Take Me There for beastlyshine 4/7

[madelyn93]

Chanyeol looks at the number in front of him and has been looking at it in more than fifteen minutes. He's sitting with wet hair, water dripping down on his neck and soaking his t-shirt. His mom's birthday is on Wednesday, but today is Yura's birthday. Jinri had reminded him about it in the phone just a while ago. He isn't sure what time it is where she is right now, but he realized he won't be able to sleep without calling her. Or at least give her a message. This is too hard, though, and it isn't even supposed to be.

Five minutes later, he settles with sending a short message.

happy birthday, yura noona! ♥

His adds the heart without knowing it, and only realizes it after the message is sent. Chanyeol figures out it is better, and puts the phone away and breathes out. He calls Jinri later to tell her about it, and he sounds a bit childish, sounding more excited about it than he should be, but Jinri only laughs and tells him he's done well.

"You're growing up, finally," Jinri says and Chanyeol remains quiet.

*

Chanyeol has never been good with balancing, even as a kid, he would easily stumble in the hall and let all of his books slip out of his arms or fall off a chair while joking around with classmates. He isn't sure why Hyosung would let him do this of all people, but he does know that he's going to haunt her in her sleep if he falls down now and hits his head or gets heavy boxes of CDs on him-

"Wow," a voice says, and the next moment, someone's grabbing onto him, stopping him from falling to the ground, with strong arms around his stomach. "Be careful, you big giant." Of course it's Jongin.

Chanyeol does not have time to shoot something back or even stand up properly because the next moment he is dropping the whole box of CDs, and gets it all on his feet. He winces loudly and swings a fist at Jongin who is laughing. Jongin nudges just in time and Chanyeol mutters something before bending down to pick up the CDs. Hyosung looks up from her phone and shakes her head at him. He sits down with a sigh on the floor and reaches out for the box to put everything back.

Jongin plops down next to him. "You do seem to enjoy my company, you keep coming to the store," Chanyeol remarks, as Jongin helps him with gathering the CDs.

"Well, no," Jongin mutters, "but who knows when you might need me. You would've been bleeding to death now if it weren't for me. I just knew you needed me."

"You," Chanyeol starts but is now frowning at the broken CD in his hand. He's so dead if Yixing finds out. He turns to Jongin. "You are such a brat."

The younger boy snickers. He holds up another broken CD and Chanyeol groans. "That, you tell me everyday." Jongin clicks his tongue. "Yixing will strangle you."

"I've been meaning to buy this album nonetheless?" Chanyeol tries, taking the Nell album from Jongin's hand. "What you doing here?"

Shrugging, Jongin goes back to slowly put back CDs in the box. His legs are stretched out and he has a distant look in his eyes that Chanyeol has put a notice on. As if he's thinking about something, so very close to tell someone it, but isn't sure if he should. He notices Chanyeol's eyes on him and clears his throat.

"How are you these days?" Jongin asks and Chanyeol's lips parts a little bit, eyes widening and eyebrows raising.

"Um, are you okay? Why are you suddenly asking me how I am?"

Jongin colors. "Can't I do that?" he snarls and threatens to throw a CD at Chanyeol. He doesn't, and instead puts down his hand, sighing. "You know Sehun?"

"I do," Chanyeol replies. Jongin is whispering now and Chanyeol figures it's because Hyosung is here right now.

"Well, I don't know," Jongin says slowly, scratching the back of his head as he has a dumb look on his face. "He isn't feeling well these days, and...I think it's because of what the people in our class is whispering about all day."

There is a frown on Chanyeol's face as he leans closer and asks, "Is he bullied?"

"Not really. I mean, it's not-" Jongin pauses and stares into Chanyeol's eyes, catching Chanyeol off guard. "Hyung," he begins, "what... do you think about, um, boys?"

"That is a weird question," Chanyeol says, laughing lightly but his stomach is suddenly tied in a tight knot and he has to swallow a lump in his throat.

"I mean, about, you know, boys liking boys. Being gay." Jongin looks very confused, like he's trying to speak French without even knowing the language. Or like he’s talking about history. Jongin doesn’t know a shit about history.

Chanyeol does not pay attention to that, though. His mouth is dry now and he swallows more than necessary, eyes flickering everywhere but Jongin, and his stomach is turning. Has he been caught? He never lets his eyes lingers around boys, even when he does find a few cute sometimes, and always remembers to complain about not having a girlfriend, and he’s never let his feelings bubble up ever since Lu Han-

"I don't have anything against it," Jongin suddenly says, almost panicking a little and jerks Chanyeol out of his thoughts. "Just, some in our class are making fun of Sehun for it - about liking boys, I mean."

"Oh." Chanyeol is breathing again and he licks his upper lip. "That's... not very nice of them."

"Yeah." Jongin stands up. "Don't. Tell anyone, please? Sehun would hate it of he knew that you knew and that I…"

"It's okay," Chanyeol assures. "Hyung won't tell."

"Thank you." He jams his hands into his pockets and looks away, as though embarrassed about it. Typical Jongin. "And also, thank you again. For listening."

Chanyeol doesn't forget to smile very widely. "You're welcome."

"Please don't try to climb those things again and kill yourself," the younger sighs. "I won't be here all the time to catch you."

"Sometimes you act like you're older than me," Chanyeol scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"No," Jongin says. "You're the one forgetting you're older than me, you're the one acting younger than me."

Chanyeol doesn't answer, because maybe, Jongin is right. In between calling Jinri four times a week to ask her about her health and if anyone is bothering her, and sending encouraging messages to Baekhyun, Chanyeol has, faintly realized how easy and carefree his life is. He doesn't appreciate it enough. Jinri was right about that.

*

The food is getting cold and Baekhyun is still whining about how boring the meetings are, how boring the old men are, how tiring it is to sit there and force a smile so wide his cheekbones hurt afterward. But Chanyeol does not mind having Baekhyun give him some of his burden, so he lets the hamburger in front of him get cold and instead takes the seat next to Baekhyun to let his hand run up and down Baekhyun's back, soothing him.

"You're so not funny these days," Chanyeol says and laughs, loudly. Baekhyun does not even bother to shove an elbow against his stomach, which he always does because Chanyeol's loud laughter is really obnoxious. Chanyeol wraps an arm around Baekhyun's shoulder. "You have to relax. Are you free this Sunday?"

