The Extra Long, Extra Unimpressed Order of the Phoenix Movie Review
I wrote this review immediately after watching the OotP movie at the local IMAX last night. I posted it at Harmony Forever, but I thought, since this review was so long, I should probably also post it on LJ for posterity.
Don't mind me. Feel free to skip this, what with all the OotP reviews coming out. :)
Considerable snark, shameless anti-VOMITer humor, and harsh movie reviewing ahead.
NOTE: A VOMITer is a moronic, narrow-minded, pea-brained Heron and/or Choco supporter. While obviously not all Herons and Chocos fall in this category, far too many do.
WARNING: Massive spoilers ahead. This review is not suitable for children under 3, humorless twats, or trolls whose combined IQ rivals that of the common anvil. MoRons and members of the cult of Jenny, who qualify as all of the above, should therefore light themselves on fire and jump into a refreshing pool of gasoline.
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THE INITIAL REVIEW - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Rating: ** (2 out of 5)
Overall, this movie kind of sucked, like a manic-depressive, kleptomaniacal, OBHWF-supporting dementor.
Well, ok, maybe I'm being too harsh, and I'll change my mind tomorrow morning. I admit I had a few drinks before I went into the IMAX theater to watch OotP and...
Naaaaaahhh. The movie sucked like a manic-depressive, kleptomaniacal, OBHWF-supporting dementor DESPITE the alcohol. The movie really has no excuses. Rest assured, this reviewer was perfectly coherent and sober while watching the movie, due to three hours waiting in line before being seated in the theater. I did have full control of my mental faculties.
OVERALL
Aside from being far too short, fast-paced, unemotional, and underwhelming, and aside from focusing too heavily on action sequences and rampant canon butchering, and aside from lacking significant character development for almost all major players (hint: Tag-Along Weaslette is a total waste of screen time), the movie was almost tolerable.
Wait, that was pretty much everything, wasn't it? DARN!
I guess I should elaborate, then. I'll go with the bad points first, then the good, however few there may be. Well, okay, there were some good points. I think.
THE BAD
1. Pacing, Racing, Blurring, Crashing, Burning a.k.a. Huh? The Movie's Over Already?
Of course the longest book in the series couldn't be condensed into the shortest movie of the series. What are those moviemakers? MoRons?
Haha, rhetorical questions, don't you just love them?
Anyway, as I was saying. Before any scene could truly sink into the audience's minds, hearts, and possibly stomachs, the next plot point was ushered in. And then the next. And then the next. It was storytelling by numbers, like watching a grocery list of scenes rushing past.
Dementors? Check. Order of the Phoenix cameo? Check. Hermione intro? Check. Ron? Check. Dumbledore cold shoulder? Check. Umbridge intro? Check. Twins? Check. Etc, etc. Plot point after plodding plot point, with brief, shallow bursts of light humor in between. The audience is given no time to savor, think about, or feel anything about any one scene because the director and screenwriter apparently suffer from filmmaking ADD and graduated from the MTV School of Super-fast-yet-super-cool Film Stitching.
Way to insult your audience, WB.
Perhaps watching it from the perspective of a book reader is a horrible, horrible thing because you end up filling the (many, many) blanks and seeing just how far the movie has fallen compared to the book. If a viewer hasn't read OotP, I imagine the film would speed by like a loud, frenetic, inscrutable, excruciating two-hour flaming train wreck whose only saving graces are the stunning visuals and its brand name, ye Holy Potter of Rowling.
The overall bad pacing/structuring/directing is actually movie!OotP's worst offense, because its inadequate length is THE fundamental flaw that blew the door wide open for the rest of the lowlights.
2. Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings... of Revulsion
One of my main gauges for the quality of a movie is how it affects me emotionally. I'm not a sap, but I'm not a cold-hearted robot either. A good movie should make the average audience feel for the characters. This is Filmmaking 101. OotP did not evoke any real depth of emotion beyond "Haha that's kind of funny/cool/sad ok next plot point Harry Voldemort YARGH", while managing to provoke, among other things, annoyance in certain scenes.
