Justfiably so?
I remember being a child and being the brunt of various injustices. The one thing I was not permitted to do was express anger. Anger was shut down immediately, and no matter what may have sparked it, I felt deficient for having felt it. I recall once being told by my parents what I was going to do in a situation where the outcome was important ( Read more... )
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Training little girls to not be angry...ever...seems to be the norm in my neck of the woods. Only problem is, anger is still there...it just learns to mask itself as something else...or you just learn to stuff it. That's what I do.
In fact...I don't like to feel anything too strongly. I like my emotions to be decorous, well behaved.
It sort of floors me to realize that God is not scared by my emotions. I sure am. I like your term for you journal...messy. Is it ok to be messy??? Just thinking this seems to admit the tiniest breath of freedom in a dark prison cell...the door seems to crack open, admitting the faintest bit of sunshine and fresh air.
I wonder what would happen if I just let it fly for five minutes a day??? (Would my rusty emotions fit in that little box of time...or would it be like opening Pandora's box?)
I don't know if I am ready to face it all.
But I admire your tentative steps toward freedom.
Susan
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I have to admit, it does feel a bit like Pandora's box. And yet...for the most part I'm still discussing my emotions like a specimen on a dissection tray. I don't always actually feel them. I know that must sound strange, considering the state of this journal, which must seem quite angsty and melodramatic a good deal of the time. Or at least I think it does ( ... )
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