"I think so," Baekhyun sighs, stuffing fries in his mouth now and squeezes his eyes shut. "I never know. My father is not going to let me escape from a meeting because he supposes that I should take breaks like summer vacation to observe the way he works. I detest it!"

"I know you do." Chanyeol squeezes his shoulder lightly. "Therefore, you should go with the band and Joonmyun and Jongin to the beach on Sunday. I heard they wanted to spend time together, and they invited...us."

Baekhyun pulls away and looks at Chanyeol with confused eyes. "Are you-"

"No," Chanyeol replies quickly, shaking his head. "I have things to do."

"Liar." Baekhyun knows he's lying and Chanyeol has expected this. "Come on, you have to go, too. This is the perfect opportunity to get rid of that fear."

"Look-"

"You called me two nights ago," Baekhyun says and now he's the one putting his hand against Chanyeol's back to soothe him. "You probably don't remember it yourself, but to me, you sounded really vulnerable Chanyeol. You're still having the same nightmare and, you're letting her drown you."

"But," Chanyeol starts but he doesn't know the right thing to say. He's never been good with words, especially not around Baekhyun.

"Therefore, you're following them on Friday. We'll be there with you and if you don't want to tell them about it, they won't push you, I'm sure of it."

Baekhyun suddenly sounds excited and hopeful again and Chanyeol is glad about that, but he does not like the feeling that Baekhyun is not going to give up trying to get him to go out in deep water this time.

*

He receives a message that night, around 10PM. It’s from Yura, and it’s just a simple thank you, chanyeol with a heart, too, but he sleeps very well that night, his chest swells with warmness and he dreams of Yura and Su Ji. For the first time in a very long time, it’s not a nightmare.

*

It is very warm today. Chanyeol is drowning in his own sweat it seems like, sitting with his face in front of a fan but still feeling warm and the sweat that sticks to his t-shirt dries very slowly and it's disgusting. His scalp is sticky. He groans.

"I do not understand why you would spend your free day at work," Hyosung days, furrowing her eyebrows at him. "Did you perhaps forget that Yixing and I work on Wednesdays?"

"He is just one poor, lonely soul," Yixing sings as he sorts the albums into right sections. "And probably feeling guilty for breaking so many CDs yesterday. You can take over Hyosung's shifts if you want to pay for it," Yixing jokes.

"Yes, please do," Hyosung says immediately but Chanyeol just waves lazily at her. "You're such a mistake in this world."

"Who is?" a new voice asks and Chanyeol looks up almost right away, already knowing that it's Joonmyun. "You look lifeless, Chanyeol. I only bought two iced coffees, for Hyosung and Yixing. Sorry I didn't know you would be here."

"Don't say that," Yixing laughs. "If Chanyeol knew his new favorite person didn't buy him coffee, Chanyeol will show his puppy eyes. Look, there he goes."

"Shut up," Chanyeol mutters, sitting up properly. He turns to Joonmyun who is handing Hyosung and Yixing their drinks. "You could always make it up by taking me out to drink bubble tea." Chanyeol isn't sure where the request came from but Joonmyun smiles and nods, so he figures it's all good.

The queue is long when they arrive at the bubble tea place, and Chanyeol isn’t surprised, considering it’s summer break and it’s a very warm day, too. He groans as he wipes away the sweat on his forehead and looks down to Joonmyun looking up at him with an amused expression. “What, hyung?” he whines, fanning himself as one person is finished ordering and the queue moves. Eight more people to go.

“You look endearing,” Joonmyun says, and Chanyeol gapes a while, before hitting him on the arm.

“I’m not,” Chanyeol says, but his cheeks are heating up. He can, probably, blame it on the heat. “I’m sweating. This is disgusting. Why aren’t you sweating? It’s not fair, you’re even wearing one of your thick sweaters!”

Joonmyun shrugs, a smile on his lips as he helps Chanyeol with fanning. “I’ve never had it easy to sweat, unless when I work out.”

“Unfair,” Chanyeol huffs. “And have someone ever told you that you wear clothes too big for your body? Not your jeans, though. They’re too tight.”

“What?” Joonmyun looks down on his sweater. “I like it.”

“You look cute in it,” Chanyeol says, patting Joonmyun’s back.

After about ten minutes of waiting, it’s finally their turn and Chanyeol orders a red bean flavored while Joonmyun takes watermelon. It’s the same as last time they met by coincidence here, but Chanyeol does not comment on it, sipping on his bubble tea instead and sighing. He thinks Joonmyun has noticed, anyway.

“Baekhyun is coming with you all on Friday,” Chanyeol says, suddenly remembering it.

“Ah, how nice.” Joonmyun looks up at him now and opens his mouth slightly as to say something else, but the question never leaves his lips. Chanyeol doesn’t ask about it.

He finds it a little bit hard to focus on Joonmyun talking when their knees brushes against each other’s all the time, and the heat is suddenly not bothering him as much anymore, when he tries harder on controlling his heartbeats instead.

*

“Hey.” Chanyeol is dragged back to reality, tearing his eyes away from the book in front of him when he feels something bounce against his neck. He frowns at the eraser on the floor and looks up to see Baekhyun. “You didn’t even lock the door, Chanyeol do you know how late it is? It’s dangerous especially when you have it so easy to lose yourself in a book.”

Chanyeol pulls a face as he puts the book down, but his index finger is lying there in between when he closes it, afraid that he will lose track of what page he is on. He bends down to pick up the eraser as Baekhyun takes off his thin jacket and places it on the couch. “Where’d you get the eraser from?” Chanyeol mumbles but Baekhyun isn’t listening.

He’s having his face inside the fridge now, searching for something to eat. He takes out a package of pudding, takes a spoon from one of the cabinets and sits down across from Chanyeol. “What are you reading?” Baekhyun glances down at the book title. “Kim Young Ha? I thought you loathed him.”

The truth is that Chanyeol had been intrigued by the way Joonmyun had talked about Kim Young Ha as if he was a very great author. Chanyeol thinks, it’s simply because he wants to try to read Kim young Ha again, only because he wants to try feeling the things that Joonmyun felt while reading the books. He shrugs and leans against the chair.