To give you a classic example, I'll compare two emotional high points of movie!GoF and movie!OotP. I felt genuinely sad and sympathetic in GoF in the aftermath of Cedric's death. The direction, the acting, the scripting, the visuals, and the music all worked perfectly together to tug at my heartstrings, leaving me teary-eyed, even though GoF was not that great of a movie overall. By contrast, Sirius's death in OotP, which should have trumped Cedric's by far because Sirius is a freaking MAJOR CHARACTER with actual TIES TO HARRY, just made me shake my head, incredulous and waiting, hoping, praying for something better. But less than a minute after Sirius was gone, I'd forgotten that he'd died because the movie just. Moved. On. That fast. Harry got over Sirius quickly, too, but I guess that one may be JKR's fault, not the screenwriter's.
HBP, anyone?
Extremely disappointing.
3. The Hollywood Canon-Butchering Influence: OotP Got Fake Implants, Donned a Fake Personality, and Killed Mostly Everything That Was Once Good About Itself To Become OotP!Sue
- Aside from Jenny "The Whor--er, Horror" Weasley, Ron's character probably benefited most from the canon butchering. In the book!OotP, he didn't contribute anything major to forward the plot. In this movie, because Quidditch was cut, he got more screen time, and he got a chance to show his friendship with Harry, some backbone, and some humor in completely made up scenes. Lucky you, Ron.
- Meanwhile, I feel terrible for Cho's character. Her role just plain sucked, and she got abuse after abuse piled on with no payoff or visible redemption, from losing her boyfriend, to dating her deceased boyfriend's rival, to becoming the snitch, to being hated by everyone and not even given so much as a pardon at the end. Way to hate on the cute Asian chick, WB. Way to hate.
- Hermione was out of character a number of times, most notably in the Post-Kiss Scene (drawn here in comic form by yours truly) with that amazingly fake laugh--although if that laugh was purposely fake, I applaud David Yates's subtle direction. She was also out of character in almost every instance of her interacting with Ron. Nowhere in canon OotP does Hermione compliment Ron, yet in movie!OotP, she does. She also called Ron "Ronald", when in canon, this was Luna's adorable quirk. I was annoyed.
- There was no intelligent, fiercely passionate life-or-death pre-DoM Sirius debate. Instead, Hermione gave
some feeble, and also notably stupid and pointless protest, which Harry dismissed with the idea to contact Sirius through Umbridge's fireplace.
Smart girl, that Hermione.
- The Trio meeting Grawp really ticked me off. It's amazing how a canonically pro-Harmony sequence was disfigured and reduced into a cesspool of character stupidity. In a situation where Hermione would normally turn to Harry and Harry would normally turn to Hermione, neither one did. Instead, when Grawp (who's quite well animated, by the way) picked up Hermione, Harry stood by like a useless lump while Ron the Comic Sidekick tried to make himself useful. WTF, Harry Potter? Some hero you turned out to be.
If you get to this scene, just watch Harry. I know I was watching Harry because I could not BELIEVE The-Boy-With-A-Saving-People-Thing wasn't doing anything to help one of his best friends. My jaw actually dropped. You can see Daniel Radcliffe acting a little lost here because he doesn't know what to do with himself. Why? Because the director and the script didn't give him anything to work with. Why?
Because the scene makes no sense!
This drives home the fact that in order for OBHWF to happen realistically, Harry and Hermione get 100 IQ points deducted, each. Harmonians already stated this long ago, before time and shipping debates began, and again we are proven 100% correct. Harmony wins, again.
- There's probably a lot more that I've forgotten that I should discuss in this section, but I'd have to go watch the movie again to refresh my memory. Alas, I'm a miserly Asian chick, and I don't want to waste another $12.50 and two hours of my life, so whatever I've forgotten will stay forgotten. Woe.
