Between the Lines for g_odalisque13 2/2
The lights are off when Baekhyun returns from his latest date with Hyejeong. This time around, Chanyeol has fallen asleep on the sofa while waiting, but he gets up and opens the overhead lights in the living room at Baekhyun's arrival.
Baekhyun blinks at the sudden brightness."You didn't have to wait up for me," he says, shielding his eyes from the glare.
Chanyeol scoffs. “Someone has to take care of you.” His voice is hoarse with sleep.
Baekhyun smiles. "You're no manager-hyung. Look at you, your hair’s sticking up everywhere."
"Hmph. How dare you speak like that to me when I clean up after your messes?"
"...I think you have the roles in our relationship interchanged."
Baekhyun is humming now, he’s humming, and it leaves a bitter taste in Chanyeol’s mouth. "I take it it was a good date,” he says mechanically. “You're smiling like a loon."
Baekhyun just keeps on smiling as they head to their bedroom. He takes off his beanie, revealing a messy nest of dark brown strands. He runs long, slender fingers through his mussed hair, and Chanyeol thinks, oh, he's just a little bit beautiful like this. "You should stop while you’re ahead. Before anyone gets hurt," he says before he can stop himself.
Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at him. "I'm going to do you a favor and consider that a bad joke."
"I'm just telling the truth," Chanyeol says, unable to keep himself from continuing. "You said so yourself. You have to be honest about things like this. Liking someone isn't a joke."
Baekhyun is looking at him like he's grown two heads. "Who are you, and what have you done to Chanyeol? ‘Liking someone isn't a joke’? Am I actually getting relationship advice from a womanizer? You don't even know what getting serious means."
"Maybe I don't, but even I know it's not some relationship created for publicity," Chanyeol insists. “You’re being unfair to yourself. Besides, the two of you don’t match each other at all.”
Baekhyun studies him through hooded eyes, his mouth set in a thin line. "Right," he says. "I'm too tired to argue with you.”
“Do you like her?” Chanyeol blurts out. “I mean, really like her.”
Baekhyun says nothing for a moment. He looks away. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters because if you’re just doing this for our sake, for EXO’s sake…”
“I am,” Baekhyun says quietly. “Is it bad that I’m hoping this could turn into something else along the way? We don’t exactly get any other chances to date here.” He hesitates. “Hyejeong is nice…”
“Why are you forcing yourself to do something you don’t like?”
“It’s not that I dislike it,” Baekhyun says. “Why do you care about how I feel anyway? I’m doing what management wants me to do. Just like you. You’d think you’d be more supportive of my efforts.”
Chanyeol takes a deep breath but can’t bring himself to tell the truth. “We’re friends,” he tries. “I care about you.” He can feel his right eye twitching as he speaks.
Baekhyun looks rightly unconvinced. “Okay, let’s just pretend this conversation never happened when we wake up. We’re both tired and it’s making us say nasty things." He turns off the lights abruptly, and Chanyeol hears him getting into bed.
The next morning, Chanyeol makes Baekhyun a sandwich in apology. Baekyun bites it right out of Chanyeol’s hands and takes what’s left of it out of the dorm with him.
Sometimes Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun and wonders how real his smile is. In the year he’s known Baekhyun, he’s concluded that Baekhyun likes confident girls, girls who know what they’ve got and aren’t afraid to flaunt it. He likes them unique and surprising and fun, all things that Hyejeong isn’t. She’s cute, yes, and she does tend to have verbal diarrhea (which can be endearing), but that’s about it.
Baekhyun does all the hard work while Hyejeong just reacts to him. She laughs at all of his jokes, at first shy and then full-throated. She appreciates that he starts their conversations and always looks delighted when he surprises her with a thoughtful gift.
Sometimes, when she's visiting the dorm, Chanyeol will say something impolite (and get chastised by Joonmyun) and she'll look at him as if he intrigues her. Once, their eyes meet. He winks at her and she blushes and looks away.
