It All Came Tumbling Down chapter (50/?)
Title: It All Came Tumbling Down
Warnings: Some mature content used. AU but some material from all seasons
Characters: Kara/Lee of course!! some Karl/Sharon and all cast appear
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters unfortunately they belong to to Ron Moore and Universal. I'm just borrowing their brilliance!
***
AN: It’s actually been a long time since I’ve watched Maelstrom so I’ve made it up myself… ;-)
Chapter 50
She could feel the swirling storm drawing her in, urging her to keep going until the pressures on her viper were too great and tore her apart. But the thrall was too much for her, the colourful pattern of yellow, red and blue that had haunted her every footsteps, was too powerful to pull away from. This was the end of her life, scattered amongst the stars, the light blinding her eyes as peace and resignation overtook her.
“Kara,” she could hear Lee say from afar.
“It’s okay,” she replied as she let go of all the fear from her past, embracing the light. “I’m not afraid.”
“Kara!”
“I’ll see you on the other side,” was the last thing she said before the light swarmed around her, her viper buckling under the pressure and fracturing in a ball of flame.
The only sounds that remained in the light were Lee’s shouts of “no!” as she headed off into the unknown, the pain etched in his voice.
Lee jerked awake violently from his dream as he felt the tap on his arm, shaking him back into consciousness. He felt stiff and groggy as he sat up in the uncomfortable chair, his heart hammering in his chest. It took him a few moments to remember where he was and then the constant beep of machinery reminded him. How could he forget?
The lights in lifestation were dimmed, looking almost haunted, and a medicinal smell hung in the air.
“Major,” he heard on the periphery of his mind.
The dream he had been having was still playing over in his head. It had been the same every night since he had lost her. Sometimes he was watching from afar as his wife disappeared into the clouds and then exploded. Other times it was as if he was her, but the outcome was always the same and he was powerless to stop it.
“Major!” he heard again and jerked his head upwards seeing Fisk standing above him.
The man looked worried, his eyes betraying his exhaustion. Lee straightened himself up in the uncomfortable chair and raised a hand to his chin. He had a five day growth of a beard forming. “Sorry sir,” he said.
“No offence, but I’ve not seen you like this since we found you half dying on that heavy raider.” replied the Commander. “You look like hell.”
Lee didn’t respond, merely sat back in the chair, refusing to move. He had been sitting here for five days now, only leaving the chair when he needed to use the head.
“Your babysitter is needed for her other duties and everyone else is busy filling in for…” he stopped himself. “Everyone else is occupied.”
“I can’t leave here,” was all Lee could croak in response.
Fisk sighed, “Your children need you right now, they have no idea what is going on.”
“And we do?”
“I also need my XO back on duty.”
Lee looked up, his eyes red raw from the lack of sleep and tears. “I’ve lost my wife…” he said in a weak voice. At the moment he didn’t care about his duties as an officer. All he cared about was getting his wife back. The guilt was eating away at his soul.
Fisk looked at him with sympathy, “You think I don’t know what that feels like? It took me months to come to the realisation that my wife must be dead down on Caprica.”
“This is different.”
“Yes it is. You know what’s happened to your wife, I don’t. You also still have your children, a gift few people have.” Lee didn’t acknowledge his words so he continued. “I tell you this now, if…when, she comes back then she will be pissed off to know that you sat here wasting away for weeks just watching her die.”
Those words hit home. Staring across from his chair, Lee looked on at the figure lying prone in the hospital bed, her golden hair splayed across the pillow. Various tubes and wires were attached to her sleeping form. Gently her chest rose and fell underneath the covers, the only signs life.
Lee’s mind was decided. He sat back in his chair ignoring Fisk who, knowing he had lost, walked away.