4. The Whor--er, Horror Emerges
I didn't cover JennySue in the previous section because this character has reserved its own special place in the 13th circle of fictional hell. Note that I have no problem with the actress playing this unfortunate role--the poor girl is just doing her job. The screenwriter and the director are the true culprits here.
As seemingly innocuous as movie!Jenny may be, she's a rash. She's unexpected, irritating, and crawling on your skin for days. She was everywhere, in the background being about as useful as dandruff, just as she is in the books, but her leech-like presence constantly reminded me of the horrific role she's doomed to play in HBP (which I wager will be cut post-Deathly Hallows).
I now can't help but feel both pity and revulsion for the movie version of JennySue, because she's definitely shaping up to be a Sue. Really there was only one JennySue scene, but it was majorly disproportionate to the character's canon role in the movies and books to date. I actually yelled, in the theater, purely out of a knee-jerk, anti-JennySue instinct, "BULLSH*T!" when movie!Jenny destroyed the prophecies with her one ultra-Sue-ish Reducto.
First, it was a dumbass Sue move. Second, in canon, DamselSue knows only one offensive spell, and that's the infamous Bat Bogey Hex, which we've only ever HEARD of in canon but never ever see. So.
That scene? I CALL it bullsh*t. MoRons and Chocolate-Covered Zombeeeees may think they smell flowers, but that doesn't change the fact that their flowers are actually horse excrement.
Well, whatever floats their raft, right?
5. Miscellaneous
- Neville/Luna. Cute, but not anywhere near canon because this is the OBHWF leftover ship. WTF, WB? Have you been reading and believing MoRonet and Leaky Logic? Shame on you!
- Lack of Ron/Luna. WTF, WB? These two are actually cute and funny together. Why not show actual canon scenes of their interactions instead of fabricating scenes with other characters? Shame again!
- Emma Watson: I apologize to any diehard Emma fans out there, but I've got to say it. Her acting skills see-sawed drunkenly between "Good" and "Godawful" at times. She's a gorgeous young actress, and given her incredible chemistry with Daniel Radcliffe, she shines in a few scenes that were played pitch perfect. But her overactive eyebrows got to me after a while, and once you notice the eyebrows, they become impossible to ignore. Her first lines were delivered very awkwardly, too, but beyond that, not much else was problematic, thankfully. Tone down the eyebrows, Emma, and you'll be ok. Start working on those hugs with Daniel, too, because we should be seeing more in the future. ;)
THE GOOD
What, you're still reading this review? I'm so, so sorry. Anyway, just to lift your spirits... here's the positive side!
1. The Cast
- Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge was absolutely sublime. Her scenes were a joy to watch.
- Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood was adorably perfect. Every time she was onscreen, she could do no wrong. Voice, expression, delivery, movement... Great casting choice.
- Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange was creepy, maniacal fun. Her appearances were all too brief and one-dimensional, but that's ok.
- Gary Oldman as Sirius Black was wonderful and heartwarming. I wish Harry had more scenes with Sirius than what was given. This movie was entirely too short and missed quite a few potentially great moments.
- Alan Rickman as Severus Snape rocked all his scenes, as usual. This actor has such a great presence that consumes the entire screen. Or maybe it was because I watched him on IMAX. Whichever.
- Jason Isaacs as Lucius Malfoy was sexy ruthless grace. He made the Death Eaters look competent, instead of being thwarted by those meddling kids--except for the part where the prophecy broke. Oops. Poor Luscious.
- Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort was made of awesome. He's another fun villain, paired perfectly with Bellatrix. One dimensional evildoers unite!
2. The Characters
- The Weasley Twins. Their exit wasn't as grand and exciting as the one written in the books, but I thoroughly enjoyed their appearances.
- Neville. LOVE the boy. Good side character mini development.
3. The Room of Requirement Mirror
I liked the mirror in the Room of Requirement the most, in the Dumbledore's Army scenes. Specifically, I loved that the students put Cedric's picture in there, along with the picture of the old Order of the Phoenix. It gave them some real motivation to learn and to fight.
