Butter Pecan 27, Rocky Road 22: Goodbyes
Title: Goodbyes
Main Story: In the Heart
Flavors, Toppings, Extras: Butter pecan 27 (stinging), rocky road 22 (a meeting place), malt (PFAH: Ivy, Olivia: what you are, what you've meant to me), fresh pineapple (her face, at first just ghostly, turned a whiter shade of pale).
Word Count: 1641
Rating: PG-13 for swearing.
Summary: Ivy went to the restaurant with every intention of hating the girl she was going to meet.
Notes: gdi what is it with me and depressing stories lately. I swear I'll break this trend. Eventually.
WARNING: mentions of suicide.
Ivy went to the restaurant with every intention of hating the girl she was going to meet. She'd been up half the night on the phone with Jake, talking him down from several different metaphorical ledges, and that had left her feeling tired, cranky, and protective. The combination boded ill for Olivia.
She wouldn't, Ivy decided, actually hurt Olivia, first because Jake had asked her not to and second because while she'd been up with Jake, Gina had been up with Olivia, so clearly something was going on here.
Maybe she only needed to slap some sense into the girl and then everything would be fine.
Because really, what the hell was this bullshit? Breaking up with Jake? Jake and Olivia were perfect together, everyone said so. Aaron said so, and Aaron was never wrong about romance (look at Lars and Danny, for heaven's sake). Clearly Olivia was just having a temporary lapse of sanity. Ivy could talk her back to normal, and everything would be okay.
Ivy was pretty sure that this was not, in fact, the case, but she could be deluded if she wanted to be.
Anyway, it was worth a try.
Olivia had beaten her there, but that was not a terrible surprise, since Olivia had beaten everyone to every restaurant as far as Ivy could remember (with a few notable exceptions that she was pretty sure were due to Jake). The other girl sat in a booth in the corner, head down, her hands clenched in her lap, her hair falling all around her face. Ivy had figured out by now that Olivia did that when she didn't want people to be able to read her expression, and right now, she was not impressed.
Therefore, she announced her presence by dropping her giant purse heavily on the table. Olivia jumped, and Ivy felt a mean little spurt of pleasure. "Fine," she said, brusquely. "I'm here. You wanted to talk, talk."
Olivia blinked at her a moment, then seemed to find her voice. "I... I'm going home," she said. "I'm going back to live with my father for a while."
Ivy thawed a little bit at that. She'd been so happy for Olivia, when Gina told her about that reunion. She'd imagined losing her own father for that long and hadn't been able to even guess at how she'd cope. And being so suddenly reunited with him... it must have been like a dream come true.
"Yeah," she said. "I did hear about that." She hesitated, then added, carefully, "I'm glad you found him again."
Olivia tilted her head. "But not that I'm going?" she asked, with rather more shrewdness than Ivy was used to from her. "Well, I'm going. That's done, and it won't change."
"Fantastic for you," Ivy said-- well, snapped, angry at having her early hopes so unceremoniously and finally dashed-- and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms against her chest. "I'm not sure what you want from me, though. If it's approval, you won't get it."
Olivia opened her mouth, and closed it again as the waitress came by their table. "Hiya," she said, and pulled out her pad. "See your friend finally came. You want something to drink?"
"I'm not staying," Ivy said, and almost added, 'and I'm not her friend,' but that would have been unnecessarily cruel, and anyway it wasn't true.
Yet, anyway.
Still, Olivia looked rather hurt at that (why, Ivy didn't know, since she wasn't staying either) and the waitress blinked, looking startled. "All right," she said, slowly, and closed her pad.
"May I have a hot tea, please?" Olivia asked.
"Sure thing, hon. I'll bring it out in a moment," she replied, then gave Ivy another strange look, and left.
"What's her problem?" Ivy muttered.
Olivia, probably wisely, did not answer this. Instead, she looked down again, at her hands still folded in her lap but now white-knuckled. "I know... you probably don't think very well of me right now," she said.
Ivy, despite herself, snorted. "You think?"
"I just want you to know," Olivia continued, more or less ignoring her, "that I didn't want to do this. I didn't. I just...."
Jake rose up before her, his face, the way he'd talked, and Ivy couldn't keep quiet anymore. "Well, isn't that just spiffy for you," she snapped. "You broke his fucking heart. You remember I told you once that we were only friends as long as you were good to Jake? I think it's pretty clear that you're not, right now."
