I had one hell of a day...
What it takes to find out how much someone means to you:
Okay, I’d like to start by saying that Finx is okay, long story short, someone managed to gain access to her computer and fuck her over. She contacted me personally to assure me she was fine. (I said some mushy things in her MSN hoping some family member would find it and respond.)
Anyway, last night, I was just on my way to bed, and on a whim, I decided to go to lulz.net to find some furry pron. Well, as I’m searching, I come across one of Finx’s picture, and my first thought is “yay, someone is noticing her!” then I read up and find out the sad news. I checked out her FA journal, which appeared to be her sister claiming Finx was a victim of a drunk driver, and that she’d be paying back all commissioners. Well, something smelled a little fishy from that very second, but my powers of deduction were weighing the alleged story against Finx’s personality…and unfortunately, my logic came to the conclusion it likely wasn’t a fake…which saddened me.
Now, the thread pretty much accused her of being the same as Pogoroo….some guy who faked his own death to run away with commission money. Well, there was one major difference here….Finx’s family was telling the customers to get their refund…allegedly. So that couldn’t be it. Finx is a VERY attractive female, and I know she has stalkers, so that was potentially another reason she’d want to disappear.
The thing that got me is that they were basically accusing her of faking her own death for attention and to get out of commission duty. I didn’t like this one bit, because from what I’ve got to know of her, she does NOT strike me as the kind of person who would do that….not in a million years.
Neither apparent story truly fit…too many problems with the ‘sister’ who was more worried about paying people back than mourning the loss of her sister, the fact that FA is NOT The first place you’d go IF that were the case, and that they signed it at the end “I wish this was a joke, but it’s not…..signed - finx’s sister…”
So much said that this was a fake….but I know finx, I know she’d never do that, and of course, given the story of Pogoroo, your first thought is that either it’s real or it’s a scam. Can’t possibly be anything else. I kept the possibility open that maybe I was wrong and she WAS faking it, but something about it didn’t feel right.
I tried to sleep last night, thinking the news was true and that she’d passed…and I had a few really Finx-centric dreams…mostly about me doing super sleuthing to try to uncover the truth, because uncertainty is the worst in a situation like this. I just wanted to know the truth so I could mourn properly or deal with the situation properly.
Well, I woke up thoroughly upset. It was morning, and I was emotionally unstable…so the first thing I did was cry on Mom’s shoulder. It felt really silly crying over someone whom I’d never actually met in person, but her influence on me was very evident. (she and I get along famously, and her perky attitude and happiness and just about everything else about her really emanates happiness…I like that a lot.) Either way, I did my crying and went back to bed after ‘giving up’ and writing my last entry.
Well, the day wore on, and I tried harder and harder trying to convince myself that I’d get along fine, but that nagging doubt was always there. Like I said, it never left. I always felt something was out of place, no real solid evidence, but I KNEW that she was alive and well, but my logical part of my mind just wouldn’t let me give into that ‘feeling’ because that’s not how I work. I really should trust my gut more.
Doing some super sleuthing, I actually stalked my dead friend as best I knew how. I NEEDED to know the truth, so I was looking at all sites I could find, tried to find out where she lived, find obituaries, see if anything had been posted on any other site….and nothing. Not one mention of death, even her myspace page had a comment dated Nov 2nd, complaining that she didn’t dress up on Halloween.
All the evidence was supporting that she was alive and kickin, I’m actually a little disgusted that I was still so sure that she was dead in spite of the now clear evidence. I was so hung up on her being the nice person I thought she was that I ignored evidence and just went with my “she’s a good person” attitude, even though it led to her untimely demise. Thing is, I did actually send Private Messages to her friends, and they all said “I hope it’s a joke, but I assure you it’s not….she’s not the kind who did that.”
Well, I couldn’t have that, so I started thinking of different theories that all worked well within all the parameters….I came up with only a few.
1 - That she was in fact dead, and FA was the only site I knew about that gave the word of her death, or maybe she was in fact not named Finx elsewhere. (now thanks to my sleuthing, I know her real name….I felt bad about this ‘stalking’ of a dead girl, so I came clean with her and admitted that I’d done it.) Either way, she was dead and the relatives were just doing a poor job at trying to explain the situation.
2 - That she was alive and was just doing it to get some attention (since money was NOT The issue, as she was supposedly offering full refunds.) I would not be too happy with her, but as I said in a few replies, I’d rather have a live finx who played a prank than a dead finx who hadn’t. Besides, that’s a joke I could relate to. I’ve had fleeting thoughts of faking my own death to see what people REALLY think of me, and I’d expect it to piss a lot of people off, but I’m just the curious type that’d do it just to see what happens. She struck me as the curious type who just MIGHT do that.
3 - Someone stole her laptop and was fucking around with her shit. Given the circumstances of the death note, either they did too good of a job, or too bad of a job of it to be fully believable, but in my mind, this was the most logical and happy conclusion. This is the one that apparently is true. (keep in mind it could still be a joke/hoax/attention stunt.
As it stands, however, I still didn’t want to just give in to optimism, so I just kinda relented and forgot about it on the whole. I tried occupying myself by watching Mythbusters and playing some videogames, and I suddenly got a well up inside me that everything was going to be alright.
Not half an hour later, Finx herself contacted me through MSN, explaining the stolen laptop and fucked up accounts, and how she has to change passwords and stuff just to fix things up. There’s still a few things that don’t fit properly, but given her attitude, and the fact she seems genuinely distraught over the whole ordeal, she’s either a VERY good actor, or she’s genuine.
I chose to feel she’s genuine. Why? Because I think a person’s character speaks more than people like it to. A character witness could get people off murder, I don’t think a fake death is worse. Everyone who’s ever talked to Finx falls for her charm, and I’m no exception. Why else would I chose to believe her story? I think it makes sense, and sometimes being a little naieve can be a good thing. Even if it was a hoax, I don’t care, I’m just fucking glad I still get to see my Finx….but given the way she is, I really don’t think it was a hoax.
What can I say, spending most of your day mourning the potential loss of a good friend can really show you how much they truly mean to you. I think I learned a lot over the past 24 hours.
I’m truly sorry for all this. I really don’t like it when /b/tards try to ruin the reputation of someone like Finx…someone who doesn’t deserve it. Could I be wrong? Could she be doing precisely what the hateful fuckers think? Of course, but her character speaks volumes to the contrary, and the story wasn’t that unbelieveable.
As it stands, I’m just pissed off that every step of the way, every time new evidence was presented to support either side of the case, both sides took it and twisted it to support their agenda. I’m not without fault, but at least I actually took the time to look at everything. The entire time I could’t help but think “no, this kind of shit doesn’t happen to me, I’m invincible….and bad shit never happens to me”
Again, seems I’ve got a horseshoe shoved up my ass, because once again my gut instinct was right. That happens a lot, and here I am, fully Finxified, and happy that I still get my friend.
And before you start the accusations…yes, I like her, a lot. She and I just connect, there’s really nothing more to it.
Enjoy the lulz! All is fine, nobody is harmed, all we have is rampant speculation, so feel free to laugh or be a prick. Just know how happy I am now.