(In other news, the Cho kiss was awkward.)
4. The Scenes
- The Department of Mysteries Battle Sequence was the movie masterpiece, with good reason. Tons of action, great special effects, Death Eaters popping up everywhere, Lucius pwning Harry, Sirius calling Harry "James" (that was the only part of the movie that made me slightly sad--not even Sirius dying could top that moment), and best of all, Dumbledore vs. Voldemort. That was a showdown for the ages. Unfortunately, it was too short, and throughout it all, Harry looked like such an incompetent idiot that the audience surely cannot help but ask, "How is this kid/loser/dork going to defeat that fully grown, legendary dark wizard?"
With the power of chestmonsterluuuurve, of course!
- All Harry/Sirius scenes were good, but Sirius as a dog was cute. Seriously.
- Snape's worst memory was fantastic. It showed HBP!Harry--oops, I meant Arrogant!James--bullying Snape. Pay attention, Harry. This is you in a few weeks.
- Occlumency lessons were also great because the movie kept showing Harry's memories of Hermione's multiple hugs. Thank you for once, WB, for catering to an audience with the attention span of a gnat.
- Lupin holding Harry back when Sirius died was wonderful. I didn't care for Daniel Radcliffe's acting in that scene, but David Thewlis showed remarkable restraint and subdued emotion in that scene. I was quite impressed and pleased.
5. The Harmony
- What kind of Harmonian would I be if I didn't mention the 12 Grimmauld Place Harry/Hermione hug? Granted, it wasn't as long as the one written in the books, but it was good nonetheless. Besides, if they had filmed it the way Rowling wrote it, Harmony would have been way too obvious.
- What kind of a Harmonian would I be if I didn't mention Hermione picking up Harry's hand and showing incredible concern for him, as usual? Granted, the Murtlap was cut, but something's better than nothing. Besides, if they had filmed it the way Rowling wrote it, Harmony would have been way too obvious.
- What kind of Harmonian would I be if I didn't mention the leading-Umbridge-into-the-forest scene? Granted, it wasn't nearly as awesome as the actual events that occurred in canon leading up to the DoM showdown, but still very agreeable. Besides, if they had filmed it the way Rowling wrote it, Harmony would have been way too obvious.
Hmm... I'm seeing a trend of Harmony moments being toned down or completely cut, here. Two reasons:
a) Filmmakers didn't know who would end up with whom, and so toned down the canon Harmony moments to give other ships wiggle room.
b) Despite OBHWFers trying to argue nonsensically in debates long past that all the scenes in OotP mean nothing, these diluted or omitted OotP H/Hr scenes actually do point to canon Harmony and therefore HAD to be toned down, to give other ships wiggle room.
Hahaha, Your Honor, I rest my case. Either way, Harmony wins, again.
- Hands down, the best, most gorgeous pro-Harmony scene in the entire movie was just after the Weasley Twins' Exit. In the crowd of cheering students, when Harry got the Sirius vision and collapsed, only Hermione saw him. The way this scene was directed showed clearly that Harry was the center of Hermione's world, then and there, and nothing else mattered to her.
This reflects the spirit of canon Harry/Hermione beautifully--Hermione is the only one who sees him as just Harry, the boy, and not Harry, The-Boy-Who-Lived. She's the only one who treats him this way out of everyone he knows.
Brilliantly played.
CONCLUSION
I didn't comment on Harry's overall portrayal because I thought it was just average. Nothing exceptionally good in this movie, just following the book vaguely with token bursts of anger, teenage crushing, hero training, and screwing up. There were many good moments in OotP--certainly enough to keep Harmonian graphic artists happy--but the movie as a whole didn't gel. This, in turn, dragged down my overall enjoyment of the film.
Sorry, Harry. You only get two Harmonious gold stars out of five.
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For a much more satisfying summer blockbuster experience, with a side order of cool nostalgia, go see Transformers instead.