“Just giving him a third chance,” he replies.

“How is that working out?” Baekhyun is soon finished with his first pudding and moves to another. Chanyeol frowns at his friend because he’d thought of eating that later tonight but he doesn’t say anything.

“Actually,” he starts, looking down at the book and smiles slightly, “I don’t dislike his writing as much anymore, though, it’s still nothing special in my opinion.”

“Ah.” Baekhyun squints his eyes. “Chanyeol is growing up now, isn’t he, even reading stuff he once said he hated” Chanyeol makes a grimace. People keep telling him this. About growing up, that is.

Baekhyun nods slowly while licking the spoon, his gaze is suddenly blank and he puts the spoon down on the table. “I don’t want to push you,” he says and Chanyeol notices how some of his eyeliner is smudged around the edges of his eyes. Baekhyun is in his casual clothes now which maybe means that he hasn’t had to go to meetings today. Still, he looks worn out.

“Don’t want to push me what?” Chanyeol takes his index finger out and lets the book close properly. He notes in his head that he’s at chapter three.

“About going with us on Sunday,” Baekhyun replies softly, “but I really think it’d be good for you. You fear water, Chanyeol. When I first started to know you, you were even afraid of taking showers!”

“I… I would never go out there. Be in the water. Deep water.” Chanyeol licks his upper lip and swallows. “You know that.”

“I do.” Baekhyun sighs. “You’ve got to trust me. I’m even gonna hold your hand while you go out in the water if you want to. You have to let go of your sister, just like you have to let her let go of you, too. It’s been tool long.”

If it had been like any other times, then it would’ve still be a no. However, it hits Chanyeol, suddenly, while letting Baekhyun’s words sink in, that it’s always been Baekhyun holding onto him. But that’s just because Chanyeol has been clutching onto Baekhyun. He’s been doing the same with Jinri, too. He presses his lips together and lets out a breath. “Okay.”

The way Baekhyun smiles back at him, eyes disappearing and all, makes Chanyeol think that hes going to be all right. He thinks of Joonmyun, too, that Joonmyun will be there. He thinks, without knowing, of warm touches and soft smiles as he says goodbye to Baekhyun and closes the door. He thinks of Joonmyun’s palm against his back. He thinks of a lot of things, and in the midst of it, he remember that he still hasn’t called his mother. It’s her birthday today.

It’s only after two rings that she picks up, as if she’s been waiting all day for this call and it makes something in Chanyeol’s heart clench.

“Happy birthday, mom,” he says, pouring out apologies and everything else that he will not be able to voice out, in those words. It is the way she laughs, but it sounds like she’s holding back sobs, that makes Chanyeol know. She knows already. All those things that he wants to say. It’s okay to not say it out loud. They’re mother and son after all and Chanyeol thinks he’s forgotten, ever since Su Ji died and Yura was taken away with his father, what that means.

He starts remembering from this moment.

*

Chanyeol is squeezed between Jongin and Sehun in the small car, and Jongdae is laughing at him where he sits comfortably in the passenger seat. Chanyeol can’t even stretch out his too long legs properly, and he hasn’t ever wanted to strangle Jongdae before, but now he kind of does. Jongdae is turning out to be worse than Jongin, Chanyeol has come to realize. He isn’t sure how he ends up with people like these, but then again, he likes them. A lot. But then his eyes lands on Joonmyun who is shaking his head at them, eyes still on the road of course, and Chanyeol really wants to change seats with Jongdae.

“Jongdae, you should have sit here instead! I’m bigger than you! My legs needs space!” Chanyeol whines. Maybe it’s not the legs at all, because he sort of would rather want to sit next to Joonmyun instead so that they can discuss books while Chanyeol breathes in Joonmyun’s sweet honey scent and so that he can watch as Joonmyun makes those, small, adorable expressions. Here, though, Jongin smells like sweat and Sehun keeps giving him looks.

“We’re there soon,” Joonmyun says and he chuckles.

“Hyung, you’re driving really slowly!” Jongdae complains. “Yixing, Baekhyun and Zitao are surely already there.”

“Where’s Kyungsoo and Kris?” Sehun asks, and Chanyeol winces when Sehun elbows him on the side. On accident, actually. But there is no apology. Of course.

“Hyung,” Joonmyun corrects. “Kyungsoo hyung and Kris hyung, Sehun.” Chanyeol is very impressed when Sehun mutters a quiet sorry instead of rolling his eyes. Joonmyun smiles satisfied. How come everyone in the world is so rude to Chanyeol but acts like angles around Joonmyun? He’ll never know. “Kyungsoo and Kris couldn’t come with us today. They are busy with other things.”

They arrive at the beach at this moment and Chanyeol has lumps in both his throat and stomach already. Jongin steps out of the car and Chanyeol follows. The other car is already here, as Jongdae predicted, and Chanyeol sees Baekhyun looking at him with an encouraging smile from not too far away. He breathes in and out before walking up to them. He’s nearer the beach now that he’s ever been since that day. And Joonmyun is putting his palm against Chanyeol’s back again, it’s gentle and comforting, and Chanyeol leans into the touch.

“I don’t think Baekhyun was supposed to say this,” Joonmyun whispers, and Chanyeol freezes. “But I think… he thought it was the best for you, so he told me that you had a fear of water?”

Chanyeol blinks. “Only. You know. The ocean, and the beach.”

“I see.” Joonmyun’s hand is still there as they walk and Chanyeol has this sudden urge to throw his arm around Joonmyun’s shoulder or just take his hand. He doesn’t. “I’ll be right here.” Joonmyun looks up at him and smiles. “Baekhyun, too. And all the others.”

“I know,” Chanyeol breathes. “I do know.”

“Good.” Joonmyun lets his hand fall. “Now, let’s enjoy this, okay?”

Jongdae pulls out cards when they’re all done changing, everyone now sitting close to each other on the sand on their towels and Kyungsoo is taking out sandwiches from one of the plastic bags. Sehun has a frown on as he squints at the sun, his head on Zitao’s lap, who’s busy laughing at Jongin. He just put suncream on and is complaining at Joonmyun for not smearing it out properly, leaving white stains on his face. Baekhyun joins Jongdae, and drags Chanyeol with him.