Bad boy syndrome, Chanyeol diagnoses. She thinks she wants stability, but what she really wants is chaos. Baekhyun is mischievous and full of surprises, but he's also the steadiest person Chanyeol knows. Even his unpredictability is something Chanyeol can read.
It's almost too easy to give Hyejeong what she's missing: a purred hello when Baekhyun brings her over for dinner with the boys, a carefully calculated smirk tossed her way when Baekhyun isn’t looking, a casual press of fingers to the inside of her wrist that speaks of what could be.
Charming girls has never been Chanyeol's weak point. The twinge in his gut isn’t guilt, he tells himself.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Kyungsoo asks Chanyeol as he’s heading out of their dorm in a white hoodie and matching white cap.
Chanyeol stops at the door and grins at Kyungsoo easily. “Being myself.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t look amused. “Do you really want to ruin your friendship with Baekhyun?”
“This isn’t about Baekhyun.”
"You're right," Kyungsoo says quietly. "It's about you."
Chanyeol's back prickles uncomfortably at Kyungsoo's words, but he shrugs the feeling off. “I’m not doing anything wrong.” Yet. “It’s that girl. She’s…something else. I can’t help it.” The words sound false even to his own ears. She doesn’t deserve him, he thinks. “He doesn’t deserve her,” he says aloud.
“You’re doing a really bad job of convincing me this isn’t about you,” Kyungsoo says, putting his arms across his chest.
Chanyeol sighs. “You do know we’re not getting anywhere with this conversation?”
“Only because you’re scared.”
“You’re calling me a coward,” Chanyeol says steadily. “Me.”
Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow in challenge.
Chanyeol is the first to look away.
The first time, Chanyeol thinks Baekhyun is ignoring it. The second time, he thinks Baekhyun just doesn't know.
The third time, Chanyeol comes home from his date smelling like Hyejeong’s perfume and Baekhyun punches him in the face. "What is wrong with you?" Baekhyun shouts. "Why would you do this?"
There’s blood on Chanyeol’s lips, but he feels oddly satisfied. "So you finally noticed."
"What, did you think I didn't notice the first time?"
"You never said anything."
Baekhyun’s laugh is bitter. "I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. Because you're my best friend. Fat lot of good it did to me." He exhales noisily.
“You wanted me to get along with her.” Chanyeol smiles on automatic and wonders if he should hate himself for it.
Baekhyun’s fists are balled tightly. He looks like he wants to punch Chanyeol again but is restraining himself with effort. He walks out of their room.
Chanyeol blinks at the space Baekhyun leaves behind before hurrying after him. Baekhyun is walking away fast, his steps taking him up, up, and out to the rooftop. Chanyeol chases after him, holding his hands out to keep the door from closing as Baekhyun heads into the open. Baekhyun marches straight to the edge of the roof and sits with his back to the wall, his knees drawn together as he breathes in and out rapidly.
Chanyeol stands in front of him awkwardly, unsure of what to say. “Baekhyun,” he tries.
“Shut up.” Baekhyun’s voice carries the weight of resignation. “Go away. I don’t want to talk to you right now. Just. Let’s talk when I’m calmer. Leave me alone first.”
Chanyeol sits beside Baekhyun, careful to keep some distance between them. “You can’t just run away from me like this.”
Baekhyun shoots him a pained look. “Oh, so it’s my fault now? I’m supposed to be understanding when the only chance I had at a relationship is gone because of you? I don’t care if it was fake. I could have made it real,” he yells. “You always-” Deep breath. “I hate when you- ” Another breath. “If you liked her, you should have told me in the first place!”
Chanyeol feels his chest constrict at Baekhyun’s distress. A pool of guilt gathers at his stomach and threatens to make him hurl. “I don’t like her, believe me,” he says. “I just…”
Baekhyun’s laughter sounds like crying. He stands up and leans against the railing. “Well, that makes me feel a lot better. She left me for someone who doesn’t even care about her. When will you grow up and stop playing with other people’s feelings?”