And for a guaranteed quality Potter Harmony experience, read Deathly Hallows next week instead. ;)
Don't mind me. Feel free to skip this, what with all the OotP reviews coming out. :)
Considerable snark, shameless anti-VOMITer humor, and harsh movie reviewing ahead.
NOTE: A VOMITer is a moronic, narrow-minded, pea-brained Heron and/or Choco supporter. While obviously not all Herons and Chocos fall in this category, far too many do.
WARNING: Massive spoilers ahead. This review is not suitable for children under 3, humorless twats, or trolls whose combined IQ rivals that of the common anvil. MoRons and members of the cult of Jenny, who qualify as all of the above, should therefore light themselves on fire and jump into a refreshing pool of gasoline.
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THE INITIAL REVIEW - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Rating: ** (2 out of 5)
Overall, this movie kind of sucked, like a manic-depressive, kleptomaniacal, OBHWF-supporting dementor.
Well, ok, maybe I'm being too harsh, and I'll change my mind tomorrow morning. I admit I had a few drinks before I went into the IMAX theater to watch OotP and...
Naaaaaahhh. The movie sucked like a manic-depressive, kleptomaniacal, OBHWF-supporting dementor DESPITE the alcohol. The movie really has no excuses. Rest assured, this reviewer was perfectly coherent and sober while watching the movie, due to three hours waiting in line before being seated in the theater. I did have full control of my mental faculties.
OVERALL
Aside from being far too short, fast-paced, unemotional, and underwhelming, and aside from focusing too heavily on action sequences and rampant canon butchering, and aside from lacking significant character development for almost all major players (hint: Tag-Along Weaslette is a total waste of screen time), the movie was almost tolerable.
Wait, that was pretty much everything, wasn't it? DARN!
I guess I should elaborate, then. I'll go with the bad points first, then the good, however few there may be. Well, okay, there were some good points. I think.
THE BAD
1. Pacing, Racing, Blurring, Crashing, Burning a.k.a. Huh? The Movie's Over Already?
Of course the longest book in the series couldn't be condensed into the shortest movie of the series. What are those moviemakers? MoRons?
Haha, rhetorical questions, don't you just love them?
Anyway, as I was saying. Before any scene could truly sink into the audience's minds, hearts, and possibly stomachs, the next plot point was ushered in. And then the next. And then the next. It was storytelling by numbers, like watching a grocery list of scenes rushing past.
Dementors? Check. Order of the Phoenix cameo? Check. Hermione intro? Check. Ron? Check. Dumbledore cold shoulder? Check. Umbridge intro? Check. Twins? Check. Etc, etc. Plot point after plodding plot point, with brief, shallow bursts of light humor in between. The audience is given no time to savor, think about, or feel anything about any one scene because the director and screenwriter apparently suffer from filmmaking ADD and graduated from the MTV School of Super-fast-yet-super-cool Film Stitching.
Way to insult your audience, WB.
Perhaps watching it from the perspective of a book reader is a horrible, horrible thing because you end up filling the (many, many) blanks and seeing just how far the movie has fallen compared to the book. If a viewer hasn't read OotP, I imagine the film would speed by like a loud, frenetic, inscrutable, excruciating two-hour flaming train wreck whose only saving graces are the stunning visuals and its brand name, ye Holy Potter of Rowling.
The overall bad pacing/structuring/directing is actually movie!OotP's worst offense, because its inadequate length is THE fundamental flaw that blew the door wide open for the rest of the lowlights.
2. Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings... of Revulsion
One of my main gauges for the quality of a movie is how it affects me emotionally. I'm not a sap, but I'm not a cold-hearted robot either. A good movie should make the average audience feel for the characters. This is Filmmaking 101. OotP did not evoke any real depth of emotion beyond "Haha that's kind of funny/cool/sad ok next plot point Harry Voldemort YARGH", while managing to provoke, among other things, annoyance in certain scenes.