Olivia looked up suddenly; her eyes were blazing in her pale face, her mouth tight. "Do you think this is easy for me?" she demanded. "Do you think I don't know exactly what I'm doing to him? It's not, and I do. But I'm not selfish enough to ask him to wait for me when God only knows how long it's going to take. I'm not fucking good enough for him, Ivy, and I'm not going to tie him to me when he can find someone better."
"Bullshit," Ivy said, succinctly.
Olivia glared at her through eyes full of tears. "Like hell it is."
"Like hell it's not!" she cried. "What the hell's wrong with you, Olivia? You're good enough for him. You're more than good enough for him. You've been good enough for him for the past five years. What the fuck changed?"
"Everything," Olivia replied, with surprising calmness, a calmness that shut Ivy up. "I found that I... am not who I thought I was. I am not nearly as stable or as grownup as I thought I was. I am..." She hesitated, looking down again, but then looked back up and met Ivy's eyes. "I'm still thirteen, in a lot of ways. I want to grow up. I need my father to do that. And I won't ask Jake to wait for me while I do."
"You think that sounds so selfless," Ivy said, but it was halfhearted. She was thinking too hard. "You didn’t hear him last night."
For the briefest moment, Olivia looked as if she'd been slapped. Then her expression smoothed out again. "I did, actually," she said. "I mean, I told him..." She broke off, and looked to the side. It seemed to Ivy as if she was having trouble meeting anyone else's eyes.
"I don't blame you," she said, finally, "if you hate me. I would rather that you didn't, because Gina loves you so much, and I don't want her to have to feel like she's betraying you every time she talks to me. But I don't blame you if you do. Just... please try to understand that... I love Jake. I do. I love him so much that... I don't want him to be unhappy. I don't want him to wait for me, and then discover that he doesn't even like me anymore once I've... I don't want him to wait forever for someone who might not even exist in a few weeks."
"I sure as fuck hope you're speaking metaphorically," Ivy said, holding white-knuckled to her chair's wrought iron arms. "About that not existing part. Because if this is all some sort of elaborate way to make everybody dislike you so you can..." She couldn't even say it.
Fortunately, she didn't need to. The startled expression on Olivia's face answered that question, even if her words hadn't. "God, no!" she exclaimed. "Of course I'm speaking metaphorically. I am not contemplating suicide over this." She paused, and her face went white suddenly. "You don't mean that Jake..."
"No," Ivy said. "No. He's not. He's.... very upset, but not like that."
"Good," she said, emphatically, and leaned forward, both her hands flat on the table. "I've been there, Ivy. I know he's been there too. I know you'll look out for him, and I know you'll take care of him, but for the love of God please make sure he doesn't end up there again."
Ivy lifted her chin, a little startled, and let go of her chair. "I'll try," she said, cautiously. "I can't control his mind or anything. But I'll keep an eye on him."
"Good," Olivia said again, and sat back. "That's... all I really wanted to say. Everything else is just window dressing or justifications. So you can go now, I guess, if you want. I'm done."
"Fine," Ivy said, and snatched her purse as she got up. She was done here. She'd look after Jake since Olivia couldn't be bothered to, and she'd forget about Olivia, and forget that she'd ever bothered with this. Still... something in her hesitated.
She stood by her chair for just a moment, then spoke. "I don't hate you, you know."
Olivia shifted in her seat, then looked up at her. "You don't?"
"No," Ivy said, and the rest came flooding out. "Look, you hurt somebody I care about, and you hurt him very, very badly. You've even hurt Gina a little bit. God knows she'd never tell you and I doubt she even wants you to know, but there it is. But here's the thing. You're still my friend, and I still care about you. I'm pissed as fuck at you, and I don't know when that's going to go away. But I don't hate you." She shrugged, and spread her hands. "For whatever that's worth."
Olivia twisted her hands in her lap for a little, holding Ivy's gaze as she did. Finally, she blinked, and looked down at the table again. "It's worth... a lot," she said. "It's worth enough."
"Good," Ivy said. "What you're doing, I hope it makes you happy. I hope you get what you want."
"It isn't what I want," Olivia said. "It's what I need. But thank you anyway."