“I don’t like playing cards,” Chanyeol says, and he has his eyes on his dirty feet. He’s got sand in between his toes. He doesn’t want to look at the water.

“Then what do you want to do?” Baekhyun nudges him. “Are you hungry?”

“I don’t feel well.”

Baekhyun stands up and takes Chanyeol’s wrist to help him up, too. “Come with me.”

“Where are we going?” Chanyeol finally looks up with wide eyes. He swallows. “Not out to the water, Baekhyun.”

“Come on.” Baekhyun is already dragging him, despite Chanyeol being bigger and resisting. “We’re not going out deep. Just to the knees, okay?”

He doesn’t want to. But his eyes are already on the water, blue and peaceful and he remembers all too well. “She died that day,” Chanyeol chokes out, barely a whisper but Baekhyun hears, and he immediately puts his hands on Chanyeol’s arms.

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun says quickly, almost panicking now. “I’m sorry, I won’t force you-”

“She died that day because I was too busy having fun with my friends,” Chanyeol continues despite Baekhyun still letting him to stop. But Chanyeol looks to his best friend now, a faint smile on his lips as he breathes out. “Su Ji really loved the beach, you know.”

“I know, you’ve told me.”

They’re whispering, and no one can hear them but Chanyeol can feel eyes on him. He isn’t surprised when there is a soft voice calling out his name, and it’s Joonmyun. He sounds worried. “Are you okay, Chanyeol?”

“He’s not,” Baekhyun cuts in. “I think we’ll have to go home.”

Joonmyun quickly walks up to them. “I’ll drive you both home.”

But Chanyeol is looking out at the water again and he is back to when he was twelve, and Su Ji is calling for him. She is calling for him with his lungs filled with water while struggling to breathe and she is slowly letting herself drown. He doesn’t hear her. She is calling for him while crying and she can’t reach him. He still doesn’t hear her. It is only ten minutes later, after that she’s long let go of her life, that he is hit with panic and starts searching for her. Chanyeol does not find her.

“Chanyeol.”

Someone is pulling him back, just as he is about to move to the water. It’s Baekhyun and he looks frightened. “Chanyeol, let’s go home.”

“You were right,” Chanyeol says. “I need to let go of her. You said you would hold my hand?” There is a moment of silence as Baekhyun’s eyes widens and Chanyeol’s heart feels like bursting. Joonmyun looks at them with worried eyes, and Chanyeol gives him a smile. “Two people holding my hands would be better, to be honest.”

When Joonmyun smiles, eyes disappearing and turning into crescents as he reaches out for Chanyeol’s hand without hesitation, and they walk towards the water with slow steps, that is when Chanyeol lets his feelings bubble up to the surface. The tears spills as soon as he feels the water beneath his feet, they are overflowing the more they walk, and he is choking on them when the water reaches his knees. Baekhyun and Joonmyun are holding his hands tightly, and he thinks, he can’t wait to tell Jinri about this. He thinks of calling Yura, too, and maybe his mom, because perhaps he’s ready to talk about Su Ji. He might even hug Joonmyun close and ask him to hold his hand again, like he’s always wanted to.

“You can let go of me now,” Chanyeol chokes out, and Joonmyun intertwines their fingers. “Please, let go of me.”

*

The beginning of August is not supposed to be as cold as in the middle of Fall, but it is, and Chanyeol can't find a good, thick-but-not-too-thick jacket to wear. It's been raining all week. He settles with pulling on the jacket that Baekhyun hates so much. Chanyeol sneezes as soon as he is out and pulls the jacket tighter around himself. Maybe he should have brought a scarf, too.

He woke up this morning with a sore throat and freezing limbs because he'd forgotten to close the window before falling asleep on the couch after coming home, very exhausted, but still forced his eyes open to watch a movie until one in the morning, after giving Jinri a call.

While locking up the store, his phone vibrates and he's quick to fish it up from his jeans pocket as he pushes the door open with his body. He does avoid the tickling feeling in his stomach when he sees that it's from Joonmyun.

Good morning, is all that he writes and Chanyeol laughs, sending back a reply to remark that it's actually lunch time now. He doesn't get anything back after that but he figures that Joonmyun is busy. He's really become used to all the unnecessary texts Joonmyun sends sometimes, like that one for a few days ago, reminding him of that school starts again in two weeks. Chanyeol had whined then and sent back thank you so!! very!! much for reminding. Joonmyun had replied him with ha ha ha :D and Chanyeol had thought he was the lamest, most adorable thing on this earth.

His phone vibrates again and he jumps a little out of surprise. There's a big grin on his face before he can stop it, when he reads the message, and he wonders why he's suddenly warm instead of cold.

I know, but I forgot to send it earlier and just wanted to tell you that. I'm coming over the record store today, do you want to eat anything?

The butterflies are a little harder to ignore now but he manages, pushing them down when he puts his phone back in his pocket after answering that he’ll eat anything. Chanyeol feels a little out of it when Joonmyun arrives an hour later with chicken porridge. He eats and listens to Joonmyun as he talks, and enjoys it but can't really pay enough attention. Joonmyun raises his eyebrows and reaches out to put his hand on Chanyeol's shoulder. Joonmyun hasn’t asked about yesterday, or about Chanyeol’s fear for water. Chanyeol wouldn’t mind telling him, but he thinks he’s not ready yet.

"Are you fine?" Joonmyun asks, eyebrows furrowed now and Chanyeol nods. He can't get himself to smile, though, probably still tired. "You look pale."

"I'm fine," he presses out. "And this chicken porridge is delicious, hyung. Thanks for the food."

Joonmyun still does look unconvinced when he says goodbye and Chanyeol hugs him, wrapping long arms around a slender waist and puts his chin on Joonmyun's shoulder. He pulls Joonmyun closer. They barely touch like this, Chanyeol thinks, and he lingers two seconds too long before pulling away. He assures Joonmyun that he's just fine before pushing Joonmyun out of the store with a smile.

*

"You are so stupid," Baekhyun says, sprawled over Chanyeol's bed as he chews on gum. Passion fruit flavored. Chanyeol can smell it even over here, sitting by the desk with assignments to write. He can't concentrate. It's the way his eyes sting and how his throat still hurts. Joonmyun's face appears once in a while, too, but Chanyeol pretends he sees nothing.