To give you a classic example, I'll compare two emotional high points of movie!GoF and movie!OotP. I felt genuinely sad and sympathetic in GoF in the aftermath of Cedric's death. The direction, the acting, the scripting, the visuals, and the music all worked perfectly together to tug at my heartstrings, leaving me teary-eyed, even though GoF was not that great of a movie overall. By contrast, Sirius's death in OotP, which should have trumped Cedric's by far because Sirius is a freaking MAJOR CHARACTER with actual TIES TO HARRY, just made me shake my head, incredulous and waiting, hoping, praying for something better. But less than a minute after Sirius was gone, I'd forgotten that he'd died because the movie just. Moved. On. That fast. Harry got over Sirius quickly, too, but I guess that one may be JKR's fault, not the screenwriter's.
HBP, anyone?
Extremely disappointing.
3. The Hollywood Canon-Butchering Influence: OotP Got Fake Implants, Donned a Fake Personality, and Killed Mostly Everything That Was Once Good About Itself To Become OotP!Sue
- Aside from Jenny "The Whor--er, Horror" Weasley, Ron's character probably benefited most from the canon butchering. In the book!OotP, he didn't contribute anything major to forward the plot. In this movie, because Quidditch was cut, he got more screen time, and he got a chance to show his friendship with Harry, some backbone, and some humor in completely made up scenes. Lucky you, Ron.
- Meanwhile, I feel terrible for Cho's character. Her role just plain sucked, and she got abuse after abuse piled on with no payoff or visible redemption, from losing her boyfriend, to dating her deceased boyfriend's rival, to becoming the snitch, to being hated by everyone and not even given so much as a pardon at the end. Way to hate on the cute Asian chick, WB. Way to hate.
- Hermione was out of character a number of times, most notably in the Post-Kiss Scene (drawn here in comic form by yours truly) with that amazingly fake laugh--although if that laugh was purposely fake, I applaud David Yates's subtle direction. She was also out of character in almost every instance of her interacting with Ron. Nowhere in canon OotP does Hermione compliment Ron, yet in movie!OotP, she does. She also called Ron "Ronald", when in canon, this was Luna's adorable quirk. I was annoyed.
- There was no intelligent, fiercely passionate life-or-death pre-DoM Sirius debate. Instead, Hermione gave
some feeble, and also notably stupid and pointless protest, which Harry dismissed with the idea to contact Sirius through Umbridge's fireplace.
Smart girl, that Hermione.
- The Trio meeting Grawp really ticked me off. It's amazing how a canonically pro-Harmony sequence was disfigured and reduced into a cesspool of character stupidity. In a situation where Hermione would normally turn to Harry and Harry would normally turn to Hermione, neither one did. Instead, when Grawp (who's quite well animated, by the way) picked up Hermione, Harry stood by like a useless lump while Ron the Comic Sidekick tried to make himself useful. WTF, Harry Potter? Some hero you turned out to be.
If you get to this scene, just watch Harry. I know I was watching Harry because I could not BELIEVE The-Boy-With-A-Saving-People-Thing wasn't doing anything to help one of his best friends. My jaw actually dropped. You can see Daniel Radcliffe acting a little lost here because he doesn't know what to do with himself. Why? Because the director and the script didn't give him anything to work with. Why?
Because the scene makes no sense!
This drives home the fact that in order for OBHWF to happen realistically, Harry and Hermione get 100 IQ points deducted, each. Harmonians already stated this long ago, before time and shipping debates began, and again we are proven 100% correct. Harmony wins, again.
- There's probably a lot more that I've forgotten that I should discuss in this section, but I'd have to go watch the movie again to refresh my memory. Alas, I'm a miserly Asian chick, and I don't want to waste another $12.50 and two hours of my life, so whatever I've forgotten will stay forgotten. Woe.
4. The Whor--er, Horror Emerges
I didn't cover JennySue in the previous section because this character has reserved its own special place in the 13th circle of fictional hell. Note that I have no problem with the actress playing this unfortunate role--the poor girl is just doing her job. The screenwriter and the director are the true culprits here.
