Pickle 8, Cookies 'n' Cream 22: Intimacy
Title: Intimacy
Main Story: In The Heart
Flavors, Toppings and Extras: Pickle 8 (baby on board), cookies 'n' cream 22 (lean), rainbow sprinkles, whipped cream (Clara in utero), malt (Summer Challenge 108: this way no one gets hurt).
Word Count: 1605
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: A portrait of intimacy.
Notes: Written out of spite.
Lynne had been cranky all weekend, tense and terse and generally on edge. Or, well, that wasn’t cranky, because Lynne was rarely cranky-and when she was, it invariably had something to do with politics, and all had been quiet on the western front recently as far as Gary was aware. Perhaps upset was a better word, except she wasn’t really upset either, because if she was upset everyone would have known, and he was the only one who’d picked up on it. Unhappy?
Gary Hawkins watched his wife over the edge of the book he’d been theoretically reading since he put Ethan to bed, and mulled. Her mouth always twisted down at the left corner when she was unhappy, and it wasn’t doing that now. Maybe not unhappy. Uncertain? No, not uncertain; her general air of standoffishness might lend itself to that, but the almost fearful look he’d surprised on her face a couple times did not, nor did the way she’d gotten terse at him.
Hard to tell, anyway, when she sat on the floor like that, cross-legged and hunched over her laptop. Her back had to be hurting her, but she hated working on the couch-it made her feel lazy-and she didn’t have an office at home anymore, not in the six years since Ethan was born. It could just be her back, he supposed, but all weekend...
Well. Just at the moment she probably wasn’t more than frustrated. That frown she was directing at her laptop looked like work gone wrong. Any moment now she would-
“I hate my job,” Lynne announced, and shut her laptop with a decisive click.
There she went. “What’s it done now?” he asked, setting the book aside. He wasn’t getting anywhere anyway. “Did a deadline sneak up on you?”
She shook her head, brushed her dark hair out of her face with a quick, irritated motion. “No. This is the third time my editor’s cut words off my story. If he cuts any more there isn’t going to be a story, just a soundbyte.”
“Mm.” Gary propped his elbow on his knee and set his chin in his hand. “Is that why you’ve been irritated this weekend?”
She shot him a quick, sharp look. “What, exactly, do you mean by that?”
Oops. Sore spot. He backpedaled.
“You haven’t been happy, that’s all. Irritated was the best word I could come up with.”
Lynne looked down again and smiled an odd little half-smile. “Some English teacher you are.”
“That’s what the thesaurus is for.” Her hair was falling in her face again, tangled and dark with sweat at the temples. Gary resisted the urge to get up and brush it back for her-he didn’t think she was in a mood to be touched. She probably didn't want to even be looked at, but she was kind of stuck with that one. “Do you have a better word?” he asked, instead.
Lynne shoved her laptop away and pulled her knees up into her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her kneecaps. Classic uncomfortable Lynne. “Confused, maybe. I’ve been feeling… weird.”
“Want to talk about it?” he offered.
“No.”
Okay then. “Lynne, is something wrong?” A sudden fear iced the pit of his stomach. He could remember his parents getting terse and cold like this just before they divorced. Was Lynne…
“No.” She stared at the wall for a moment, then amended, “Not really. I mean, my sister called me again, but that’s not exactly wrong, just annoying.”
He relaxed a bit. Lynne’s reckless and rather nasty older sister was familiar and safe conversational ground. “What does she want now?”
Lynne shrugged. “Money? I don’t know. She was strikingly incoherent.”
Probably drunk, Gary thought but diplomatically did not say. “Are you going to call back?”
She snorted. “Not if I can help it. Mom and Dad can deal with Cynthia. I don’t have to anymore.”
“Wise move.” Anything to keep her happy. “So what’s bothering you, then?”
Lynne flung her head back, sending her dark hair tumbling, and snapped, “Nothing, goddamnit. I’m fine.”
Not if she was snapping at him like that, she wasn’t. Was she angry with him? Had he done something horrible, all unknowing? Gary took a deep breath. “Lynne, please don’t yell.”
“I’m not yelling, I’m…” She closed her mouth, took a deep breath of her own. “Fine. I’m yelling. Sorry.”
“Lynne…” She was already moving, getting up and heading for the kitchen, over an untidy pile of Ethan’s toys and closing on the door. Gary got up himself. “Lynne. What’s wrong?”