“When you grow up and notice mine!” Chanyeol shoots up like a firecracker, finally spitting out words he’s locked inside himself for months and months. He grabs Baekhyun by the shoulders and starts shaking him. “Don’t you get it? I did it because I like you, you dumbass! I’m in love with you!”
Baekhyun looks shocked, his face turning deathly pale at Chanyeol’s words. In the aftermath of his outburst, Chanyeol feels his limbs turning into jelly. He lets go of Baekhyun’s shoulders and sags against the wall, panting.
Baekhyun bursts into loud laughter, stunning Chanyeol into stillness. He clutches at his stomach through hysterical giggles. “Oh, this is just too funny. This is just-” He visibly shakes away his laughter and focuses on Chanyeol’s face. “You like girls.”
“I did. At least, I thought I did.” Chanyeol is the one who’s trembling this time.
“You like girls,” Baekhyun repeats, his face gaining back some color in his rage. “What is this nonsense?”
“I tried,” Chanyeol stumbles on his words, “I tried to stop myself from liking you, but it wasn’t working.”
“You can’t just say that and expect me to believe you.” Baekhyun massages his temples and refuses to look at Chanyeol’s face. “Look, I can’t deal with this right now. It’s too much.”
“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol says, hanging his head. “I didn’t know it would end up this way.”
Baekhyun closes his eyes. “Just leave,” he says. “Please.” Chanyeol has never heard him sound so broken.
Chanyeol listens to Baekhyun just this once.
When Chanyeol wakes up the next morning, Jongin is shoving his things into the closet Chanyeol shares with Baekhyun. Or at least, the space he used to share with him. He ignores the pang in his chest and asks, “So we’re roomies now?”
“Baekhyun-hyung is staying with Kyungsoo-hyung,” Jongin says, eyeing him calmly. “But I’m sure you already knew that.”
Chanyeol sits up in bed and runs a hand through his hair. He expected this, but that didn’t make it sting any less.
“You have a split lip,” Jongin observes. “Manager-hyung is going to kill you.” He pauses thoughtfully. “The makeup noonas too. How-”
“Don’t ask,” Chanyeol all but growls.
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Jongin says and turns back to the closet. “You know, hyung,” he continues, his voice quiet, “I’ve never seen Baekhyun-hyung look as worn out as he did when he came to our room. He looked like he’d been crying. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry since our debut.”
“I said,” Chanyeol hisses, “no questions.”
“I wasn’t asking you any questions,” Jongin says. “I’m just saying, whoever it was that hurt him, he really did a good job.”
Chanyeol realizes this is the first time he’s heard Jongin sound angry. “You couldn’t just shut up for a second, could you?” he asks in resignation. “I didn’t know you had it in you to be talkative.”
Jongin hangs his last shirt in the closet and closes the wardrobe. He mimes zipping his lips and throwing away the key. Jongin ignores him after that and doesn’t speak to him for the rest of the day. Chanyeol doesn’t know whether to cry or be relieved.
The air is charged with tension at their next interview. The male host asks them about their ideal types again and Baekhyun is in the forefront because of his show.
“You were on tvN’s new reality show The Romantic & Idol recently,” he says, his expression bright and excited, “and we heard you formed a pretty good bond with AOA’s Hyejeong-sshi.”
“Filming the show was so much fun,” Baekhyun says, smiling gamely at the camera. “Hyejeong is a really nice girl, and it was cool hanging out with her and other idols without our managers.”
“You must have felt a sense of freedom.”
“Yes, I could finally eat to my heart’s content,” Baekhyun quips.
The audience giggles appropriately.
“Baekhyun-sshi, there are rumors going around that you and Hyejeong-sshi are dating. Is there anything you’d like to share with us about this?”
Baekhyun’s smile tightens almost imperceptibly. “I think that’s nobody’s business but ours,” he says, his tone sharp.