As seemingly innocuous as movie!Jenny may be, she's a rash. She's unexpected, irritating, and crawling on your skin for days. She was everywhere, in the background being about as useful as dandruff, just as she is in the books, but her leech-like presence constantly reminded me of the horrific role she's doomed to play in HBP (which I wager will be cut post-Deathly Hallows).
I now can't help but feel both pity and revulsion for the movie version of JennySue, because she's definitely shaping up to be a Sue. Really there was only one JennySue scene, but it was majorly disproportionate to the character's canon role in the movies and books to date. I actually yelled, in the theater, purely out of a knee-jerk, anti-JennySue instinct, "BULLSH*T!" when movie!Jenny destroyed the prophecies with her one ultra-Sue-ish Reducto.
First, it was a dumbass Sue move. Second, in canon, DamselSue knows only one offensive spell, and that's the infamous Bat Bogey Hex, which we've only ever HEARD of in canon but never ever see. So.
That scene? I CALL it bullsh*t. MoRons and Chocolate-Covered Zombeeeees may think they smell flowers, but that doesn't change the fact that their flowers are actually horse excrement.
Well, whatever floats their raft, right?
5. Miscellaneous
- Neville/Luna. Cute, but not anywhere near canon because this is the OBHWF leftover ship. WTF, WB? Have you been reading and believing MoRonet and Leaky Logic? Shame on you!
- Lack of Ron/Luna. WTF, WB? These two are actually cute and funny together. Why not show actual canon scenes of their interactions instead of fabricating scenes with other characters? Shame again!
- Emma Watson: I apologize to any diehard Emma fans out there, but I've got to say it. Her acting skills see-sawed drunkenly between "Good" and "Godawful" at times. She's a gorgeous young actress, and given her incredible chemistry with Daniel Radcliffe, she shines in a few scenes that were played pitch perfect. But her overactive eyebrows got to me after a while, and once you notice the eyebrows, they become impossible to ignore. Her first lines were delivered very awkwardly, too, but beyond that, not much else was problematic, thankfully. Tone down the eyebrows, Emma, and you'll be ok. Start working on those hugs with Daniel, too, because we should be seeing more in the future. ;)
THE GOOD
What, you're still reading this review? I'm so, so sorry. Anyway, just to lift your spirits... here's the positive side!
1. The Cast
- Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge was absolutely sublime. Her scenes were a joy to watch.
- Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood was adorably perfect. Every time she was onscreen, she could do no wrong. Voice, expression, delivery, movement... Great casting choice.
- Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange was creepy, maniacal fun. Her appearances were all too brief and one-dimensional, but that's ok.
- Gary Oldman as Sirius Black was wonderful and heartwarming. I wish Harry had more scenes with Sirius than what was given. This movie was entirely too short and missed quite a few potentially great moments.
- Alan Rickman as Severus Snape rocked all his scenes, as usual. This actor has such a great presence that consumes the entire screen. Or maybe it was because I watched him on IMAX. Whichever.
- Jason Isaacs as Lucius Malfoy was sexy ruthless grace. He made the Death Eaters look competent, instead of being thwarted by those meddling kids--except for the part where the prophecy broke. Oops. Poor Luscious.
- Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort was made of awesome. He's another fun villain, paired perfectly with Bellatrix. One dimensional evildoers unite!
2. The Characters
- The Weasley Twins. Their exit wasn't as grand and exciting as the one written in the books, but I thoroughly enjoyed their appearances.
- Neville. LOVE the boy. Good side character mini development.
3. The Room of Requirement Mirror
I liked the mirror in the Room of Requirement the most, in the Dumbledore's Army scenes. Specifically, I loved that the students put Cedric's picture in there, along with the picture of the old Order of the Phoenix. It gave them some real motivation to learn and to fight.
(In other news, the Cho kiss was awkward.)
