I am not/She is not a Dalek
Rated T for angst
Written for the clara_who fanworkathon
Her screams fall apart in that horrendous Dalek voice that has been forced upon her vocal chords since the day she survived the crash. Alive and unhurt she had tried climbing up a ladder to freedom, only to find herself trapped. Extending their menacing plunger arms they had wrapped her in a metal enclosure that ripped into her vulnerable skin.
Certain facts she has become privy to since then, including their hatred for this man oddly named the Doctor.
*
Never has the Doctor felt sympathetic toward a Dalek or cared for one until now. But then this is a human, violated of body with mind and heart subjected to cold metal casing.
Those degenerate miscreations didn't just make her a puppet. They turned Oswin into one of their sickening prototypes. He stares at all the metal that she is now, hearing it in the eeriest tone, Dalek sobs.
Oswin's sobs.
Oh.
She's crying.
*
This is why the souffles never had a chance. The noises that come at night start to make sense as Chin boy helps her see the horrific truth, his bewildered eyes staring into the scope of what she presently is.
Moments ago his eyes had been filled of terror and his voice had shrieked when the Daleks threatened him. Now there is shock and sadness as he stays with her, a human converted to Dalek.
*
Why did they do this to her? The Doctor drills through his disturbed mind, coming up with the chilling answer quickly.
Because she's smart, unafraid, and fast. They love that certainly, getting to take such a bright mind and twist it to their repugnant use.
Fiends.
*
Okay. Oswin calms her mind, her tears no longer falling. This is why she's never been able to escape, never will. She is a--Dalek.
At least on the surface.
So time to ask him, why the hate?
*
Wars are in his mind and twin hearts, fully scaled battles and the minor skirmishes. Since first encountering a Dalek he has held equal measures of fear and hate toward them. Those feelings gaining credence with each encounter, witnessing how they exterminate everything good about life, he has fought them again and again, hoping to destroy them once and for all.
Yes. He covets their annihilation.
It's a dark desire, but then he is the Doctor, a man who has caused great fear as much as he has protected so many. He is complicated and intricate, but most of all, he is passionate about what matters to him. And at present moment, that is Oswin, who the Daleks have subjected their worst abuse upon.
Oh how he loathes them.
*
Pieces. Parts. Souffle. Recipe. Echoes. Ingredients.
She hears from him why they hate him so much and with his confession these wild puzzles of thought enter her head. They're like whispers of premonition urging that there is a reason why she is here and now so is he. She can save him. The Daleks did everything they could to tear apart her mind and make it one with theirs.
And yet, they failed. She is Oswin Oswald and she is one hundred percent, forget the stupid metal, human.
The Doctor needs saving. Why is that so familiar? Why does she care so much for a man that she's never really even met. Never touched. Never held hands with. Why?
*
He actually reaches out to the metal. It's so strange. So bizarre. But the Doctor wants to touch Oswin Oswald. He wants to feel her and comfort her because his hearts and sharp mind convince him now that she is not a machine. That woman guiding him through the asylum, doing things with the computer that baffle him, hacking into all kinds of Dalek technology, using the Daleks for her means, is human. She has to be.
*
"Run." She whispers, his familiarity baffling and yet there's no question that this is right. Run, she tells him again. Get out of here. And run. She'll blow up the asylum. She'll give him an exit path. Just go Chin Boy. Clever Boy.
Clever boy?
*
Oswin. Is she sure? There won't be another chance if she does this. She'll be gone. Erased. Dead. But then look what they've done to her already. Look what they've made her into. In a way she already is dead. But determined. Human and determined.
*
"Run you clever boy." Oswin utters a last time, after feverishly typing in all the information, after pushing all the right keys. She sits back and watches him. His lanky legs move so fast, his awkwardly beautiful long arms swinging forward and back. He races out of there. Away from her.
"And remember..." Oswin whispers into the screen. She's done it. He will recall. Hopefully some day. She can feel it, all the memories forming together now, colliding like a river's fall. Crashing against the rocks. Crashing against her heart and mind.
Souffle. Recipe. Mum. Home. Computer. Blue Box. Monk. Doctor. Doctor...
"But I've never met you."
Countdown on the Clock.
Oh for the heck of it let's start with eleven. Great unpredicatable number.
Eleven.
Ten.
Nine.
*
He has to get back to Rory and Amy. They have seconds. Thanks to Oswin. Oh Oswin. He still doesn't get it, how after never meeting before it's oddly like he's always known her. Cared for her for so...
*
Just keep sitting back. Count the rest down.
Eight.
Seven.
Men. Jumps. Leaps. Birth. Death. Different faces. But all the same. All the Doctor. What? Oswin doesn't understand it. Why are all these memories colliding into her soon-to-be death?
Six.
Five.
With each number, a past remembrance.
*
They're getting out. They're making it and the Doctor is filled with gratitude. Oswin. Thank you.
*
Four.
Three.
Goodbye. I'm going to die now. But don't you forget you Clever Boy. Don't forget me.
What?
Two.
*
Oh Oswin, I'm sorry. I wish there had been another way. But I'll never forget.
*
One.
"Doctor! I reme-
*
Never Oswin. How human you were.
Not a Dalek.