The host looks slightly taken aback by his tone.
“Hey, hey,” Chanyeol interjects to diffuse the tension. “What’s up with this singular attention on Baekhyun? I always knew he was your favorite, Jongkook-sshi, but what about the rest of us and our ideal types?” He winks at the host.
“Right.” The host catches on quickly and turns to address Chanyeol. “How about you tell us about your ideal type, Chanyeol-sshi?”
“I want her to have the same music taste as mine,” he says, grinning into the camera. “She also has to have a sense of humor and hobbies similar to mine. But I think what’s most important is that she’s easy to communicate with because we’ll be spending most of our lives together.”
“So basically someone who can put up with you and your negative traits,” Baekhyun pipes up.
There’s a split-second of silence and then Chanyeol is laughing and laughing. Joonmyun and Sehun join him, which causes the rest of the studio to join in. “I am a handful, aren’t I?” Chanyeol says, pretending to wipe away tears of mirth from his eyes. From the corner of his vision, he can see that Baekhyun is struggling to keep his expression neutral.
The host clears his throat. “How about you, D.O.-sshi, what’s your ideal type?”
“What was that display out there?” their manager shouts at them afterward, the veins in his neck standing out. “Have we taught you nothing?”
“We’re sorry,” Joonmyun says, speaking for all of them. “It won’t happen again.”
They all keep their heads bowed as their manager lectures them on the importance of showing your best face to the public and the hazards of making just one wrong step. Baekhyun gets a special mention for almost losing his temper.
“We’re cleaning up the Hyejeong situation,” their manager says. “There’s no need to get yourself involved.”
Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun bites his lower lip to prevent himself from saying anything.
When the lecture ends and they’re all sent back to their rooms, Joonmyun takes Chanyeol aside and pats him on the shoulder. “I know you don’t always listen to me, but this has to stop,” he says gently. “Something clearly happened between you and Baekhyun and it’s affecting all of us.”
“It’s that obvious, huh?”
Joonmyun sighs. “Well, our more perceptive fangirls are speculating about the source of your ire as we speak.”
Chanyeol smiles a crooked smile. “Have you ever-” He hesitates because, really, when does he ever confide in Joonmyun? “I’m worried that I may have ruined my friendship with Baekhyun forever,” he says instead.
“He cares about you enough to be mad at you,” Joonmyun says. “You should talk to him about it.”
“I tried.”
Joonmyun gives him a pitying look. “You obviously haven’t tried hard enough,” he says, clapping Chanyeol on the shoulder. “Now go do your best to fix this.”
Baekhyun is always the last one to leave dance practice, and this is how Chanyeol finally gets a hold of him one night.
“I take it back,” Chanyeol says, grabbing Baekhyun’s arm before he can turn away from him and go back to ignoring him. “I take everything back.”
Baekhyun’s face is impassive at Chanyeol’s words.
“Forget I ever said anything,” Chanyeol continues. “I know it’s too soon to ask for forgiveness for Hyejeong. But for EXO’s sake, can we just go back to where we were before all of this happened? Would you be willing to try and be friends again?”
“So that’s it?” Baekhyun says sharply. “You’re giving up just like that? Is this how you treat someone you say you’re in love with?”
Chanyeol frowns.
“You’re such a selfish bastard,” Baekhyun says. “I mean, I’ve always know you are, but this just takes the cake.” He starts laughing, and then he’s covering his mouth and silent tears are running down his face.
Chanyeol startles at his tears. “Baekhyun…” He reaches for Baekhyun’s cheeks to wipe his tears away, but the other pulls away from him.
“It’s not fair,” Baekhyun says, his tone accusing. “You can’t just tell me you like me when I decided to move on a long time ago. I was hoping Hyejeong would be the one, but you couldn’t just let it go, could you?”