Ivy shrugged, uncomfortably, and went on her way.
Main Story: In the Heart
Flavors, Toppings, Extras: Butter pecan 27 (stinging), rocky road 22 (a meeting place), malt (PFAH: Ivy, Olivia: what you are, what you've meant to me), fresh pineapple (her face, at first just ghostly, turned a whiter shade of pale).
Word Count: 1641
Rating: PG-13 for swearing.
Summary: Ivy went to the restaurant with every intention of hating the girl she was going to meet.
Notes: gdi what is it with me and depressing stories lately. I swear I'll break this trend. Eventually.
WARNING: mentions of suicide.
Ivy went to the restaurant with every intention of hating the girl she was going to meet. She'd been up half the night on the phone with Jake, talking him down from several different metaphorical ledges, and that had left her feeling tired, cranky, and protective. The combination boded ill for Olivia.
She wouldn't, Ivy decided, actually hurt Olivia, first because Jake had asked her not to and second because while she'd been up with Jake, Gina had been up with Olivia, so clearly something was going on here.
Maybe she only needed to slap some sense into the girl and then everything would be fine.
Because really, what the hell was this bullshit? Breaking up with Jake? Jake and Olivia were perfect together, everyone said so. Aaron said so, and Aaron was never wrong about romance (look at Lars and Danny, for heaven's sake). Clearly Olivia was just having a temporary lapse of sanity. Ivy could talk her back to normal, and everything would be okay.
Ivy was pretty sure that this was not, in fact, the case, but she could be deluded if she wanted to be.
Anyway, it was worth a try.
Olivia had beaten her there, but that was not a terrible surprise, since Olivia had beaten everyone to every restaurant as far as Ivy could remember (with a few notable exceptions that she was pretty sure were due to Jake). The other girl sat in a booth in the corner, head down, her hands clenched in her lap, her hair falling all around her face. Ivy had figured out by now that Olivia did that when she didn't want people to be able to read her expression, and right now, she was not impressed.
Therefore, she announced her presence by dropping her giant purse heavily on the table. Olivia jumped, and Ivy felt a mean little spurt of pleasure. "Fine," she said, brusquely. "I'm here. You wanted to talk, talk."
Olivia blinked at her a moment, then seemed to find her voice. "I... I'm going home," she said. "I'm going back to live with my father for a while."
Ivy thawed a little bit at that. She'd been so happy for Olivia, when Gina told her about that reunion. She'd imagined losing her own father for that long and hadn't been able to even guess at how she'd cope. And being so suddenly reunited with him... it must have been like a dream come true.
"Yeah," she said. "I did hear about that." She hesitated, then added, carefully, "I'm glad you found him again."
Olivia tilted her head. "But not that I'm going?" she asked, with rather more shrewdness than Ivy was used to from her. "Well, I'm going. That's done, and it won't change."
"Fantastic for you," Ivy said-- well, snapped, angry at having her early hopes so unceremoniously and finally dashed-- and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms against her chest. "I'm not sure what you want from me, though. If it's approval, you won't get it."
Olivia opened her mouth, and closed it again as the waitress came by their table. "Hiya," she said, and pulled out her pad. "See your friend finally came. You want something to drink?"
"I'm not staying," Ivy said, and almost added, 'and I'm not her friend,' but that would have been unnecessarily cruel, and anyway it wasn't true.
Yet, anyway.
Still, Olivia looked rather hurt at that (why, Ivy didn't know, since she wasn't staying either) and the waitress blinked, looking startled. "All right," she said, slowly, and closed her pad.
"May I have a hot tea, please?" Olivia asked.
"Sure thing, hon. I'll bring it out in a moment," she replied, then gave Ivy another strange look, and left.
"What's her problem?" Ivy muttered.
Olivia, probably wisely, did not answer this. Instead, she looked down again, at her hands still folded in her lap but now white-knuckled. "I know... you probably don't think very well of me right now," she said.
Ivy, despite herself, snorted. "You think?"
"I just want you to know," Olivia continued, more or less ignoring her, "that I didn't want to do this. I didn't. I just...."
Jake rose up before her, his face, the way he'd talked, and Ivy couldn't keep quiet anymore. "Well, isn't that just spiffy for you," she snapped. "You broke his fucking heart. You remember I told you once that we were only friends as long as you were good to Jake? I think it's pretty clear that you're not, right now."
