(no subject)
i scare myself with the fact that i think this, because its barely been a month; i think i maybe falling in love with him.
yesterday was perfect and dreadful, and i miss him a lot. yesterday is also a very long
on friday night he text me asking if i wanted to go to barbie's party, but i said no because i was going to see 4ft fingers. but then in the morning i had a messege from him saying did i want to hang out in the afternoon, cos he has jamie going round. so as i was finishing work early anyway, i got the bus to mikes. it was so brilliant, we just sat on his sofa holding hands, we watched baseketball, and then made out and shit. then suzan text me to say she wasnt allowed to go the gig, so mike was like "well thats cool, you can come to barbie's now". the two of us were all curled up laying on his sofa and it was so cute. that boy is physically perfect, with most people there is always something, even something small about their appearence that i'd want to change. but not mike, everything about him and his body is just amazing. so much about him is amazing, i realised this when we were all snuggled up; that although he doesnt always make effort and isnt the most 'attentive' of boyfriends, he's the first boy i didnt give up on after a week, he's the first boy i can kiss and hold and it feels right, he never makes me feel pressured or uncomfortable, he's just so gentle and slow. he's amazing in so many ways, but i dont realise because i'm always too busy worrying about the less amazing things about him. im so lucky to have him, and to be able to spend time with him. its so brilliant fancying the fucking pants off of some one and knowing that you can kiss them, almost whenever. that my friends is amazing.
so mike and i were just lying there, not talking too much, but enjoying the silence. then jamie turns up and ruins it all, he makes me feel uncomfortable around mike and i think mike gets that too, cos jamie knows mike and i separatly but not together, so it just feels weird being with him infront of jamie. anywho, we watched the reel big fish dvd (ho ho ho), and they played bass/guitar the whole way through. i was feeling really left out, just sitting there fake smiling pretending not to be bored. then mike got hungry so jamie drove us to burger king, i suppose it was kinda fun, jamie's a mad driver and we had the windows down and reel big fish blasting out of the stereo, i still felt kinda left out though. cos i was just in the back of the car, and there were up front singing etc. we got back to mikes, and i ate my one piece of food for the whole day: a yellow fondant fancy, we watched the rest of rbf dvd, and the boys ate. but mike didnt have any tomatoes so i didnt. anyway then their friend adam came round and things got better, cos mike didnt ignore me anymore. and then jamie went to pick up cecil and dale, it was cool when it as just mike, adam and i. cos mike kept reaching for my hand and stuff, i do love holding hands with him, its always been one of my favourite things about seeing him, ever since that night in the cinema, i could hold hands with him forever. so jamie was gone ages cos cecil was being long, eventually he came back to mikes, picked the three of us up and then picked up their friend joe/steve, and we went to by alcohol, then he took us to barbie's flat.
barbie is so cute and really nice aswell, she's one of those crazy girls who talks all this random shit, but is real funny. mike was ok at the party, he was drinking a lot and smoking and stuff, but he held my hand the whole time, and then when cecil and dale turned up i was ok cos i know those dudes well.
then my mum calls: she'd said before that if i tried to get home, but couldnt then i could stay at mikes, and mike was cool with it. but she was being so gay, she was like "you must come home now!", and when i spoke to my dad he was even crazier. i called mike out into the hall, and we just stood around, talking. i felt so bad, i felt like such a fucking kid, i know he has that age thing flying about his head anyway, and this just accentuated the fact that im young, i hate how it keeps coming up. so we were just standing in the hall hugging, and we had this really perfect kiss, it was perfect except from he was holding his drink and when he finally put it down some one walked past. but it was so nice, he tasted all lilty and fruity it was lovely, it was like the perfect last kiss of the night. so then he asked jamie if he could take me home, jamie said we had to wait for his brother to get there and then he would. so mike and i just sat about holding hands.
then jamie took me home, mike came with us and held my hand so tight the whole way back to mine.
<33
he text me when he got back (01.00) asking if i was ok, i replyed at 03.00, and the he replyed again at about 07.45, but then when i text back he didnt, so as usual im getting :-(, he said he'd speak to me tomorrow in the car, so im hoping he'll call or something. if not i will call him tomorrow. i know he does like me, i just miss him a lot, and things like last night worry me that they will make him change his mind, but the thing is, if he didnt theres a lot he wouldnt do. i think as i get more into the relationship and we start to realise what each other is like it will get easier and i'll start feeling more secure and miss him less. i think i just miss him because i'm so used to not seeing boys again or not hearing from them, that i dont really know how to deal with something more long term.
oh well. im going to go and try to work now, sorry about the length of this. i know if you care you'll read it.