Lee was resolute. He was not going to leave the lifestation until his wife came back to him again. Leaning his head in his hands, he continued his constant vigil again.
oooo
Two weeks earlier…
Kara swooped the spoonful of mush towards Joseph and with a giggle he swallowed the food down obediently, slapping his hands against the table with glee. Mealtime seemed to be his favourite time of day at the moment and Kara was cherishing every moment of it.
“You like that mush?” she asked with a crinkle of her nose.
Joseph replied with a big grin and slapped his hands again. Lena, on the other hand, stuck out her tongue and made a noise.
“Me too kiddo,” replied Kara to her daughter. “But you’ve gotta eat it I’m afraid. When we find Earth, I promise I’ll get you something better.” She held out the spoon for her daughter who took a mouthful, looking up at her mother with bright wide eyes. “That’s my girl.”
“Dada?” asked Lena, which had been her first full word and seemed to be her answer to everything at the moment. Lee was still beaming with pride about it.
“Dada’s working, so you have me this morning,” replied Kara with a smile, spooning some more mush into Joseph’s mouth.
“Dada?” asked Lena again.
“How about saying momma?” asked Kara and then tried to mouth it out for her.
“Dada,” said Lena happily.
Kara’s shoulders drooped slightly and said jokingly, “fine kiddo, have it your way. But if your dad doesn’t wipe that smug grin off his face, your momma might have to do it for him.”
Joseph squealed excitedly smacking his hand against the bowl of mush and sending it flying over the table. This thoroughly impressed him and Lena and they both clapped happily. Kara was less amused at the mess, but she couldn’t help but smile at the laughter from her children.
“Come on, we need to go in search of some more now. We’ll leave this mess for your dad to clear up.” She lifted them both down from their highchairs and walked them out towards the Mess hall.
It was rare when Kara got the opportunity to spend a morning with her children, so she was all too happy to extend that time into a visit to fetch more food before taking them to the nursery and starting her shift at 1200 hours, followed by her CAP at 1500 hours.
It had been four weeks since their first encounter with the cylons. Since then they had seen one raider, but had managed to destroy it before it had a chance to report in. The Pegasus has successfully managed to plot a course around the star cluster, which had gone supernova soon afterwards, and there was another jump planned for 1200 hours. The days seemed to take ages to go by because of the boring monotony, but at least the stress of the first encounter had gone.
The Mess hall was quiet when they entered, with only a few officers who were waiting for their afternoon shift to start. Joseph gripped onto her hand tightly as he toddled along with Lena obediently holding on to his other hand. They sat quietly together at their own table, eating the extra rations Kara had managed to procure.
“Morning Starbuck,” said Showboat walking over and taking a seat opposite. She waved to the twins who giggled back. “Damn Starbuck are you sure they’re your kids? They’re far too sweet.”
Kara smiled, “they must get it from their dad.”
“Dada?” asked Lena looking up inquisitively and holding out her spoon.
“Your dad’s working, remember?” replied Kara. Lee had been on shift since six am.
“That’s too cute,” said Showboat taking a seat opposite. “You’re a daddy’s girl are you?” she cooed at Lena who grinned widely. “She’s going to be the master of manipulation with Apollo when she’s a teenager.”
“He’ll love it.”
“Ollo?” asked Joseph chiming in.
Showboat grinned, “Were you trying to Apollo?”
Kara pulled Joseph onto her knee and placed a kiss to his head, “no way is Apollo going to be your first word kiddo.”
Showboat laughed, “You should have seen the look on Apollo’s face last week when he told me Lena said dada. Feeling left out are we?”
“No, I just want to show them the right way,” replied Kara jokingly. She paused a moment, pushing away a headache that was starting to form, and then continued on a more serious note. “You ready for the next jump?”
“My viper’s prepped and good to go just in case.”
Kara nodded. Showboat was due to fly CAP with her at 1500 hours and they would both be on alert and down on the hangar deck by 1300 hours. She looked down at Joseph who was wriggling in her lap.
“Ollo,” he said again as she let him down onto the floor.
Showboat laughed, “how ‘bout saying Starbuck Seph?”