Olivia looked up suddenly; her eyes were blazing in her pale face, her mouth tight. "Do you think this is easy for me?" she demanded. "Do you think I don't know exactly what I'm doing to him? It's not, and I do. But I'm not selfish enough to ask him to wait for me when God only knows how long it's going to take. I'm not fucking good enough for him, Ivy, and I'm not going to tie him to me when he can find someone better."
"Bullshit," Ivy said, succinctly.
Olivia glared at her through eyes full of tears. "Like hell it is."
"Like hell it's not!" she cried. "What the hell's wrong with you, Olivia? You're good enough for him. You're more than good enough for him. You've been good enough for him for the past five years. What the fuck changed?"
"Everything," Olivia replied, with surprising calmness, a calmness that shut Ivy up. "I found that I... am not who I thought I was. I am not nearly as stable or as grownup as I thought I was. I am..." She hesitated, looking down again, but then looked back up and met Ivy's eyes. "I'm still thirteen, in a lot of ways. I want to grow up. I need my father to do that. And I won't ask Jake to wait for me while I do."
"You think that sounds so selfless," Ivy said, but it was halfhearted. She was thinking too hard. "You didn’t hear him last night."
For the briefest moment, Olivia looked as if she'd been slapped. Then her expression smoothed out again. "I did, actually," she said. "I mean, I told him..." She broke off, and looked to the side. It seemed to Ivy as if she was having trouble meeting anyone else's eyes.
"I don't blame you," she said, finally, "if you hate me. I would rather that you didn't, because Gina loves you so much, and I don't want her to have to feel like she's betraying you every time she talks to me. But I don't blame you if you do. Just... please try to understand that... I love Jake. I do. I love him so much that... I don't want him to be unhappy. I don't want him to wait for me, and then discover that he doesn't even like me anymore once I've... I don't want him to wait forever for someone who might not even exist in a few weeks."
"I sure as fuck hope you're speaking metaphorically," Ivy said, holding white-knuckled to her chair's wrought iron arms. "About that not existing part. Because if this is all some sort of elaborate way to make everybody dislike you so you can..." She couldn't even say it.
Fortunately, she didn't need to. The startled expression on Olivia's face answered that question, even if her words hadn't. "God, no!" she exclaimed. "Of course I'm speaking metaphorically. I am not contemplating suicide over this." She paused, and her face went white suddenly. "You don't mean that Jake..."
"No," Ivy said. "No. He's not. He's.... very upset, but not like that."
"Good," she said, emphatically, and leaned forward, both her hands flat on the table. "I've been there, Ivy. I know he's been there too. I know you'll look out for him, and I know you'll take care of him, but for the love of God please make sure he doesn't end up there again."
Ivy lifted her chin, a little startled, and let go of her chair. "I'll try," she said, cautiously. "I can't control his mind or anything. But I'll keep an eye on him."
"Good," Olivia said again, and sat back. "That's... all I really wanted to say. Everything else is just window dressing or justifications. So you can go now, I guess, if you want. I'm done."
"Fine," Ivy said, and snatched her purse as she got up. She was done here. She'd look after Jake since Olivia couldn't be bothered to, and she'd forget about Olivia, and forget that she'd ever bothered with this. Still... something in her hesitated.
She stood by her chair for just a moment, then spoke. "I don't hate you, you know."
Olivia shifted in her seat, then looked up at her. "You don't?"
"No," Ivy said, and the rest came flooding out. "Look, you hurt somebody I care about, and you hurt him very, very badly. You've even hurt Gina a little bit. God knows she'd never tell you and I doubt she even wants you to know, but there it is. But here's the thing. You're still my friend, and I still care about you. I'm pissed as fuck at you, and I don't know when that's going to go away. But I don't hate you." She shrugged, and spread her hands. "For whatever that's worth."
Olivia twisted her hands in her lap for a little, holding Ivy's gaze as she did. Finally, she blinked, and looked down at the table again. "It's worth... a lot," she said. "It's worth enough."
"Good," Ivy said. "What you're doing, I hope it makes you happy. I hope you get what you want."
"It isn't what I want," Olivia said. "It's what I need. But thank you anyway."
Ivy shrugged, uncomfortably, and went on her way.