"You could, you know, help me?" Chanyeol suggests, sighing and leaning back against the chair. He's wearing a thick sweater and sweating, yet when his bare feet touches the cold floor, he shivers. He's burning up. He might have a fever.

Baekhyun snorts, now sitting up properly and fixing his messy hair as Chanyeol spins the desk chair around. "I helped you like a month ago when I told you to do your homework while your memories from the lessons are still fresh. But no, Chanyeol never listens to Baekhyun. Serves you right."

Chanyeol feels dizzy. He stops spinning and breathes in, shutting his eyes and focuses on the way sweat forms on his forehead instead of the uncomfortable feeling in his chest and throat. He stands up and almost stumbles to the bed. He's forgotten all about what Baekhyun just said, it feels like someone is drumming on his head. Chanyeol takes in deep breaths and breathes out heavily.

"Hey, you okay?" Baekhyun asks, shaking Chanyeol's arm slightly.

"No," he rasps out, throat and head aching terribly and that is the last thing he remembers before he feels like he's on fire and everything goes black.

It is hours later when Chanyeol wakes up with something cold on his forehead, something that feels like a towel, and he feels a little bit better. His throat is still hurting and he can't really move his limbs. It stings when he swallows. He hears someone enter the room and suddenly, the bed sinks and someone's in front if him, looking worried sick. Chanyeol wonders if he's still dreaming because it does look like some angel is taking care of him, tender hands cupping around Chanyeol's cheeks and soft voice asking questions Chanyeol can't really hear.

This can't be anyone else than Joonmyun. "Hi, hyung," Chanyeol breathes, his voice low and weird, and Joonmyun hushes him.

He puts the cold towel, that isn't really so cold anymore, away and presses his palm against Chanyeol's forehead. He furrows his eyebrows even more, making Chanyeol chuckle softly. Joonmyun frowns so much when he's worried, it'll make him have wrinkles.

"Hyung," he tries to say, hand reaching up to take Joonmyun's hand in his, and puts both their hands down on the bed. "I feel much better now, don't worry. You frown way too much."

"I worried already when I saw you like that at the record store." Joonmyun is rubbing his thumb against Chanyeol's palm. It’s soothing. "I wasn't really surprised when Baekhyun called me and asked me to come take care of you. He said he had to go and didn't want to leave you alone like that."

Chanyeol hums tiredly, nodding his head slowly as he closes his eyes. He feels Joonmyun’s palm against his and realizes that he’s forgotten to let go, and Joonmyun has never been one to pull away. They stay like that, sweaty palms pressed against each other and fingers all awkwardly tangled. Chanyeol swallows and lets himself enjoy it. Just this once. He's sick. Even if it isn't an excuse. Joonmyun's hands are so soft, it's a shame that Chanyeol can't take himself to casually hold it in his own hand, like Jongin does.

Joonmyun squeezes his hand lightly and Chanyeol falls asleep again like that.

*

He is pressed up against someone when he opens his eyes for the second time and his hands are disgustingly sweaty. He's still holding onto Joonmyun's hand, he realizes when he looks down and has to take a moment to breathe properly again. Chanyeol sits up slowly and Joonmyun's head falls gently on his shoulder. Chanyeol inhales and lets go of the older boy's hand to push away hair from Joonmyun's eyes. He regrets it when they flutters open and flickers up to look into Chanyeol's eyes.

"You should have gone home," Chanyeol says, scooting away a little bit so that Joonmyun can lie comfortably on the bed without feeling like he’ll fall out any second. "I'm sorry for bothering you."

Joonmyun shakes his head. "It's not bothering when it is something, or someone, I want to take care of." He's smoothing out his shirt and his hair is a mess after sleeping like that. He looks at Chanyeol and catches him staring. "Are you feeling better?"

He does. His throat isn't aching as much and he can swallow without feeling the horrible sting. And he's not sweating, although heating up. He doesn’t think it has something with the fever to do. "I'm better."

"That's good," Joonmyun tells him, standing up. "I should head home now, it's getting late. I bought you food; it is in the fridge. Remember to take your medicines after eating and try to sleep early. I'll come by tomorrow morning with porridge."

"You don't have-"

Joonmyun picks up his backpack and cuts Chanyeol off, "I know, Chanyeol. But let me." He leans down to pat Chanyeol's shoulder. "I'm capable of stuff like that. I’m your hyung."

Chanyeol swallows. "Yeah. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, take it easy okay? I already messaged Yixing to ask him take over you shift tomorrow."

"You already memorized my schedule? How cute." Chanyeol laughs.

Joonmyun is quick to walk out of the door but Chanyeol doesn't miss the red on his cheeks. It's endearing.

*

"You sound horrible," Jinri comments when she calls the next morning. It's only 8AM and he isn't supposed to be awake but he never ignores calls from Jinri. "Are you very sick?"

"You should have heard me yesterday," he says and he does sound hoarse. "And I'm fine. Joonmyun hyung... took care of me."

There is a moment of silence an Chanyeol bites his lower lip, waiting for her to comment on that. He’s told her about Joonmyun, and he knows that sometimes he can talk about Joonmyun for minutes without realizing. But she doesn't say anything and instead tells him that he should get better soon and proceeds to talk about her growing stomach and the baby. She sounds gentle talking about it, and it makes Chanyeol wonder. They end the conversation with Chanyeol promising to come by before summer vacation ends. This is how most of their conversations ends. He'll have to remember to buy train tickets.

He's done taking a shower and changing into clean clothes when the door rings. It's Joonmyun coming with porridge like he promised to and also Jongin. He's holding in a plastic bag with movies.

"Heard you were sick," Jongin says, shrugging while taking off his shoes, "and Joonmyun hyung forced me to spend time with you. Because he's afraid you'll be bored."

"I did not force him," Joonmyun cuts in, pouring out the porridge in a bowl in the kitchen. "He actually asked me if he could come with me."

"You're a liar," Jongin hisses, cheeks turning red now.

"It won't hurt to admit that you love me," Chanyeol teases, nudging him on the arm before they both go to Joonmyun. "Morning, hyung."

Joonmyun smiles up at him before taking out a spoon from the cabinet. Chanyeol thinks it's funny how Joonmyun knows where everything is. "You look better," Joonmyun says. "Sit down and eat. Jongin will keep you company, I have to hurry to work."