Joseph looked at the Captain with wide eyes, “tah?”
“Don’t encourage him Showboat,” said Kara as she stood up from her chair and took her children’s hands. “See you down on the deck in 30.”
“Okay sir,” she replied and waved at the twins as the small family walked out of the Mess hall.
Kara didn’t want to have to drop off Joseph and Lena at the small nursery, wishing that they could stay together all day. She felt a twinge of emptiness as she left them, hearing their happy giggles as they started to play with toys with the other children.
A dark weight suddenly seemed to land upon her shoulders, pushing her down as she walked away. She didn’t want to leave their side.
Reluctantly she walked quickly to her quarters to change into her flightsuit and then headed to the hangar deck. It was busy as normal when she arrived, with many deckhands preparing the vipers for the FTL jump.
Kara walked around her bird, checking that all the components were intact and in good working order. Anya had finally been released back on duty following her accident and was assisting her.
“She’s looking good,” said the young deckhand. But for an inexplicable reason, Kara found herself checking the viper again, looking over everything with precision. “Are you okay sir?” asked Anya, when she had finished her second sweep.
“Sorry?” said Kara looking up, her mind distracted.
“You seemed to be miles away,” replied Anya with a smile, holding out her clipboard which contained a checklist.
Kara took it swiftly and then signed off on everything, initialling at the bottom. “Thanks,” she replied shortly and then sat herself down on the steps to her cockpit.
She couldn’t explain the feeling that had suddenly overcome her body and mind. One moment she was fine and happy with her children, the next minute she felt as if the entire universe was watching her. A strange feeling nagged at her mind, telling her that she needed to do something, but for the life of her she couldn’t figure out what.
It was only the sound of Shaw over the comm system that brought her mind back to the present. She was telling the crew that the co-ordinates for the next jump had been entered and the one minute countdown had begun. With each second the nagging sensation pressed heavier and heavier upon Kara’s shoulders, even making her brow mottle slightly with sweat. The pull of the FTL drive made her stomach lurch more than normal and then it was over.
“Sir?” asked Anya. “Sir?”
“What?!” shouted out Kara in response making the deckhand step back slightly. A few eyes from the deck turned in their direction looking shocked at her outburst.
“You don’t look well sir, are you sure you’re okay?”
Kara wiped away the sweat from her brow. She felt hot as if she was getting a fever. “I might be coming down with something, no biggie.”
“Do you want to call a replacement for your CAP?”
“What? No…no fever is going to keep me out the sky.” She pushed herself up from the steps as she heard Shaw giving them the all clear. “I’ll be back after my briefing,” she called over her shoulder as she strode off.
Anya looked on puzzled as Kara walked away across the hangar deck, the weight of the Worlds on her shoulders.
oooo
Lee walked through the corridors of the ship with a slight bounce in his step as he neared the nursery. He had been on the early shifts all week and had missed getting up with the kiddies and feeding them their breakfast. Lena had also said her first word, “dada,” which had made him beam with pride.
Their latest FTL jump had gone as smoothly as could be expected. The system they had jumped to was in no way extraordinary, just more space. Fisk had ordered some time for repairs considering the cylons had failed to show up in the last few weeks, so the Pegasus had neared a gas giant planet for some cover. The only disadvantage was the radiation from the planet, which interfered with their dradis, but that disadvantage could also prevent the cylons from seeing them should they decide to jump into the area. Extra CAPs would be essential for spotting cylons early and Lee planned to volunteer his services to assist. It had been far too long since he had been in a viper.
He looked at his watch. It was 1530 hours. Only thirty minutes ago Kara had set off on her CAP with Showboat. He had smiled as she reported in, but her usual pilot banter was missing for some reason.
Lee entered the nursery and crouched down by his children who were playing happily. They were painting with their fingers, sharing the same piece of paper.
“Dada!” said Lena and crawled over to grab his leg.
