Comments | rustehroll: Heart's Empire: Prologue

rustehroll

Heart's Empire: Prologue

Mar 11, 2007 03:31

Title: Heart's Empire: Prologue
Fandom: FFXII
Characters: Larsa, Ensemble
Rating: PG
Format: Chaptered
Status: Complete, polished, spellchecked.
Words: 1310
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of characters or games, only themes within.
Summary: Small scene from FFXII, set right before the Golmore Jungle
Author's Note: Sometimes you write, and you ( Read more... )

Comments 8

lassarina March 11 2007, 16:54:51 UTC

I love Larsa's voice here, and the little conversation with Balthier at the end. ♥ It's very sweet and poignant.

A couple of little typos I caught while I was reading: "The rest of him though that..." should be "thought" (First paragraph)

Second paragraph: "Would Vayne thing it was?" should probably be "think."

rustehroll March 13 2007, 00:29:38 UTC

Thank you very much, again, for your feedback. I hope you found everyone to be incharacter -- ensemble is always difficult.

AND THANKS LOTS for the typo corrections!!oneone ;)

noahlondon March 12 2007, 01:52:28 UTC

Great start! Everyone is in character. I especially enjoyed the, "and Larsa began braiding her hair back up again, hoping to be unsuccessful as many times as possible," part.

rustehroll March 13 2007, 00:31:10 UTC

Yeah that's one of my favourite parts too >> don't you think Larsa can be sneaky?

mariagoner March 12 2007, 06:01:05 UTC

Oh, this is a brilliant start to what I can tell is going to be a very interesting series. ;) I love how you begin with Larsa's POV and sustain it so tensely throughout the entire episode that we see through his eyes. The way you touch upon his thoughts on empire, his ideas of what a man of House Solidor ought to act like and his, ah, regard for, and fear surrounding, Penelo is both funny, touching and almost kind of... sexy...

Her words were more teasing than sharp, and Larsa began braiding her hair back up again, hoping to be unsuccessful as many times as possible. Or at least as many times before she became frustrated with him. Then he would do it correctly.

Funny!

"Thank you Larsa," she said, leaning up and forwards to kiss his cheek. Penelo pulled away to settle down besides Vaan, curling up against her childhood friend, and slowly blossoming sweetheart, Larsa thought with a pang.

Touching!

This was the empire, his final fading thoughts were, and he meant to make her his empress.

Heh, this is totally the sexy part, despite ( ... )

rustehroll March 13 2007, 00:37:59 UTC

I'm glad you liked it! I've been thinking about you when I've been working on this story :P a lot of it is your fault without even knowing it. Ha ha! I blame you.

Larsa is sexy in his own way >> but he's also a tiny bit of a brat! :P

Balthier and Larsa fighting it out.... I'm not even sure who would win.

mariagoner March 13 2007, 01:46:17 UTC

Hah, OMG, really? I'm not quite sure what I did but I'm glad I did it-- this fic is definitely on my must-read now! XD

And yeah, Larsa at 12 is interesting because he balances being a miniature adult and being a bit of an imperious brat in canon. It'd be interesting to see how he grows up...

...And personally, in a Balthier vs. Larsa cage match, I put my money on Larsa. He's got an empire backing him up AND a hot-daddy complex on the works. And Balthier... has his ship, his quips and a growing mid-section. Though maybe that's just my L/P bias talking here. ;)

owlmoose March 13 2007, 02:29:46 UTC

I like how you catch all the voices here, Balthier's and Fran's especially, but everyone sounds true to themselves. (Fran's last line is a keeper; I can just hear her saying it.) And Larsa's thoughts about how this is the Empire, and he wants to protect it and make it a good place, are a really interesting way of looking at it, and his conflicted feelings about wishing Basch and Ashe well. It's an excellent little slice by itself and I look forward to seeing how to leads into a longer story.