"Thanks hyung," Chanyeol says, already eating and the wide grin that Joonmyun gives him makes him melt a little. But he's good at ignoring it. How he struggles to not melt, that is.

Joonmyun asks Jongin to take care of Chanyeol before he goes, closing the door behind him with a soft thud. "Hyung cares about you really much," Jongin says, sitting down across from Chanyeol.

"Jealous?"

"No. Eat your food, giant."

There is something about Jongin’s questioning eyes that lingers a few seconds too long that makes Chanyeol feel uneasy. He does not mention it, and they spend the whole day in silence, Chanyeol is watching movies with Jongin on the couch with half-open eyes and is falling asleep at last when they’re at their third movie. It is only later, when he hears the front door open and familiar voices talking to each other that he wakes up, hands rubbing his eyes.

“Jongin?” he calls out.

“Oh, did we wake you?” Jongin comes back to the living room again with Kyungsoo, Zitao and Kris. “They are bringing us dinner.”

Chanyeol laughs, but is too tired to stand up and instead ends up leaning his head against the couch, feeling sleepy again. “Why are you so many?”

“Actually,” Kris says, handing Jongin the food, before sitting down on the couch, moving Chanyeol’s legs so that he doesn’t sit on them, “I was supposed to bring you food, only, because Joonmyun said he couldn’t do it. But then I met Zitao and Kyungsoo-”

“And of course we wanted to visit you, hyung!” Zitao, unlike Kris, sits down right on Chanyeol without caring much about it. Kris pulls a face and goes to the kitchen to help Jongin with the food instead. “Kyungsoo and I already thought of going here to visit you before we met Yifan hyung, actually, because Yixing hyung told us you were sick when we visited the store. How are you feeling?” Zitao slides down on the place where Kris just sat and smiles at Chanyeol.

“Good,” Chanyeol says, laughing. Actually, he is still feeling kind of sleepy and would like to sleep more but the way Zitao smiles at him while excitedly talks about how they should hang out more like yesterday, maybe they should go watch a movie, and also how Kris and Jongin bickers about something loudly in the kitchen, that makes Chanyeol think he maybe doesn’t want to sleep at all. “I’m all good now, Zitao.”

He wishes Joonmyun was here, too, but he knows that Joonmyun is thinking of him so that is enough. Just because Joonmyun is a person that worries too much, and nothing else, really. Chanyeol knows. But he lets himself be happy at the thought, still.

*

As much as he wishes he could stay in bed one more day, he can’t, because he’d promised Yixing to take over Hyosung’s shifts now that she’s on vacation with her family. Also, today is when Baekhyun and Joonmyun will perform their songs, and their last songwriting lesson. Chanyeol is not going to sing, but he wants to listen. He’s never really heard Joonmyun sing; he’s always humming.

“Aren’t you sweating?” Yixing asks when he arrives at four, to take over the shift. Chanyeol is spacing out and actually freezing, in his thick sweater. It is really cold outside. He frowns at Yixing who’s wearing a sleeveless plaid shirt.

“No,” he says, standing up and flinging his backpack over his shoulders. “I’m actually freezing. This is how Joonmyun hyung must feel all summer.”

“Oh, Joonmyun doesn’t wear those sweaters because he’s cold. He actually sweats in them, but he likes them.” Yixing shrugs and laughs. “He’s kind of strange, isn’t he.”

“I thought he was freezing,” Chanyeol says, scratching the back of his head. “I’ll be going, then.”

Yixing waves goodbye at him and then he’s out in the night. It’s already cold in the air, the breezes doesn’t make it better. He hurries to the bus stop to catch the bus that is on its way to close the doors. He breathes heavily as he sits down on one of the seats at the back, and takes up his phone. He thinks it’d be nice to talk to his mother for a while, so he calls.

“Chanyeol?” she asks when picking up, and he can almost hear a frown in her voice. He laughs. Always so surprised.

*

The music classroom is not that big, but it’s not tiny, either. Chanyeol takes the seat between Baekhyun and Joonmyun, and he chuckles at their nervous expressions before reaching out with both hands to hold theirs. They are barely responding to the touch, not even Baekhyun, who is never really nervous about something. Joonmyun, though, squeezes Chanyeol’s hand back and breathes in.

“Nervous, hyung?”

“Of course,” he laughs. “Did I mention that I’m not even good at playing the piano? I might play wrong, although I’ve been practicing a lot. And my song is nothing special. I’m afraid I will embarrass myself.”

Chanyeol smiles. “I’m sure you’re going to do great.”

“Thank you.” Joonmyun leans closer. “I’m actually relieved to have you here.”

His stomach flips a little, and he doesn’t have a chance to answer before Woohyun starts to talk. He whispers, quickly, to Joonmyun, “I’ll be right here, so don’t be nervous.”

*

When Chanyeol comes back home, throat aching again and cheeks heating up because the fever is not over yet, he tugs off his clothes and pulls on new ones before going to bed immediately. He does, however, not sleep right away, because he can still hear Joonmyun’s soft voice ringing in his ears. He thinks it must be one of the most beautiful voices he’s ever heard, and he falls asleep like that, with the faint memory of Joonmyun’s voice and song as a lullaby.

*

It rains on Friday and Chanyeol is still in his very thick sweaters, the fever is gone but he is still sick. “Does it hurt?” Yixing asks, a frown on his forehead as he tries to put a patch carefully around the finger that Chanyeol managed to slice up on a CD. “How can you be so clumsy?

“Of course it hurts,” Chanyeol whines, taking back his hand when Yixing is finished. “I am not clumsy.”

“Did you hurt yourself again?” a voice asks and Chanyeol turns around to see Joonmyun. He is already walking up to him with a worried expression and Chanyeol waves it away. “Let me see.”

“It’s nothing,” Chanyeol says, but lets Joonmyun take his hand anyway. “Hyung, I’m okay.”

“He cut himself on a CD,” Yixing says, shaking his head as he gulps down water. “Isn’t that ridiculous?”

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” Joonmyun sighs, but there is a smile on his lips as he lets go of Chanyeol’s hand. “Be careful next time.”

Chanyeol nods a few times more than necessary. “I will.”