<3
yesterday was perfect and dreadful, and i miss him a lot. yesterday is also a very long
on friday night he text me asking if i wanted to go to barbie's party, but i said no because i was going to see 4ft fingers. but then in the morning i had a messege from him saying did i want to hang out in the afternoon, cos he has jamie going round. so as i was finishing work early anyway, i got the bus to mikes. it was so brilliant, we just sat on his sofa holding hands, we watched baseketball, and then made out and shit. then suzan text me to say she wasnt allowed to go the gig, so mike was like "well thats cool, you can come to barbie's now". the two of us were all curled up laying on his sofa and it was so cute. that boy is physically perfect, with most people there is always something, even something small about their appearence that i'd want to change. but not mike, everything about him and his body is just amazing. so much about him is amazing, i realised this when we were all snuggled up; that although he doesnt always make effort and isnt the most 'attentive' of boyfriends, he's the first boy i didnt give up on after a week, he's the first boy i can kiss and hold and it feels right, he never makes me feel pressured or uncomfortable, he's just so gentle and slow. he's amazing in so many ways, but i dont realise because i'm always too busy worrying about the less amazing things about him. im so lucky to have him, and to be able to spend time with him. its so brilliant fancying the fucking pants off of some one and knowing that you can kiss them, almost whenever. that my friends is amazing.
so mike and i were just lying there, not talking too much, but enjoying the silence. then jamie turns up and ruins it all, he makes me feel uncomfortable around mike and i think mike gets that too, cos jamie knows mike and i separatly but not together, so it just feels weird being with him infront of jamie. anywho, we watched the reel big fish dvd (ho ho ho), and they played bass/guitar the whole way through. i was feeling really left out, just sitting there fake smiling pretending not to be bored. then mike got hungry so jamie drove us to burger king, i suppose it was kinda fun, jamie's a mad driver and we had the windows down and reel big fish blasting out of the stereo, i still felt kinda left out though. cos i was just in the back of the car, and there were up front singing etc. we got back to mikes, and i ate my one piece of food for the whole day: a yellow fondant fancy, we watched the rest of rbf dvd, and the boys ate. but mike didnt have any tomatoes so i didnt. anyway then their friend adam came round and things got better, cos mike didnt ignore me anymore. and then jamie went to pick up cecil and dale, it was cool when it as just mike, adam and i. cos mike kept reaching for my hand and stuff, i do love holding hands with him, its always been one of my favourite things about seeing him, ever since that night in the cinema, i could hold hands with him forever. so jamie was gone ages cos cecil was being long, eventually he came back to mikes, picked the three of us up and then picked up their friend joe/steve, and we went to by alcohol, then he took us to barbie's flat.
barbie is so cute and really nice aswell, she's one of those crazy girls who talks all this random shit, but is real funny. mike was ok at the party, he was drinking a lot and smoking and stuff, but he held my hand the whole time, and then when cecil and dale turned up i was ok cos i know those dudes well.
then my mum calls: she'd said before that if i tried to get home, but couldnt then i could stay at mikes, and mike was cool with it. but she was being so gay, she was like "you must come home now!", and when i spoke to my dad he was even crazier. i called mike out into the hall, and we just stood around, talking. i felt so bad, i felt like such a fucking kid, i know he has that age thing flying about his head anyway, and this just accentuated the fact that im young, i hate how it keeps coming up. so we were just standing in the hall hugging, and we had this really perfect kiss, it was perfect except from he was holding his drink and when he finally put it down some one walked past. but it was so nice, he tasted all lilty and fruity it was lovely, it was like the perfect last kiss of the night. so then he asked jamie if he could take me home, jamie said we had to wait for his brother to get there and then he would. so mike and i just sat about holding hands.
then jamie took me home, mike came with us and held my hand so tight the whole way back to mine.
<33
he text me when he got back (01.00) asking if i was ok, i replyed at 03.00, and the he replyed again at about 07.45, but then when i text back he didnt, so as usual im getting :-(, he said he'd speak to me tomorrow in the car, so im hoping he'll call or something. if not i will call him tomorrow. i know he does like me, i just miss him a lot, and things like last night worry me that they will make him change his mind, but the thing is, if he didnt theres a lot he wouldnt do. i think as i get more into the relationship and we start to realise what each other is like it will get easier and i'll start feeling more secure and miss him less. i think i just miss him because i'm so used to not seeing boys again or not hearing from them, that i dont really know how to deal with something more long term.
oh well. im going to go and try to work now, sorry about the length of this. i know if you care you'll read it.
<3