(no subject)
Marriage
Man: Why does everything you say inevitably link to marriage?
Woman (indignantly): It does not!
Man (stubbornly): It does! Whenever your story has a happy ending, it means someone got married.
Woman: If so, what?
Man (warily): Nothing. I was merely expressing an interest.
Woman (offensively): What do you have against marriage?
Man (cautiously): Nothing. I am all for happy marriages.
Woman: But you don't want to marry me.
Man: I don't. Well, actually, um... let me put this another way...
Woman: You don't love me.
Man (flabbergasted): Good God!
Woman: Appealing to the supernatural will not help you. It is a simple fact of life.
Man (desperately): It is not! It is far more complicated than that!
Woman: What, pray, is so complicated about marrying somebody?
Man: I don't know. I just don't feel like it.
Woman: Oh you don't, do you? But you certainly do feel like shagging whenever there is time and venue!
Man (appalled): That was terribly rude.
Woman: But at least that was sufficiently simple.
Man: But I thought we had the consent of both parties to... oh, dear... knowing each other... biblically.
Woman: Consent is not the case in point. Your terrible irresponsibility is. Lusty swine.
Man: Insulting.
Woman: Nearsighted, pathetic hog.
Man: Oh.
Woman: Irresolute amoeba. Judgmental, egotistic, narcissistic, numb piece of lumber.
Man: You certainly do have a very impressive active vocabulary, sweetheart, and the characters are very vivid.
Woman: I do think your sense of humour is quite remarkable, though.
Man (happily): And I think high heels rather become you.
Woman: Do you think my legs are short?
Man: No. I think they are quite the right size.
Woman: But you do prefer high heels to slippers.
Man: Indeed. Also, evening dresses to pajamas.
Woman (in an insulted tone): I don't wear pajamas outside.
Man: But you do wear slippers.
Woman: I fail to follow your train of thought.
Man: My train of thought got disconnected from the head car.
Woman: I don't believe they were ever connected.
Man: That would explain my affection to you.
Woman: Why do you have to go for these little conversational traps all the time? It is very unmanly.
Man: Manliness is something you only encounter in the books, and then it is quite inelegant.
Woman: I think I agree.
Man: Good. I will take the bill.
Woman: That was a tribute to the literary manliness, I take it?
Man: Give me the bill, woman.
Woman: Have the decency to stretch your hand and take it.
Man (taking the bill): Why couldn't you just obey? That would make me feel very comfortable in my gender role.
Woman: You don't deserve any gender roles. You haven't even been married. You are a pupa, a chrysalis.
Man: I'm afraid some of your brilliant invectives may be in vain if you use words which are further than ten pages into the dictionary.
Woman: I need to vent my feelings. Therefore your capacity of comprehension is of secondary importance.
Man: I find that it generally is the case with our discussions.
Woman: Well, do some background reading!
Man: As a matter of fact, I did.
Woman: And what was it?
Man: The Old Testament. It turns out women's initiatives were always disruptive for the mankind.
Woman: The Old Testament was sexist. As such, it is poor testimony.
Man (rising): I think a lot of troubles stem from the fact that we are not sufficiently sexist any longer.
Woman (remains seated): Hear, hear.
Man (ruefully): Why do I have a ghastly feeling that this remark was a jeer?
Woman: Because you are very acute for a man.
Man (proudly): I would prefer handsome, but cute is also good, yes.
Woman (rises): Oh, I wish sometimes I never knew you.
Man (giving her the coat): That would take a lot of thrill out of life, I'm afraid.
Woman (grandly): Out of whose life, pray?
Man (calmly): Out of mine, dear. Out of mine.
Exeunt
Man: Why does everything you say inevitably link to marriage?
Woman (indignantly): It does not!
Man (stubbornly): It does! Whenever your story has a happy ending, it means someone got married.
Woman: If so, what?
Man (warily): Nothing. I was merely expressing an interest.
Woman (offensively): What do you have against marriage?
Man (cautiously): Nothing. I am all for happy marriages.
Woman: But you don't want to marry me.
Man: I don't. Well, actually, um... let me put this another way...
Woman: You don't love me.
Man (flabbergasted): Good God!
Woman: Appealing to the supernatural will not help you. It is a simple fact of life.
Man (desperately): It is not! It is far more complicated than that!
Woman: What, pray, is so complicated about marrying somebody?
Man: I don't know. I just don't feel like it.
Woman: Oh you don't, do you? But you certainly do feel like shagging whenever there is time and venue!
Man (appalled): That was terribly rude.
Woman: But at least that was sufficiently simple.
Man: But I thought we had the consent of both parties to... oh, dear... knowing each other... biblically.
Woman: Consent is not the case in point. Your terrible irresponsibility is. Lusty swine.
Man: Insulting.
Woman: Nearsighted, pathetic hog.
Man: Oh.
Woman: Irresolute amoeba. Judgmental, egotistic, narcissistic, numb piece of lumber.
Man: You certainly do have a very impressive active vocabulary, sweetheart, and the characters are very vivid.
Woman: I do think your sense of humour is quite remarkable, though.
Man (happily): And I think high heels rather become you.
Woman: Do you think my legs are short?
Man: No. I think they are quite the right size.
Woman: But you do prefer high heels to slippers.
Man: Indeed. Also, evening dresses to pajamas.
Woman (in an insulted tone): I don't wear pajamas outside.
Man: But you do wear slippers.
Woman: I fail to follow your train of thought.
Man: My train of thought got disconnected from the head car.
Woman: I don't believe they were ever connected.
Man: That would explain my affection to you.
Woman: Why do you have to go for these little conversational traps all the time? It is very unmanly.
Man: Manliness is something you only encounter in the books, and then it is quite inelegant.
Woman: I think I agree.
Man: Good. I will take the bill.
Woman: That was a tribute to the literary manliness, I take it?
Man: Give me the bill, woman.
Woman: Have the decency to stretch your hand and take it.
Man (taking the bill): Why couldn't you just obey? That would make me feel very comfortable in my gender role.
Woman: You don't deserve any gender roles. You haven't even been married. You are a pupa, a chrysalis.
Man: I'm afraid some of your brilliant invectives may be in vain if you use words which are further than ten pages into the dictionary.
Woman: I need to vent my feelings. Therefore your capacity of comprehension is of secondary importance.
Man: I find that it generally is the case with our discussions.
Woman: Well, do some background reading!
Man: As a matter of fact, I did.
Woman: And what was it?
Man: The Old Testament. It turns out women's initiatives were always disruptive for the mankind.
Woman: The Old Testament was sexist. As such, it is poor testimony.
Man (rising): I think a lot of troubles stem from the fact that we are not sufficiently sexist any longer.
Woman (remains seated): Hear, hear.
Man (ruefully): Why do I have a ghastly feeling that this remark was a jeer?
Woman: Because you are very acute for a man.
Man (proudly): I would prefer handsome, but cute is also good, yes.
Woman (rises): Oh, I wish sometimes I never knew you.
Man (giving her the coat): That would take a lot of thrill out of life, I'm afraid.
Woman (grandly): Out of whose life, pray?
Man (calmly): Out of mine, dear. Out of mine.
Exeunt