She wheeled around to face him, framed in the doorway, but didn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t know yet.”
“Yet?” Not promising. An emotional problem? Something he was doing?
Lynne shrugged, still refusing to meet his eyes. “I have an appointment on Tuesday. I’ll tell you after that. If it’s still relevant.”
Oh, God. Was she sick? Gary took two steps forward and took her hand. “Lynne. Please.”
“You’re using my name a lot,” she observed, with a crooked half-smile. “I guess that means you aren’t going to give up nicely.”
“Lynne.”
“Fine,” she said, and sighed. “I think I’m pregnant.”
Gary, who had been expecting much worse, was surprised enough to say the first thing that popped into his head. “What, again?”
Lynne snorted, then giggled, and ended up half-collapsed on his shoulder in a fit of laughter.
Seriously confused, he patted her shoulder until she managed to calm down.
“Yes,” she said, finally. “Again. I’ve only been pregnant twice before, you know. You don’t need to make it sound like it’s been every other week.”
The memory of how her last pregnancy had ended sobered both of them, and Gary kissed her forehead. “I know. I’m sorry, I was just surprised.”
“I’ll say.” She faltered, and looked down again. “Um, in a bad way?”
Gary had to think about that one for a moment, since he hadn’t considered the possibility and as such wasn’t really sure what he was feeling. “No, I don’t think so. Pleasantly surprised. Especially given what else I was thinking.”
She looked at his face for a long moment, then said, “Oh. My turn to apologize. I didn’t think about what you’d be thinking. No, it’s nothing worse than an unexpected baby on board.”
He groaned. "I hate those signs."
"Don't worry," Lynne said. "My friend in the style department says they're on their way out."
"Well, that's something to be grateful for." He hesitated, stroking her back, then asked, “If that’s all, why have you been so tense lately? I mean, we didn’t plan this one, but we’ve been doing fine with Ethan, and I know we can afford another baby.”
Lynne’s shoulders tensed again, and she leaned into him, resting her forehead on his shoulder. She mumbled something that he didn’t quite catch.
“What?”
“I said I don’t want it to end up like last time.”
Blood all over her legs and the sheets and her face pale as paper, the doctor’s solemn words and Ethan, only two, shaking and terrified in his arms… four years, and it still hurt a little. Still terrified her, obviously. Gary kissed her forehead again and held her just a little bit tighter. “It won’t. Not if I can help it.”
She snorted. “Like you had anything to do with it.”
“You didn’t either, Lynne,” he said, as gently as he could. “It wasn’t your fault.”
She said nothing, and they stood for a while, just holding each other.
“Besides,” she said, suddenly, “I’m not even sure that I am pregnant. I’ve only missed one period. I don’t even know why I thought of it.”
“Mm. Well, it’ll be nice to know.” He rubbed a small, soothing circle low on her back, and added, “Even if you aren’t pregnant, I think I’d like another baby. How about you?”
She tilted her head back and squinted up at him, her arms comfortably around his waist now. “Well, my mother has been hinting about giving her more grandbabies to spoil. I’m sure yours has been doing the same.”
He shook his head. “It’s not my mother, it’s Gwen. She wants a niece to bond with over chocolate. Told me so last week. I think she wants to use us as surrogate parents since she's got her hands full with her boys.”
Lynne laughed. “Well, why not. Ethan’s only driving us half-crazy. We might as well go all the way. But tell Gwen she owes us nine months of free childcare.”
“That’s my girl. Commitment to the end. I’ll let her know.” Gary brushed a kiss over her cheek.
She leaned back into him, rested her head on his shoulder. “You know… I am scared. But not that much anymore. Thank you.”
“Always.” He’d missed her. Only a weekend without her really, fully there, and he’d missed her so much. Thank goodness he’d been wrong about her unhappiness; he didn’t think he could have dealt with losing her. “So. About you being pregnant.”
“Mmm?” She lifted her head, but only slightly, her movements slow and relaxed at last, thank God.
“Want to make sure?”
Lynne rolled her eyes. “Men,” she said. “Always with the sex.”
Gary felt bound to defend himself, and gave her his best look of outraged innocence. “I missed being close to you. Is that a problem?”
She considered, then shook her head. “Suppose not. All right.” She gave him that odd little half-smile again. “I love you, you know.”