Chanyeol’s heart jumps to his throat. “What-you didn’t tell-”
“Fuck you, Park Chanyeol. Fuck you.” Baekhyun’s fists beat at Chanyeol’s chest. The way he says Chanyeol’s name sounds like a prayer. “Fuck you, I hate you, fuck you.”
Chanyeol holds him until the fight goes out of his fists. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, once for every curse that leaves Baekhyun’s mouth. “I’m sorry.” He hugs Baekhyun close and absorbs the shock of Baekhyun’s sobs with his body. “I’m sorry,” he repeats, as if saying it multiple times will make everything better. He presses a kiss into Baekhyun’s hair. “I’m sorry.”
“Bastard,” Baekhyun says for the last time, his face pillowed on Chanyeol’s shoulder as his tears finally subside.
Chanyeol pulls back and cups Baekhyun’s cheek, rubbing away the remnants of Baekhyun’s tears with clumsy fingers. A million questions are running through his head. He’s scared, he wants to say. He’s scared of what this means for both of them. Being an idol is hard enough. He didn’t ask for this. But then Baekhyun is tilting his head and pressing his lips against the palm of Chanyeol’s hand, and Chanyeol finds himself drifting away from a world of what-ifs.
Baekhyun had always been the fearless one, he thinks, reading the question in Baekhyun’s eyes as easily as he does when they’re on stage. The answer is yes, he decides, as he leans forward and their lips meet for the first time.
Things aren’t okay, Chanyeol thinks, dazed, as he tastes the sweetness of Baekhyun’s mouth mixed with the salty tang of his tears. But they will be eventually.
A month after the finale for The Romantic & Idol airs, SM Entertainment releases an official statement about Baekhyun and Hyejeong’s relationship. While the two idols happily remain friends after the show, it says, the two of them are not dating nor are they in a romantic relationship. Chanyeol is with Baekhyun when it gets disseminated, and they quietly watch as netizens express their delight and disappointment at the news online. Soon enough, the statement gets overshadowed by the latest celebrity drug scandal and everything goes back to normal (or at least as normal as things can get).
Two weeks later, they get invited to a talk show to promote their overseas concert tour with other SM artists. Chanyeol's hand is on Baekhyun's thigh as always, and he can hear their fangirls squealing in delight at the sight.
"Baekhyun-sshi was on a reality show recently," the host is telling them, "and we heard he was a hit with all the ladies. If any of you could go on a show on your own, what would you choose and why?"
"I want to be on We Got Married," Sehun volunteers eagerly, causing the audience to break out into a chorus of no's. "But the company thinks I'm too young to be forming love lines."
"We all think you're too young for love lines," Baekhyun pipes up, and the audience laughs along with him.
"How about you, Chanyeol-sshi?" the host continues. "What do you think of going on We Got Married?"
"I'd love to be on the show," Chanyeol says, smiling his most charming smile, "but the thing is I'm already married." He pats Baekhyun's thigh pointedly.
Half of the audience goes "Ooooh," while the other half bursts into giggles.
"I had no say in this, I swear," Baekhyun says, laughing. He talks directly to the audience. "Don't listen to what he's saying! I'm a free man!"
'Married,' Chanyeol mouths at the girls, enough to make them start giggling again. He puts on his most innocent expression when Baekhyun turns to look at him.
“I’m sure Baekhyun-sshi appreciates your sentiments, Chanyeol-sshi,” the host ends smoothly with just a little hint of dry humor. “Now tell us about this concert tour you’re embarking on soon…”
Later, when they're back in their van seated side by side with their heads bent close together, Baekhyun whispers in Chanyeol’s ear, "You didn't lie."
“I know,” Chanyeol says with a cheeky grin. “I’m so great I can’t believe myself sometimes.”
Baekhyun makes as if to shove Chanyeol out of his seat, but before he can, Chanyeol catches Baekhyun’s hand in his. “I won’t lie,” he says quietly. Not anymore.
Baekhyun squeezes his hand tightly in reply.