celebrated this amazing weekend by taking instant photos. All 5 of us squeezed together in the small photo cabin. We made funny and serious photos. Himawari-chan suggested we made photos of two people at a time. I made photos with everyone, funny ones with Hanamichi, serious ones with Rukawa, pleasant ones with Himawari-chan. The photos I enjoyed the most were with Doumeki. We were sitting close to each other and I was incredibly nervous. I kept fidgeting in my seat, he said “Oi”, and I turned toward him. The first picture together was me pissed at him. For the next one, he called me Kimihiro. In the third one, he was holding me by the shoulders with me being surprised. The last one was with our heads closely touching, his hand on my shoulder, my hand on his. I was smiling.
We returned home the same day, with two odd couples: an older one and a newer one; with a dear friend thrown in the mix.
Legend:
Saru- monkey
Tensai_-genius
Kitsune- fox