“Whoa there,” he replied with a smile. “Your dad will get in trouble if he gets paint all over his uniform.”
Of course Lena didn’t understand and continued towards him. Luckily one of the carers picked her up gently and carried her over to a sink in the corner to get cleaned up. Joseph meanwhile held up their piece of paper with a grin and Lee took hold of it. There were various colourful fingerprints around the page and some splodges of colour in the middle.
“Tah,” said Joseph with a grin.
“Is this for me?” asked Lee.
“Tah,” repeated Joseph.
“Is it a star then Seph, is that what you’re saying?”
“Tah.”
One of the carers walked over and guided him to the sinks where his sister was still being cleaned up. “He’s being saying that all day.”
Lee laughed, “Knowing Kara she’s given up on getting him to say momma and moved onto Starbuck.”
“You know your kids are very advanced for their age,” said the nurse as she brought the now clean twins back to Lee. “They both painted exactly the same thing today, which is rare at so young.”
“They do have an overachiever for a mother,” replied Lee. “She’s very artistic.”
“Well they certainly take after her.”
Lee lifted Joseph onto his hip and took Lena’s hand. “I’m hoping they don’t inherit her right hook though.”
He was about to walk out of the nursery when he heard his name called over the comm, demanding his return to the CIC. With a sigh he placed Joseph back on the floor with the carer and walked quickly down the corridor.
When he arrived Fisk was staring at the dradis with a frown.
“What’s going on?” asked Lee, also looking up at the monitor. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.
“Starbuck said she had a visual of a heavy raider in the upper atmosphere of the planet,” replied Fisk.
“Why haven’t we gone on alert status?”
“Well so far your wife is the only one to have seen it. She just went diving straight after it and stopped communicating with us.”
The comm system crackled, “Pegasus, this is Showboat. I’m losing my visual on Starbuck, she keeps going down into the atmos.” Lee could hear the slight panic in her voice. Something was wrong, very wrong.
Fisk turned to him, “if she keeps going the pressure will crush her ship like a tin can.”
Lee stared at him and then slid a comm headset over his head. “Starbuck, this is Pegasus do you copy?” Silence. “Report in Starbuck, what do you hear?”
He only heard Showboat’s response, “I can’t see her Pegasus, I…”
Lee gripped the side of the consol and made a silent prayer before speaking into the headset again, “Kara, please answer.” Fisk looked at him with concern. “Kara.”
There was a crackle and then finally he heard her voice, “I keep losing it Pegasus.”
“Do you have a visual?” asked Lee.
“No, Lee…I, can’t…”
“Then come back to the ship and land your bird Kara, please.” He had tried to hide the emotion in his voice, but his distress was clear.
There was an agonising pause and then Showboat’s voice came over the comm again, sounding relieved. “Pegasus, Showboat, I can see her. She’s coming out of the atmosphere and is heading for home.”
Lee leant up against the consol with relief, his stomach feeling slightly nauseous. Fisk looked over at him, looking serious.
“Either your wife is right and there is something down there,” he said. “Or she’s gone completely crazy.”
“I’ll have a word with her sir and see what we can get from the cockpit footage.”
Lee wasted no time. He walked out of the CIC and made his way to the hangar deck in the desperate need to see Kara and hold her.
oooo
Kara stroked her hand down the side of the pristine looking viper. She was sure the heavy raider had collided with her in the storm, and positive that she had followed it doggedly through the clouds. Then she had lost it and all she could see was the bright mandala in the skies that had followed her like a shadow her entire life.
“I’ve looked over every inch,” said Laird. “There’s no new battle damage, nothing. Are you sure you were hit?”
“I’m not frakking crazy Chief,” she replied and then for a moment she stepped back and thought about it. Was she going crazy? There was no damage, so she can’t have been hit. Ever since they had jumped, she had developed a headache that thumped through her head, telling her over and over that she needed to do something. “Just do me a favour and get the cockpit footage will you,” she demanded and threw the sleeves of her flightsuit off her arms.