“What are you doing here?” Yixing asks Joonmyun, who looks at Chanyeol.

“Dinner plans,” Joonmyun replies. “Is it okay if I take Chanyeol a few hours earlier?”

Yixing pretends to look hurt as he crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at them. Chanyeol shrugs with wide eyes, because he had no idea they would be having dinner together today. “You’d rather take Chanyeol out to eat than your best friend,” Yixing says, laughing. “But yes, of course. There’s nothing here to do anyway.”

“Great.” Then Joonmyun bends down to pick up Chanyeol’s backpack, another hand wrapping itself around Chanyeol’s wrist to drag him out to the car. Chanyeol gets in the passenger seat and smiles at Joonmyun, a little confused.

“We decided to have dinner together?”

Joonmyun shrugs. “We didn’t plan it. But do you mind?” he glances at Chanyeol now, while putting on his seatbelt.

“No, of course not!” His smile only gets wider.

“I actually forgot my wallet at home today, before going to work, so we’ll have to go get it first. I hope you don’t mind.” Chanyeol doesn’t. That only means more time with Joonmyun. He leans back against his seat and finds it calming to have Joonmyun next to him as he listens to the rain that patters against the windows.

Joonmyun’s apartment is bigger than Chanyeol’s. He has cardboard boxes everywhere in the hall and in the living room and Joonmyun excuses himself as he moves them so that Chanyeol can walk in. This place smells like Joonmyun. Chanyeol feels a weird fluttering in his stomach. Joonmyun leads them both to his bedroom, which is clean and tidy. Even his bed is made already. Chanyeol never folds his sheets. The blue walls are covered with photos and he has a bunch of school books and papers on his desk that are actually kind of messy. Joonmyun’s bookshelf is filled with literature, many Kim Young Ha books, and Chanyeol catches a few titles that he’s read. Somehow, there are knots in his stomach as he continues to look around the room.

His room is bright, white walls and lace curtains that lets the sun seep in easily, and Chanyeol thinks it shows what kind of a person Joonmyun is. But it’s almost like Joonmyun is giving Chanyeol a glimpse of his soul, giving Chanyeol a piece of him and Chanyeol is nervous about giving back. He isn’t sure how much he will be able to return. Perhaps, he’s just looking too much into it.

“I’m moving soon,” Joonmyun says, picking up his wallet from a small table next to his bed. “That’s why it’s so messy.”

“I’m not moving and my apartment is worse,” Chanyeol laughs. “And you’re moving?”

Joonmyun nods, and they’re walking out of the room now. “Next week, actually. I’ve found a cheaper apartment, and a smaller one, too, not too far away.”

“Do you need help?” Chanyeol asks.

“Jongin promised to help me,” Joonmyun says, slowly, locking the door. They walk down the stairs. “But as school is starting soon, I think he will be busy studying, so I don’t want to bother him. It’s his last year of high school, after all.” He looks at Chanyeol now, eyes bright and there is a smile on his lips. “So, if you’re not busy, I’d like to have your help.”

Chanyeol grins back, and he wants to reach out for Joonmyun’s hand, but he keeps them in his pockets instead. “I’m glad to be able to help.”

*

They make time to catch a movie together at the cinema in town.

This is a mess. It’s like going with a whole bunch of kindergarten kids, Chanyeol thinks with a deep frown as he reaches out to grab Jongin’s wrist, just when he’s supposed to chase after Sehun because he stole half of the candy from Jongin's candy bag without him noticing. Zitao is laughing loudly at them when Kris gives him an annoyed look and says that it's their turn to order the popcorn and drinks, causing the younger to quickly turn around to the girl behind the counter. Baekhyun is busying himself with his phone while Jongdae eats his popcorn in silence, slapping Yixing's hand away when he reaches out to snatch one. Kyungsoo is pulling faces at everything.

Joonmyun comes up to Chanyeol with nothing but a soda in his hand, and a smile on his lips. Chanyeol almost puts his arm around Joonmyun's shoulder. But then Zitao and Kris are finished, both holding in popcorn and drinks in their arms, telling the others to hurry so that they won't miss the beginning.

They don't, because the commercials take up almost five minutes, before the movie starts. Chanyeol has his seat empty for Baekhyun to sit down, but he is surprised to see Joonmyun slide down there instead. "Do you mind?" Joonmyun asks and Chanyeol shakes his head.

"Of course not." Baekhyun smiles at him before sitting down with Zitao and Sehun, one row in front of Chanyeol. Jongin takes the seat next to Joonmyun, and Yixing settles with sitting with Kris. The movie begins, and Zitao stops talking with Sehun, eyes on the screen now. They picked an action movie.

Joonmyun's hand is close, and Chanyeol has to put his own hands on his lap to not reach out and hold Joonmyun's. But their legs still brush warmly against each other's and he thinks Joonmyun is sweet, the way he’s so concentrated on the movie, eyes on the screen and hand reaching for the popcorn that Chanyeol had wanted to share, missing it now and then. Chanyeol keeps smiling.

It is a little regretful that Minseok and Jinri aren't here, Chanyeol thinks. Or else he would've had a whole theater filled with his favorite people.

*

Tuesday finds Chanyeol sweating as he carries the last of Joonmyun's cardboard boxes down to the moving truck. He'd met Joonmyun at ten in the morning and it's almost twelve now. They're soon finished, and Chanyeol really doesn't mind helping, but he thinks food would be great right now. It is almost like Joonmyun has read his mind, because when he returns back to the apartment to carry down another box, Joonmyun asks him what he wants to eat for lunch.

"Anything is fine, really," Chanyeol says. This is the last cardboard box. Joonmyun helps him. They walk down the stairs slowly, and Chanyeol doesn't understand why people would want an apartment without an elevator. Minseok's apartment building didn't have one, either. They put the cardboard box in the truck and watches as it drives away to Joonmyun's new apartment. "We're done."

Joonmyun walks up to the apartment again to bring them their backpacks and he looks a little sad when he comes back. "I've been living here in four years now." They walk to his car, and Chanyeol gets in the passenger seat as he wipes away sweat. "I feel a little sad leaving it."

"Hyung," Chanyeol says, chuckling a little. "It's okay, you're going to like your new apartment and have new memories there."

