(no subject)
Ah what the hell. I’d knock him out a bit more and then sort his massacred hand out without him suffering. My decision was pretty rash but in situations like these you have to think quick. I fumbled around on the spattered bed till my fingers grasped what I was looking for, then lit the stupid thing as I held it to his lips with my pale, shaking fingers. He sucked on that stick like it contained some kind of magical elixir whilst I ever so kindly held it for him, eyebrows creasing at the speed he was burning through it.
The pain was being swept away, I could tell, as his face expression was smoothing out and the shrill moaning had dampened down to mere whimpers. Just like so many times before, I became mesmerised by Reita’s face, as if carved by God itself. The elder’s dark eyelids were fluttering closed and he looked so serene, more peaceful than I’d seen in such a long time. I flicked the cigarette butt to the side and repeated my previous action, giving him relief from the burning pain in his hand.
He was blowing the smog right back into my face, making me light-headed and mellow again. I looked down at his hand and cringed at all the blood; who knew whether the flesh was beginning to heal or if it continued to bleed, there was such a mess that it must have soaked right into the mattress. I decided he’d had way more drugs than he should already have, so I stubbed the spliff out on the ash tray and lifted his wounded hand to inspect, not really sure on what to do. Calling and ambulance was out of the question, and Reita had no car.
‘ I don’t know what to do!’ I hollered, a lump forming in my throat at the feeling of helplessness and anxiety.
‘ Maybe I should call Aoi... He’d help... Fuck it!’ I shook Reita’s poor wrist in anger at the thought of that man, then gasped as I realised my actions, and when I faced him to apologize, I was met with a horrific sight.
The blonde’s eyes looked panicked, mouth open and his hand clutched a flask of whisky to his chest, whilst his body quivered. His chest was rising and falling sharply, and he looked to be having difficulty breathing. A tonne of despair rained down and flatted my entire soul. He was having a heart attack.
‘ Reita!?’ I picked the metal flask up in disgust and threw it to the floor. He must have grabbed it from the bedside table while I wasn’t looking and chugged it down. A sure overdose of drugs mixed with a flask-full of neat whisky and blood loss was surely a fatal combination. This couldn’t be happening. It was just another hallucination, it had to be.
‘ Reita! What’s wrong?!’ I shook his shoulders in vain, and that’s when he stopped moving. Completely still, limp, his warm, muscular body in my grasp, being held tightly and rocked in my arms. I didn’t even realise I was crying until I saw a tear hit his beautiful cheek, rolling down the supple, silky skin as if it was released from his own eye.
Reita was dead. He wasn’t alive anymore. Not breathing, no heartbeat... His frame was going cold in my arms. I couldn’t do anything, it was too late, he had vanished from the face of this earth and all that was left was his body, the beautiful empty shell once containing the being I loved more than life itself. I buried my tear-soaked face into his unmoving chest, choking out sobs and shuddering hard. Breathing became a struggle, and a repulsive wave of nausea and depression washed over my mind and body. I did this to him. It was all my fault, for letting it go this far... For even starting any of this. I howled against Reita’s flaccid form, swaying us back and forth as if to wake up from this real nightmare. Pain racked my brain, it felt like it was swelling till it would burst open my skull and as I processed what was happening over and over again, life became a blur and I nearly fell unconscious. I raised my head, panting and laying Reita back down to the bed, scanning over him with disbelief and sorrow.
‘You cant be gone... Reita... ‘ Tears continued to slide down my face, distorting my vision.
‘I love you...’ I cupped his stone cold cheek, and in a trance-like manner, leaned down to press my dry, blood-stained lips onto his. My soul was torn, it was irreparable. Ever since I’d known Reita, my only purpose in living was for him. To see him and be with him, and for the chance to be his lover. His smile cheered me, his touches warmed me, his voice soothed me. He was everything.
And now the chance was gone. He was gone. My reason of living had been eliminated under my very own eyes within minutes. The fragile walls of my existence crumbling, I took robotic steps towards the window, sliding it open and staring at the jet black sky with my dull eyes. Life itself had become obsolete. When I looked down from the seven stories worth of apartments beneath me, I saw my fate.
I felt like I’d been doomed all my life, just born into tragedy which was unsolvable. I could never move on, find anyone else. Just the thought of starting a life with anyone else, or just... living... sickened me. I would never get over this, my continuation with this world would only mean more hurt, it would be the most painful thing anyone could ever go through. I had mourned the deaths of other’s, my parents, my friends... But this was on another level. It killed me inside.
My senses were numb, only my excruciating suffering indicated that I was still in fact alive, and all I needed to do was end it completely. The final twist to the dagger which was stuck in my heart. I hauled myself onto the sill, and slid my bare legs over the edge. There was a slight chill to the air, wind gently blowing into my bangs, urging me to move.
I was done. With one last turn of my head, my view landed upon the beautiful mess of a creature on the bed, deep in an eternal sleep.
I would be with him again.
We could be happy together, as a couple.
In love.
‘I love you, forever, Reita.’
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A/N: Well that was a pretty emo ending lol. Sorry about that xP