“Yes,” he said, and smiled back at her. “I do.”
Main Story: In The Heart
Flavors, Toppings and Extras: Pickle 8 (baby on board), cookies 'n' cream 22 (lean), rainbow sprinkles, whipped cream (Clara in utero), malt (Summer Challenge 108: this way no one gets hurt).
Word Count: 1605
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: A portrait of intimacy.
Notes: Written out of spite.
Lynne had been cranky all weekend, tense and terse and generally on edge. Or, well, that wasn’t cranky, because Lynne was rarely cranky-and when she was, it invariably had something to do with politics, and all had been quiet on the western front recently as far as Gary was aware. Perhaps upset was a better word, except she wasn’t really upset either, because if she was upset everyone would have known, and he was the only one who’d picked up on it. Unhappy?
Gary Hawkins watched his wife over the edge of the book he’d been theoretically reading since he put Ethan to bed, and mulled. Her mouth always twisted down at the left corner when she was unhappy, and it wasn’t doing that now. Maybe not unhappy. Uncertain? No, not uncertain; her general air of standoffishness might lend itself to that, but the almost fearful look he’d surprised on her face a couple times did not, nor did the way she’d gotten terse at him.
Hard to tell, anyway, when she sat on the floor like that, cross-legged and hunched over her laptop. Her back had to be hurting her, but she hated working on the couch-it made her feel lazy-and she didn’t have an office at home anymore, not in the six years since Ethan was born. It could just be her back, he supposed, but all weekend...
Well. Just at the moment she probably wasn’t more than frustrated. That frown she was directing at her laptop looked like work gone wrong. Any moment now she would-
“I hate my job,” Lynne announced, and shut her laptop with a decisive click.
There she went. “What’s it done now?” he asked, setting the book aside. He wasn’t getting anywhere anyway. “Did a deadline sneak up on you?”
She shook her head, brushed her dark hair out of her face with a quick, irritated motion. “No. This is the third time my editor’s cut words off my story. If he cuts any more there isn’t going to be a story, just a soundbyte.”
“Mm.” Gary propped his elbow on his knee and set his chin in his hand. “Is that why you’ve been irritated this weekend?”
She shot him a quick, sharp look. “What, exactly, do you mean by that?”
Oops. Sore spot. He backpedaled.
“You haven’t been happy, that’s all. Irritated was the best word I could come up with.”
Lynne looked down again and smiled an odd little half-smile. “Some English teacher you are.”
“That’s what the thesaurus is for.” Her hair was falling in her face again, tangled and dark with sweat at the temples. Gary resisted the urge to get up and brush it back for her-he didn’t think she was in a mood to be touched. She probably didn't want to even be looked at, but she was kind of stuck with that one. “Do you have a better word?” he asked, instead.
Lynne shoved her laptop away and pulled her knees up into her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her kneecaps. Classic uncomfortable Lynne. “Confused, maybe. I’ve been feeling… weird.”
“Want to talk about it?” he offered.
“No.”
Okay then. “Lynne, is something wrong?” A sudden fear iced the pit of his stomach. He could remember his parents getting terse and cold like this just before they divorced. Was Lynne…
“No.” She stared at the wall for a moment, then amended, “Not really. I mean, my sister called me again, but that’s not exactly wrong, just annoying.”
He relaxed a bit. Lynne’s reckless and rather nasty older sister was familiar and safe conversational ground. “What does she want now?”
Lynne shrugged. “Money? I don’t know. She was strikingly incoherent.”
Probably drunk, Gary thought but diplomatically did not say. “Are you going to call back?”
She snorted. “Not if I can help it. Mom and Dad can deal with Cynthia. I don’t have to anymore.”
“Wise move.” Anything to keep her happy. “So what’s bothering you, then?”
Lynne flung her head back, sending her dark hair tumbling, and snapped, “Nothing, goddamnit. I’m fine.”
Not if she was snapping at him like that, she wasn’t. Was she angry with him? Had he done something horrible, all unknowing? Gary took a deep breath. “Lynne, please don’t yell.”
“I’m not yelling, I’m…” She closed her mouth, took a deep breath of her own. “Fine. I’m yelling. Sorry.”
“Lynne…” She was already moving, getting up and heading for the kitchen, over an untidy pile of Ethan’s toys and closing on the door. Gary got up himself. “Lynne. What’s wrong?”