4. The Scenes
- The Department of Mysteries Battle Sequence was the movie masterpiece, with good reason. Tons of action, great special effects, Death Eaters popping up everywhere, Lucius pwning Harry, Sirius calling Harry "James" (that was the only part of the movie that made me slightly sad--not even Sirius dying could top that moment), and best of all, Dumbledore vs. Voldemort. That was a showdown for the ages. Unfortunately, it was too short, and throughout it all, Harry looked like such an incompetent idiot that the audience surely cannot help but ask, "How is this kid/loser/dork going to defeat that fully grown, legendary dark wizard?"
With the power of chestmonsterluuuurve, of course!
- All Harry/Sirius scenes were good, but Sirius as a dog was cute. Seriously.
- Snape's worst memory was fantastic. It showed HBP!Harry--oops, I meant Arrogant!James--bullying Snape. Pay attention, Harry. This is you in a few weeks.
- Occlumency lessons were also great because the movie kept showing Harry's memories of Hermione's multiple hugs. Thank you for once, WB, for catering to an audience with the attention span of a gnat.
- Lupin holding Harry back when Sirius died was wonderful. I didn't care for Daniel Radcliffe's acting in that scene, but David Thewlis showed remarkable restraint and subdued emotion in that scene. I was quite impressed and pleased.
5. The Harmony
- What kind of Harmonian would I be if I didn't mention the 12 Grimmauld Place Harry/Hermione hug? Granted, it wasn't as long as the one written in the books, but it was good nonetheless. Besides, if they had filmed it the way Rowling wrote it, Harmony would have been way too obvious.
- What kind of a Harmonian would I be if I didn't mention Hermione picking up Harry's hand and showing incredible concern for him, as usual? Granted, the Murtlap was cut, but something's better than nothing. Besides, if they had filmed it the way Rowling wrote it, Harmony would have been way too obvious.
- What kind of Harmonian would I be if I didn't mention the leading-Umbridge-into-the-forest scene? Granted, it wasn't nearly as awesome as the actual events that occurred in canon leading up to the DoM showdown, but still very agreeable. Besides, if they had filmed it the way Rowling wrote it, Harmony would have been way too obvious.
Hmm... I'm seeing a trend of Harmony moments being toned down or completely cut, here. Two reasons:
a) Filmmakers didn't know who would end up with whom, and so toned down the canon Harmony moments to give other ships wiggle room.
b) Despite OBHWFers trying to argue nonsensically in debates long past that all the scenes in OotP mean nothing, these diluted or omitted OotP H/Hr scenes actually do point to canon Harmony and therefore HAD to be toned down, to give other ships wiggle room.
Hahaha, Your Honor, I rest my case. Either way, Harmony wins, again.
- Hands down, the best, most gorgeous pro-Harmony scene in the entire movie was just after the Weasley Twins' Exit. In the crowd of cheering students, when Harry got the Sirius vision and collapsed, only Hermione saw him. The way this scene was directed showed clearly that Harry was the center of Hermione's world, then and there, and nothing else mattered to her.
This reflects the spirit of canon Harry/Hermione beautifully--Hermione is the only one who sees him as just Harry, the boy, and not Harry, The-Boy-Who-Lived. She's the only one who treats him this way out of everyone he knows.
Brilliantly played.
CONCLUSION
I didn't comment on Harry's overall portrayal because I thought it was just average. Nothing exceptionally good in this movie, just following the book vaguely with token bursts of anger, teenage crushing, hero training, and screwing up. There were many good moments in OotP--certainly enough to keep Harmonian graphic artists happy--but the movie as a whole didn't gel. This, in turn, dragged down my overall enjoyment of the film.
Sorry, Harry. You only get two Harmonious gold stars out of five.
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For a much more satisfying summer blockbuster experience, with a side order of cool nostalgia, go see Transformers instead.
And for a guaranteed quality Potter Harmony experience, read Deathly Hallows next week instead. ;)