“Kara,” said Lee as he strode across the deck looking slightly out of breath. “Are you okay?”
“Apparently I’m going crazy.”
Lee looked puzzled and she didn’t volunteer an explanation, striding out of the hangar deck quickly making everyone move in her wake.
She could feel Lee following behind her as she sped through the corridors, only giving up when she locked herself in their small bathroom. She stripped off her flightsuit quickly and settled in under the lukewarm shower, trying to shove images of the gas planet out of her head. She had been so sure, had felt, the heavy raider ricochet off the side of her viper. All of her instincts had then told her to chase it down, to plunge deeper and deeper into the atmosphere.
Flashes of the yellow, red and blue pattern had followed her all her life like a shadow, and now she was frakking hallucinating about it in the outer atmosphere of a gas planet, only minutes away from hitting the hard deck. Something willed her to continue, to keep flying into oblivion. Was that what her “special destiny” really was? To blow up on the other side of the galaxy at her own volition? If it was, then the Gods really did have a bad sense of humour.
She felt a pang in her gut. She didn’t want to die, couldn’t bear not to see her children grow up, to hold Lee again. Tears stung her eyes and flowed down her cheeks, mixing with the water that had already gone cold. This couldn’t be her destiny she hoped, but the pain that resonated through her head willed her to go back out there.
When she finally emerged from the head having changed into her duty blues, she found Lee sitting in their room on the floor, with Lena and Joseph playing about in front of him.
“You okay?” he asked, concern etched across his face.
“Just a headache,” she replied and took a seat on their little sofa.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“Not now,” she replied softly and cradled her head in her hands.
“Hey,” said Lee more cheerfully. “The carers at the nursery think the kiddies might have some artistic talent already.”
“Yeah?” said Kara and looked up at him with a smile, some of the pain easing.
“Look what they drew.” Kara felt her heart leap in her chest as Lee held up a piece of paper. Splodged across the front in paint was the pattern again, circles of blue and red with yellow in the middle. “Kara?”
She could feel the sweat mottling her brow as she stared at the images, willing them to go away.
“Kara, what’s wrong, you’re worrying me?”
“Lee, please tell me what you see on that paper,” she replied, a few tears trickling down her cheeks, her headache pounding again.
He stared at her for a moment and then finally replied, “looks like a couple of circles of colour.”
“What colours Lee,” said Kara, her voice sounding harsh.
“Yellow, red and blue.” Kara gasped slightly making Lee frown. “What’s going on Kara?”
“I don’t know…I think it’s just a headache.”
“Lie down and have a sleep.”
Kara shook her head, “I have too much to do.”
“Not any more, XO’s orders,” he guided her to the bed and she laid down obediently, covering her head with her pillow. He knew something was seriously wrong, but wouldn’t press her now. “I love you Kara,” he said and stroked her arm.
She removed the pillow from her face briefly and said, “I love you too, never forget that,” before turning over and closing her eyes. A few minutes later her breathing slowed and she appeared to be in a deep sleep.
Softly, Lee scooped up Lena and Joseph and took them out of the room to let his wife sleep in peace.
oooo
Lee was awoken as he felt Kara tossing over wildly in her sleep. She had been deeply asleep for hours since crashing out. It was now the middle of the night and she was still dressed in her uniform. Lee thought she must be coming down with some sort of fever. He reached out his arm and turned on the lamp above their bed.
The bed sheets were sodden with her sweat and he could see a look of distress on her face. Gently, Lee stroked her arm, saying her name softly.
She awoke with a start, her breathing rampant.
“Hey, it’s okay,” said Lee. “It was just a nightmare.”
Sitting up, Kara pushed back her damp hair, her breathing slowing back to a normal rhythm.
“Frak,” was all she said.
Lee sat up, his voice nearly cracking as he placed an arm around her shoulders. “Please tell me what’s going on,” he asked desperately.