She wheeled around to face him, framed in the doorway, but didn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t know yet.”
“Yet?” Not promising. An emotional problem? Something he was doing?
Lynne shrugged, still refusing to meet his eyes. “I have an appointment on Tuesday. I’ll tell you after that. If it’s still relevant.”
Oh, God. Was she sick? Gary took two steps forward and took her hand. “Lynne. Please.”
“You’re using my name a lot,” she observed, with a crooked half-smile. “I guess that means you aren’t going to give up nicely.”
“Lynne.”
“Fine,” she said, and sighed. “I think I’m pregnant.”
Gary, who had been expecting much worse, was surprised enough to say the first thing that popped into his head. “What, again?”
Lynne snorted, then giggled, and ended up half-collapsed on his shoulder in a fit of laughter.
Seriously confused, he patted her shoulder until she managed to calm down.
“Yes,” she said, finally. “Again. I’ve only been pregnant twice before, you know. You don’t need to make it sound like it’s been every other week.”
The memory of how her last pregnancy had ended sobered both of them, and Gary kissed her forehead. “I know. I’m sorry, I was just surprised.”
“I’ll say.” She faltered, and looked down again. “Um, in a bad way?”
Gary had to think about that one for a moment, since he hadn’t considered the possibility and as such wasn’t really sure what he was feeling. “No, I don’t think so. Pleasantly surprised. Especially given what else I was thinking.”
She looked at his face for a long moment, then said, “Oh. My turn to apologize. I didn’t think about what you’d be thinking. No, it’s nothing worse than an unexpected baby on board.”
He groaned. "I hate those signs."
"Don't worry," Lynne said. "My friend in the style department says they're on their way out."
"Well, that's something to be grateful for." He hesitated, stroking her back, then asked, “If that’s all, why have you been so tense lately? I mean, we didn’t plan this one, but we’ve been doing fine with Ethan, and I know we can afford another baby.”
Lynne’s shoulders tensed again, and she leaned into him, resting her forehead on his shoulder. She mumbled something that he didn’t quite catch.
“What?”
“I said I don’t want it to end up like last time.”
Blood all over her legs and the sheets and her face pale as paper, the doctor’s solemn words and Ethan, only two, shaking and terrified in his arms… four years, and it still hurt a little. Still terrified her, obviously. Gary kissed her forehead again and held her just a little bit tighter. “It won’t. Not if I can help it.”
She snorted. “Like you had anything to do with it.”
“You didn’t either, Lynne,” he said, as gently as he could. “It wasn’t your fault.”
She said nothing, and they stood for a while, just holding each other.
“Besides,” she said, suddenly, “I’m not even sure that I am pregnant. I’ve only missed one period. I don’t even know why I thought of it.”
“Mm. Well, it’ll be nice to know.” He rubbed a small, soothing circle low on her back, and added, “Even if you aren’t pregnant, I think I’d like another baby. How about you?”
She tilted her head back and squinted up at him, her arms comfortably around his waist now. “Well, my mother has been hinting about giving her more grandbabies to spoil. I’m sure yours has been doing the same.”
He shook his head. “It’s not my mother, it’s Gwen. She wants a niece to bond with over chocolate. Told me so last week. I think she wants to use us as surrogate parents since she's got her hands full with her boys.”
Lynne laughed. “Well, why not. Ethan’s only driving us half-crazy. We might as well go all the way. But tell Gwen she owes us nine months of free childcare.”
“That’s my girl. Commitment to the end. I’ll let her know.” Gary brushed a kiss over her cheek.
She leaned back into him, rested her head on his shoulder. “You know… I am scared. But not that much anymore. Thank you.”
“Always.” He’d missed her. Only a weekend without her really, fully there, and he’d missed her so much. Thank goodness he’d been wrong about her unhappiness; he didn’t think he could have dealt with losing her. “So. About you being pregnant.”
“Mmm?” She lifted her head, but only slightly, her movements slow and relaxed at last, thank God.
“Want to make sure?”
Lynne rolled her eyes. “Men,” she said. “Always with the sex.”
Gary felt bound to defend himself, and gave her his best look of outraged innocence. “I missed being close to you. Is that a problem?”
She considered, then shook her head. “Suppose not. All right.” She gave him that odd little half-smile again. “I love you, you know.”
“Yes,” he said, and smiled back at her. “I do.”