It is something about Joonmyun's gaze on him, but Chanyeol doesn't want to read into it too much. "Of course," Joonmyun says, starting the engine. "Of course I will." They drive away.

*

Joonmyun makes them pasta after carrying up all the stuff to the new apartment, and Chanyeol is exhausted as he eats but he doesn't complain because Joonmyun is smiling at him. Joonmyun's pasta is delicious and Chanyeol finds another piece of him here. He can cook, Chanyeol never knew.

They proceed to unpacking everything later. "It's okay," Joonmyun says, "you seem really tired, you should go home and rest. Thank you so much for today, Chanyeol, really."

"I would never let such a small person do all that work," Chanyeol says seriously, as he takes out books from one of the cardboard boxes. "Especially not you. We would not want anything to happen now, do we?"

Joonmyun only chuckles lightly and the conversation is dropped. They work in silence, mostly, except when Chanyeol asks Joonmyun about where things should be, and he has to answer. It is an comfortable silence, and Chanyeol keeps finding new pieces of Joonmyun as he helps with the unpacking. There are music documentaries, albums of punk bands, books about flowers, and a lot of other interesting things. He finds pictures of a baby Joonmyun and coos over it as Joonmyun blushes furiously, trying to take it back.

"Can I keep it?" Chanyeol asks, when he takes up a picture of an teenage Joonmyun, looking like a high school student with his messy hair and smirk.

"If you want to," Joonmyun sighs, already giving up on trying to snatch back the pictures because Chanyeol is just so much bigger, and taller.

Chanyeol puts the picture in his wallet and his gaze falls on Joonmyun who is packing up plates now, placing it carefully on the floor. "Do you have a girlfriend, hyung?" Chanyeol stretches out his legs, and it nudges against Joonmyun's feet. He doesn't move it, and Chanyeol doesn't either.

Slowly, Joonmyun looks up with a confused look, but it is soon replaced by a tiny smile. He seems to find the question amusing. His feet are smooth. "I like boys, Chanyeol."

"Oh." Chanyeol's mouth are open and he thinks he is inhaling the words and it cuts a little inside. He swallows hard, and he doesn't know why, but he moves his leg. "I didn't know." His heart is hammering violently against his chest and he trembles a little as he proceeds to take out a bunch of CDs. He avoids Joonmyun's eyes.

"Does it..." Joonmyun pauses, and only starts talking again when Chanyeol looks up to meet his eyes. "Does it make you uncomfortable?"

Chanyeol's eyes widens. "No!" he says quickly. "Of course not." He isn't sure if it is here he should say me too but he doesn't. Press down. He keeps pressing down the feelings. They are bubbling up again, though. He's noticed.

"That's great," Joonmyun breathes. "I guess I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I didn't ask." He licks his upper lip. "Does Yixing know?"

"Oh, everyone in the band knows." Joonmyun leans back against the wall and smiles. "I am very lucky, I think, to have people accept me."

The words cuts more than they should and Chanyeol suddenly feels like throwing up. "I’m glad." He hopes that he doesn't sound strange.

"Chanyeol," Joonmyun starts, scooting a little bit closer. "If you... if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm here."

"I know," Chanyeol assures, and he softens.

They go back to silence and Chanyeol regrets not taking the opportunity to tell Joonmyun all about him. Regrets not letting Joonmyun take pieces of him, just like he's taken pieces of Joonmyun. He doesn't want to admit that he's just afraid Joonmyun will run away if he knows the problems that Chanyeol has.

Because Chanyeol knows he won't. Joonmyun wouldn't.

*

Jinri is quiet on the phone today, no longer talking about the baby or how she has to avoid her parents recently, and that everything is so tiring. Chanyeol, with nothing better to do, is trying to clean his room. He takes the pile of clothes on the floor, phone squeezed between his ear and shoulder, and goes to the bathroom to put it in a laundry basket. He reminds himself to book a time in the laundry room before going to work later.

"They found out," Jinri says suddenly, when Chanyeol is cleaning his hands. He stops and turns off the water. "They found out about the baby. I knew clearly that it would've been impossible to hide it forever."

"Jinri," is all he can say, because there is nothing more he can do right now. "Did they yell at you a lot?"

She sighs, and he knows they did. Jinri's parents are always afraid their daughter will bring shame to the family. Now she has. He can't even imagine how tired Jinri will be right now. He dries his hands quietly on a towel before holding the phone in his hand instead. "I'm coming home," he tells her. "I'm coming home next week."

"Really?" she says quickly, and Chanyeol chuckles. "Did you tell your mom already?"

"No, she doesn't know." He turns on the speaker, puts the phone on his bed before pulling on a pair of jeans. "Let's surprise her."

They end the call soon, and Chanyeol spots the bag with Joonmyun's clothes lying there in the hall when he puts on his shoes. He pulls a face because it's been weeks now. Chanyeol takes the bag with him and drops by the library on his way to work.

Joonmyun is eating on a sandwich when Chanyeol arrives there, eyes widening and hand waving at him. "Hello," Joonmyun says, smiling. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Yes." Joonmyun has crumbs at the corner of his lips. Chanyeol reaches down to brush it away with his thumb, causing Joonmyun to blink of surprise. He takes back his hand. "But Hyosung is back again, so it's okay."

"I see." Joonmyun's eyes flickers to the bag in Chanyeol's hand and he tilts his head. "What are you doing here?"

"This is yours," Chanyeol says, placing the bag on the table and laughs. "I always forget to give this back to you, but for once, I remembered."

"My clothes?" He looks amused. "Thank you. I hope you didn't stretch them out."

"I think I did."

Joonmyun smiles. "It's okay." He puts it down, and looks up to Chanyeol instead now. "I heard from Yixing that you're off from work next week."

"I am," Chanyeol replies. "I'm going to visit my family." He doesn't mention that family is mother, and then Jinri.

"Ah, is that so. I am off from work next week, too." Joonmyun looks somehow disappointed but Chanyeol isn't sure, because the smile is sincere when he says, "I hope you have fun."

"Do you want to," Chanyeol starts, and then pauses, because he doesn't where the question came from. He swallows, and Joonmyun is still staring at him, waiting for him to continue. "Do you want to go with me?"

There is surprise in Joonmyun's eyes but he replaces that with a wide smile. "I'd love to."
part 5