Kara looked towards him and stroked a hand down his face, “I don’t know, I wish I could tell you, but I really don’t know.”
“What was the dream about?”
“My mum of all frakking people.”
“Really?” asked Lee slightly shocked. Kara had once told him about her abusive mother back on Caprica, but the woman had never really come back up into conversation. “What happened?”
“I was a little girl again and she was mad with me for something, hurting me. Then she was telling me that I had to be strong and kept going on about special destinies.” She paused, taking a deep breath as she looked down at her hands, playing with her finger. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This morning I was fine and then when we were jumping…I dunno.”
“Remember what you said to me the other week? It’s just a dream, don’t worry about it. We’ll see Phillips in the morning and he’ll probably confirm that you’re just getting a cold or something.”
Kara nodded her head, but she didn’t really believe his words. The dream had been something more. It was as if she had been watching herself as a third person as her mother punished her. Gently she rolled back down onto the mattress, nestling into Lee’s side. Her head was still pounding from her headache and she felt as if she was floating about a metre off the bed. Closing her eyes, she silently prayed to the Gods to help her.
The following morning after taking the kiddies to the nursery, Kara and Lee went to the Ready room to play over the cockpit footage from the day before. They had been doing this only a few weeks before, when they had seen the raiders gunning for Kara, but today they could see nothing.
“I swear it was there Lee, I saw it.”
“I believe you Kara, but I can’t see it on the cameras, I’m sorry.”
She rewound the tape and played it again, this time in slow motion. “This doesn’t make any frakking sense.”
“Are you sure it hit you?”
“Yes I’m frakking sure,” she replied harshly.
“There’s a lot of turbulence down there.”
“I’m not some half-assed nugget Lee. I know the difference between turbulence and a frakking heavy raider hitting me.”
Lee took the remote from her and paused the disc. “Well it’s not there now. So either the camera is broken, you’re mistaken or….”
“…I’m crazy,” added Kara, looking at him with a small smile.
“I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Come on Lee, how long have we known each other? Six, seven years? You must have seen this coming.”
Lee laughed despite the seriousness of the situation. He then fell silent and just stared up at the screen. What he hadn’t told her, what he was afraid to tell her, was that the images of the gas planet that danced about on the screen in front of them looked exactly like the storm from his dream. The same dream that he had been having every day for the past few weeks. He had looked up into the eye of a maelstrom once before as a child and now he was seeing it again and it seemed to be consuming his wife.
“Lee,” she interrupted in a small voice.
He turned to her, “yeah?”
“Don’t let me go out there again…please,” she asked. Lee’s brows furrowed with perplexed concern as he saw a tear escape and roll down her cheek. “Remember on our wedding night, you said that you would pull me back if I asked you to?”
“Kara, I don’t…”
“I’m asking that of you now. Ground me, whatever, just don’t let me go out there.”
“It’ll be fine. Hey, I’ll even fly your wing if you want me to, just don’t let this ground you.”
Kara looked at him seriously, “Lee if you let me go out there, I don’t think I will be coming back.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t explain it. All I know is that something keeps calling me to go out there, wanting me to keep going down into that storm.”
Lee placed a hand on her arm, “that will kill you Kara, the viper can’t take the pressure.”
“I know Lee, that’s why I need you to ground me. Please.”
The look on her face was enough to make Lee’s heart melt. Slowly he nodded his head, “I’ll tell Fisk that you’re grounded until further notice.”
“Thank you,” she replied with a small smile and leant her head on his shoulder. She wasn’t afraid of the storm. She had always feared death, had run away from it and cheated it, but not anymore. Now she embraced life and could finally feel true happiness. Now all she feared was being apart from her husband and children.
She stared up at the screen seeing the colours of the mandala staring down, an image which she had always known and which her own children were now painting. Feeling the safe embrace of Lee’s arm around her shoulders, she prayed that she would finally be free.
To be continued…