Comments | rustehroll: Heart's Empire: Chapter One

rustehroll

Heart's Empire: Chapter One

Mar 11, 2007 06:02

Title: Heart's Empire: Chapter One
Fandom: FFXII
Characters: Larsa, Penelo, Balthier, Fran
Warnings: Light sexual themes in the beginning, fading to adult content towards the end.
Format: Chaptered
Status: Complete, polished, spellchecked.
Words: 3558
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of characters or games, only themes within.
Summary: Set ( Read more... )

Comments 4

(The comment has been removed)

rustehroll March 11 2007, 13:27:40 UTC

I'm really glad you like it! I like it too :P Hah, although maybe that's a given.

I was worried the conversation between Balthier and Penelo was a bit much, so you've reassured me.

SUSPICIONS, YOU SAY. Why ever so? ;)

lassarina March 11 2007, 17:04:01 UTC

Heee. You've done a really great job with the banter between all of the characters here. I like Lissara a lot, too :)

Once more, a couple of little typos:

"Surely they had gotten used to the idea of him not obeying their every desire since he took the reigns of the empire" This would be reins.

"Her back arch and she shrieked," Should be "arched."

"The smile that spread across her face was worth and distress his absence " "and" should probably be "any"?

rustehroll March 11 2007, 20:02:59 UTC

Thanks! I'm nervous about introducing an OC, but since she won't exactly be playing a central role (and pffft, an excuse to play with hotfather!Larsa, um, could I pass that up? NO.), I didn't think it'd be a big deal. Glad she's enjoyable to read.

And thanks lots for catching the typos. :P I am lazy and must rely on your kindness. Thanks. :)

mariagoner March 12 2007, 06:09:07 UTC

Oooh, I am really interested in seeing this series further develop. Coming in from the prologue, I love how tightly you've wound everything in the plot together-- from the news of Larsa's first marriage to the (adorable!) daughter that was produced from it, from the beginnings of Penelo's doomed relationship with Vaan to her current "relationship" with Balthier, from the first converstion between Baltheir and Larsa (where the former wished the latter luck with Penelo!) to their possible future state of sexual rivalry.

Everything coheres and flows beautifully from the first part (which I loved greatly!) and I can't wait to see what Larsa's reaction to Penelo being in Archades-- in the very seat of his power!-- will be. Surely four years is enough for him to forget his wife and start looking for a new woman in his life... especially if said new woman is someone he's probably harbored feelings for before, right? ;)