120405
I can be surrounded by a sea of people in this fandom.
And still feel alone.
I don't really expect anyone to conform to my way of thinking, or to understand how I feel.
Its easy to assume I'm being overly dramatic about things that happen in fandom, or being sensitive.
Its okay to dismiss the things I'm upset about as trivial, a phase that teenagers go through.
I don't expect you to feel the same way I do about my fandoms.
Yes, I felt bitter about Evolution. Of course I would. I paid so much just to be part of their first ever concert, only to find out that they did so much more for their encore concert. Does that make sense? I thought it didn't. Why give the members solos in the encore concert? I felt cheated, I still do. I don't have anything against them holding an encore concert, and I'm happy they did, so my friends who missed the previous one could go be part of this experience.
I feel bitter because I feel that I give so much more, only to get nothing in return.
I don't ask for anything, but come on, wouldn't it feel so great to have a little something?
Don't mistake my bitterness for arrogance. I know I'm not the only one who gives so much for Infinite.
I'm not great. I'm just another fan.
I try to be great. I really do. But all my enthusiasm and optimism often shrinks into misery.
What for? I ask myself. What for am I doing this?
All for the belief that I will, someday get something.
I don't know what I'm expecting, but something.
Something that would make me go, "Oh, this is what I did everything for."
That belief is fading, not unlike my optimism and enthusiasm that shone so brightly before.
Shirking these obligations.. Would they make me happier?
Sometimes, I really don't know why I'm in this. What I'm in this for.
"힘들 때 함께 힘들고, 혼자 울지말고 저희랑 함께 같이 울었으면 해요."
"인스피릿 함께 끝까지 같이 가고싶어요"
"인스피릿 있어서 인피니트 있어요"
그런 말을 다시 말하지마세요.
With these words, you give me such hope, making me hold out for something more.
Nowadays I fear that the hope I got was actually made up in my head.
Do you really care?
"성규오빠 그렇게 사람을 아나에요"
"동우오빠 알수있죠."
"성열오빠의 말을 믿고있다."
I have grown to believe that I can't afford to think like that anymore.
And with that, I am no longer who I was a year ago in this fandom.
And still feel alone.
I don't really expect anyone to conform to my way of thinking, or to understand how I feel.
Its easy to assume I'm being overly dramatic about things that happen in fandom, or being sensitive.
Its okay to dismiss the things I'm upset about as trivial, a phase that teenagers go through.
I don't expect you to feel the same way I do about my fandoms.
Yes, I felt bitter about Evolution. Of course I would. I paid so much just to be part of their first ever concert, only to find out that they did so much more for their encore concert. Does that make sense? I thought it didn't. Why give the members solos in the encore concert? I felt cheated, I still do. I don't have anything against them holding an encore concert, and I'm happy they did, so my friends who missed the previous one could go be part of this experience.
I feel bitter because I feel that I give so much more, only to get nothing in return.
I don't ask for anything, but come on, wouldn't it feel so great to have a little something?
Don't mistake my bitterness for arrogance. I know I'm not the only one who gives so much for Infinite.
I'm not great. I'm just another fan.
I try to be great. I really do. But all my enthusiasm and optimism often shrinks into misery.
What for? I ask myself. What for am I doing this?
All for the belief that I will, someday get something.
I don't know what I'm expecting, but something.
Something that would make me go, "Oh, this is what I did everything for."
That belief is fading, not unlike my optimism and enthusiasm that shone so brightly before.
Shirking these obligations.. Would they make me happier?
Sometimes, I really don't know why I'm in this. What I'm in this for.
"힘들 때 함께 힘들고, 혼자 울지말고 저희랑 함께 같이 울었으면 해요."
"인스피릿 함께 끝까지 같이 가고싶어요"
"인스피릿 있어서 인피니트 있어요"
그런 말을 다시 말하지마세요.
With these words, you give me such hope, making me hold out for something more.
Nowadays I fear that the hope I got was actually made up in my head.
Do you really care?
"성규오빠 그렇게 사람을 아나에요"
"동우오빠 알수있죠."
"성열오빠의 말을 믿고있다."
I have grown to believe that I can't afford to think like that anymore.
And with that, I am no longer who I was a year ago in this fandom.