Not what I hate.
But what I love.
Written for the clara_who fanworkathon
Her screams fall apart in that horrendous Dalek voice that has been forced upon her vocal chords since the day she survived the crash. Alive and unhurt she had tried climbing up a ladder to freedom, only to find herself trapped. Extending their menacing plunger arms they had wrapped her in a metal enclosure that ripped into her vulnerable skin.
Certain facts she has become privy to since then, including their hatred for this man oddly named the Doctor.
*
Never has the Doctor felt sympathetic toward a Dalek or cared for one until now. But then this is a human, violated of body with mind and heart subjected to cold metal casing.
Those degenerate miscreations didn't just make her a puppet. They turned Oswin into one of their sickening prototypes. He stares at all the metal that she is now, hearing it in the eeriest tone, Dalek sobs.
Oswin's sobs.
Oh.
She's crying.
*
This is why the souffles never had a chance. The noises that come at night start to make sense as Chin boy helps her see the horrific truth, his bewildered eyes staring into the scope of what she presently is.
Moments ago his eyes had been filled of terror and his voice had shrieked when the Daleks threatened him. Now there is shock and sadness as he stays with her, a human converted to Dalek.
*
Why did they do this to her? The Doctor drills through his disturbed mind, coming up with the chilling answer quickly.
Because she's smart, unafraid, and fast. They love that certainly, getting to take such a bright mind and twist it to their repugnant use.
Fiends.
*
Okay. Oswin calms her mind, her tears no longer falling. This is why she's never been able to escape, never will. She is a--Dalek.
At least on the surface.
So time to ask him, why the hate?
*
Wars are in his mind and twin hearts, fully scaled battles and the minor skirmishes. Since first encountering a Dalek he has held equal measures of fear and hate toward them. Those feelings gaining credence with each encounter, witnessing how they exterminate everything good about life, he has fought them again and again, hoping to destroy them once and for all.
Yes. He covets their annihilation.
It's a dark desire, but then he is the Doctor, a man who has caused great fear as much as he has protected so many. He is complicated and intricate, but most of all, he is passionate about what matters to him. And at present moment, that is Oswin, who the Daleks have subjected their worst abuse upon.
Oh how he loathes them.
*
Pieces. Parts. Souffle. Recipe. Echoes. Ingredients.
She hears from him why they hate him so much and with his confession these wild puzzles of thought enter her head. They're like whispers of premonition urging that there is a reason why she is here and now so is he. She can save him. The Daleks did everything they could to tear apart her mind and make it one with theirs.
And yet, they failed. She is Oswin Oswald and she is one hundred percent, forget the stupid metal, human.
The Doctor needs saving. Why is that so familiar? Why does she care so much for a man that she's never really even met. Never touched. Never held hands with. Why?
*
He actually reaches out to the metal. It's so strange. So bizarre. But the Doctor wants to touch Oswin Oswald. He wants to feel her and comfort her because his hearts and sharp mind convince him now that she is not a machine. That woman guiding him through the asylum, doing things with the computer that baffle him, hacking into all kinds of Dalek technology, using the Daleks for her means, is human. She has to be.
*
"Run." She whispers, his familiarity baffling and yet there's no question that this is right. Run, she tells him again. Get out of here. And run. She'll blow up the asylum. She'll give him an exit path. Just go Chin Boy. Clever Boy.
Clever boy?
*
Oswin. Is she sure? There won't be another chance if she does this. She'll be gone. Erased. Dead. But then look what they've done to her already. Look what they've made her into. In a way she already is dead. But determined. Human and determined.
*
"Run you clever boy." Oswin utters a last time, after feverishly typing in all the information, after pushing all the right keys. She sits back and watches him. His lanky legs move so fast, his awkwardly beautiful long arms swinging forward and back. He races out of there. Away from her.
"And remember..." Oswin whispers into the screen. She's done it. He will recall. Hopefully some day. She can feel it, all the memories forming together now, colliding like a river's fall. Crashing against the rocks. Crashing against her heart and mind.
Souffle. Recipe. Mum. Home. Computer. Blue Box. Monk. Doctor. Doctor...
"But I've never met you."
Countdown on the Clock.
Oh for the heck of it let's start with eleven. Great unpredicatable number.
Eleven.
Ten.
Nine.
*
He has to get back to Rory and Amy. They have seconds. Thanks to Oswin. Oh Oswin. He still doesn't get it, how after never meeting before it's oddly like he's always known her. Cared for her for so...
*
Just keep sitting back. Count the rest down.
Eight.
Seven.
Men. Jumps. Leaps. Birth. Death. Different faces. But all the same. All the Doctor. What? Oswin doesn't understand it. Why are all these memories colliding into her soon-to-be death?
Six.
Five.
With each number, a past remembrance.
*
They're getting out. They're making it and the Doctor is filled with gratitude. Oswin. Thank you.
*
Four.
Three.
Goodbye. I'm going to die now. But don't you forget you Clever Boy. Don't forget me.
What?
Two.
*
Oh Oswin, I'm sorry. I wish there had been another way. But I'll never forget.
*
One.
"Doctor! I reme-
*
Never Oswin. How human you were.
Not a Dalek.
Not what I hate.
But what I love.